SmileFace Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 So if you ran across a guy online who said oh btw I walk with a cane and have cp you would still make the effort to contact them? Well, I generally I don't contact guys when I did OLD. Probably won't contact a guy who is disabled truthfully. However I have been contacted before by guys who have been confined to wheels chairs from birth or injury and have always responded if their is other things I may find attractive about them. It will also depend how open he is with his injury and how he responds to it - will determine if I will continue. I have had guys state that my disinterest with them is because of their condition. However even with out a condition people can be incompatible.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 So if you ran across a guy online who said oh btw I walk with a cane and have cp you would still make the effort to contact them? Actually, I would contact a guy like that. If anything, I wold feel more interested not less. I really like people who haven't had easy lives and had to overcome difficulties that most don't have a clue about. I feel huge amount of compassion and respect for them. I also feel they are more likely to have depth of character that I find highly attractive. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 IPIB The harsh truth of the dating world, especially online, is that everyone has a shopping list and one of the things on that list is a big check box next to this word. Normal. In this harsh and ignorant world not being normal, in any way, no matter the first cause, is a huge negative. Like me I'll bet there are plenty of people who enjoy your company and even find you sexually attractive but would never couple with you. Why? Because to do so would be to set themselves apart as not normal by association. To most of the herd, being part of the herd, is the most important thing of all. So forget the herd, you've lost them. The great herd is who you find in OLD websites. Believe it or not people who are out of the norm in ways we may regard as positive have the same issues. People who's income level is very high, or they are very high on attractiveness, or they are very very tall men, or they have a very advanced education.... all may get curious, horny, messages in the end they too have trouble getting and keeping a date for more than a couple dates. Why? Because their partners fear they will leave them. Why? because they are not normal. My advice is try to embrace your non-normalness. There is such a thing as disabled pride organizations. Get in touch with some of them. Or, perhaps, just decide that you aren't going to worry about people who put you down as in OLD anymore. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Well, I generally I don't contact guys when I did OLD. Probably won't contact a guy who is disabled truthfully. However I have been contacted before by guys who have been confined to wheels chairs from birth or injury and have always responded if their is other things I may find attractive about them. It will also depend how open he is with his injury and how he responds to it - will determine if I will continue. I have had guys state that my disinterest with them is because of their condition. However even with out a condition people can be incompatible. I message first all the time because.. If I'm interested I might as well lol anyways idk I mean it has sucked being rejected and **** but at the same time I don't want to ruin my chances of even getting a message. If that makes sense? Like this guy, if he decides not to talk to me then **** him.
SmileFace Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I message first all the time because.. If I'm interested I might as well lol anyways idk I mean it has sucked being rejected and **** but at the same time I don't want to ruin my chances of even getting a message. If that makes sense? Like this guy, if he decides not to talk to me then **** him. I don't message because truthfully I am convinced most guys in my area don't date black girls anyway and I rather not waste my time. Granted that is my own insecurity in the situation. Plus I have not old in 10 months and have no plans of going back anyway. Plus if you visit a guys page enough times - you would more than likely write you. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 I don't message because truthfully I am convinced most guys in my area don't date black girls anyway and I rather not waste my time. Granted that is my own insecurity in the situation. Plus I have not old in 10 months and have no plans of going back anyway. Plus if you visit a guys page enough times - you would more than likely write you. A lot of white guys message me, but I message them to see if they would be interested lol. Honestly this just gives me more reason to try to reach out to my ex again. He was perfect and he didn't care at all about me having a handicap. I might try to get him to take me back
SmileFace Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 A lot of white guys message me, but I message them to see if they would be interested lol. Honestly this just gives me more reason to try to reach out to my ex again. He was perfect and he didn't care at all about me having a handicap. I might try to get him to take me back Eh, wasn't only referring to white guys but that is about 98% of population in my town. Umm... no. Didn't you just say you are done dating? Or was the OLD? Anyway that is a bad idea. He wasn't perfect. Did he break up no contact? Stop chasing him.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 (edited) Eh, wasn't only referring to white guys but that is about 98% of population in my town. Umm... no. Didn't you just say you are done dating? Or was the OLD? Anyway that is a bad idea. He wasn't perfect. Did he break up no contact? Stop chasing him. He did dump me by never contacting me. I am done OLD and dating in general but if I were to meet someone in real life I would be open to it. I might do online dating again but if I do I'm paying for a legit website ( fun paying money for no one to talk to me lol) So should I message this guy today? And find out like if he still wants to go out or what? I'm in a bitch mood so honestly if he says the wrong thing I'm going to flip ****... Situations like this make me hate people more and more. Edited December 17, 2012 by ImperfectionisBeauty
xxoo Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Instead of explaining it in text, you could post a photo of yourself with your cane. Let them ask!
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Instead of explaining it in text, you could post a photo of yourself with your cane. Let them ask! Now that is actually a really great idea I don't take pictures with my cane much, I can I guess I just don't... I literally try EXTREMELY hard to avoid dealing with the fact that I have cerebral palsy haha I don't even want to acknowledge it most of the time.
bentnotbroken Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I just don't know the appropriate word what is politically correct? disabled? handicapped? challenged? educate me. Try human as the appropriate word. It works for all situations.
xxoo Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Think of it this way-- If you met a man out and about, he would see a beautiful girl with a cane, but he wouldn't know all the details of why. And he probably wouldn't be deterred by the cane. And it probably wouldn't be his first question, if he had any tact at all. But it would be "out there", and you wouldn't be hiding anything. Try to create the same dynamic online. Don't hide the cane, but don't highlight it either. Keep the focus elsewhere. 2
bentnotbroken Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Now that is actually a really great idea I don't take pictures with my cane much, I can I guess I just don't... I literally try EXTREMELY hard to avoid dealing with the fact that I have cerebral palsy haha I don't even want to acknowledge it most of the time. If you aren't accepting...no one else will be either. Having CP is a part of who you are. Depression/OCD is a part of who I am. Someone else said autism is a part of who they are. We can't just cut off the part we don't like. It is as much a part of us as a beautiful smile, a loving heart or extreme height. Love all of you IB. 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 If you aren't accepting...no one else will be either. Having CP is a part of who you are. Depression/OCD is a part of who I am. Someone else said autism is a part of who they are. We can't just cut off the part we don't like. It is as much a part of us as a beautiful smile, a loving heart or extreme height. Love all of you IB. It's just that I'm already super self conscious about it you know? So then to have someone pretty much tell me they can't date me because of something I have no control over and believe me if I could change it I would.. I have been to so many doctors and done so many different things from braces to Botox shots to therapy just any and everything and I can't help it. I just really don't want this to be why I am single forever. I mean I know I have tons of issues that I'm working on but I can't control this.
bentnotbroken Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 It's just that I'm already super self conscious about it you know? So then to have someone pretty much tell me they can't date me because of something I have no control over and believe me if I could change it I would.. I have been to so many doctors and done so many different things from braces to Botox shots to therapy just any and everything and I can't help it. I just really don't want this to be why I am single forever. I mean I know I have tons of issues that I'm working on but I can't control this. And you don't have to (shouldn't) control it. Nor should you be with someone who thinks you should control it.
veggirl Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Girl put photos up of you with your cane. they will ask, you don't have to say a word until they do (or you meet in person, when you meet in person you should explain the situation of course). When they notice online and ask, tell them what the deal is...I'd offer specific suggestions of how to word it but I don't know the extent/details of your CP. I don't think you need to talk about it in your profile if you have pics up of you with your cane. (I will say though I think this is another reason you shouldn't OLD...isn't it kinda awkward having to explain your situation to stranger after stranger?)
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Girl put photos up of you with your cane. they will ask, you don't have to say a word until they do (or you meet in person, when you meet in person you should explain the situation of course). When they notice online and ask, tell them what the deal is...I'd offer specific suggestions of how to word it but I don't know the extent/details of your CP. I don't think you need to talk about it in your profile if you have pics up of you with your cane. (I will say though I think this is another reason you shouldn't OLD...isn't it kinda awkward having to explain your situation to stranger after stranger?) The thing is I just want people to look at me like a normal person, I look like a normal girl in my pictures.. It just so happens that I am a NORMAL girl who happened to be deprived of oxygen at birth which causes my brain to not send the message to my brain to walk correctly! Haha I just don't want a guy to think I'm just useful for a lay, or like feel bad for me or weird. It is crazy I have NEVER had this much trouble about my disability as I have recently with guys. I don't know if I am just projecting this bad vibe out to the universe or what? Anyway it would be interesting to see the number and types of guys who message me if I put up a picture of myself with a cane. I am just going to try to give OLD a break hopefully I can find a real guy in a real life situation and if not then I will OLD again I will give myself 6 months of trying to go out and do things and meet guys then if nothing I will try OLD again :/. On a bright note this kid I went to HS with asked me out lol he has asked me out like 10 times and everytime we say we will meet then we never do so I doubt this situation will be any different BUT I just need someone (a guy) to give me some attention so whatever.
Drseussgrrl Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 If you don't act so insecure about it most men won't think it's a big deal, either. In fact, if you just own it, it could actually be pretty cool. You could make it funny in your profile. "I have a mild case of cerebral palsy and use a cane. It comes in handy when beating off strangers on the street, and I have a good excuse for being a dingbat at times." 2
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