BF breaks up with me, but won't meet me cause it hurts too much?

[HaveFaithxx]

So, my bf of one year broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He was totally obsessed with me, and I with him. But the month before the breakup he started to get distant. The reason he broke up is because his parents don't want us together and so we have been meeting in secret this whole time. He is 19 and A LOT younger than me, and they can't accept the age difference. When he broke up with me he told me over and over that he loves me as much as he always has and that this is killing him, but he can't live with the stress anymore. He said maybe when he moved out, we could be together. He also said he still wanted to be my best friend. I replied that I couldn't do it, that it would hurt too much and I needed to have no contact for awhile to be able to move on. I also asked him if he wanted me to tell him if I met someone. He replied, "no". I did tell him though that if he needed to talk to me about anything, I would still be there for him, but that I wouldn't contact him.

 

It's a hell since we work together and nobody at work knew we had a relationship. We had to hide it there too. I see him everyday, and it is so painful. We did IM a few times, over practical things. When he broke up with me, I accepted it without any begging or crying. At work I act as if I couldn't be happier. After two weeks, I asked him if he could come over and talk to drop a few of my things off he said he didn't think that would be a good idea. I asked why and he said "because you need to forget about me, right?" I kept saying that I was fine with it, he didn't have to worry, I wasn't going to break down or anything, and he just kept saying over and over again, "I am doing this for you, it will be too hard for you". I was getting frustrated and finally he answered, "It will be too hard for me too, I can't go to your flat, there are too many memories there." Then he said he had to go and eat dinner.

 

I got the feeling that it really hurt him that I wanted no contact and totally acted fine about the breakup even though I am dying inside and want him back more than anything. So, I sent an email telling him that I still loved him (I never said it after he broke up with me) and that I was doing this because I was making it easier for both of us. I said that if he knew I was sad, and I would cry and beg him back it would just stress him out more, and I didn't want to do that to him. My email didn't ask for a reply, but I thought he would comment on it. Nothing. A few days later, I sent a message, that if it came to the point that he couldn't even be in the same room as me, then he didn't need to give my things back. No reply.

 

I thought I was doing the right thing. Is he angry with me? Is he hurt? Or does he just not care? Please give me your view on this, I feel so guilty, but I don't know what I have done wrong. This is his first relationship ever, he is really inexperienced...

[Mike_d]

He is 19 and A LOT younger than me

 

how much younger? exactly

[lavitabella]

Hmm, well I personally don't think age matters in a relationship as long as the two people involved don't care about it. Who cares what other people think? And why on EARTH are his parents getting involved??? He is a adult now and can make his own decisions. The fact that they said 'you can't be together' irritates me. How much older are you?

 

In most situations, people say the 'no contact' route is the way to get your ex back.. Your ex is seeing you happy and acting like you don't care, so hes obviously probably really hurt by that. He probably feels like he didn't mean as much to you as you did to him. You guys didn't break up for other reasons, but because of 'his parents' so its different here too. Forbidden love?

 

If you want him back, I think you should tell him in person. Tell him that to you, it doesn't matter what other people think and if he doesn't care either and wants to be with you as well then you guys can give it another shot. His parents can go to hell IMO.

[Mike_d]

let's wait and see the age answer first before moving much forward. 19yr olds are still boys, and nowhere near men, and most are not self sufficient nor do they have the life skills necessary. that his parents still sway him speaks to this

[HaveFaithxx]

Ok, here is the answer. I didn't want to say anything because I know what you will think. I am 15 years older than him. But I was blessed with good genes. Everyone thinks I am 20 years old. Age means nothing to me because my dad was 45 years older than my mom and they were married for over 20 years until he passed away.

 

My ex still lives at home. He comes from a wealthy family with very high status. The thing is that they threatened to call my job and tell them if they found out we were still together, and I would def. lose my job (I don't have permanent contract yet).

[Mike_d]

well if you know what I think, then you'll know my answer. there is a huge difference between a boy of 19 with a 15 yr age diff to a 35 yr old woman, and a man of 25 with a 40 year old woman. You are trying to get a commitment out of a 19yr old boy, who has zero life skills outside of his young smooth body and all the things that go along with his youth wrt sex. I'm not sure what the boundaries here are for explicit talk but I'd prefer to be a bit more direct but not at the risk of being banned. You get my point I assume. Trying to up your sex rank with the "but I look 20" doesn't apply here.

 

Are you officially divorced? Why is your exhusband still living in the same shared home? Are you actually sharing the same space, or do you have some sort of guest house arraingement? Who should move out, I'm assuming you? How many kids do you have and what are their ages? Why is a 35 yr old woman seeking commitment from a 19yr old boy with no life skills who cannot provide for you nor really understand how to deal with you?

 

If he was my son my reaction would be a bit stronger, but I'm curious as to the questions above so I'll hold with this