Need some thoughts on my case.

[MTechnik]

I recently was dumped out of a relationship of over 8 years, I kind of saw it coming. We lived together with some other roommates up until about two months ago. I moved out after we had a talk about us having some space. She felt we were crowding each other's space. She recommended that it would be good for us. We were kind of on a break even thought it was never stated. We still spent time together and did things like a normal couple does. (This was the beginning of the mix signals.) I was unsure about us. I had recently become jealous of her starting to spend time with her guy friends from school who shared the same hobbies she was into outside of class in fear that she was going to be interested in one of them (which she did.) Instead of not even worrying about it. Fast forward a few weeks I was at her place helping my buddy work on his car who is her roommate's husband. I texted her and asked her if she was going to be home that night because I knew that she was probably going to go hang out with those friends that night. She told me that she was going to be home probably around midnight. She came home from work around 7pm. She said "Hi!" I gave her a hug and a kiss then continued helping my buddy. It was getting closer to around 10pm but she hadn't left yet. I went to her room small talked with her. She seemed kind of quiet and distant.

 

So I left her room and hung out with my old roommates in the living room. She came out about 20 minutes later as well. We were all watching TV together and it was around 11:30pm when she received a text and said she was going to go to her friends to play the card game she plays. I said "Huh? I thought we were gonna hangout around midnight?" She got upset that I questioned her and said I was in the wrong for questioning that. That she was only gonna go play for a little bit and come right back. And that she didn't even expect me to be at the house already because she thought I would just come over around midnight. I tried to talk to her and explain why I was questioning her action. She told me that she thought it was odd that I kissed her (even though we had kissed the past two nights before she fell asleep) when she got home then as I left she told me "thanks for ruining the night I could of had with you." Ouch. (I'm guessing this was the day that ended it.)

 

The following Monday she called me and told her the indoor cat that she had had gone missing. I came over to her place to try to find the cat. 5 minutes of being there we found the cat outside. As we found the cat I turned around to see her and another guy walking in. She asked me what I was doing there. I told her I came to find the cat because I thought she had class. She told me if her cat was missing she wasn't going to go to class. Which made me think (I didn't say it out loud) if she isn't going to class than why is this guy here? She kinda introduced him to me stating "This is my friend, Brad" I said "hey" and went about my myself. I asked my old roommates sister who is that guy and she told me that she doesn't like the guy. I noticed he seemed uncomfortable about me being there and unsure of where to go. He ended up going to the backyard. As I was leaving she said "thanks for coming over and showing that you care."

 

The following weekend I saw picture she posted her and the guy at the christmas tree orchard with my old roommates on Instagram. I stopped "following" her because I didn't want to see another. I was crushed. What I had thought and suspected had become more clear. I text her the following morning and told her I wanted to come get the rest of my belongings when she had a chance. She had me come over that night. She complimented me of losing weight and said she was proud of me. She looked amazing but I didn't tell her because I wasn't sure if she got dressed up for me. She was listening to Death Cab for Cutie "You gotta spend some time, love. You gotta spend some time with me..." on her computer as I was grabbing my stuff. After I got my stuff she walked me out and seemed kind of angry. I was going to begin no contact from that point but our attorney's office called me the following day and requested that her and I came in (we were involved in a car accident). I was totally cool and calm all the way there and during the meeting. As we were driving back to her place to drop her off my mind was wondering so much. I was unsure of where we stand that I asked her a few questions that I wish I never asked. She answered each one of my questions straight and honest. She was seeing the other guy, she liked him, and I asked her if she had sex with him she said "Yes." the feeling of your heart stopping happened with that answer. I didn't know what to do or how to react. How could this happen so fast?

 

She also informed me that she had gotten a promotion and was moving to Alaska for a year in February. She had finally said it "We're over." We talked a bit more and she could tell she hurt me bad but she said she found somebody who makes her happy and that she felt that we grew apart and said that she felt like I was always judging her lately and that we were arguing too much. She also said I didn't seem happy with her anymore. Not true. She told me that she wish that we were never a couple and would of just been friends. That hurt. I told her "I cannot be a friend." I don't see her that way. She said she hoped that I could get past this soon and wondered if I was going to attend her roommate's New Year's party. I told her "no, I can't see her and another guy together." She told me that she had hoped I would and bring a really cute date. (?) As I dropped her off I got out of the car I gave her a hug and she hugged me back and she said "I love you." (?) I said "I love you too... but you hurt me, I can't be around right now." I then said "goodbye" she told me "don't say it like that." I honestly said "goodbye" because I felt it was over and I don't think I will see her before she moves to Alaska.

 

I began no contact and thought about all the things I did wrong I wish that I could just try over again and prove to her that I was not the man I was at the end of the relationship. 6 days had gone by and she texted saying that someone had punched out her passenger window. I didn't want her thinking it was me so I replied back telling her that is really unfortunate and sorry to hear. I began no contact again and that same night she texted me asking for information to a video streaming service I have. I didn't reply and didn't answer her call that she made after I didn't reply to the text. I was angry that she even asked for the information. She obviously got angry that I didn't give in and sent a text saying "Nevermind" 2 days later she texted me about the phone bill so I answered and told her how much her part was and when it was due. She texted me this Friday saying "when are you gonna come pickup the money" I told her I thought she was gonna transfer it to me. I didn't feel like it was good for me to see her right now and had plans so I told her "I am busy this weekend." She ended up just paying her part online and I told her "cool, thanks" that is the last thing we said to each other. I am just kind of confused because she knew how much the bill was and how much she owed me for her part of the bill and when it was due but she was wanting me to come pick it up? I am really trying to stick with NC to see if it will help.

 

I feel so confused about her. Why does she keep contacting me about random things every few days? I have a date Tuesday night which I am actually pretty excited about. I felt so great Friday night when I talked to the girl about it. The following day I couldn't stop thinking of my ex and felt sad and felt nervous that I couldn't shake thoughts of my ex and that it could ruin my time Tuesday night. I feel uncomfortable even going to help buddy work on his car and I miss my close friends that we share but she lives with. I know what I have to do I am just having a hard time doing it. I love my ex, I miss her like crazy and would love to give it another shot. I find myself wondering if she is contacting me sometimes because she misses me too. I know right now is not the time. She has even said that maybe our paths could cross again someday. Any advice would help and be very much appreciated.

[Samilia]

I recently was dumped out of a relationship of over 8 years, I kind of saw it coming. We lived together with some other roommates up until about two months ago. I moved out after we had a talk about us having some space. She felt we were crowding each other's space. She recommended that it would be good for us. We were kind of on a break even thought it was never stated. We still spent time together and did things like a normal couple does. (This was the beginning of the mix signals.) I was unsure about us. I had recently become jealous of her starting to spend time with her guy friends from school who shared the same hobbies she was into outside of class in fear that she was going to be interested in one of them (which she did.) Instead of not even worrying about it. Fast forward a few weeks I was at her place helping my buddy work on his car who is her roommate's husband. I texted her and asked her if she was going to be home that night because I knew that she was probably going to go hang out with those friends that night. She told me that she was going to be home probably around midnight. She came home from work around 7pm. She said "Hi!" I gave her a hug and a kiss then continued helping my buddy. It was getting closer to around 10pm but she hadn't left yet. I went to her room small talked with her. She seemed kind of quiet and distant.

 

So I left her room and hung out with my old roommates in the living room. She came out about 20 minutes later as well. We were all watching TV together and it was around 11:30pm when she received a text and said she was going to go to her friends to play the card game she plays. I said "Huh? I thought we were gonna hangout around midnight?" She got upset that I questioned her and said I was in the wrong for questioning that. That she was only gonna go play for a little bit and come right back. And that she didn't even expect me to be at the house already because she thought I would just come over around midnight. I tried to talk to her and explain why I was questioning her action. She told me that she thought it was odd that I kissed her (even though we had kissed the past two nights before she fell asleep) when she got home then as I left she told me "thanks for ruining the night I could of had with you." Ouch. (I'm guessing this was the day that ended it.)

 

The following Monday she called me and told her the indoor cat that she had had gone missing. I came over to her place to try to find the cat. 5 minutes of being there we found the cat outside. As we found the cat I turned around to see her and another guy walking in. She asked me what I was doing there. I told her I came to find the cat because I thought she had class. She told me if her cat was missing she wasn't going to go to class. Which made me think (I didn't say it out loud) if she isn't going to class than why is this guy here? She kinda introduced him to me stating "This is my friend, Brad" I said "hey" and went about my myself. I asked my old roommates sister who is that guy and she told me that she doesn't like the guy. I noticed he seemed uncomfortable about me being there and unsure of where to go. He ended up going to the backyard. As I was leaving she said "thanks for coming over and showing that you care."

 

The following weekend I saw picture she posted her and the guy at the christmas tree orchard with my old roommates on Instagram. I stopped "following" her because I didn't want to see another. I was crushed. What I had thought and suspected had become more clear. I text her the following morning and told her I wanted to come get the rest of my belongings when she had a chance. She had me come over that night. She complimented me of losing weight and said she was proud of me. She looked amazing but I didn't tell her because I wasn't sure if she got dressed up for me. She was listening to Death Cab for Cutie "You gotta spend some time, love. You gotta spend some time with me..." on her computer as I was grabbing my stuff. After I got my stuff she walked me out and seemed kind of angry. I was going to begin no contact from that point but our attorney's office called me the following day and requested that her and I came in (we were involved in a car accident). I was totally cool and calm all the way there and during the meeting. As we were driving back to her place to drop her off my mind was wondering so much. I was unsure of where we stand that I asked her a few questions that I wish I never asked. She answered each one of my questions straight and honest. She was seeing the other guy, she liked him, and I asked her if she had sex with him she said "Yes." the feeling of your heart stopping happened with that answer. I didn't know what to do or how to react. How could this happen so fast?

 

She also informed me that she had gotten a promotion and was moving to Alaska for a year in February. She had finally said it "We're over." We talked a bit more and she could tell she hurt me bad but she said she found somebody who makes her happy and that she felt that we grew apart and said that she felt like I was always judging her lately and that we were arguing too much. She also said I didn't seem happy with her anymore. Not true. She told me that she wish that we were never a couple and would of just been friends. That hurt. I told her "I cannot be a friend." I don't see her that way. She said she hoped that I could get past this soon and wondered if I was going to attend her roommate's New Year's party. I told her "no, I can't see her and another guy together." She told me that she had hoped I would and bring a really cute date. (?) As I dropped her off I got out of the car I gave her a hug and she hugged me back and she said "I love you." (?) I said "I love you too... but you hurt me, I can't be around right now." I then said "goodbye" she told me "don't say it like that." I honestly said "goodbye" because I felt it was over and I don't think I will see her before she moves to Alaska.

 

I began no contact and thought about all the things I did wrong I wish that I could just try over again and prove to her that I was not the man I was at the end of the relationship. 6 days had gone by and she texted saying that someone had punched out her passenger window. I didn't want her thinking it was me so I replied back telling her that is really unfortunate and sorry to hear. I began no contact again and that same night she texted me asking for information to a video streaming service I have. I didn't reply and didn't answer her call that she made after I didn't reply to the text. I was angry that she even asked for the information. She obviously got angry that I didn't give in and sent a text saying "Nevermind" 2 days later she texted me about the phone bill so I answered and told her how much her part was and when it was due. She texted me this Friday saying "when are you gonna come pickup the money" I told her I thought she was gonna transfer it to me. I didn't feel like it was good for me to see her right now and had plans so I told her "I am busy this weekend." She ended up just paying her part online and I told her "cool, thanks" that is the last thing we said to each other. I am just kind of confused because she knew how much the bill was and how much she owed me for her part of the bill and when it was due but she was wanting me to come pick it up? I am really trying to stick with NC to see if it will help.

 

I feel so confused about her. Why does she keep contacting me about random things every few days? I have a date Tuesday night which I am actually pretty excited about. I felt so great Friday night when I talked to the girl about it. The following day I couldn't stop thinking of my ex and felt sad and felt nervous that I couldn't shake thoughts of my ex and that it could ruin my time Tuesday night. I feel uncomfortable even going to help buddy work on his car and I miss my close friends that we share but she lives with. I know what I have to do I am just having a hard time doing it. I love my ex, I miss her like crazy and would love to give it another shot. I find myself wondering if she is contacting me sometimes because she misses me too. I know right now is not the time. She has even said that maybe our paths could cross again someday. Any advice would help and be very much appreciated.

 

It's hard to let go of a relationship of 8 years, dumpee or dumper. That's probably why she's contacting you still. But still, she's seeing another guy. Even suggested that you should bring a "cute date" so she doesn't feel like an assh*le hanging out with that new guy at your mutual friends' party.

 

I wouldn't fall for the classics.. the "I love you", "I miss you", "maybe someday we'll get back together but for now I need space" etc.. Don't let her dump her guilt on you, it's not fair. I appreciate that she was honest enough to end it, however she should have been honest from day one, instead of you walking on the new dude, getting introduced as her "friend" (wtf?). She obviously was seeing that guy while stringing you along, introduced him to her friends, slept with him, and didn't care less about how it affected you. That alone would motivate me to get a fresh start.

 

Don't let her bruised feelings fool you, she's not messaging you because she wants back into the relationship, she's messaging you to either relieve her guilt or/and make sure she still has a hold on you, since you have been ignoring her.

 

Let her go to Alaska, that will help you get back on the horse. 8 years, that's a long time, a good slice of life, I hope you feel better soon.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Samilia

[MTechnik]

It's hard to let go of a relationship of 8 years, dumpee or dumper. That's probably why she's contacting you still. But still, she's seeing another guy. Even suggested that you should bring a "cute date" so she doesn't feel like an assh*le hanging out with that new guy at your mutual friends' party.

 

I wouldn't fall for the classics.. the "I love you", "I miss you", "maybe someday we'll get back together but for now I need space" etc.. Don't let her dump her guilt on you, it's not fair. I appreciate that she was honest enough to end it, however she should have been honest from day one, instead of you walking on the new dude, getting introduced as her "friend" (wtf?). She obviously was seeing that guy while stringing you along, introduced him to her friends, slept with him, and didn't care less about how it affected you. That alone would motivate me to get a fresh start.

 

Don't let her bruised feelings fool you, she's not messaging you because she wants back into the relationship, she's messaging you to either relieve her guilt or/and make sure she still has a hold on you, since you have been ignoring her.

 

Let her go to Alaska, that will help you get back on the horse. 8 years, that's a long time, a good slice of life, I hope you feel better soon.

 

Thanks Samilia, it is hard to let go being 24, of something that has been just over a third of my life. You're probably right that she doesn't want to feel like an assh*le. I am 95% sure I am not attending the party even though I miss my friends. She started to say about a few prior to the break up she was wanting to be "independent" (pushing me away) when she found out news that I was going to be going to Southern California for training and beginning a career maybe in San Francisco. Stating that she didn't want to feel like she needed me around.

 

It isn't fair at all. The fact that I feel so hurt and upset. I feel like she means what she says but she is confused about what she means or is doing and that she is testing "us" which is bullsh*t. I wish she had been more honest from day one as well. I think that's why I feel so hurt. I think that's where things mainly went wrong. I feel like so many questions are unanswered. Our relationship had some trust issues throughout it. At the end, I feel like she lead me on and used me to get over the break up (that wasn't official but we acted like a normal couple) until she was maybe sure of this other guy. I don't know if he is a rebound. I just don't understand how she could be intimate with me while she was probably talking to this other guy.

 

Should I invite my friends who live with her to hang out sometime soon away from the house? I just don't want them to bring the relationship up and I want to be feeling and doing better before I see them in case they mention me to my ex or my ex ask about me. Even after all this and what I know now. I don't understand why I still want her back and give the relationship another shot?

 

I feel like I should give this date a real shot and maybe it will lead to something maybe even better. Maybe help get mind off of my ex. Me and the girl I am going on a date with previously dated along time ago. Which my ex had made a "suggestion" that I "don't go for someone from my past."

[Samilia]

I would forget about the friends, unless they were yours to begin with. The triangle you-the friends-her is not going to be super healthy. You know some kind of information is going to be exchanged both ways, not the greatest move.

 

Go on a date with this girl if you want to but I personally find it to be way too soon. Be honest about your intentions, as to not hurt someone else's feelings.

Edited December 17, 2012 by Samilia

[MTechnik]

I would forget about the friends, unless they were yours to begin with. The triangle you-the friend-her is not going to be super healthy. You know some kind of information is going to be exchanged both ways, not the greatest move.

 

Go on a date with this girl but to be honest I find it to be way too soon. Be honest about your intentions, as to not hurt someone else's feelings.

 

Yes, I know that some kind of information is going to be exchanged but I can't forget my friends. My ex knew the girl before from grade school but she introduced my ex and I back in Jr. High. I can avoid being around them for the time being until she moves to Alaska.

 

Of course, I am not trying to rush anything but I need to not sit in my sorrow and stay positive. I would never want to lead someone on and try to hurt them speaking from personal experience. It is the worst.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

OMG MT your story sounds so much like mine. I came out of an almost 9 year relationship and we were engaged. The bottom line in my situation was she had interest in another guy and left me for him so very similar to what happened with you. I am a 2+ months post BU and here is my advice to you.

 

As for the text messages that she is sending you...don't read to much into it. The reasons for the text is she may want to have a hold on you just in case things don't pan out with the new guy or shes appeasing her guilt. Either way you need to just continue ignoring her as you have. Don't over analyze it and don't think to much about it. I know its hard but you have to maintain NC. My ex did the same damn thing to me and I was like you analyzing every bit of information she gave me which drove me nuts. At some point I decided to go NC/LC only responding to things I deem important (we lived together). Silence is golden and it will drive her nuts so continue what you are doing.

 

As for your mutual friends...cut them out. You definitely do not want to hear about her AT ALL. I made the choice to cut all our mutual friends out. I'm not saying this has to be permanent but for the time being you need to cut them out of your life. I would recommend that you only reconnect when you are over your ex. As your friends they will understand.

 

Keep busy. Focus on your career, yourself and anything that will keep your mind occupied. Take classes or better yet go out and meet people. Make new friends. Just stay busy.

 

Trust me...take these steps and you will get to the other side a lot quicker. I'm 2+ months post BU and for the most part im fine. The reason for this is that I made the choice to cut ties. The sooner you do this the faster you get to the other side. Right now you need to go dark! Better yet you need to ninja vanish. I did this and like I said i'm pretty much fine. Yeah the mornings still suck but it only last for a short period of time and then I'm fine. Good Luck stay strong and more importantly maintain NC and go dark.

Edited December 17, 2012 by ItxWillxGetxBetter

[Mike_d]

I feel so confused about her. Why does she keep contacting me about random things every few days?

you've been friendzoned, she wants you as a beta orbiter for emotional support (read: emotional tampon) while she works her new guy. You've shown that you can be a good beta orbiter. The sooner you cut her cold into total NC the sooner you won't feel hurt by her behavior. There are reasons *why* she is doing this, but in the end they don't matter. NC, hard dark. You've been fired, she can live without you now.

 

block texts, emails, phone calls, anything - unless of course you like feeling like this over and over. Some guys like the punishment, feeds their ego somehow.

 

As far as common friends, cut the cord for now. If they really are friends they will come to you, if they don't you know where they stand.

 

Going forward, learn to up your game, lose the beta, you lost her because you put her on a pedestal, and you had no alpha any more with her, you were total blue pill beta guy. Ergo no chemicals flowed through her brain that kept her emotionally engaged to you, she has to have this, so she found it in new guy. You got put into beta orbiter zone, sucks but you can learn from it for next time

[MTechnik]

OMG MT your story sounds so much like mine. I came out of an almost 9 year relationship and we were engaged. The bottom line in my situation was she had interest in another guy and left me for him so very similar to what happened with you. I am a 2+ months post BU and here is my advice to you.

 

As for the text messages that she is sending you...don't read to much into it. The reasons for the text is she may want to have a hold on you just in case things don't pan out with the new guy or shes appeasing her guilt. Either way you need to just continue ignoring her as you have. Don't over analyze it and don't think to much about it. I know its hard but you have to maintain NC. My ex did the same damn thing to me and I was like you analyzing every bit of information she gave me which drove me nuts. At some point I decided to go NC/LC only responding to things I deem important (we lived together). Silence is golden and it will drive her nuts so continue what you are doing.

 

As for your mutual friends...cut them out. You definitely do not want to hear about her AT ALL. I made the choice to cut all our mutual friends out. I'm not saying this has to be permanent but for the time being you need to cut them out of your life. I would recommend that you only reconnect when you are over your ex. As your friends they will understand.

 

Keep busy. Focus on your career, yourself and anything that will keep your mind occupied. Take classes or better yet go out and meet people. Make new friends. Just stay busy.

 

Trust me...take these steps and you will get to the other side a lot quicker. I'm 2+ months post BU and for the most part im fine. The reason for this is that I made the choice to cut ties. The sooner you do this the faster you get to the other side. Right now you need to go dark! Better yet you need to ninja vanish. I did this and like I said i'm pretty much fine. Yeah the mornings still suck but it only last for a short period of time and then I'm fine. Good Luck stay strong and more importantly maintain NC and go dark.

 

Thanks IWGB. That's crazy and I am sorry to hear but thankful that I am not alone in this situation. I wanted to ask THE question to my ex before but she felt she wasn't ready for marriage yet. I have been over analyzing everything she sends me. I am getting better at not thinking into it. I feel like she may be still reaching out to me on things she already knows/random things because she is trying to not feel guilty and/or in case things don't pan out with that dude. Which they most likely wont because she is moving away soon (she said she doesn't want to be with someone when she moves) and this is most likely a rebound. I plan on sticking with NC/LC (bill related or attorney related).

 

I hope the silence will drive her nuts. She has made feel like sh*t over the last few weeks. I have just recently this week seen somewhat a new light on things and feel somewhat better. The only downside is when I see something about her or a text from her that it knocks me back a few steps that this is real. I don't follow her on Instagram and she unfriended me on Facebook but she still follows my Instagram and liked my photo I posted last night. Part of me wants to give the relationship another chance (which is dumb because if I were to give it another chance I need to get over "this" relationship first because it wont fix anything) if she wanted me back and the other part says "she f*cked up and should live with her decision."

 

As for friends. You're right I have realized that I can't spend time with them right now even though I feel alone most of the time. I have noticed spending time with my friend and having good laughs makes me feel better and gets my mind off of it for the time being. I enjoy having fun and good times and can't wait to go back to being the happy guy I was before. I have been trying to find things to keep me focused and stay positive. I have been focusing on my career and working out too. I do need to get out and meet some more people and more friends though.

 

As for the morning that's when it hits me too. I will have a good day and as it gets closer to night I find myself thinking of her and beginning to miss her. The worse lately is that I have had her in my dreams. Sometimes intimate dreams. I know things will be fine one day and if they work out, they work out. I just wish I could fast forward sometimes.

[MTechnik]

you've been friendzoned, she wants you as a beta orbiter for emotional support (read: emotional tampon) while she works her new guy. You've shown that you can be a good beta orbiter. The sooner you cut her cold into total NC the sooner you won't feel hurt by her behavior. There are reasons *why* she is doing this, but in the end they don't matter. NC, hard dark. You've been fired, she can live without you now.

 

block texts, emails, phone calls, anything - unless of course you like feeling like this over and over. Some guys like the punishment, feeds their ego somehow.

 

As far as common friends, cut the cord for now. If they really are friends they will come to you, if they don't you know where they stand.

 

Going forward, learn to up your game, lose the beta, you lost her because you put her on a pedestal, and you had no alpha any more with her, you were total blue pill beta guy. Ergo no chemicals flowed through her brain that kept her emotionally engaged to you, she has to have this, so she found it in new guy. You got put into beta orbiter zone, sucks but you can learn from it for next time

 

I know about emotional tampon, that is why I am not contacting her. I am not gonna play the role of a "beta orbiter." I do not like feeling like this. It sucks. The only contact I would give her now is about a bill we share which she already knows info about so I shouldn't receive text about that or our attorney about our accident. That's it. You're right about the friends. I was acting beta at the end of the relationship and stopped being alpha. I did put her on a pedestal and placed more value on her than myself. I am already realizing where I went wrong. I put her before myself and stopped leading acted jealous and was controlling. It's totally unattractive. There always is next time.

[Mike_d]

You're right about the friends. I was acting beta at the end of the relationship and stopped being alpha. I did put her on a pedestal and placed more value on her than myself. I am already realizing where I went wrong. I put her before myself and stopped leading acted jealous and was controlling. It's totally unattractive. There always is next time.

 

great job on recognizing what you need to do different, and what you need to pay attention to next time.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

The only downside is when I see something about her or a text from her that it knocks me back a few steps that this is real. I don't follow her on Instagram and she unfriended me on Facebook but she still follows my Instagram and liked my photo I posted last night. Part of me wants to give the relationship another chance (which is dumb because if I were to give it another chance I need to get over "this" relationship first because it wont fix anything) if she wanted me back and the other part says "she f*cked up and should live with her decision."

 

 

To get better you really need to go Dark. Block on facebook or unfriend her. I did the extreme to get over my ex. I unfriended her then a few days later I deactivated my facebook account to remove any chance of facebook stalking on my part.

 

I also felt that every time she text me about stupid things I thought she was reaching out. In the end I realized that it doesn't matter anymore. Whether she reaches out or not the end result is the same. Shes with another guy and I'm moving on and so should you.

 

As for the battle that you are going through with wanting to be with her and not wanting to be with her...thats normal. I went through the same thing. There are times that I said I would give her another chance even though she did me wrong and there were times when I said I was done. As time goes on you will be done. Trust me I went through the same things and feelings that you are going through now. I'm just ahead of you. Trust me when I say as time passes you will be done as I am. I know you may not want to be done right now but in time when the rose colored glasses are off you will get there. Take the necessary steps to take care of yourself. Remember you are on defense right now so whatever it takes to protect yourself well thats what needs to be done.

[Mike_d]

I am not gonna play the role of a "beta orbiter."

 

you got kinda slippery on me there for a sec, see that you have not blocked her totally out. ergo you are still in default orbit.

 

reasons why you won't block her all the way out and move on please?

[MTechnik]

To get better you really need to go Dark. Block on facebook or unfriend her. I did the extreme to get over my ex. I unfriended her then a few days later I deactivated my facebook account to remove any chance of facebook stalking on my part.

 

I also felt that every time she text me about stupid things I thought she was reaching out. In the end I realized that it doesn't matter anymore. Whether she reaches out or not the end result is the same. Shes with another guy and I'm moving on and so should you.

 

As for the battle that you are going through with wanting to be with her and not wanting to be with her...thats normal. I went through the same thing. There are times that I said I would give her another chance even though she did me wrong and there were times when I said I was done. As time goes on you will be done. Trust me I went through the same things and feelings that you are going through now. I'm just ahead of you. Trust me when I say as time passes you will be done as I am. I know you may not want to be done right now but in time when the rose colored glasses are off you will get there. Take the necessary steps to take care of yourself. Remember you are on defense right now so whatever it takes to protect yourself well thats what needs to be done.

 

We are already not friends on Facebook. I rarely ever get on Facebook as it is. I don't have any intentions of looking at her profile. I know I am moving on I am realizing that it is over and that I need to accept it. I need to actually move on which will take time. I'm working on just that taking care of myself. You're right I need to protect myself and enjoy my life. Hopefully meet some cool new people to keep my mind busy.

[MTechnik]

you got kinda slippery on me there for a sec, see that you have not blocked her totally out. ergo you are still in default orbit.

 

reasons why you won't block her all the way out and move on please?

 

How am I in default orbit if I am not contacting her at all? She is the one contacting me and I only responding to things that relate to business and that's it. I am moving on. It's not easy when you are with someone for that much of your life. I still care about the girl and I will always love her even though I am done showing it. On top of that I don't feel like I should cut every mode of her being able to her contacting me. If she really wants to reach out to me she will find a way.

[Mike_d]

Then enjoy the spin until you are actually ready to move forward.

 

But at least be honest that what you are doing is trying to hold on, trying to leave a door open for reconciliation, you want her back and you are actively *not* trying to move on.

 

Because your words are not at all congruent with your actions. People here read your words and are trying to help you, you sabotage them and waste their time by having a hidden agenda, mine included, while being disingenuous. It's not a problem to want what you want. It is a problem to lack honesty about your agenda. This is a common "Nice Guy" trait, I know, I used to do it. Find the "No More Mr Nice Guy" pdf and do some reading, you can help you help yourself... if you want to.

Edited December 17, 2012 by Mike_d

[MTechnik]

Then enjoy the spin until you are actually ready to move forward.

 

But at least be honest that what you are doing is trying to hold on, trying to leave a door open for reconciliation, you want her back and you are actively *not* trying to move on.

 

Because your words are not at all congruent with your actions. People here read your words and are trying to help you, you sabotage them and waste their time by having a hidden agenda, mine included, while being disingenuous. It's not a problem to want what you want. It is a problem to lack honesty about your agenda. This is a common "Nice Guy" trait, I know, I used to do it. Find the "No More Mr Nice Guy" pdf and do some reading, you can help you help yourself... if you want to.

 

I have said that part of me wants her back and the other part of me thinks "f*ck her and let her live with her decision." I am confused about all this. I want to move forward in my life. I want to be happy and move on. The more I think about it the more I realize I need to move past this relationship. I know that her and I will most likely be friends again someday. If not then so be it. I have accepted this. I do accept that it is over and that it was most likely for the best. Even though I wake up every morning and think of her. Even though I catch myself wondering. I am not trying to waste anybody's time because I wouldn't want them to do that to me.

 

What do you feel I was lacking in honesty about my agenda? I will read the "No More Mr. Nice Guy".pdf

[Mike_d]

Can't move forward and stay in place at the same time, doesn't work that way, ever. You can 'want' to move forward, but that only ends up being wishing, and Disneys First Law that's days 'wishing makes it so' never holds true. So one of the conditions must be false, so since you are not moving forward you must be staying in place. I'm the poster boy for conflicted, read my story. In the end it's the end, strap your balls on, go dark, begin to sit in place for awhile while you figure out your part, run your self improvement plan - gym, appearance, finances, etc. and you'll begin to move forward. But it's more painful than cutting your arm off. Tough. Man up, you're trying to rationalize and find a happy place. Sorry, that place doesn't exist. There is no 'happy and move forward', there is only 'move forward'. She's not coming back, especially to you, especially right now. Accept. Don't like it? Too bad, the choice isn't for you. The only way out of the rabbit hole is down. The longer you dally the worse it hurts you, the less life you have to live, the more chances you miss that pass you by.

Edited December 17, 2012 by Mike_d

[MTechnik]

Can't move forward and stay in place at the same time, doesn't work that way, ever. You can 'want' to move forward, but that only ends up being wishing, and Disneys First Law that's days 'wishing makes it so' never holds true. So one of the conditions must be false, so since you are not moving forward you must be staying in place. I'm the poster boy for conflicted, read my story. In the end it's the end, strap your balls on, go dark, begin to sit in place for awhile while you figure out your part, run your self improvement plan - gym, appearance, finances, etc. and you'll begin to move forward. But it's more painful than cutting your arm off. Tough. Man up

 

Thanks Mike, you're right. I need to man up and actually move on instead of wanting to move on. I will continue to work on my self improvement plan as well.