Drseussgrrl Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I'm not even really sure where to post this. I have been single for the better part of a year and a half now, after my engagement ended. I have dated a lot and even fell for someone else over the summer. He was going through a divorce and would say things like he wasn't sure if he believed in love anymore, although the way he treated me and all the fun we had contradicted his words. It was so confusing. We had a great connection, but after three months he said he still wasn't ready for a relationship, so I let him go and it broke my heart. I learned last night that he now has a steady girlfriend. I am just starting to think that maybe love and marriage isn't in the cards for me. I am so tired of being hurt and feeling so disappointed when things don't work out. I can't find anyone I click with and I feel very lonely much of the time. It seems like everyone around me is finding love and making plans for the future and I'm just going through the motions day by day. I feel as though I need to just stop hoping and start my cat collection now. 2
El Brujo Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Hey, I've been there. It made me want to give up on love, and that's what I did. What did I get out of it? A new job and more happiness than I had before. 1
Imajerk17 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I am sorry to hear this. But in your case, you seem to be meeting men and actually making a connection with them. I hate to say "maybe they just weren't the right guy for you" but almost all relationships don't make it past 3 months. My sister met her now-husband at 34 and got married at 36, and now they have a beautiful little boy. FYI it doesn't look like I will be getting together with Young Girl after all... 2
iris219 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I'm right there with you. As we get older, finding a compatible mate gets much harder because the ones we would connect with aren't single. I heard it will get better in our 40s after lots of people start getting divorced. I am sorry to hear this. But in your case, you seem to be meeting men and actually making a connection with them. I hate to say "maybe they just weren't the right guy for you" but almost all relationships don't make it past 3 months. My sister met her now-husband at 34 and got married at 36, and now they have a beautiful little boy. FYI it doesn't look like I will be getting together with Young Girl after all... This actually gives me some hope...thank you.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 I have to admit that coming here a lot isn't helping much with all of these negative attitudes about women in their 30's being all washed up. I don't feel like I am but yeah, if guys are just targeting the young ones I might as well just wait out the next decade. 3
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 (edited) OP - Please know in your core that this is a valid way to feel, but don't buy into it. Just move through it. I don't think you're over what happened with your fiance, frankly. Seek the joy in your life and you'll be better able to deal with the inevitable disappointments that come with dating. And don't give up. Being in your 30's doesn't really mean anything negative - honestly, I was shocked when I came here and read all the crap about it here. Most of my peers did not marry until our 30's. We weren't ready before that. Neither were the guys. Keep the faith! Edited December 16, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
iris219 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I have to admit that coming here a lot isn't helping much with all of these negative attitudes about women in their 30's being all washed up. I don't feel like I am but yeah, if guys are just targeting the young ones I might as well just wait out the next decade. Don't listen to all that negative talk about age. I'm very honest and very cynical, and I've never experienced the sort of age discrimination that is talked about on here. If I had, I'd be on here talking about it, trust me. Your dating difficulties has to do with numbers. Most people are paired up by their 30s. We have less to choose from, which makes it harder to find someone we connect with. Also, a lot of the guys left aren't relationship minded or suitable for relationships, so we have to sift through them. Good luck! It will be harder, but not impossible. 4
Imajerk17 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 (edited) I will let you in on a little secret: MOST of the women I go after happen to be women my age. If a woman looks great to me at 24 she probably will look great at 39 (and all points in between) as long as she takes care of herself. I wrote a woman last week on Match, and she didn't write me back, so I tried her again (extremely rare for me, I send out maybe 5 first emails a month and 80% of the time if a woman doesn't respond to my first email I forget her). Her age? 40. (She wrote me back this time!) I went out with a 48-year-old this summer. My point: Don't worry about age. Didn't you go out on a great date last week? Aren't you seeing him again? Edited December 16, 2012 by Imajerk17 1
Under The Radar Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I have to admit that coming here a lot isn't helping much with all of these negative attitudes about women in their 30's being all washed up. I don't feel like I am but yeah, if guys are just targeting the young ones I might as well just wait out the next decade. Hey Drseussgrrl, Don't let the male posters bring you down who trivialize the beauty of the 30 plus crowd. Many guys I know (including myself) prefer older women for their experience, maturity, and understanding. I'm in my late thirties (I don't consider myself "Old") and my preference would be around my age or slightly older. I consider you young and a great catch. You can learn an awful lot about someone just by there posting style and what they choose to share. Does the person carry around a lot of anger, are they insecure, are they arrogant, selfish, shy, an attention seeker, compassionate, and the list goes on and on ... From reading some of your posts and knowing some of your history I can see you are worth getting to know. Your posts are thoughtful and balanced. I never see misdirected anger or patronizing of other posters. You are FAR from washed up and you Will meet a great guy who is willing to commit in the future. Obviously it can be harder to stay positive about meeting "Mr. Right" with major holidays around the corner. I especially empathize with your struggles because of the broken engagement and how little time has passed to fully heal from something so devastating. It was barely a year or more ago and you have been able to come impressively far in your recovery. So, please continue to be patient and KNOW that your time will come. For now, surround yourself with family, friends, LS, and most importantly ... your lovely dog . 8
Author Drseussgrrl Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 We had a second date. He talked about himself ad nauseum and I couldn't get a word in edgewise. Needless to say I won't be seeing him again. I have another date tomorrow night but I'm not holding my breath. After this one I'm going to take a long break. I can't deal with it anymore. Mme- thank you for your sweet words. Maybe I'm not completely over what happened but I'm getting to the point where I feel the need to be as time is running out.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 Hey Drseussgrrl, Don't let the male posters bring you down who trivialize the beauty of the 30 plus crowd. Many guys I know (including myself) prefer older women for their experience, maturity, and understanding. I'm in my late thirties (I don't consider myself "Old") and my preference would be around my age or slightly older. I consider you young and a great catch. You can learn an awful lot about someone just by there posting style and what they choose to share. Does the person carry around a lot of anger, are they insecure, are they arrogant, selfish, shy, an attention seeker, compassionate, and the list goes on and on ... From reading some of your posts and knowing some of your history I can see you are worth getting to know. Your posts are thoughtful and balanced. I never see misdirected anger or patronizing of other posters. You are FAR from washed up and you Will meet a great guy who is willing to commit in the future. Obviously it can be harder to stay positive about meeting "Mr. Right" with major holidays around the corner. I especially empathize with your struggles because of the broken engagement and how little time has passed to fully heal from something so devastating. It was barely a year or more ago and you have been able to come impressively far in your recovery. So, please continue to be patient and KNOW that your time will come. For now, surround yourself with family, friends, LS, and most importantly ... your lovely dog . I love how my favorite posters chimed in here. You all are seriously the bomb. Xo 1
sweetkiwi Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I pretend to give up on love every now and then. And last time i met a guy that night. We dated for 7months and i left him because he didn't love me. But i still believe it'll happen again. I joke that i could fall in love every day. Not really but that's how much i can love. Once you feel it you never want anything but the best. Its an amazing drug. Believe woman!!!!! Love will never give up on you.
ThaWholigan Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I reckon that for quite a few women, their 30s represents the best that is yet to come, sometimes their 40s. The coming time could be the best of your life! I would approach it with an open mind and an enthusiasm. Be relaxed and have faith . 1
USMCHokie Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I have to admit that coming here a lot isn't helping much with all of these negative attitudes about women in their 30's being all washed up. I don't feel like I am but yeah, if guys are just targeting the young ones I might as well just wait out the next decade. At least now you sort of have some empathy for those others who come here and end up worse off with their own insecurities (e.g., height, race, penis size, etc.). Like I always say, LS is not reflective of the entire human population...
Author Drseussgrrl Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 OP.. your main problem is desperation. Stop wanting it so bad and you'll get more of it. I have no shortage of men to date. I just can't find my dude and I'm beginning to wonder if he's out there. I find myself nearly always being the one to reject a guy after a few dates because I can't find that connection I crave. 1
Author Drseussgrrl Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 Not all guys, just the ones who decided to pay attention in class, look good or are in any way charming. Plenty of guys around who have to date their own age. Interesting, because several younger, attractive men ask me out, too. But I don't get off on it like some others who are obsessed with age.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 Feels good to have finally put that asshat on ignore. 4
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 ...I have dated a lot and even fell for someone else over the summer. He was going through a divorce and would say things like he wasn't sure if he believed in love anymore, although the way he treated me and all the fun we had contradicted his words. It was so confusing. We had a great connection, but after three months he said he still wasn't ready for a relationship, so I let him go and it broke my heart. I learned last night that he now has a steady girlfriend. ... I feel as though I need to just stop hoping and start my cat collection now. I won't repeat some of the initial responses you got although I agree with them. I'll add a couple of things: #1- It's not you that's the issue. Often it can be the other person. This guy was on the rebound and in the midst of a divorce. You could have been Ms. Perfect for him. It can't go anywhere if the person is not emotionally ready. He wasn't when you met. You did the right thing to walk away. #2- Everyone gets down sometimes. I think it's worse when you date a lot, because you're left wondering why you haven't found what you're looking for. Sounds like you need a break. Sometimes that really helps. When you aren't looking, sometimes you get the nicest surprises too. I agree about some of the threads we see, and sadly it's even seen in some of the responses here.I do find it very disheartening to read these boards at times, and I've only been here a few weeks! I just don't get the need to be so cruel and hurtful to other posters, or the need to denigrate a particular group or gender. I just remind myself that most people really aren't like this. I have two brothers who I'm very close to and neither feels the way that many vocal posters claim all men do. Nor do any of my male friends feel or act as I've seen described on LS. Nor have the guys I've dated. I just keep reminding myself of that, and avoid threads where the topic is likely to devolve into a toxic mess. I really don't want to become cynical. It doesn't help me or the guys I end up dating. The right guy...a great catch...is out there for you. See this challenge for what it is. It helps you figure out what you want in a partner and a healthy relationship. You learn how to be a better partner from each encounter. While you're in the dating trenches, you learn about yourself and get to do some fun things along the way. It's a roller coaster, but believe that the right man for you will find you and join you on your journey. 2
edgygirl Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 (edited) Darling. I admit I often feel like this and reading the crap these unfortunate clowns here wrote in the past couple days doesn't help. (btw, they're also all blocked now with me). I get discouraged as well. But what they say is not what I experience in real life. In real life I feel I am attractive, get attention and get guys interested in me. (Yesterday I went to a show in a small venue and the hot singer didn't take his eyes out of me when there were plenty of 25 yo around). I feel the same happens with you. You seem like an adorable and intelligent woman as well as everyone here is saying. The problem is, it is hard to find someone we connect with and is into having a relationship as we are and the moment we are. It seems after 30 things get a little heavier as both parties know it's usually not a fling, it's the real thing and well, it's kind of scary in a way for both sides. Which probably makes it harder for both to relax and let things flow as when we're in our 20s. Also, usually the guys who are left had/have commitment issues or were too busy building their professional life and have difficulties forming a relationship. It's unfortunate and I am trying to find out what to do about it, but I try to have hope. Lately I feel like giving up often, but think about it... we should not. We should take small breaks when it feels unbearable and keep going. I might do that as I feel burned out. It's not easy, but for our own good, we should keep trying because that person is out there and also looking for us. Hugs. Edited December 16, 2012 by edgygirl
USMCHokie Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Feels good to have finally put that asshat on ignore. Well, the only "plus" to seeing what they write and think is because they do exist in the real world. It paints a fuller picture of what some men out there are thinking, and it will give you a better idea of things to watch out for and/or avoid. It actually got me thinking, how would you react if someone you were dating thought these same exact thoughts as the member above...? Would you ever know...? The great thing about the Internet is the relative anonymity it provides. Perception may not be reality, but perception is real. And a little bit of awareness never hurts.
ThaWholigan Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Well, the only "plus" to seeing what they write and think is because they do exist in the real world. It paints a fuller picture of what some men out there are thinking, and it will give you a better idea of things to watch out for and/or avoid. It actually got me thinking, how would you react if someone you were dating thought these same exact thoughts as the member above...? Would you ever know...? The great thing about the Internet is the relative anonymity it provides. Perception may not be reality, but perception is real. And a little bit of awareness never hurts. Perhaps one must weigh it against the overall discomfort and discouragement one feels when reading such posts. How high is one's threshold?
USMCHokie Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I admit I often feel like this and reading the crap these unfortunate clowns here wrote in the past couple days doesn't help. Small observation here...but how is calling them "unfortunate clowns" any different from them saying a woman (e.g., you) is "washed up" due to her age...? It just seems juvenile from both ends... Your assessment of them is as much a judgment as their assessment of you... So what gives...?
mesmerized Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Well, the only "plus" to seeing what they write and think is because they do exist in the real world. It paints a fuller picture of what some men out there are thinking, and it will give you a better idea of things to watch out for and/or avoid. It actually got me thinking, how would you react if someone you were dating thought these same exact thoughts as the member above...? Would you ever know...? The great thing about the Internet is the relative anonymity it provides. Perception may not be reality, but perception is real. And a little bit of awareness never hurts. The funny thing about the men who post these things on here is that the majority of them are unattractive or undesirable in many ways. Sure men like them exist and I've even known them in real life. But the chances of me (and I suspect op as well) wanting to date them at any age is slim to none.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 Small observation here...but how is calling them "unfortunate clowns" any different from them saying a woman (e.g., you) is "washed up" due to her age...? It just seems juvenile from both ends... Your assessment of them is as much a judgment as their assessment of you... So what gives...? It's not the same thing at all. Sorry but I don't wish to have this thread derailed by the likes of greznog. Thanks. 1
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