so lost without the one I felt was my soul mate... ?

[Downtown]

The thing that bothered me so much is that why would she break up with me? Does this disorder cause people to do something like that?

The irony is that, although BPDers usually have a great fear of abandonment, it is common for BPDers to break up a relationship multiple times before finally ending it. A recent poll of partners at BPDfamily.com, for example, found that about 2/3 of BPDer relationships goes through 3 or more breakup cycles, a third go through 6 or more breakups, and a fourth go through 10 or more breakups before ending. See PERSPECTIVES: Relationship recycling [romantic partners].

 

One reason for the multiple breakups is that a BPDer typically is so fearful of abandonment that, at the slightest hint of trouble, she may preemptively abandon her partner to prevent him from doing it to her. When a person is in great pain from living with such a terrible fear, she may decide to end the relationship so as to put an end to the growing fear.

 

Another reason for the frequent breakups is that BPDers typically have a second great fear: that of engulfment. As you draw close to a BPDer to assure her of your love, the intimacy will make her feel like she is losing herself in your strong personality -- a feeling that she is being dominated and controlled, or that she is disappearing as a separate individual.

 

Remember, BPDers have very weak, fragile egos and thus have little sense of who they are. This is why BPDers often will create fights over absolutely nothing -- over issues so trivial that they cannot recall the purpose of the fight the next day. The real purpose -- which the BPDer typically is not consciously aware of -- is to push you away to stop the suffocating feeling. This is why, with BPDers, the very WORST arguments usually follow immediately on the heels of the very BEST times, e.g., right after an intimate evening or a great weekend spent together.

I wouldn't say she had abandonment issues and I thought that was one of the main traits?

As I just discussed, it can be difficult to spot the fear of abandonment in a BPDer who is so fearful that she will be quick to abandon you first. Further, I would be surprised, with a woman who had been abandoned for years in childhood by her own mother, to hear that she doesn't have a strong abandonment fear.

 

Moreover, even if she doesn't have such a fear, that would not rule out BPD in the current diagnostic manual. That fear is only one of 9 BPD traits and a person can satisfy the diagnostic criteria by having only 5 of the 9 traits. But, of course, you will never know whether she "has BPD" because only professionals can do a diagnosis to determine if she has full blown BPD.

I feel like I am going crazy! I'm experiencing a lot of guilt among other things but I don't even know why I feel the way I do.

If you have codependent aspects to your personality, you are an excessive caregiver like I am. If so, your desire to be needed (for what you can do or fix) far exceeds your desire to be loved (for the man you already are). This is why caregivers like me will walk right past all the stable, emotionally available women (BORING) until we find a woman who desperately needs us.

 

Of course, we might be fine if we found a woman who fears only engulfment. In that event, we could simply back off a bit and give her breathing space. Likewise, we might be fine if we paired up with a woman who fears only abandonment. In that case, we could reassure her by smothering her with love and affection.

 

Yet, when we fall in love with a BPDer woman having BOTH of those fears, the relationship is certain to be a disaster. The problem is that the two fears lie at opposite ends of the VERY SAME spectrum. This means that, as we back away from one fear to avoid triggering it, we necessarily are moving closer to triggering the other fear. Importantly, there is no midpoint solution where we are "not too far away" and "not too close." That Goldilocks position simply does not exist. I say this after spending 15 years searching for it, to no avail.

 

If you are still feeling miserable, Ride, I suggest you see a psychologist for a visit or two to receive professional guidance. If you would like to read more about how we caregivers get to be this way in our childhoods, I suggest you read therapist Shari Schreiber's article at DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?. Another excellent article is T9 Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder - Columbia University, New York. And, if you have not already done so, you may want to read my overview of these issues in my four posts at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/275289-crazy-i-think-but-i-love-her-anyway#post3398735.

[todreaminblue]

this si the most stuffed up thing when people exhibit signs or act signs of mental illness to get away from accepting responsibility for their own actions or give them a reason to leave with a compounded illness to set them free......th echance coudl eb she is a flake....just a flake who exhibted signs fo a behaviour to get what she wanted ie to just pack up adn leave.....she may be perfectly fine.....

 

 

there were these peopel in the psyche hospital lets call them predators....they woudl say they were going to commit suicide so they could wait out till their next paycheck and get fed....there were others who came in for the sex.......not sick at all but because it was a co ed facility they realized women with mental illness cool raunchy times........and they would play sick even down to taking meds.......and mean while here we are sitting in a circle divulging heart wrenching stuff while they are trying to look down our tops to see who had bigger breasts or the ones that come in to scam money out of mentally ill patients and claim depression...freaking drug dealers coming in sellers trawling for stuffed mentally ill people offering heroin..did they appear sick....the shrinks thought so....

 

 

 

yep met them all..disorder crap....its why I dotn believe the shrinks know what is wrong with me at all ...maybe im normal and i just have been led to believe i am freaking nuts......your ex could be any number of things disorders conditions or have personality flaws(we all have them by the way) unless she was to get a proper assessment no one will know....and even shrinks can be fooled obviously......just because i want a guy who would stand up fro me so i didnt get my head kicked in doesnt make me needy i would be there to make sure he didnt get touched either i would go down fighting is it wrong that i wan tto feel safe and i feel i need a man sometimes to feel safe does that make me bipolar i freaking think ....NOT.....

 

 

i have protected myself and others all my life copped beatings.if i were to see my man in a fight believe me i would loathe i t...i would be in there getting thrown around but cant knock me out...oops there goes delusions of grandeur...its a fact havent been knocked out come close......it would be nice to stand shoulder to shoulder and trust ...is that another flaw feeling i need human touch and compassion......when do i get some support is that unnatural to think i deserve to feel supported..that someoen might offer support because ill never ask and be turned down...yes i fear being rejected..there's another flaw....crap i better stay aloen for the rest of my life......its bettter if they walk away so i dotn feel humilated and shamed its better if i ring on the phone and get rejected than face to face....is that another flaw or is that freaking normal...my shrinks think its not bpd they think its schizo affective with clinical depression......i think ptsd.............thats a personality flaw....ok....im flawed

 

 

the truth is it doesnt matter if she was bpd or not she could have been a flake of a woman or a complete scammer after a challenge ....a predator...who pray on finding men to fall in love with them so they can justify how hot they are....cold callous human beings.......its not a case of all men are players...women play too......one of those scamming money i talked about in the psyche ward was a woman.......

 

 

its a case of this woman did you wrong no matter what she suffers from......no matter where she is going or where she has been or what her childhood is...its so simple....she wasnt for you .......she isnt for you....she never will be fro you...she probably will never be there completely for anyone....maybe she does need therapy maybe she completely doesnt need therapy.......the fact is....you can move on...you are a good person with somEthing great to offer the RIGHT woman....she was wrong for you ...he rillness doesnt even need to come into it.....you need to take time to get to know someone before you date them let them settle in let them feel comfpotable...and let your guard down......they let theirs ....see fi you are right for each other.....dont be put off because that ex made the wrong moves on you ...be assured of what you have to offer....

 

 

 

dont concentrate on why do i attract the wrong types....what is wrogn with me....concentrate on attracting the right types...and what si right with me....and work on you.....HEEEEEEEEEALLLLLLL..... be strong confident and know what you have to give.....you need to get it back....that comes with getting to know someone deeply.....that takes effort ....it wont walk to you.....and you need to be open and honest as you have been ....the one who respects that and is open and honest with you....always....is the right one for you.....good luck.....i am super pissed off passionate.medics might be called be cause i feel schizzy......time to go.....deb

Edited December 18, 2012 by todreaminblue

[CptSaveAho]

this si the most stuffed up thing when people exhibit signs or act signs of mental illness to get away from accepting responsibility for their own actions or give them a reason to leave with a compounded illness to set them free......th echance coudl eb she is a flake....just a flake who exhibted signs fo a behaviour to get what she wanted ie to just pack up adn leave.....she may be perfectly fine.....

 

 

 

I agree with this 100%

 

Downtown really needs to get off the bpd train on the breakup forums... with terms like first loves and "soul-mates"

 

From OPs post, she sounded "normal" didnt like where the relationship was going, didnt know what to do, etc

Edited December 18, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[todreaminblue]

I agree with this 100%

 

Downtown really needs to get off the bpd train on the breakup forums... with terms like first loves and "soul-mates"

 

From OPs post, she sounded "normal" didnt like where the relationship was going, didnt know what to do, etc

 

 

we agree captain save a ho.... hang on a sec.... need to pick my jaw up off the carpet wait while i reattach....there...better

 

she could very well be normal or she might not..who is to know and does it matter now she has goen elsewhere...what matters si the poster...adn what he is feeling and th efact he can move on because he is just a nice sweet guy.....seemingly...i dont know him either....

 

 

.sometimes i like to think just for a moment i am actually normal and the shrinks have made a mistake that i wont be mentally ill for the rest of my life....i dont think its right to diagnose unless you 100 per cent know before deciding that includes offerinng advice to people who may or may not be dealing with someeone with mental illness......its easy enough to know what is right and what is wrong if you feel wronged in a relationship you probably are......it upsets me when people say because of my mental illness it would explain away people hurting someone....it doesnt....nor does it mean i cant be a real trooper in a relationship like other mentally ill people can you have no idea how hard some of us try.....

 

 

the girl in the psych who thought she was turnign into a frog....she might have a little more trouble than me...never asked her if sh ewanted to with another frog.....she as legit......she would make little croaking true ribbet noises when she was upset...i hugged her a lot ...i have an affinity for frogs....she gave me a frog ornament when she left...anyway sorry tangent

 

everyone brings flaws to relationship, baggage,insecurities and if you stick it out you can turn them into excellent tools.....even people who have issues can succeed in loving someone and i mean completely loving someone...i believe i woudl be an excelletn gf ....and one day even someones wife....if people dotn concentrate on shrinking me and seeing just em the woman.......adn for the poster ...he deserves soemone who will treat him the same way...with love affection and respect.....i shouldnt have attached my jaw back i am waffling......all i wanted to say basically peopel who are mentally ill get taken for a ride far more often, far more of a target....its starts with the shrinks who misdiagnose and guinea pig us on psychotropic drugs...and that takes away intelligence to deal with predators an dscammers...and we have to deal with judgement and misconceptions abotu havign a mental illness.......its a vicious circle...diagnosis is risky and often....pointless for not only the patient but their friends family ....and their partners.................deb

Edited December 18, 2012 by todreaminblue

[rideordie]

you know whats funny? your both equally right in your own way. Yeah, she might have an illness, or she might not. I dont know. All I know is that I got f-ked over and no matter how much I want to act like I dont care, I really do. Signs point to what downtown is saying and signs point elsewhere as well. Who really knows? Im assuming that since it was my situation I was faced with and the fact that I dont even know explains what is going on here. I have to say that her behavior did seem abnormal so downtown is making a lot of sense here. Regardless, all I know is that I loved this woman and it hurts to be treated this way. Even somebody who is 'alpha' or whatever would still be pissed and hurt if they were in my shoes right now too. You know what else, I have hooked up with multiple girls since the break up and the fact that I'm still hurt by this only proves my point. This is something completely different from what I have experienced in my life thus far. From what I've read, downtown is really speaking to me because his references are very relate-able and I can put them into perspective. Again, nobody really knows, not even me. All I really know is this sucks and I want to know how to deal with it....

[rideordie]

I also would like to thank you all for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it.

[todreaminblue]

you know whats funny? your both equally right in your own way. Yeah, she might have an illness, or she might not. I dont know. All I know is that I got f-ked over and no matter how much I want to act like I dont care, I really do. Signs point to what downtown is saying and signs point elsewhere as well. Who really knows? Im assuming that since it was my situation I was faced with and the fact that I dont even know explains what is going on here. I have to say that her behavior did seem abnormal so downtown is making a lot of sense here. Regardless, all I know is that I loved this woman and it hurts to be treated this way. Even somebody who is 'alpha' or whatever would still be pissed and hurt if they were in my shoes right now too. You know what else, I have hooked up with multiple girls since the break up and the fact that I'm still hurt by this only proves my point. This is something completely different from what I have experienced in my life thus far. From what I've read, downtown is really speaking to me because his references are very relate-able and I can put them into perspective. Again, nobody really knows, not even me. All I really know is this sucks and I want to know how to deal with it....

 

Dating others can help if you are honest you are still dealing with feelings for someone else...honesty is the key.....if they are willing to understand then you go from there.you dont put up with things you can thandle and th people you date likewise.......i wish you the best......

[rideordie]

@downtown I am thinking that she has BPD tho, there is a lot of evidence pointing to it. I hate to diagnose her but it seems highly likely.

[Mike_d]

not sure I see it here. Reread the initial description - I don't see raging, hoovering, gaslighting, black/white etc. I see a girl who was maybe BSC (bat ***** crazy) and the OP who has what to him is an epic pair bonding reaction to their initial meeting. Clearly his brain is effing toasted after this. Then, after the honeymoon period, OP goes ultra Beta and starts in putting her on pedestal and fixing all her problems, and not leading well.

 

She would sometimes start arguments just for the sake of starting and argument. I hated it so much and when i would ask her what we were even fighting about most the time she would say 'i dont know.'

this is about as close as I can get, not insignificant at all, but there isn't much else in there. OP is a fixer, and the girl seemed to fitness/**** test quite a bit:

 

As time went on things started to get worse our 'perfect' relationship was being tested with these stupid, pointless, one-sided, dramatic arguments about nothing in particular.

to which OP didn't pass well, so the **** tests became more strenuous. At this point things are out of control, the line between things looking like BSC and BPD gets thin and wispy here.

 

I encouraged her that if she wanted a new car that now would be a great time to do it because she was still living at home.

young girl too, still living at home, unskilled and prob a bit spoiled. This adds into the BSC-looking pot. OP is still fixing fixing fixing and enmeshed as her equal (*huge* problem point). He encourages her to buy car and take job. She does, things go downhill in a non linear fashion. She resents him, all these responsibilities now (she's been pampered living at home, now she has to be a big girl) and when things are no fun - she projects the cause of the problem onto the OP, this is all his fault, if he hadn't MADE me buy that car (illogical I know) and take this job then I'd still be having FUN.

 

OP begins to wake up here finally, and starts to distance, but the damage is already done. She wants her well trained beta boy back here right now, quick, and in a hurry. He blows her off, she is abandoned. F*ck him she thinks, I have others orbiting that I can get what I need from, and she cuts him off (does him a favor)

 

I was devastated, I thought I was doing everything right?

ha, welcome to opposite day. everything you did produced the opposite outcome of what you wanted.

 

So, what have you learned about your part in this? What will you do diff next time? I get that this was meaningful to you, I'm not discounting that in any way. But you made some huge mistakes here with a really young girl (maybe by both age AND emotional maturity) who needed something different from you that you just couldn't see. Maybe look at why you felt so compelled to stay/fix/fix/stay/fix before you finally stepped back for a harder look.

Edited December 18, 2012 by Mike_d

[rideordie]

@mike First I didnt make her do anything, she was very indecisive and we talked about the job and the car and since she wanted to do it I encouraged her and supported the idea. As far as the leadership role goes, I realize it may not seem like I was because of the way I have been talking about the breakup (which I did have no control over) but I would say that I was the leader in the relationship. I would say I had the upper hand, or did at least. In my eyes a leader is somebody who looks out for the ones he cares about as well and thats what I was doing. I'm not some wussy dude, yeah I got caught up in things because things seemed very different from any other relationship I had in the past but I wouldnt say im 'ultra beta'. And at times she would be raging, she would throw fits, she would get super emotional out of nowhere and explode over nothing. A lot of what downtown is saying makes sense and I'm not just trying to find the easy way out. I get what your saying mike and I have thought of this angle myself. Regardless your right as well, encouraging her did have the opposite outcome which is so f-king stupid. Again, in my eyes a real leader tries to fill his followers with support and motivation. Think of a manager of a company, they are the leader but to make the business successful the manager has to be the 'role-model' for the employees as well and help them succeed. Again, if I were in her position I would be thankful not shallow and resentful for helping her achieve. A relationship involves teamwork, that was what I was providing. I have learned from this and I think it is illogical and selfish but then again that pretty much describes 90% of women...I just thought this one was different.

[Mike_d]

you are picking at semantics - sure you didn't "make" her, but you encouraged her. you should have left her decisions to her

 

In my eyes a leader is somebody who looks out for the ones he cares about as well and thats what I was doing

 

no, that's caretaking, and that is your downfall. I'd argue that you are very Nice Guy

 

on conf call, will mull this.

[rideordie]

okay?...so given what little information I have given you, how would you personally have addressed the situation?

[Mike_d]

depends - are you open to hearing and considering? doesn't seem like it so far.

 

I have no axe to grind here, you came here asking for help, I'm pointing out what I see based on very very similar situations that we both shared. If you are not interested then I'll use my time elsewhere

[rideordie]

Yeah man, I wouldn't be asking if I wasnt. Im hearing you loud and clear its just that there are so many possible reasons behind everything that it is making it confusing. Although ultimately the initial outcome is not going to change, I would like to figure this crazy situation out for future reference and to better myself.

[Mike_d]

how old are you, how old was she?

[rideordie]

I'm 25 and she is 20

[Downtown]

@downtown I am thinking that she has BPD tho, there is a lot of evidence pointing to it. I hate to diagnose her but it seems highly likely.

Ride, nobody on this forum is encouraging you "to diagnose her." Only a professional can do that. Rather, what I've been encouraging you to do is to look for a strong pattern of the red flags. There is a world of difference between spotting red flags (i.e., strong occurrences of the nine traits) and determining whether those traits are so severe as to meet 100% of the diagnostic guidelines.

 

Spotting occurrences of the BPD traits is not difficult because we all exhibit these traits throughout our childhood, we generally exhibit them big time during adolescence, and we continue to do it occasionally throughout our adult lives. This is why every adult is easily able to spot strong occurrences of traits such as selfishness, verbal abuse, temper tantrums, and blame-shifting. As I said earlier, by the time you were in high school you already could identify the selfish and very grandiose classmates -- without knowing how to diagnose Narcissistic PD. And you already could identify the class drama queens -- without being able to diagnose Histrionic PD. Likewise, you are fully capable of spotting a strong pattern of BPD traits (i.e., the red flags) without attempting to diagnose anything.

 

To my knowledge, no member of this forum has more experience with BPD traits than Mike, who had to deal with a BPDer ex like I did. You therefore are very fortunate to have attracted Mike's attention. If you would like to take advantage of his experience, I suggest you address his concern that you've observed a few BPD traits (e.g., temper tantrums and argumentative nature) but have said nothing about other important traits. I believe Mike was hoping -- as was I -- that you would respond "yea" or "nay" to the list of behaviors I provided in my initial post above. So far, you've mentioned only 2 or 3 of them:

 

• Black-white thinking, wherein she categorizes everyone as "all good" or "all bad" and will recategorize someone -- in just a few seconds -- from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction;
  
• Frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like "you always" and "you never;"
  
• Controlling behavior that tries to isolate you away from close friends or family members;
  
• Irrational jealousy and lack of trust;
  
• Flipping, on a dime, between adoring you and devaluing you;
  
• Frequently creating drama over issues so minor that neither of you can recall what the fight was about the next day;
  
• Low self esteem;
  
• Verbal abuse and anger that is easily triggered, in seconds, by a minor thing you say or do (real or imagined);
  
• Fear of abandonment or being alone;
  
• Always being "The Victim," a false self image she validates by blaming you for every misfortune;
  
• Lack of impulse control, wherein she does reckless things without considering the consequences (e.g., binge eating or spending);
  
• Complaining that all her previous BFs were abusive and that you are the only one that has treated her well;
  
• Mirroring your personality and preferences so perfectly (e.g., enjoying everything and everyone you like) -- for the first six months -- that you were convinced you had met your "soul mate;"
  
• Relying on you to center and ground her, giving her a sense of direction because her goals otherwise keep changing every few months;
  
• Relying on you to sooth her and calm her down, when she is stressed, because she has so little ability to do self soothing;
  
• Having many casual friends but not any close long-term friends (unless they live a long distance away);
  
• Taking on the personality of whatever person she is talking to, thereby acting quite differently around different types of people; and
  
• Always convinced that her intense feelings accurately reflect reality -- to the point that she regards her feelings as self-evident facts, despite her inability to support them with any hard evidence (e.g., her conviction that you had been stalking her).
  

[CptSaveAho]

She's 20 years old...

 

There's no BPD, she's a kid

 

No one at 20 years old knows what love etc is... she was being fun

 

I pick fights with people I'm interested and dating, it shows they have a backbone if they stand up to me... Its fun and the other person usually appreciates me more... Its like 2 kids fighting and pushing each other in the sandbox as a kid. Have some fun and realize relationships end and to stop over analyzing

 

Stop projecting BPD all over the forums... its not there on this one

Edited December 18, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[Mike_d]

my ex showed many signs at 20, but more at 25. but as noted above, I don't see much in what OP originally posted, but will hold off with my .02 till he answers the above

 

20yr old girls are 100% drama 100% of the time, it's how they are wired

[Mike_d]

most of the stuff I have for you is rehashes of stuff I've already written here. My post-mortems of what you'd written are not malicious in anyway, I'm trying to give you some different perspective, maybe have another go at them? But the elevator pitch goes like this:

 

In the midst of things going on after you short term pair bonded with her you got lost, you did too much for her, and not enough for yourself. That caused the 20yr old girl whose mind is desperate for the chemical response caused by the high emotional needs normal to a 20yr old girl to not be able to get that from you. She didn't have to chase, she knew you were around, that you'd "fix" - you were a Nice Guy right? - so then she doesn't get the chance to stand on her own two feet and make mistakes. She needs a different kind of emotional stimulation than you provided. You didn't do anything "wrong", you just didn't stimulate her right. Think back to you rejecting her in the restaurant, and then on FB. What was her immediate response? She chased you hard and fast. Drama, emotion, excitement. Now think back to when you were doing your most intense caretaking over a continuous period of time. She was prob grateful, happy, but things just didn't feel like they were trending in a good fashion as time went by after that. You did good to pull away when you did, you had one foot over the rabbit hole. Give yourself some time, at 25 you have many loves in front of you still no matter how much you want what you currently can't have. It'll pass, work on what you could do better, toss what didnt work, fix your game, get in front of the ladies. maybe try a 25yr old next time out to compare the differences.

 

here is where you want to realign to (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/61606-alphamales-guide-keeping-women-around)

 

-be funny, generous, arrogant, sensitive, happy, assertive and a jerk all rolled up in one

 

-be nice and respectful when she treats you well

 

-be mean and nasty when she does not treat you well

 

-don't be there all the time for her and don't do everything she wants

 

-make her the center of your life when you are with her and be independent and have your -own interests when you are not with her

 

-make sure she knows you can exist fine without her in your life

 

-be the leader at all times and dominate when you have to

 

-make yourself number one but always keep her needs, wants and desires a close number two

 

-minimize jealousy and possessiveness. strong display of both good and bad emotions should be avoided

 

-only be friends with her in the context of a romantic relationship (this is very impt)

[CptSaveAho]

my ex showed many signs at 20, but more at 25.

 

Most mature people call this "GIGS" part of growing up, those that don't let them go when the signs show up, get destroyed

 

You dont trap a wild animal in a cage "relationship" even if they beg for it

Edited December 18, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[Mike_d]

Most mature people call this "GIGS" part of growing up, those that don't let them go when the signs show up, get destroyed

 

You dont trap a wild animal in a cage "relationship" even if they beg for it

 

not clear on your point - ? how is my exwifes mental deterioration into full blown BPD as she got older and had our first child somehow associated with GIGS?

[CptSaveAho]

Was she diagnosed BPD? by a Clinical Psychologist?

 

I think you married your first love, both of you didnt know how to break it up, she rebelled and rebelled and rebelled until you just walked away...

 

People dont know how to deal with their own emotions in a healthy way at 20 if they dont have space to process their emotions by being single at some point, it can cause major traumatic mental problems

Edited December 18, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[Mike_d]

Was she diagnosed BPD? by a Clinical Psychologist?

 

yes and yes

 

I think you married your first love, both of you didnt know how to break it up, she rebelled and rebelled and rebelled until you just walked away...

 

lol, you can "think" what you want but lets not play too loose ok? no, I knocked her up, figured I'd give it a go and married her, cute figure, big tits, decent family (wrong). No mentoring figure in my life at the time, so nobody to pull me aside to tell me I didn't need to do that in order to be a good dad. Divorced her 3 years later after 2 kids, but hoovered back in for 2 more kids afterwards.

 

People dont know how to deal with their own emotions in a healthy way at 20 if they dont have space to process their emotions by being single at some point, it can cause major traumatic mental problems

 

yep

[CptSaveAho]

So I wasnt wrong.... marriage + kids

 

You wouldn't have listened to your mentoring figure either, you had to learn the hard way like most people...

 

She never recovered from her past + marriage + 4 kids.... lead to traumatic mental disorders

 

Its why people need to learn to walk away

 

Over analyzing and blaming BPD doesnt help with the situation. Fact is emotionally healthy people dont get into relationships with emotionally unhealthy ones... want proof of this concept... look at the dating forum

 

Shes 20 years old and hes 25... he learned a lesson and hopefully doesnt fall into that trap again... thats what we all learn from dating and relationships

 

There's no need to project our past onto everyone elses situation. When I read this, I see a 20 year old girl's normal behavior, you even said it yourself drama + drama