xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 After realising today that I seem to be another couple of friends short from my usual list, I'm wondering what the less obvious reasons for deleting a Facebook friend would be? Just asking because I have noticed quite a few people have erased me over the last few months and I cannot understand why? I am pretty annoyed because it does feel like a personal snub. Since I joined the site about 5 years ago, I must have added/accepted a total of around 500 friends, I'd say approximately 50, maybe more, have deleted me over time. I have only had major bust ups with say, one or two people in real life but I deleted and blocked them. I am not one of those people who post annoying trivial stuff every five minutes about what I had for dinner, also I tend not to talk politics on there to avoid offending anyone, nor do I disclose personal drama for attention despite my life being really turbulent a lot of the time! Also, if I had had a major falling out with a person I could understand the removal from their list, but that's not the reason for any of these either! Any ideas? Also, do any of you guys notice the same thing on your Facebook network? And if so, when you realise WHO deleted you, does it bother you?
Nanuk Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 (edited) I find, and from what some of my friends have said, that ignoring a person in public is reason for deleting. I have had people add me, but ignore me when they see me in public. In those cases, I figure that these people added me just to add to their friend count, not because they actually are interested in being my friend. That's when I hit the "unfriend" button. I've also done it when someone has posted something rude on my status. I am not going to put up with such comments from close friends, so I'm not going to put up with it from an acquaintance either, even if it is only on FB. I know you have mentioned that you don't overshare, etc., which is good so this doesn't apply to you, but I've seen people unfriended for that. I don't like the doom and gloom posters either, where every status is a whiny post blaming others for everything that goes wrong in their lives. Those posts get tiresome. It usually does not bother me when someone deletes me from their FB list, but if it was a friend - that is, someone who was more than just an acquaintance who I had actually hung out with, etc. - it might sting a little. Edited December 16, 2012 by Nanuk 2
whichwayisup Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Do you know which friends deleted you? If not, don't worry about it. Tons of people clean up their fb by deleting people who they never speak to on and offline.. 3
BehindBlueEyes Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Any ideas? Delete FB and never look back. 1
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Do you know which friends deleted you? If not, don't worry about it. Tons of people clean up their fb by deleting people who they never speak to on and offline.. Hey WWIU Sometimes I realise straight away who has deleted me, other times I am left wondering, then when I eventually figure it out it shocks me! I am just left thinking - WHY?! Makes no sense. It is offensive when you realise you've been de-friended yet that person has still kept all your mutual friends on their list, also when they still have, like, 2000 other friends still on their list. So then you realise it is probably personal and not just them innocently de-cluttering their lives!
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Delete FB and never look back. Facebook is a double edged sword though - it can be a gossip mill and also potentially cause upset because sometimes one sees posts on their newsfeed that can ruin their day, like an unexpected picture or passive aggressive cyber bullying. But the site is a good way, sometimes only way, to stay in touch with people you wouldn't normally be able to.
freestyle Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Do you know which friends deleted you? If not, don't worry about it. Tons of people clean up their fb by deleting people who they never speak to on and offline.. This is what popped into my head as well....it makes sense. You mentioned having 500 on your list....it's possible that a few may have felt like there wasn't a close connection. 1
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 I find, and from what some of my friends have said, that ignoring a person in public is reason for deleting. I have had people add me, but ignore me when they see me in public. In those cases, I figure that these people added me just to add to their friend count, not because they actually are interested in being my friend. That's when I hit the "unfriend" button. I've also done it when someone has posted something rude on my status. I am not going to put up with such comments from close friends, so I'm not going to put up with it from an acquaintance either, even if it is only on FB. I know you have mentioned that you don't overshare, etc., which is good so this doesn't apply to you, but I've seen people unfriended for that. I don't like the doom and gloom posters either, where every status is a whiny post blaming others for everything that goes wrong in their lives. Those posts get tiresome. It usually does not bother me when someone deletes me from their FB list, but if it was a friend - that is, someone who was more than just an acquaintance who I had actually hung out with, etc. - it might sting a little. Yes I can understand deleting someone due to them ignoring you in real life, it is really rude and makes you wonder why they wanted to add you anyway! Also, I second that about the offensive comments, seriously some people on there come across as so unintelligent and obnoxious especially on those group debates. I cringe sometimes at their lack of shame when I read some debate threads on there! The negative people on there who complain in most of their posts about something really cryptic seem to want a pity party, not sure who's worse - them or people who air all their dirty laundry on Facebook for everyone else to see! Why would anyone even do that? It wouldn't make me delete the person, I might limit the posts from them that appear on my newsfeed though. Well personally I try not to over share on Facebook because sometimes you just think to yourself 'who wants to know?!' Sometimes I probably don't contribute much to the network especially when my depression goes downhill, when this happens it makes me want to keep well away from the site. But I try to make sure I give my friends plenty of likes and nice comments plus message them occasionally to see how they're doing, so can't think where I am going wrong. I just hate it because removing a friend on there is so final, it means the person is no longer interested in being your friend or seeing what is going on in your life. The way I look at it, if someone hasn't seen or spoken to you for a few years, why erase them? Because someday you might be back in touch. By deleting they are telling you they have no intention of that. Also, the awkwardness when you pass that person in the street or see them at the same party as you...
speedstreak Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Some people just like clearing up, perhaps you haven't seen them for a while. 3
BehindBlueEyes Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Facebook is a double edged sword though - it can be a gossip mill and also potentially cause upset because sometimes one sees posts on their newsfeed that can ruin their day, like an unexpected picture or passive aggressive cyber bullying. But the site is a good way, sometimes only way, to stay in touch with people you wouldn't normally be able to. If you cannot handel the earlier part of the quote, then it's not for you...delete it and start feeling better. 1
Nanuk Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 (edited) ^^^I see your point, Heartbroken. I have a couple of friends, however, on FB who I didn't want to get rid of. They are always nice to me, do not ignore me in public or anything, but I got so tired of seeing their posts complaining about their jobs, the fact that they were single, etc, etc, and etc. So I just 'unsubscribed' from them, so that I don't need to see their posts all the time but they're still my friends there. As far as I know, they are not made aware that I have unsubscribed from them. I don't want to hurt them, because they are nice, but I get so sick of some of those meme things that say stuff like "share if you love your mother...keep scrolling if you hate her". I hate those things! Some of these friends are nice people, but I get sick of my newsfeed cluttered with stuff like this. And that's why I keep, but unsubscribe from, some friends on FB. As for running into deleted friends in public, just the other day I ran into one of those friends who deleted me about a year ago. We were friends, we spoke, hung out, and she just deleted me. We had a little informal chat when we saw each other, I am not going to let her deleting me bother me for long. If she doesn't want to be FB friends, so be it, it might sting a short while but I got over it. As for deleting those I haven't seen in a while...I have a lot of FB friends I haven't seen in years but still keep them, because they are my friends who just happen to be living far away, but if we saw each other we would talk in public, or at least say "hello". The ones I do delete are ones on my list who don't even say "hello", who can't even be bothered to acknowledge that I exist when I run into them somewhere. I do not feel that they are former friends that I have lost touch with, but I feel that they are acquaintances who added me just to increase their friend counts and that's it. If we become close further down the road then we can just re-add each other later. Edited December 17, 2012 by Nanuk 1
bentnotbroken Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 During the presidential elections I deleted everyone who used racist terms(including one person I have known over 40 years). Some one questioned my faith after I posted something on my wall about feeling sad...deleted. And several deleted me for various reasons....I didn't noticed for awhile. Life goes on. 1
JoeyPalmer Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I've been using facebook for many years now, but I do not have hundreds of friends there, so didn't really face this issue much. And for sure unfriending doesn't have to do with less number or more number of friends. There could be many reasons why people unfriend you. First of all, if you mostly have internet friends (not real life, like some unknown person added you on facebook, you accepted it), they might unfriend you after some time. Because you're not really his/her friend, may be he/she added you by mistake or could be some other reason. I do not worry much about these e-friends (electronic friends ) Problem comes when a real life friend, unfriends you on facebook. And if you're sensitive person, it does disturb you, why did he/she unfriend me. It could be that friend was angry with you on something you don't know. May be he was jealous of you and removing this jealousy by unfriending you etc etc. 1
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 ^^^I see your point, Heartbroken. I have a couple of friends, however, on FB who I didn't want to get rid of. They are always nice to me, do not ignore me in public or anything, but I got so tired of seeing their posts complaining about their jobs, the fact that they were single, etc, etc, and etc. So I just 'unsubscribed' from them, so that I don't need to see their posts all the time but they're still my friends there. As far as I know, they are not made aware that I have unsubscribed from them. I don't want to hurt them, because they are nice, but I get so sick of some of those meme things that say stuff like "share if you love your mother...keep scrolling if you hate her". I hate those things! Some of these friends are nice people, but I get sick of my newsfeed cluttered with stuff like this. And that's why I keep, but unsubscribe from, some friends on FB. As for running into deleted friends in public, just the other day I ran into one of those friends who deleted me about a year ago. We were friends, we spoke, hung out, and she just deleted me. We had a little informal chat when we saw each other, I am not going to let her deleting me bother me for long. If she doesn't want to be FB friends, so be it, it might sting a short while but I got over it. As for deleting those I haven't seen in a while...I have a lot of FB friends I haven't seen in years but still keep them, because they are my friends who just happen to be living far away, but if we saw each other we would talk in public, or at least say "hello". The ones I do delete are ones on my list who don't even say "hello", who can't even be bothered to acknowledge that I exist when I run into them somewhere. I do not feel that they are former friends that I have lost touch with, but I feel that they are acquaintances who added me just to increase their friend counts and that's it. If we become close further down the road then we can just re-add each other later. Oh yes a lot of those stupid memes (the one you mentioned is a particularly appalling one!) are so annoying and really childish! Why would people even want their Facebook friends to associate them with such garbage?! I do enjoy seeing the positive quote ones though. But as you've said, if it gets excessive you can unsubscribe to someone rather than delete them. Or even put them on 'limited profile' rather than de-friend them completely. Sounds like you handled the situation of running into an old FB friend with dignity, I would have probably felt much more annoyed, especially if it was someone I had previously hung out with! 1
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 During the presidential elections I deleted everyone who used racist terms(including one person I have known over 40 years). Some one questioned my faith after I posted something on my wall about feeling sad...deleted. And several deleted me for various reasons....I didn't noticed for awhile. Life goes on. I can understand this as well, there is never an excuse for being racist, if you are not in favour of someone why does the subject of SKIN COLOUR even need to come up? Makes me so angry, I think people make themselves look like vile ignorant pigs when they write such things for the world to see. Besides, I keep all my political views to myself on there so as not to appear obnoxious. For example, I am very much pro-life but why would I risk causing upset and offence by posting gruesome abortion pictures when I know several of my Facebook friends plus probably loads of people they know have had abortions?
Almond_Joy Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 After realising today that I seem to be another couple of friends short from my usual list, I'm wondering what the less obvious reasons for deleting a Facebook friend would be? Just asking because I have noticed quite a few people have erased me over the last few months and I cannot understand why? I am pretty annoyed because it does feel like a personal snub. Since I joined the site about 5 years ago, I must have added/accepted a total of around 500 friends, I'd say approximately 50, maybe more, have deleted me over time. I have only had major bust ups with say, one or two people in real life but I deleted and blocked them. I am not one of those people who post annoying trivial stuff every five minutes about what I had for dinner, also I tend not to talk politics on there to avoid offending anyone, nor do I disclose personal drama for attention despite my life being really turbulent a lot of the time! Also, if I had had a major falling out with a person I could understand the removal from their list, but that's not the reason for any of these either! Any ideas? Also, do any of you guys notice the same thing on your Facebook network? And if so, when you realise WHO deleted you, does it bother you? The older I get, the less need I have to share things about my life with people I don't interact with regularly. A lot of people just like facebook because they can be nosy about what other people are doing with their lives or what they're like. "It sounds like you post pretty neutral stuff and don't post often, so these people figure they can't get any "real" info about you and take you off their friends list. Like others said, some people, just get a hair up their butt and decide they want to clean up their friends list also. Like someone else here said, if you can't remember the person who unfriended you right off the bat, they probably weren't very prominent in your life or you in theirs. and if that's the case, it's really no major loss on either end, then, is it?
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