havNfun Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 Can anyone tell me why women tend to get overweight and cut all their hair off and start looking more like a guy once they get married? This to me is an insult to their husband, when women stop caring about looking like a lady once they get what they want. What are you thoughts?
youcandealw/it Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 it is not always what is on the outside but what is on the inside.that's about all i have to say.
DerangedAngel Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 Can anyone tell me why men's midsections grow and grow and they never take their lovers out anymore and would rather watch football than make love once they get married? What the hell do you have against women? Seriously. Every post you make is so negative and you generalize like crazy. So, to answer your question - of the married couples I know, when one partner gains weight, so does the other. And it's usually after they have kids. About the hair, well, plenty of single women have short hair so I don't know what your point is there. -Deranged
Author havNfun Posted August 14, 2004 Author Posted August 14, 2004 DerangedAngel What the hell do you have against women? Seriously. Every post you make is so negative and you generalize like crazy. well, I know it doesn't seem like it but I really do respect and love women (and my mother btw (grin)). Perhaps I am a bit bitter because a woman really destroyed my heart about 6 months ago, and betrayed me, and fooled me, and crushed me, and did such a job on my confidence in people - that I'm not sure I'll ever trust anyone completely outside of family again. Most of all, she took away my confidence in my own ability to read people or judge someone's sincerity. That said, regarding this post - I realize a lot of men, after getting married, get bellies, and often adopt a lot of other undesirable characteristics as well I'm sure. This thread is not intending to imply that men aren't just as frustrating or worse in their own way. But I am not interested in men so I am not curious or asking about them with this question. I did not just make this up: I have probably been to 30 weddings in the past 5 years, and have seen most all of my friends and acquantences get married within the last 5-10 years. Out of that number, exactly 2 women have improved their appearance. None of the guys as far as I know are any heavier or much different than before marriage. I would say around 70% of the wives have changed their hair-style to a less feminine alternative (short, etc). It is not a huge big deal, I understand. And certainly the wives that have had children are going to have less time to worry about looking stunning all the time. But with this hair thing - What is the compulsion for short hair once a spouse is attained? Is it empowering? Is it gay hair-stylists encouraging women to look more like men? that's all
RowanRavyn Posted August 14, 2004 Posted August 14, 2004 Damn those gay hair stylists for trying to make women look more masculine to cut down the competition! I am amazed at your post. I am not trying to attack you, but really! Good heavens! I gained weight because when I got pregnant, my asthma got worse and I was on steroids, then I had complications that put me in bed. I went from 125 to 225. Then by my six week check up I was back in a size 10. Because HE wouldn't let me heal from a complicated C-section, OR let me use birth control I was pregnant again by the time my son was two months old. Repeat the scenario. He was an abusive, jealous jerk who was a workaholic. I cut my hair because taking care of the house to his specifications, and tending to two children in diapers, including nursing them left me no time to take care of the long red hair that had previously hung to the curve of my bum, and he had to know where I was every minute, and if I had time for a walk or exersize, then I hadn't done something right. When I lost weight I was obviously trying to impress other men. When I let my hair grow out again I was obviously trying to leave him. I know this is not the case for everyone, but your remark hit a nerve. BTW I lost the weight grew my hair back out, got counseling, took my two wonderful kids got them counseling and left him. I am now engaged to a wonderful man who when I decided I need to lose a little weight, gave me puppy dog eyes and asked me not to lose "too" much, because he likes my curves.
Author havNfun Posted August 14, 2004 Author Posted August 14, 2004 RowanRavyn, I hear you and understand what you are saying. I can see how this would hit nerve in your situation, and all the reasons you give for why you gained weight and cut your hair seem very understandable. (sorry for your bad experience by-the-way) and - from what I can see by your avatar - I don't images you could ever look bad or un-feminine if you tried you did mention... When I lost weight I was obviously trying to impress other men. When I let my hair grow out again I was obviously trying to leave him. given this quote that you said, is it fair to say that women (or you at least) lose weight and grow your hair out to impress men? I know in your case your husband was abusive and as you explained didn't desire to impress him. But what about all the good husbands out their that I am speaking of. Why is it that their wives don't want to continue to "impress" them by keeping thin and "letting their hair grow" etc.? once again, I am sorry about your past experience related to this topic, and I very much understand how there can be very good reasons why a wife might change in appearance in some situations.
Samson Posted August 14, 2004 Posted August 14, 2004 the long red hair that had previously hung to the curve of my bum, You just had to mention this Yowzamundo! I think what havnfun is saying is that women and men (metrosexuals) are somewhat deceptive in their appearance when it is USED to attract the opposite sex, and then afterward, in the cold morning light, we learn what they really look like AHHHHHHhhhhhhheeeeeeeiiiiii! From this experience, which should occur earlier than later in life, we learn ONE (1) important lesson: 1. Don't love someone for their looks alone. For example, I'm not only attracted to Rowan's hair. I'm also interested in her hobbies.
RowanRavyn Posted August 14, 2004 Posted August 14, 2004 From his point of view, I was obviously trying to impress men. ME? I think I look butch with short hair. I don't particularly care for it, I only cut it for convenience sake. I always swore when I was a teenager that I wasn't going to be one of those women who got pregnant and immediately cut her hair. (That was an observation I made way back then.) I made it through pregnancy and labor with long hair, only to find it very hard to care for with a kid on each hip, especially when two small sets of hands would get tangled in it. Now that I am diffused a bit, I will try to give you my rational opinion. I think sometimes its convenience. I think that often in a relationship women especially get so caught up in their partner that they forget to take care of themselves. Health is a big issue. Pregnancy, bad backs, cancer, other illnesses. More "sit down" jobs. Secretary spread is not a joke. Stress: If you aren't prepared to deal with stress, you end up stress eating, feeling to stressed and down to exercise..its a vicious circle. Our fast paced life. Men for the most part have a higher metabolism than women. So grabbing a burger for lunch has less of an affect on them. Our run everywhere with a cell phone on our ear, laptop on the table in front of us, soccer practice, ballet, blah blah blah...have to eat on the run lifestyle wrecks havoc on the body. Lack of self confidence. Lack of mates "good" interest in us. Sometimes when a woman finally starts taking charge of herself again, she will cut her hair in some sort of rebellion, but mostly I think some women like it. My mother in law keeps her hair SHORT SHORT SHORT, as does my children's day care provider. Though I love them, and it looks "cute", I also think it looks butch. Not for me thank you. I am a bit heavier than I would like to be due to illness, but having your mate slide his arms around you to hug you, then letting his big ole hands down to your hips and say, "don't lose too much weight." that is the biggest ego boost in the world.
RowanRavyn Posted August 14, 2004 Posted August 14, 2004 Sammy, I KNEW I liked you for some reason! We should take a cue from nature. In nature its the male animal that preens and prisses to get a mate. I am all for going back to that! My honey is spending more on his wedding attire than I am. ::Rolls eyes:: But what can I say---- At 6'4", red beard, shaved head, big hands, great legs...I am more than willing to shell out a little more to see him in a poet shirt, tight pants, thigh high boots, with a rapier at his side. YUM!!!!!
angel_goddess20 Posted August 14, 2004 Posted August 14, 2004 HavNfun, I can't believe someone would actually think that ALL women get overweight and cut their hair after years of marriage. If you bared children, and went through menopause I'm sure you'd do the same thing. Someday you'll regret that when you get married. That is IF you are lucky enough to find someone that would marry you.
angel_goddess20 Posted August 14, 2004 Posted August 14, 2004 OK, so that was a little harsh. Sorry. I know you didn't say all women get that way after being married. But men change too after they are married. Even if they never get married, they start to get bald, and grow more hair on their back than on their head.
reasontosigh Posted August 14, 2004 Posted August 14, 2004 ......I think what havnfun is saying is that women and men (metrosexuals) are somewhat deceptive in their appearance when it is USED to attract the opposite sex, and then afterward, in the cold morning light, we learn what they really look like AHHHHHHhhhhhhheeeeeeeiiiiii! From this experience, which should occur earlier than later in life, we learn ONE (1) important lesson: 1. Don't love someone for their looks alone. ....... And also perhaps, Samson......? 2. Please drink responsibly.
littleflowerpot Posted August 14, 2004 Posted August 14, 2004 Originally posted by RowanRavyn Damn those gay hair stylists for trying to make women look more masculine to cut down the competition! hahahahahahahahahahahaha! this was my response too!
honey2005 Posted August 14, 2004 Posted August 14, 2004 HavNfun, many of your posts do seem to be really sexist. There are lots of reasons why some women gain weight after marriage and cut their hair. I think RowanRavyn did a very good job of explaining them.
snilljente Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 Good one DerangedAngel...it's not only some women who let themselves go, men do the same...I think that people who are into staying fit and attractive for their mate stay fit and attractive people for their mate after marriage....people who would have let things slide anyways, let it slide....Be careful with the sexist stereotypes....few things are true across the board.
Samson Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 At 6'4", red beard, shaved head, big hands, great legs...I am more than willing to shell out a little more to see him in a poet shirt, tight pants, thigh high boots, with a rapier at his side. YUM!!!!! All this and secretly masturbating at midnight! Nice Picture! Good NIGHT!
Author havNfun Posted August 15, 2004 Author Posted August 15, 2004 I think that people who are into staying fit and attractive for their mate stay fit and attractive people for their mate after marriage....people who would have let things slide anyways, let it slide....Be careful with the sexist stereotypes....few things are true across the board. sighs = everyone hates me and thinks I'm sexist I guess. What I can do here is say once again that (1) I know not every single woman cuts their hair off, (2) I know that certain illnesses and responsibilities cause weight gain, (3) I realize we all won't look 18 forever, and (3.5) I can't figure out from reading her posts if RowanRavyn has her hair back again or if she has stayed with the boy haircut. Oh and (4) I know their are a lot of lazy, hairy, fat=slob, balding, aging men out there in the world ... but frankly I am not concerned with their post-wedding tendencies as I don't intend to marry one of them. I intend to marry a woman at some point so that is focus with the thread. Perhaps I can learn enough from you all about this "tendency" so that I might have better luck identifying the type of mate that is not likely to get a "Janet-reno" before our first honeymoon. Some of my friends wives are cute - good personalities and prior to marriage looked female and acted that way too. Given that people are going to change - as I again agreed with above (see points 1-4), please lower your guards and attacks long enough to focus in on this cutting of the hair phenomenon? Is it symbolic - perhaps a symbol of finally not having to fight and worry about winning over a male to impregnate you after a lifetime of worrying about impressing them? Or is it that lots of women really didn't enjoy looking sexy and like a woman in the first place but put on the uniform in-order to attract a mate? Is it some form of passive-aggression towards men or their man - and so once they've got the hooks in - they take away some of their feminine aspects - which are what men enjoy? OK, so that was a little harsh. Sorry. I know you didn't say all women get that way after being married. But men change too after they are married. Even if they never get married, they start to get bald, and grow more hair on their back than on their head. btw - my parents have just gotten better and better refined as they get older. And my grandfather died at around 80 without grey hair, let alone bald. (just some trivia).. lol hugs to you all Please don't hate me too much I really really really do LOVE your gender.
RowanRavyn Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 ::Raises a brow at Samson:: Yes, he does and I got a private viewing. Ya know ladies....one of the nice things about masturbation.....it builds stamina. ::Winks at Samson::
moimeme Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 Broad generalizatons are off-putting and people who seem intent on believing in them appear to be functioning at less-than-optimal intellectual strength. If you'd put qualifiers like 'why do SOME women do X' or 'why do SOME women think Y' into your questions, you'd raise less ire. With respect to hair being cut, why is what others' wives do an issue for you? You, perhaps, consider longer hair to be attractive but the people married to these ladies may not. Styles change and some women like to try out the newer styles. This summer has been one for short-and-cute type styles so maybe some of the women you're complaining about liked the styles and wanted to try them out. People gain weight for all sorts of reasons. I have put on some extra pounds (no more than 15) while in relationships; principally because eating is a social thing so one tends to eat with one's partner for company rather than because one is particularly hungry. You have to understand that tendency in yourself and guard against it. If you are adamant that anyone you marry must remain unchanged as far as possible, then find yourself someone who has pledged to remain fit and long-haired for all time. But be warned that if you want a houseful of kids, you may end up with a larger wife who'll likely have to cut her hair. Women's bodies are splendid at retaining extra poundage to nourish infants with; it's quite a struggle, I gather, for them to get the baby weight off. And it doesn't take a genius to realize that having your hair yanked - hard - by a baby is extremely painful (and babies all do it) so it would be pretty mean to insist your wife keep her long hair if she's got babies to deal with.
Samson Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 Broad generalizatons are off-putting and people who seem intent on believing in them appear to be functioning at less-than-optimal intellectual strength. If you'd put qualifiers like 'why do SOME women do X' or 'why do SOME women think Y' into your questions, you'd raise less ire. Eloquent Speach From The High Horse of Hypocracy, My Favorite Martyr!! Now, try to take your own medicine. RowanR: Whatever "melts your butter!" (Didn't mean to be critical, but its gonna take a while to purge the mental picture you've drawn in my mind.)
sinner Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 While perhaps inartfully stated, havNfun does raise some important issues that the "inner beauty" cultural group think would just as soon keep buried. (By the way, havNfun's thread is mildly sexist especially as compared to all the "Why Men are Assh#les" threads on LS. The conventional wisdom on LS is predominately androphobic, not misogynystic-- but that's another thread). Here's a message from Mars to Venus: Looks matter. Looks matter in both mate selection and mate retention. That may be superficial, cruel, sexist, unDisney-like, whatever, but it's true for the overwhelming majority of men in the overwhelming majority of the time. In my limited experience, those marriages that collapse after 20 years are frequently those where a material difference exists in the appearances of the husband and wife. When that appearance equivalency (or balance of power) is lost,oftentimes so is the marriage. Yeah, I know, life's unfair.
shamen Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 My sister cut her hair when she was pregnant because her body was raging with hormones and then regrew it after the baby stopped pulling her hair. She did the same thing too for every baby she had. Some women just get bigger because of age and body changes; it's much harder to keep off the weight at 35 than it was at 25. I'm not eating any different; I eat pretty healthy. I just have to work twice as hard to keep it off! Believe me, it drives me crazy! Meds too, as you mentioned, are definitely issues as well. That being said, I've had several boyfriends who gained over 20 pounds while we were dating! Again, I think part of this is just people being comfortable with who they are and who they are with; eating is a very social activity. Or, sometimes people eat because they are unhappy and aren't doing what they need to do to make themselves happy. Just to reiterate, we all go through changes as we get older. Our bodies just change and if we want to stay fit, we have to work HARD on keeping them a certain way. That's the way it is. It's not just women, it's everyone!
Samson Posted August 15, 2004 Posted August 15, 2004 The conventional wisdom on LS is predominately androphobic, not misogynystic-- but that's another thread That neither you nor I have the courage to begin, buddy! Frankly, EVERY thread already this tone and none certainly needs encouragement. But, don't we appreciate the diversity of opinion that increases the value of every thread? Of course, by "we" I mean the misogynysts.
Author havNfun Posted August 15, 2004 Author Posted August 15, 2004 Broad generalizations are off-putting and people who seem intent on believing in them appear to be functioning at less-than-optimal intellectual strength. ouch - that was harsh If you'd put qualifiers like 'why do SOME women do X' or 'why do SOME women think Y' into your questions, you'd raise less ire. in response to this quote of yours I direct you to a quote from my original post on this thread why do women tend to get overweight and cut all their hair off and start looking more like a guy once they get married? Here's a message from Mars to Venus: Looks matter. Looks matter in both mate selection and mate retention. That may be superficial, cruel, sexist, unDisney-like, whatever, but it's true for the overwhelming majority of men in the overwhelming majority of the time. standing ovation!!!! Broad generalizations are off-putting and people who seem intent on believing in them appear to be functioning at less-than-optimal intellectual strength. well perhaps those that don't realize that it is intentional may "appear to be functioning at less-than-optimal" intellectual strength" to me. sinner's post helped me to understand that when I exaggerate, and "generalize" - intentionally towards the absurd sometimes...Whether it is porn watching, experiencing sex with a HOT woman, or wanting wives and/or girlfriends to be and stay attractive, lots of men like this. Some posts and opinions I read here seem to make men out to be "shallow" or "insensitive" or "in need of counseling" merely for exhibiting male instincts and behavior. Like sinner said, like it or not, looks do matter - and so does a host of other "non-fluffy-and-only-on-the-inside" things. Why is it right that I should be called shallow, sexist, and "less-than-optimal" intellectually, for not only wanting a hot wife but having concern that she doesn't look like a guy after I marry her? And, I know my friends wives are not my wife! A handful of people have been my friends since we were around 2 or 3 years old. So, in response to comments like this why is what others' wives do an issue for you? You, perhaps, consider longer hair to be attractive but the people married to these ladies may not. I can assure you I have a general clue as to what my friends find - or found - attractive. again, I understand that hair style is not the most important characteristic. But I think it kind of signifies something more profound that is happening more these days: The Dis-respecting, and "metro-lization" of men, the feminization of men through to tactic of taking away in themselves, aspects which have meaning to men. To me this is a form of sexism, an underhanded disregard or lack of acceptance for man like qualities.
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