So much confusion

[ToyZu]

Let me try and give a quick back story. My girlfriend and I met Senior year of high school, made it through 4 years of college and she recently graduated. I was still in for another semester. So total of over 5 years together and also were inseparable. She did suffer from low self-esteem and she still does. Being with her constantly made her feel good and not lonely. She can be a very difficult person to get along with, I never had a problem though. Just people didn't get if her attitude was a joke or serious. She moved about 45 minutes away from me about 3 years ago closer to campus with her parents, but we were always together in college. After she graduated she needed a job, instead of bumming around the house. During my final semester I would drop by her work and see her before heading home. I commuted 50 minutes to school. everything was awesome, she was always happy to see me, she was making friends fairly easy, and I over all thought it was great that she wasn't sitting around bored and we had time apart.

 

Well, a little more than 2 weeks ago she left a message on my phone saying how much she loved me and could wait to see me. The next day when I went to school, I of course met with her and stayed around until she got off. We sat in her car and just kissing and holding each other. We didn't get to do that much due to school/work for me and work for her. I'm a romantic, I like that stuff.

 

2 days later she sends me a text that she's going out with a friend from work, which was no big deal as she had been hanging with this chick for a bit. Something didn't seem right with how she was texting. She eventually told me she was craving attention for sometime and I am not that available to see her and love her like i always had. She said she felt feelings for someone else, but she told me that the guy wasn't the issue for breaking it with me. The fact that she wasn't fully committed to me was the problem. She said she didn't want to string me along if she couldn't commit 100%. But then she proceeded to avoid my questions and concerns. She told me she needed time and space to think about it and what she really wanted. Eventually I gave up and told her she didn't have to talk about it if she didn't feel like it, since she told me that she felt horrible, sick to her stomach, and a knot in her throat. Well 2 days later she text me like nothing happened, making conversation about her new phone and what not. I brought it up again, since there was an issue and I needed to be filled in. She said she didn't want to talk about it.

 

8 more days later, a friend of ours finally got her to meet with me and talk about all this. I brought up the facts she told me, she then said that it has nothing to do with that guy or craving attention. Which I was confused on. She told me that she felt that her life was to planned out, since we been talking about buying a house and all. She said she may want to live by herself, and I may not be in her future plans.She said she liked the fact that she didn't have to tell anyone where she was going or with who. I told her that i didn't matter to me what she did, just as long as I knew where she was in case of an emergency. She said that it did and she has to tell all that. She never mentioned why exactly she broke up with me or we couldn't work things out. I began to talk about what I felt and how crushed I was. I asked if this was a complete break up as in we can date others, and she said yeah. That gave me less hope. I didn't let it stop me from voicing my emotions. I never once raised my voice for any reason in our relationship. Well, I began to get a bit angry and we were sitting down at a subway, my voice was getting a little loud and she began to cry asking me not yell at her. I was telling her that she was an amazing person during that time and she started crying again over that too. She kept making hypothetical statements about if we got back together in a week or month not to take her back so easily, make her work for it. I recent bought a vehicle that i been working on for her to drive offroad with me and my crew. She wanted it, so I got it about a month ago. During our talk I told her I was going to sell it since I was doing it for her and that I couldn't look at it without feeling down. She said to keep it around for a few weeks and finish it. This all confused me. after she left, I called her to speak more about all this. I mentioned if she want to meet up after she gets off Sunday (which is today). She said, if we are going to keep seeing each other we might as well date. I just chuckled a little about it. She said depends if she has plans, I eventually just told her nevermind because I knew she was going to blow me off like she did previous times she had "plans". This past friday I asked she wanted to meet again on sunday after I told her nevermind. I had this idea that I was throwing around since she said we should date if we continue to see each other. Didn't tell her that, told her I had an idea from something she said and just wanted her to listen. She told me she didn't like where it was going and she wasn't ready.

 

Between this past Thursday and friday she texted me like it was no biggie, so I just replied back like a friend would. She told me to get an Instagram, I'm not really one for these things, but it made me feel good to stay in touch in a different way with her. So I posted some pics she liked and commented on them. Cool. Well Saturday she blocks me from her account. It pissed me off a little, so I just deleted my account. That same day our friend went visited her, and he tried bringing up the subject of us and she told him that she doesn't know and didn't want to talk about it. today I texted her out of curiosity about blocking me, no response. I just texted her again about 30 minutes ago just asking again why the sudden change of heart on friendship. I tried fighting the urge not to, but it was eating at me not knowing.

 

Through all this I only contacted her a couple times, but been trying to respect her space. I have no clue what caused her to think about all this, because she was the one worrying about a place to live after we got married. I think that this job has consumed her life and that I rarely saw her but on Sat & Sun something went wrong. I recently bought a ring from her work (JCP) to give to her for Christmas , but was going to pretend to forget it at home and give it to her on a later date. I was about to propose to her in January. Should have done it sooner. My friend hasn't gotten much out of her, but he says that she doesn't seem to know what she wants and is just keeping her mind off of it. She told me the night we talked that she did still love me, just didn't know what she wanted. No clue what that means. I recently typed up a letter pretty much stated that I couldn't talk to her no more for the time being as it was to much for me to handle. Hoping that it would make her realize what a mistake she is making by losing me. I waited til today to send it, but then all that blocking and ignoring me stuff happened.

 

I'm truly lost in what to do. I want to just move on and hope all this blows over. I know she isn't involved or wants to get involved with anyone else at the moment. That I heard first hand and from 2 friends that are fully aware of all this. Sucks that her whole work place knows she broke up with me.

 

I feel she already has moved past me, which hurts for this short period. She has been hanging out with people from work and staying out late. She never use to do because she was always tired after work. She seems changed a bit, but nothing that I am not willing to work with. The pain of moving on is really rough right now, I mean 5 years! Just 3 weeks ago we were planning a life to get a place together and start new experiences. I am really willing to work it all out, but if she decides to date again then all my worries seem pointless and they probably are now. I would give up on her if she dated again. Just wish I knew what was really going on between us as friends wise.

 

I know most of you probably will say it's over over over, and to move on and try to get life going again. Really hard to let go. Stuck on what to do and not much advice from guy friends. No chick friends due to ex's jealousy. The sleepless weeks are getting hard to deal with, and I barely eat and I feel a constant nervousness on whether or not I will hear from her.

[Chi townD]

LOL!! sorry, but my Ex used the "He's not the reason we're breaking up" line as well. Classic. Here's the deal he IS the reason you two are breaking up and your friends aren't probably lying either when they say that she isn't dating anyone because they probably haven't made it public and offical. They're keeping it on the down low because it's obvious that you two have a lot of mutual friends and how would that look.

 

Nah, she's gonna give it some time and they she'll come out with the news. That's probably why she blocked you. Because she didn't want you seeing something you shouldn't.

[veggirl]

You are chasing her waaay too much.

 

She even told you, if you were ever to get back together you need to make her work for it.

 

So stop answering her calls, stop doing things she tells you to do (set up Instagram, work on a car, whatever), stop asking her out, don't buy her anything, don't answer her texts.

 

Most break ups are permanent. Some are the exception, but I wouldn't count on being that...you need to go No Contact and you need to try to move on. If she comes back saying she wants to be with you (not saying "hi, how are you? I miss you"...but something of SUBSTANCE) then you can think about it, but for now it's NOT going to happen and being at her beck & call, buying her gifts....all of that is just pushing her further away.

 

You need to disappear from her life for a while, seriously. And use that time to try to move on. Resolve to NOT contact her or respond to her for at least one month. Can you do that?

 

Your story is like many, many others. You guys got too serious too young, most people don't end up with their high school sweetheart.