Mike_d Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 (edited) ok, it's true, I'm back. the guy who was me here before? dead dead dead. new guy? he's awesome search me out to learn my story, I'm no different than most of you here. I departed this site a 4 (?) months back back but it's been 6 months hard, cold, dark NC and me just lost as to what to do next, no idea what really went wrong, no idea why I was at where I was at, no idea where I was going, and 100% desire not to feel like I was. All I knew was that if I folded I'd be in total Groundhog Day mode, so my only real goal was to stay away by any means necessary. And I needed the gym each and every day to work off all my anxiety. Every-other-area of my life suffered. But I lived to see the end of each day, and to repeat it again and again. And I've make it through to the other side. I popped in earlier and found a PM awaiting me, figured I'd get back in the game and see about helping some of you sad sack f*ckers here - the guys who are behaving most pathetically - and stand in for Gibson - hear he got the ban hammer - until he returns. So first off. THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. Let me repeat that, there is a light, there is hope, things will change - but here is the real truth - you are the one that needs to change. Man was it hard, but I've always been a proponent of "the behavior will change when the pain becomes great enough". My pain was great enough to shove me through. more to come, but fill me in on who is still here, and who is doing what. I saw youngnlove89 is back and in the dating game, who else is still here? Edited December 17, 2012 by Mike_d 2
KatZee Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Ahhh, so that's where he's been. I was wondering why I haven't seen him around here. Good to hear you're doing well... although I don't think anyone can truly replace Gibson.
Downtown Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Mike, welcome back to the forum!! Am glad to hear that you are doing well and holding strong. Did you ever fly down to SD and tell the other man's W what had been going on?
Author Mike_d Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Mike, welcome back to the forum!! Am glad to hear that you are doing well and holding strong. Did you ever fly down to SD and tell the other man's W what had been going on? funny you mention that, my initial decision was that I didn't want to get involved in the drama. I ****ed up and didn't expose it when I first learned about the PA which is when I should have been on his doorstep trying to **** his wife in return while furiously mate-guarding. Instead like a good little beta, I just worked harder to make my ex happy lol. I've learned a lot about who I was at the time, really really tough stuff to swallow - lots of shame, regrets, anger, embarrassment about the guy I slowly became which in turn drove her away. I've accepted it, it will *never* happen again, and I have a blueprint for the future. I win. I thought about contacting the betrayed wife again out of the blue yesterday and decided that my life is just fine without all that drama, I have no need to try to elicit a response out of my ex as a result of my potential 'caring' behaviors towards others (read: covert contract with an attempt to get emotionally engaged back into dialog with my ex) so I've let it go. Got a few plates spinning with a couple of decent women, and while the sex with my ex and her "physical attributes" was something I doubt I'll ever reproduce and still really crave, I realize that in the end that was all I had left with her, and that isn't something to base a relationship on. New girls bring different things to the table, and they all meet the first rule in my 10x10 (10 things she must have, 10 things she must not have) where rule 1 is "must be into Mike", so I've got that going for me, which is good. I hang on to all the documentation in case something goes sideways in my future and I need a card to play in a tough game, but for now it all just sits. Saw your BPD post, didn't read the OP message but spent an afternoon at my exBPDw's house the other day. Skin crawled less than usual lol. So I recognized your angle right away in that other post.
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