Author na49 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 You both are right and I realize that. At least I'm not completely blind to what you guys are saying. I'm just having trouble ACTING on this whole thing. I really do wish I could find out what she wanted to talk to me about, but you're right if she isn't saying then it can't be that important. Another thing I was thinking about is, I've gotten texts from her that she "needs" to talk to me twice in the past two weeks. So why is it that she has to wait a whole week before telling me she needs to talk to me again? Is it safe to assume she'll probably send me another one next week? Probably. But why not send me a followup the day after if it's so important? Why wait a week? What does that accomplish?
Chi townD Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Because she probably gets pissed off at you that you don't respond and then she get like, "Well, screw him!" but as the week goes on and her anger subsides, the guilt creeps back in.
movingon12 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 If she really 'needed' to talk to you, she'd call you. She isn't calling you, she's checking to see if she's still got any influence over you. It might be she wants to complain that you blocked her or that you're not being friendly enough or whatever. It doesn't matter. The point is if it was important she'd just ring you and talk to you. Unless you have kids or own property together there is almost nothing that an ex ever really 'needs' to say.
Author na49 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 It's been a trend for a while now if that's the case. I've been getting one text from her for the past 4 weeks. It started as "hey" then "i need to talk to you". Maybe eventually it can evolve into her telling me what exactly she needs to talk to me about. I really don't know what it could be, if I knew I would feel a little bit better about not responding.
geegirl Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Blinded by emotions for her is the best answer I can give you. Also my nice guy instinct still exists so I have trouble completely kicking someone to the curb even if they hurt me. Possibly also has something to do with the fact that I feel alone and the holidays are making me wish I had someone to share them with. I'm going to bang you over the head. If you know you are making a foolish decision because you are motivated by your emotions, so why would you want to do it? Step back and think and stop letting your emotions drive you. We make the most foolish mistakes when the heart is at the wheel. THINK. Research your reality. Where is your logic in making that statement? That in itself should be an alarm going off in your head screaming caution. Who cares about the motive for contact? Why aren't you analysing your reasons as to why you shouldn't be engaging with this person? Nice guy? You're not a nice guy. You're being a doormat. You have no value in yourself. Zero self-worth. You have trouble kicking someone to the curb even when they hurt you? I want you to read that sentence over and over and again and ask yourself what about YOU likes getting kicked in the shins over and over without having the gumption to ever want to protect and respect yourself enough to say STOP. We all want to spend the holidays with someone that cheats on us, mocks us, treats us like crap and humiliates us. It's called settling. You'll settle for crap even if it's hurts you because it's still a twisted and toxic form of validation. And you need it to feel worthy because you see no worth in yourself. You teach people how to treat you. 1
Author na49 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 I really hate how right you all are. Sometimes I guess I just need to hear it from someone else. I do need to demand more respect from people because obviously what I've been doing isn't working. While I'm not moping around depressed all day, I'm giving her more control than she should have. She shouldn't have ANY control over me anymore. We aren't together, she's just some girl who goes to the same college as me. I just want to see her as that.
veggirl Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 She's just saying "need" because she knows you are a good guy and she is trying to trick you into feeling bad and giving in. She just can't stand not getting the attention she is used to from you, she can't stand the idea that you aren't crawling back and asking "how high" when she says jump. Good job not responding. If there was some emergency, she'd call or tell you what it is...and even so what emergency would she need you specifically for? Nothing. Keep ignoring her!!!! you're doing WAAAAY better at this than most people on here do!! 1
Mike_d Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 If you blocked her totally then you could actually start to move forward. Leaving little trap doors open just self sabotages you over and over
Chi townD Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Veggirl is absolutely right. If it was THAT important, she would have called instead of sending you the breadcrumbs texts. Remember, she texted you that she NEEDS to talk to you. Okay, soooo......she knows your number? Why hasn't the bitch called? She's the one that NEEDS to talk to you...... You need to look at the symbolism here. She texts you stating that she NEEDS to talk to you. And she expects YOU to call her up. Now replace NEEDS with WHISTLE and YOU with DOG. She expects the dog to come running to her when she whistles. Thus, she has great power over the dog if he comes running with just a simple whistle.
Author na49 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Is it normal to have this much trouble blocking an exes number? I realize not blocking it doesn't do anything for me, I guess I'm trying to convince myself that I can move on without having to go the extra step. Have you guys blocked your exes number? If you did, did you have trouble getting yourself to do it? Or did you not play twenty questions and let it bother you as much as I have?
Mike_d Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Is it normal to have this much trouble blocking an exes number? for some, but there is no normal. there is only lack of acceptance, and for you specifically the ongoing marathon in your head to try to line up facts to create a conclusion, and working you ass off to try to "think your way out of the problem" and an onslaught of attempted rationalizing. None of these things will work, *you* actually have to be willing to put your big boy underwear on, take a deep breath, accept that there are no answers. Accept that you have to go through the emotions. Accept that this will be brutally hard. Come to terms with yourself that you want to do this. Until then you're just a wall of words and thinking and rationalizations about something you'll never be able to come to grips with. You can't crawl out of the rabbit hole, you must go down to go up. When you are ready then block the **** out of her so that you never hear from here again in any medium. You can't be friends, you don't know how to maintain boundaries
Mike_d Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I guess I'm trying to convince myself that I can move on without having to go the extra step. Yoda: there is no try - there is only do, or not do. less thinking. more action. words are worthless. actions rule all
geegirl Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Is it normal to have this much trouble blocking an exes number? I realize not blocking it doesn't do anything for me, I guess I'm trying to convince myself that I can move on without having to go the extra step. Have you guys blocked your exes number? If you did, did you have trouble getting yourself to do it? Or did you not play twenty questions and let it bother you as much as I have? Yes, it's difficult. You're trying to sever an emotional tie to someone. Blocking her resembles finality. Finality is difficult to accept. Contact, regardless of its motive, doesn't benefit you because even if contact were to transform into any form of reconciliation, you'd have to ask yourself if you truly want to risk returning to someone that treated you so badly. You can move on without having to go the extra step, and the only way you can do that is accepting and knowing that you will never want to go that route with her, ever again, after all she has done. That requires a strong sense of self-love and self-respect. You don't have that. But if you're still contemplating the what ifs, even with the knowledge of how unhealthy she is, then the only way is to block.
cavalier99 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Is it normal to have this much trouble blocking an exes number? I realize not blocking it doesn't do anything for me, I guess I'm trying to convince myself that I can move on without having to go the extra step. Have you guys blocked your exes number? If you did, did you have trouble getting yourself to do it? Or did you not play twenty questions and let it bother you as much as I have? I blocked my EX the day we broke up. Whats the big deal?
Author na49 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 I'm trying to convince myself of all that, and the longer I go since hearing from her, the better I feel. It's not that I don't know what to do, I just have trouble doing it. It probably is hard because I know once that is done, I will NEVER hear from her again. We will go through college as complete strangers to each other and never reconcile. To be honest I don't want to, I can't be her friend now and by the time I am ready I won't care. Blocking her on facebook, was not nearly as difficult as blocking her number, probably because her number is the last way of communication between us. If she's that desperate where she would email me I'd be surprised. That's not happening though. Rereading your posts, you're right. She's saying NEED because she knows that I'm a good guy and will come running if she says that she needs something. Well I'm not a dog, I'm not a doormat, and I won't let anyone treat me like one.
Million.to.1 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I just want to say that it's a great feeling when you have mantained enough N/C to find the ex getting in touch nothing but annoying. I had 8 months N/C with my ex and it was tough. I secretly wanted breadcrumbs and i never got them. He was in a new relationship within a few weeks after we B/U. We had a brief chat on FB a few weeks ago which he initiated and I felt I was ready to reconnect as friends (i was) We have been on each others restricted list since the B/U. I took him off mine while we were chatting and he said he would soon, but was busy with work right then. 2 weeks later I noticed I was still on his restricted list. So basically, he "forgot" to do it. (bollocks, he just wanted to show me how unimportant I am and how busy and important he is.) So i just de-friended him. If after 8 months NC, and me reaching out saying "hey.. i'm all good, let's bury the hachet" - he just used it as another excuse to show me how unimportant I am to him. I don't need friends like that. Since then he has messaged me saying "you defriended me - boohoo.. I want to be friends" Nah! He had his chance and he blew it. He continues to get in touch to try and reconnect. It's all about his guilt and trying to look good to his friends by still being on good terms with me. I don't care anymore and just keep blowing him off. I have a wonderful new relationship with someone who i know loves me and my ex is the furtherest thing from my mind. He is nothing but pathetic to me and I am glad that i used NC and now feel indifference towards him. Stick to NC. Block her number. You will meet someone new and one day you will not care about this stupid girl who treated you terribly. Give yourself some credit. You are doing well, and it takes discipline to get out the end of NC to feel the benefits. But it's totally worth it. She is not worth your thoughts or your energy. 1
Author na49 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Thanks Million, I know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. I'm happy that at least I'm able to stay strong enough to not respond. I know I have to block her number, hopefully eventually (some time this week) I will just do it. I know everyone thinks I should, I know that I should. I just need to get myself ready to cut that final line of communication and officially have her OUT of my life. I like to believe that I could deal with getting texts from her, ignoring them, and going about my business. but we all know I can't
cavalier99 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 thanks million, i know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. I'm happy that at least i'm able to stay strong enough to not respond. I know i have to block her number, hopefully eventually (some time this week) i will just do it. I know everyone thinks i should, i know that i should. I just need to get myself ready to cut that final line of communication and officially have her out of my life. I like to believe that i could deal with getting texts from her, ignoring them, and going about my business. But we all know i can't stop being a pussy! Next post is that you blocked her. 1
Chi townD Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Okay folks! Baby steps here!! He's listening and he HAS followed peoples advice. It's evident in his other threads. Just...he knows it has to happen, but it's up to him when he pulls that trigger. Things happen in there own time. So, chill.....he's listening.
Mike_d Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 careful... you'll turn him into Dblock Jr lol. He needs a 2x4, not cuddles. He's had plenty of cuddle time to date
suladas Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Ya just block her, it's tough but do it. I didn't block my ex's number, heck it's still in my phone. But then again she doesn't text me and I don't look at it, so it's pointless. I'm sure it's tough to get rid of the last bit of communication but it needs to be done. I'm actually jealous you can do it and forget her. Some of us don't have it that easy. NC is the easiest way. If you're still in contact it prolonges healing a ton.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Thanks Million, I know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. I'm happy that at least I'm able to stay strong enough to not respond. I know I have to block her number, hopefully eventually (some time this week) I will just do it. I know everyone thinks I should, I know that I should. I just need to get myself ready to cut that final line of communication and officially have her OUT of my life. I like to believe that I could deal with getting texts from her, ignoring them, and going about my business. but we all know I can't Stop putting it off. Do it now. Like a band-aid. Rip it off. Pain goes away quicker that way.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 The OP reminds me of Read My Thread a ton. He did the same song and dance with his ex, coming on here at any hint of contact from her, refusing to block her no matter what. He eventually caved, talked to her, she said she wanted him back, they met, then she ripped his heart out again immediately and he came back here even more devastated. I see that playing out again if the OP can't man up and block her.
Author na49 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 It's easier said than done but I know that I'll do it eventually. Thanks guys.
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