USMCHokie Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Since I've been on LS more often in the past couple weeks, something has been on my mind...and tonight's threads piqued my curiosity... But why aren't dating views in the "real world" like they seem to be on LS...? And I mean this across the board, from the folks with very open minds on who they'd date to those woman/man haters who "terrorize" the board. Why don't the lovable losers encounter in real life the same types of folks that try to encourage them on LS? Why cant they seem to find the people that don't care about things like looks, height, race, money, etc.? And why do the down on their luck men and women who deserve loving relationships not encounter the same haters they see on LS? Are we all outliers...? 1
Author USMCHokie Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 No, we're not outliers...well the haters are, but for most people this, LS, is just a way to pass the time or something to do during dry (or dryer) spells. I think that most people, even the long-term members, just come and go as their real life allows. I'm stuck "indoors" for the next several weeks to months so this is just something to do. I initially came here because I couldn't figure out how to extricate myself from my last relationship. I think my situation isn't all that unusual. We don't meet the haters in real life because most of them are sitting here all day hating, and generally are cowards in person. These people are not the norm even here, though they may appear to be as a result of the high volume of posting they do. People that try to behave this way in the real world get abused and shunned. They have no choice but to rely on anonymous media to vent their vitriol. It's so common that even I've been accused of being vitriolic, and vitriol is something that is so far from what I feel towards other people that one can only assume that the use of this adjective is a result of seeing so much of it here. Sadness does seem to be pretty much par for the course, as does frustration, and desperation, but those things are normal parts of everyone's lives. They come and go. Just like the visitors to these forums. I can agree with your assessment of the haters. But for those who are frustrated with their current dating situation, why don't they see the same sorts of people that they see on LS? Why doesn't the real world seem as open-minded and accepting as it seems to be on LS? 1
AD1980 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I think as a man a place like this is really the only place you can vent so to speak..its hard to bring certain stuff up to male friends that you can brign up here imp Though even here you have people here who say men are supposed to be strong all the time and never complain.. 3
ThaWholigan Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Why don't the lovable losers encounter in real life the same types of folks that try to encourage them on LS? Well it's difficult to gauge whether they would get the adequate help from people in real life regarding the problems they have. They may be rendered insignificant problems and told to "man up" or some other variant. If they were always moaning then that would be warranted, but it shouldn't be swatted away so vehemently at the beginning as the frustration is still real. Nonetheless, I reckon that the LLs don't really encounter such people because I'm not sure they truly seek them out. They seem to view people all under a lens that casts them in an unfavorable light due to their lack of success - especially women they are attracted to. That's just my opinion. Why cant they seem to find the people that don't care about things like looks, height, race, money, etc.? Again, I think that they subconsciously seek people that confirm their viewpoint, as opposed to searching for the opposite. They convince themselves after a period of time and bad experiences that this is all there is and condition themselves inadvertently to only see the following. I personally know how powerful an action this is, as I've done it to myself on more than one occasion. And why do the down on their luck men and women who deserve loving relationships not encounter the same haters they see on LS? Those haters aren't always very vocal in real life. The internet has a habit of maintaining a certain level of anonymity. Are we all outliers...? I am. Are you? 2
todreaminblue Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I can agree with your assessment of the haters. But for those who are frustrated with their current dating situation, why don't they see the same sorts of people that they see on LS? Why doesn't the real world seem as open-minded and accepting as it seems to be on LS? Because of a computer screen being a proxy....you can say everything you feel honestly without fear of reprisal or ridicule..even then some on here choose to belittle people when they choose to show themselves, its everywhere......lovable losers.....thats perception........and personal opinion.....this board has been pretty good lately....not so nasty.....a few gimps....no pack behaviour though....there was some earlier this year...it was disheartening thats what does happen a lot away from a computer screen pack behaviour.....societies perception of who and what someone should be and if you fall short.....be ready for the punches and you need to learn how to roll when that pack comes your way..loveshack can have epiphanies on how to rolll by just a poster posting a couple of sentences might be enough to help some hurt individual do a side duck on a king hit........people who are hurt find each other...thats my opinion...in the outside world it takes a little longer....i agree with monica.....people come here when they need to and life takes over and takes them away......and sometimes ...they come back ....to find support.....and hopefully someone on here can give it to them without pack mentality or judgement on a life they dont know.....deb 2
amaysngrace Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 How many members are we? Compared to how many people in the world? Almost seven billion? That just shows how rare we all are. 3
edgygirl Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I keep forgetting how hard must it be for a man that needs to vent his feelings. A lot of times I kept forgetting many men must have feelings like we do. This is what I am finding most fascinating about this board, to see how men really feel, as they are trained not to share with us IRL. Honestly it's so good to get an open window into your world and see that men do have the same insecurities and issues we do. It's sad that I myself get a little turned off when I am just starting a relationship with someone and they seem too emotional and needy. I am not sure where it comes from when in fact I keep wishing that men were more open. Perhaps society does play a role in our unconscious expectations. I think as a man a place like this is really the only place you can vent so to speak..its hard to bring certain stuff up to male friends that you can brign up here imp Though even here you have people here who say men are supposed to be strong all the time and never complain.. 1
AD1980 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I keep forgetting how hard must it be for a man that needs to vent his feelings. A lot of times I kept forgetting many men must have feelings like we do. This is what I am finding most fascinating about this board, to see how men really feel, as they are trained not to share with us IRL. Honestly it's so good to get an open window into your world and see that men do have the same insecurities and issues we do. It's sad that I myself get a little turned off when I am just starting a relationship with someone and they seem too emotional and needy. I am not sure where it comes from when in fact I keep wishing that men were more open. Perhaps society does play a role in our unconscious expectations. Yeah its a weird spot for men because you feel insecure about letting your emotions out around people in fear of beign ridiculed The image for men these days is the hypermasculine almost be full of yourself "swag"[such a corny phrase] where it seems you can turn women on by being borderline arrogant then humble AS you even said you get kind of turned off when men open up too much s we're in a tricky spot of not being emotionless robots but if we let out too much it might turn a women off 1
Woggle Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I think some of it is the fact that many people especially men feel this is the only place they can vent and express their feelings. I also think that places like this just attract messed up and bitter people. 1
MrCastle Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I think people have more self awareness than we're giving them credit for. People may post bitter or radical views on dating here but they know how they'll look in front of others. There are some women (I call them ice queens, or bitches) I see in real life that I know are total men haters and I could just tell they want to come out and rant about how men are pigs and blah blah blah but they never do. They know how they'd come across. Maybe they do it with their girlfriends in private, but they won't do it in front of men, because it will only make their situation worse. The same is true for some men that have archaic ideas of what a woman's role in society should be. 1
yongyong Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Why people treat online forum like their job resume? Why they put a lot of B.S? Why can't they be more honest and share what's really in their head? I thought this forum has an advantage since I can hear what women think. I get more valuable info from men's forum. (I understand though, what kind of women would admit 'this guy said this and that to me and I went home with him from the bar and we had a great sex') I totally ignore those B.S comments (eg: what women look for in men) But I run into it daily basis which hurts my eyes.
todreaminblue Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I keep forgetting how hard must it be for a man that needs to vent his feelings. A lot of times I kept forgetting many men must have feelings like we do. This is what I am finding most fascinating about this board, to see how men really feel, as they are trained not to share with us IRL. Honestly it's so good to get an open window into your world and see that men do have the same insecurities and issues we do. It's sad that I myself get a little turned off when I am just starting a relationship with someone and they seem too emotional and needy. I am not sure where it comes from when in fact I keep wishing that men were more open. Perhaps society does play a role in our unconscious expectations. i agree men showing hwo they really feel gives a little bit of insight......the ones who are open and hoenst and dont play games i read the threads they make me smile ....its good to see honesty from men who struggle.....who dotn know what to say, we are all the same...male or female...we all need help from time to time...i dont ask for it out here much dont really ask a lot in here either....when i do my questions often go unanswered much like real life so i am not shocked or upset by it...i do read threads and hope it might give me a different perspective...its research...and growth..i know my posts are hard to read again i am the same out here when i talk because the questions i ask are in normal conversations and dont appear to eb questions i feel my way through subtley.....if that was too cryptic....sorry..........deb
TheBigQuestion Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I think the people who are angry at/despise the opposite sex are simply venting their feelings in a way that society does not permit in the flesh. Whether that's a good thing isn't an easy question to answer. It's good in the sense that they're expressing their negativity in some way. It's bad in that they often get stuck in the same thought patterns for what seems like an eternity. However, the posters who preach tolerance and openmindedness in dating above all else are more often than not just protecting their online persona. The posters here who "let it all hang out," regardless of whether they are men or women, tend to get raked over coals the most, because their fallible behavior is on display. There is one poster here, I won't say who obviously, who for the longest time was the resident LS punching bag because she actually gave detailed accounts of her dating foibles. If you don't want to be the punching bag, you fall into line and you give people what they want to hear: open-mindedness. Just as an example, plenty of women who post on LS (including many of the most prominent posters) will tell you that they don't care about how much their man makes, just so long as he can support himself, that they would love him even if he was a janitor, and so forth. Then you read their other posts, sometimes not from the dating section, and you realize that in many cases, their boyfriends and husbands make two to three times what they make. It makes their claims ring quite hollow. Of course they obviously aren't going to bring up the fact that they shacked up with someone who has far greater earning potential than they do in the same post where they claim that they'd be alright with someone who earned relatively little. People who have already developed the LS persona of being tolerant, of not having any gender bias, of not having very specific dating standards, and so forth, are going to do what they must to perpetuate that facade. I'm supremely confident that the dating views of LS members in practice are not much different than most people's are, and a careful reading of many of their posts will reveal as much. Just don't expect them to mention it when topics directly addressing height, race, looks, money, etc., are brought up. 2
Woggle Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I preach tolerance because it is ultimately where I want to be instead of going back to the hateful views I used to have. I sometimes still get the urge when I read something completely asinine about men to respond with the same kind of venom but I know how stupid that would be. 1
PJKino Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I think the people who are angry at/despise the opposite sex are simply venting their feelings in a way that society does not permit in the flesh. Whether that's a good thing isn't an easy question to answer. It's good in the sense that they're expressing their negativity in some way. It's bad in that they often get stuck in the same thought patterns for what seems like an eternity. However, the posters who preach tolerance and openmindedness in dating above all else are more often than not just protecting their online persona. The posters here who "let it all hang out," regardless of whether they are men or women, tend to get raked over coals the most, because their fallible behavior is on display. There is one poster here, I won't say who obviously, who for the longest time was the resident LS punching bag because she actually gave detailed accounts of her dating foibles. If you don't want to be the punching bag, you fall into line and you give people what they want to hear: open-mindedness. Just as an example, plenty of women who post on LS (including many of the most prominent posters) will tell you that they don't care about how much their man makes, just so long as he can support himself, that they would love him even if he was a janitor, and so forth. Then you read their other posts, sometimes not from the dating section, and you realize that in many cases, their boyfriends and husbands make two to three times what they make. It makes their claims ring quite hollow. Of course they obviously aren't going to bring up the fact that they shacked up with someone who has far greater earning potential than they do in the same post where they claim that they'd be alright with someone who earned relatively little. People who have already developed the LS persona of being tolerant, of not having any gender bias, of not having very specific dating standards, and so forth, are going to do what they must to perpetuate that facade. I'm supremely confident that the dating views of LS members in practice are not much different than most people's are, and a careful reading of many of their posts will reveal as much. Just don't expect them to mention it when topics directly addressing height, race, looks, money, etc., are brought up. I actually have become more insecure after coming on here because i had no idea things like height was another strike against me till online sites like these If you have a pessimistic attitude about the oppsite sex in terms of dating and attracting i dont think this site site will help much because of other damaged people here who reinforce some negative beliefs one may have
TheBigQuestion Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I actually have become more insecure after coming on here because i had no idea things like height was another strike against me till online sites like these If you have a pessimistic attitude about the oppsite sex in terms of dating and attracting i dont think this site site will help much because of other damaged people here who reinforce some negative beliefs one may have I agree. This isn't really an ideal environment for people who are struggling with appearance, self-esteem, or relationship issues.
speedstreak Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Things in theory are different in practice. Theoretical physics is not the same as practical physics. The ''energy'' of a real person, or real situation changes many things.
somedude81 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Why don't the lovable losers encounter in real life the same types of folks that try to encourage them on LS? Why cant they seem to find the people that don't care about things like looks, height, race, money, etc.? And why do the down on their luck men and women who deserve loving relationships not encounter the same haters they see on LS? Are we all outliers...? Getting encouragement is very different from getting somebody to want to date me. In other words, yeah there are a lot of great girls on this site who try to support me and make me feel better. None would date me, and that's just like real life.
Pyro Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 People are more honest on LS because there is no social risk of being honest. If anything.. LS is more accurate than anything you hear from people face to face. At the same time online interaction is so easy to BS in order to get an agenda across if you have one. People online are either honest or total bull sh*tters. 1
Author USMCHokie Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Getting encouragement is very different from getting somebody to want to date me. In other words, yeah there are a lot of great girls on this site who try to support me and make me feel better. None would date me, and that's just like real life. And this was the idea behind this thread...I always said that LS is not the real world...but then I thought to myself, why isn't the real world like LS...? Why aren't there people out there who are as open-minded and "smart" about dating? We get lots of encouragement here from members who make us feel desirable when the real world seems to shun us. So which is the actual "real" world...? LS...? Or the supposed "real world"...? At the same time online interaction is so easy to BS in order to get an agenda across if you have one. People online are either honest or total bull sh*tters. I tend to agree; though I've observed that people tend to call people out as "bullsh*tters" if they utter "agenda" that is not in line with their own agenda... Either the haters dismiss the good-natured folks, or the good-natured folks put the haters on ignore.
johan Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Birds of a feather... Put a pink website out there and the crazies will come running. Kind of like what you would see if you tied someone to a chair in the middle of the street after the zombie apocalypse and then ran off to observe from a safe vantage point.
ScreamingTrees Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I agree. This isn't really an ideal environment for people who are struggling with appearance, self-esteem, or relationship issues. I would agree, but mainly BECAUSE there are so many who will be attracted naturally to a board like this who are just as you're describing.. And many of them will be bitter, frustrated, angry, and some of them down-right *******s. So you have weirdos out there who'll try to paint this weird fantasy that insecure idiots will actually believe and adopt in.. Those idiots would've thought of any reason why they shouldn't bother, but they'll just happen to come across a thread about how someone shorter than 5'5 is going to die alone or how only white guys get laid.. And there you go, more weirdos to create threads to perpetuate these weird self-defeating/excusing fantasies that one would not be able to identify with on a daily basis unless their mind played tricks on them whenever they were out in public, where they'd associate any negative behavior towards them as "heightism" or whatever they may be obsessed with.. But they'd have to read crackpot threads on here to plant that seed in their head. It's like once a guy is told that Mercedes Benz' are the greatest cars in the world, he may never even have noticed one rolling by or liked them, but if he is truly convinced or intrigued by this other person's words, he's going to start to notice more of them and suddenly they're going to be everywhere when in reality they were always a few of them here and there and there are no more of them now than there were before, but this guy's obsessing makes them seem more numerous than they really are.. Same concept, really.
amaysngrace Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I actually have become more insecure after coming on here because i had no idea things like height was another strike against me till online sites like these If you have a pessimistic attitude about the oppsite sex in terms of dating and attracting i dont think this site site will help much because of other damaged people here who reinforce some negative beliefs one may have It depends on your own self-confidence. It's not anybody else's job to build you up or tear you down. If you let what people say affect your own self-worth, that's entirely your own doing. Same thing with how you view the opposite sex. If you want to generalize that's your business. You really should take a little bit more responsibility for your own reactions.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 I is as has been said already. On the internet people don't have to worry as much about the social pressures of real life. In real life in real time and face to face people tell social lies. As for encouragement. The thing is it's one thing to tell someone that there is someone somewhere out there who will love them that way, and something else to actually be that someone. The real world is both more forgiving and more brutal.
Axee Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 No, I dont think this is a place for mere venting. I have given some very good suggestions and insights and I have received some also.I have also seen some VERY VERY good advice and thoughts But, what will be the probability of actually "meeting" people like LSiates, There are many who actually meet such good guys and girls but they will never come to LS to talk about their situation will they?? Yes, we can have dating site within LS, that would seem good Moreover many people get reformed after getting hit real bad in LS. I love LS because this is one site, where the collective experience of many many people is useful to guide you .
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