Confused420 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Broke up 3 weeks ago, tried NC but couldn't keep it up without closure. Been maintaining NC for 4 days so far and I'm wondering how long it'll take before I feel I feel 'normal'. I know everyone is different, I'm just asking for your experiences. The thing is, there is no bad blood between us. At all. We were in a LDR, she said the stress was too much with school and other stuff she had going on in her life which I'm not going to go into. She said something along the lines of 'I don't want a relationship right now. I think we need to get to know each other better before anything can happen.' I completely understand though. I'm not mad, angry, upset or anything at her. In fact, I agree, I'm going to Paris soon for 5 months and I'll be so busy, I don't think I could deal with a relationship anyway. I fully want to be friends with her. But while my head knows what's needed my heart disagrees. I want to stop loving her but I can't. It's so frustrating. So, how long did it take you before the 'emptiness' feeling went?
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 (edited) When a well runs dry it is empty. Empty until more water is added. In other words, emptiness will be there until you fill that dry well with living life. The new adventures and girls you meet, will fill the gap you have now. However, where love is, memories never fade. They never fade, nor does the love. But feeling hurt, well, that does come to an end; so as willing as you are to move on. Edited December 17, 2012 by Toddbt12y1 3
lovefiction Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 When a well runs dry it is empty. Empty until more water is added. In other words, emptiness will be there until you fill that dry well with living life. The new adventures and girls you meet, will fill the gap you have now. However, where love is, memories never fade. They never fade, nor does the love. But feeling hurt, well, that does come to an end; so as willing as you are to move on. Is this why so many people jump from relationship to relationship - so they never need to feel the "empty well" syndrome??? I think my ex must be a "well filler"... I met him 6 months after his divorce but he'd supposedly already had a fling... We were together for 2 year with a 3 month break up, which he filled with another fling... He broke up with me last week and is already seeing someone else... Looking at it from this perspective makes me realize how fearful he must be of being alone... Something for me to think about... Thanks...
Sav Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Is this why so many people jump from relationship to relationship - so they never need to feel the "empty well" syndrome??? I think my ex must be a "well filler"... I met him 6 months after his divorce but he'd supposedly already had a fling... We were together for 2 year with a 3 month break up, which he filled with another fling... He broke up with me last week and is already seeing someone else... Looking at it from this perspective makes me realize how fearful he must be of being alone... Something for me to think about... Thanks... Definitely, 1 month after my 4 year relationship i jumped into another one. Sure it lessened the pain a hell lot DURING THAT TIME. However for the whole duration of the new relationship (2.5yrs), I was confused and hurt and whatever because I didnt give myself the time to heal properly. So after this relationship, I'm taking a timeout and reflecting to heal before i get into another mess again
Renard99 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 (edited) For me, personally it was about 6 months before the empty feeling disappeared. That's not to say that I didn't have a few more 'moments' after that time (like when my ex asked to come back after 9 months), but this time, when I did I was able to cope. My best advice is to not look for 'normal' and by that I mean, don't ask yourself if you feel better yet. Also, don't set a time for feeling better, e.g 'I'll be better in 3 months time'. It just sets up pressure on yourself. For me, I didn't actually notice the moment that I felt better, I simply got on with life, without having to consciously having to move forward, and one day realised that things, for the first time in a long time, felt....good! P.S To totally heal it ended up taking about 10 to 12 months, it was more the feeling of emptiness disappeared and the return to a 'normal' after 6 months. Edited December 17, 2012 by Renard99
Jingle14 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I still don't - I still avoid reminders (difficult, he lives and works around the corner from where I live), still don't stretch my legs over to 'his' side of the bed, still don't well when I see him around (although this is getting better, but I know I could not bear seeing him with my replacement). And this is 17 months on, after a 10 month (short but very serious, we thought we were 'the one') relationship. I struggled more, and still do, with this than with the ending of my 23 year marriage - I am still happy to wear jewellery my ex husband bought me, go to places with special memories and see him pretty much daily. We have a good relationship now, and I enjoy his company. But I still grieve for my ex. I wish I didn't. I have sort of dated but nothing compares to what he and I had - not for me anyway, he clearly has a different viewpoint. Good luck.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Is this why so many people jump from relationship to relationship - so they never need to feel the "empty well" syndrome??? I think my ex must be a "well filler"... I met him 6 months after his divorce but he'd supposedly already had a fling... We were together for 2 year with a 3 month break up, which he filled with another fling... He broke up with me last week and is already seeing someone else... Looking at it from this perspective makes me realize how fearful he must be of being alone... Something for me to think about... Thanks... Yeah, it is a reason why some people move on. Fear is a powerful motivator. This Guy you where seeing, he was a womanizer. Not trying to fill anything but his own pleasure. Certainly I do not mean instantly moving on, and yet, that isn't a bad idea sometimes. Depending on the situation moving on to find a caring person, instead of being in sorrow over the old, helps one to find that so called "one." Faster. In caring, err, more caring relationships, whether one cares or both care within the relationship, moving on instantly is next to impossible. It helps to reflect on one's self and what lead to the end; all in hopes of avoiding any future problems in relationships.
Sugarkane Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 For some reason alot men seem to have a harder time being alone for a while. Hence jumping from woman to woman.
Renard99 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I must admit that I did try to move on too soon and tried the whole dating scene. It didn't work out for me, simply because it was too soon and I wasn't ready. It was almost certainly because I feared being alone. Thankfully I saw the error in my ways and, surprisingly, it wasn't long after I'd backed off, calmed down and collected myself that I met the woman who I'm still with today some 18 months later!
todreaminblue Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Broke up 3 weeks ago, tried NC but couldn't keep it up without closure. Been maintaining NC for 4 days so far and I'm wondering how long it'll take before I feel I feel 'normal'. I know everyone is different, I'm just asking for your experiences. The thing is, there is no bad blood between us. At all. We were in a LDR, she said the stress was too much with school and other stuff she had going on in her life which I'm not going to go into. She said something along the lines of 'I don't want a relationship right now. I think we need to get to know each other better before anything can happen.' I completely understand though. I'm not mad, angry, upset or anything at her. In fact, I agree, I'm going to Paris soon for 5 months and I'll be so busy, I don't think I could deal with a relationship anyway. I fully want to be friends with her. But while my head knows what's needed my heart disagrees. I want to stop loving her but I can't. It's so frustrating. So, how long did it take you before the 'emptiness' feeling went? 3 months with my ex ......that was after shock therapy and many prayers.....and my family to help me through....but didnt move on till years later took time out for my family and myself.....i was on fairly strong medication.......i didnt have that empty feeling but i was dead inside.....i hid it well...just didnt talk much.....i am still celibate...but i have moved on....i developed feelings fro soemone else real feelings .....no regrets or uncertainty the feelings are there....just not useful for me to have other than i am proud of who they are for....he is sweet..and the fact i didnt think i could develop feelings again....my life has changed for the better....100 times better........deb
jwhite Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I am 7 weeks today of 4.9 year LTR. I am definately feeling better. NC has been what has helped. I have heard nothing or seen anything:) Just focusing on me and filling my time with what IIIIIIIIIII care about. EDIT: Reading and the gym have helped. I am making a go for The Great Gatsby right now, man it is tough, I have read the first few pages twice now trying to absorb instead of read. 1
BOSSHOGG5 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I was married for 23 yrs. It took me about 18 months to feel somewhat normal. She sent me a text out of the blue professing her love to her new lover with a picture attached. I was shocked that she would do this, but I didnt have that awful feeling that I would have had months before. I just ignored the text and continued on. What a great feeling. 1
Hobbit Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I'll let you know, its been nearly 6 months for me I dont feel 'normal' yet, I stupidly still love my ex and crave to be with my son 100% of the time, but she's not on that pedestal that I put her on anymore which I s'pose is a start. 1
Bumaga vsyo sterpit Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I would say it took me a maximum of two months to get over any ex in the past (and I've been dumped many times ). This would be after a breakup, but I wouldn't necessarily need NC. It provides closure to see the ex's unsavory side over and over and over.
portableversion Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I'll let you know, its been nearly 6 months for me I dont feel 'normal' yet, I stupidly still love my ex and crave to be with my son 100% of the time, but she's not on that pedestal that I put her on anymore which I s'pose is a start. thats about where im at now, miss the boys and her but yeah something seems to be fading towrds her. its nice to not be so screwed up 1
portableversion Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 I was married for 23 yrs. It took me about 18 months to feel somewhat normal. She sent me a text out of the blue professing her love to her new lover with a picture attached. I was shocked that she would do this, but I didnt have that awful feeling that I would have had months before. I just ignored the text and continued on. What a great feeling. wow thats just wrong . We were together for 17 yrs and at 6 months i have waves of relief coming over me. Mostly it came from the way she was talking so crappy to me and trying to accuse me of forgetting i was the boys' father. Such bs, it was an abusive conversation and it reminded me of how she had verbally abused me 4 years. i always tried to forgive her but when i was a stay at home dad and the sex ws gone and she cut me off money thats when i couldnt take it anymore and blew up at her whille drunk. Dont miss her trash talk at all. At least i had alcohol to explain my crappy behavior she did this stone cold sober. last friday really helped me out 4 sure. She was so mean to me on the phone and it was all completely unnecessary. i aint gonna take it anymore and i dont have to. felt good to tell her she was abusing me and she was being extremely impulsive and clouded by anger. She did apologize though.
todreaminblue Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 I would say it took me a maximum of two months to get over any ex in the past (and I've been dumped many times ). This would be after a breakup, but I wouldn't necessarily need NC. It provides closure to see the ex's unsavory side over and over and over. I dotn think its useful to see unsavory behavior in anyone....that behavior depresses me actually, when you know someone has the capability of being a good person but chooses not too......depressing..iwhen i catch myself being that way i pull myself up.... because every body can have habits that are not good..getting pissed off is not good.....for anyone...you cant hold grudges and its really hard sometimes when someone hurts you to forgive and move on.....to understand people say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and you have to be the bigger person more often than not to get over it....thats a challenge i think god gives to everyone....to rise above.........thats something i am proud of with me even though i get ragged for it for being a fool for forgiving(so i have to fogi8ve them fro saying that ...smilin....its a circle)....i can be extremely hurt by somebody saying something and want to avoid....i just dont ....through my life i feel i have been blessed because of this ....i do get things that happen to em that are extraordinarily good...i feel my power to move on gives me a lot of joy....especially when you see the grateful smile of who i have forgiven or gotten over the hurt with....and life goes on ...........i consider others even when they are being gimps..like my son at the moment....huge gimp...still love him..i do have to be stronger though so i dont get taken advantage of by the ones i love....working on that.deb
coltsfan1 Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 It took me a full year to accept it was over and we would never talk again. Then another year to become indifferent, I still miss my friend. However the reality is she was never my friend and her actions showed it. We were together nearly 4 years. 1
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