Wife wanted space but is seeing boss

[Dk2012]

Hi all

 

I been with my wife for 8 years, married for 4 years and have a son of 2 years. We´re 35 and 34 respectively. She was always and still is the woman of my dreams. She left me in september - asked me to let go of her and focus on myself. She "was tired and couldn´t give any more to the relationship just now" and she wanted to "find herself and get some space" and couldn´t talk about it. She just said "we both need change but I dont know what it is." I was in shock! Not aware "we" were in danger. She said she had been feeling down for the last couple of years. Sept. was rough - as we lived together in seperate bedrooms and she would not communicate.

 

After a while the classic dreaded scenerio emerged - I saw intimate text messages between her and her boss. I confronted her and she said she had a fling for 2 weeks and NOT an affair and the last thing she was looking for was a new relationship. That was end of sept. I believed her. She probably even believed it herself. She moved out Oct. 1st. to a small studio in the city. She asked me for a loan to finance the deposit which she got and I helped her move. We then tried our best to take turns to take care of our son and make sure he feels loved. Its cracking me up. Mid october we go on a long planned trip to visit friends in London and she arrives 2 days later than planned, we agreed that, and then spent 3 days together touring the city as a couple and sleeping in the same bed. Although with no love making.

 

Now we´re in november and she leaves for 3.5 weeks of alone time, "think time", to visit family in Asia. Its the first real break we´re getting from each other. I make the mistake of sending a 1 page letter at the end of her trip, trying to appeal to her to think about whats at stake here. Why break up this beautiful family when its all just about a neglect of real communication. I really thought I did the right thing - telling her not that I have changed myself but that I had learnt things (about letting go and taking my own space) and I was ready to move on, with or without her. But naturally that I wanted her to join me.

Her short answer was - "its not so much about my relationship to you, but about what I need". And that was it. Really hard.

 

Once she´s back I accidentally meet a not so close friend of hers who tells me she knows for a fact that she continued to see this man after she moved out from me. Im shocked once again. A week goes and I confront her again. And true enough she is seeing her boss - he´s the CEO and she´s the exotic and attractive PA. She confessed to seeing him "once in a while". Im devastated and sent back to start september. But also angry now.

 

Not once has she said "I dont love you" or "I want a divorce". She has literally been stringing me along for 3-4 months with false hopes due to her own uncertainty. At one stage kissing with me and sleeping with me. Talking about how we could move abroad and start over. I have an option to work abroad but wont leave without my son. Never told me she wasn´t in love anymore - just that she loved me and wouldn´t want any other man to father her son. That Im the most beautiful person she knows. She even told me that she would probably regret this in 2 years time but she had to leave.

 

But once her boss left his wife and 2 kids in late october (!) she must have gained enough strength to let more go of me. Just this last week I reached out one last time in a very brief mail. I said I felt she had made big choices with consequences she might not have thought through. I invited her to an open and honest dialogue about past and future and said that if she did not want this dialogue, I would want to procede with formal things between us. I.e. separation.

 

Within the hour (!) she wrote me a long mail telling me our relationship had felt like a cage and that I had chained her up and kept her from becoming who she really is. That traditional family life is not for her. That she though I had understood she just needed space and time but I kept coming back trying to fix things. In this mail she communicated more than she has for a long time. At first I first I was relieved - wow - nice to hear from you. But then I saw how absurd it was.

She wrote this mail not knowing that I had recently met her friend and new she is seeing this man. And besides, its simply not true - I have supported her in everything. I let go in sept when I understood what she was asking for - space for herself. And we both wanted a non traditional life of project work, travelling etc. But once you get that baby it just settles down for a couple of years.

 

But now she just wants to be free and with no attachments and be an artist. The botttom line is - we have a beautiful son of 2 years and she has felt bored in the relationship and with the everyday routine. We´re both entreprenuers at heart but have taken jobs the past year to get the finances stable while our son was little. The plan was to "head out into the world" again right around now - when he was 2-3. But apparently she was too bored and didn´t hold on as far as I did. Because the truth is we both wanted change but couldn´t communicate about it. Our relationship has been one of great love! and none of the classic breakup arguments or disagreements. We both felt we really had something unique together.

 

I´m absolutely certain that at the bottom of her heart she wishes we could somehow figure it out. She cries when we talk now and is very sad. She even wrote me a text saying she is having a psycological break down and is feeling bad. When I said to her "please just speak to someone about all this and get help. Dont speak to me". She accused me of wanting to fix her and sending her to a shrink. Thats a picture of the last 3 months - her telling me to let go, reaching out, then telling me I keep coming back to chain her and fix her. Its impossible. I cant do anything right. I never wanted to fix her or change her. I love who she is trying to become again. And I am looking ahead for myself - focusing on what want too. Unfortunately I also want her. I really feel I dont NEED her - but I desire her so much. She´s been a fantastic partner. And I dont want to break up our little family.

 

I´m also certain she is in a classic rebound relationship because she justified it with the words "it felt nice to have someone say I´m fantastic". So now all of a sudden she hasn´t felt loved by me... Thats new too.

 

I wrote this letter to her... and will sent it in a day or twp. It´s the first she is hearing from me after she confessed to seeing "another man once in a while".

 

---

 

Dear xxxx

 

I´m okey with it - we needed a change both of us. You made your choices and I respect them. I wish you the best and that you´re happy.

 

Your last email to me makes it clear how many feelings are at stake for both of us, how much we agree on vital issues, how well I actually know you. But also how much we have neglected real communication, and how much you have misunderstood my intentions for us and myself - how much you have boxed me in and put words into my mouth. I don´t want to do that anymore. Now that I know the secret to your heart even more than before, it makes it easier for me to leave.

 

For my own sake I choose not to use negative energy on the way the last 3-6-9 months have been handled. We have to make sure our son of 2 years feels a maximum amount of love from us both right now as he is already affected by this in ways it may only be me experiencing right now.

 

I´ll be sending the separation documents to you.

 

/xxxxxx

[Dk2012]

After I had confronted her - and she confessed - I cried for the first time in front on her in 2 months. I was really hammered. She wanted to comfort me or hold my arm but I turned away and asked her to get out of our car and leave me.

 

Later in the day she texted me that she was forever sorry she had hurt me but as she had said "it was nice when someone says you´re fantastic". She wrote she knew she had spoilt something beautiful and had put herself in an unacceptable situation and that I must never think any of this was my fault.

 

I havent answered that text.

[Samilia]

Hi all

 

I been with my wife for 8 years, married for 4 years and have a son of 2 years. We´re 35 and 34 respectively. She was always and still is the woman of my dreams. She left me in september - asked me to let go of her and focus on myself. She "was tired and couldn´t give any more to the relationship just now" and she wanted to "find herself and get some space" and couldn´t talk about it. She just said "we both need change but I dont know what it is." I was in shock! Not aware "we" were in danger. She said she had been feeling down for the last couple of years. Sept. was rough - as we lived together in seperate bedrooms and she would not communicate.

 

After a while the classic dreaded scenerio emerged - I saw intimate text messages between her and her boss. I confronted her and she said she had a fling for 2 weeks and NOT an affair and the last thing she was looking for was a new relationship. That was end of sept. I believed her. She probably even believed it herself. She moved out Oct. 1st. to a small studio in the city. She asked me for a loan to finance the deposit which she got and I helped her move. We then tried our best to take turns to take care of our son and make sure he feels loved. Its cracking me up. Mid october we go on a long planned trip to visit friends in London and she arrives 2 days later than planned, we agreed that, and then spent 3 days together touring the city as a couple and sleeping in the same bed. Although with no love making.

 

Now we´re in november and she leaves for 3.5 weeks of alone time, "think time", to visit family in Asia. Its the first real break we´re getting from each other. I make the mistake of sending a 1 page letter at the end of her trip, trying to appeal to her to think about whats at stake here. Why break up this beautiful family when its all just about a neglect of real communication. I really thought I did the right thing - telling her not that I have changed myself but that I had learnt things (about letting go and taking my own space) and I was ready to move on, with or without her. But naturally that I wanted her to join me.

Her short answer was - "its not so much about my relationship to you, but about what I need". And that was it. Really hard.

 

Once she´s back I accidentally meet a not so close friend of hers who tells me she knows for a fact that she continued to see this man after she moved out from me. Im shocked once again. A week goes and I confront her again. And true enough she is seeing her boss - he´s the CEO and she´s the exotic and attractive PA. She confessed to seeing him "once in a while". Im devastated and sent back to start september. But also angry now.

 

Not once has she said "I dont love you" or "I want a divorce". She has literally been stringing me along for 3-4 months with false hopes due to her own uncertainty. At one stage kissing with me and sleeping with me. Talking about how we could move abroad and start over. I have an option to work abroad but wont leave without my son. Never told me she wasn´t in love anymore - just that she loved me and wouldn´t want any other man to father her son. That Im the most beautiful person she knows. She even told me that she would probably regret this in 2 years time but she had to leave.

 

But once her boss left his wife and 2 kids in late october (!) she must have gained enough strength to let more go of me. Just this last week I reached out one last time in a very brief mail. I said I felt she had made big choices with consequences she might not have thought through. I invited her to an open and honest dialogue about past and future and said that if she did not want this dialogue, I would want to procede with formal things between us. I.e. separation.

 

Within the hour (!) she wrote me a long mail telling me our relationship had felt like a cage and that I had chained her up and kept her from becoming who she really is. That traditional family life is not for her. That she though I had understood she just needed space and time but I kept coming back trying to fix things. In this mail she communicated more than she has for a long time. At first I first I was relieved - wow - nice to hear from you. But then I saw how absurd it was.

She wrote this mail not knowing that I had recently met her friend and new she is seeing this man. And besides, its simply not true - I have supported her in everything. I let go in sept when I understood what she was asking for - space for herself. And we both wanted a non traditional life of project work, travelling etc. But once you get that baby it just settles down for a couple of years.

 

But now she just wants to be free and with no attachments and be an artist. The botttom line is - we have a beautiful son of 2 years and she has felt bored in the relationship and with the everyday routine. We´re both entreprenuers at heart but have taken jobs the past year to get the finances stable while our son was little. The plan was to "head out into the world" again right around now - when he was 2-3. But apparently she was too bored and didn´t hold on as far as I did. Because the truth is we both wanted change but couldn´t communicate about it. Our relationship has been one of great love! and none of the classic breakup arguments or disagreements. We both felt we really had something unique together.

 

I´m absolutely certain that at the bottom of her heart she wishes we could somehow figure it out. She cries when we talk now and is very sad. She even wrote me a text saying she is having a psycological break down and is feeling bad. When I said to her "please just speak to someone about all this and get help. Dont speak to me". She accused me of wanting to fix her and sending her to a shrink. Thats a picture of the last 3 months - her telling me to let go, reaching out, then telling me I keep coming back to chain her and fix her. Its impossible. I cant do anything right. I never wanted to fix her or change her. I love who she is trying to become again. And I am looking ahead for myself - focusing on what want too. Unfortunately I also want her. I really feel I dont NEED her - but I desire her so much. She´s been a fantastic partner. And I dont want to break up our little family.

 

I´m also certain she is in a classic rebound relationship because she justified it with the words "it felt nice to have someone say I´m fantastic". So now all of a sudden she hasn´t felt loved by me... Thats new too.

 

I wrote this letter to her... and will sent it in a day or twp. It´s the first she is hearing from me after she confessed to seeing "another man once in a while".

 

---

 

Dear xxxx

 

I´m okey with it - we needed a change both of us. You made your choices and I respect them. I wish you the best and that you´re happy.

 

Your last email to me makes it clear how many feelings are at stake for both of us, how much we agree on vital issues, how well I actually know you. But also how much we have neglected real communication, and how much you have misunderstood my intentions for us and myself - how much you have boxed me in and put words into my mouth. I don´t want to do that anymore. Now that I know the secret to your heart even more than before, it makes it easier for me to leave.

 

For my own sake I choose not to use negative energy on the way the last 3-6-9 months have been handled. We have to make sure our son of 2 years feels a maximum amount of love from us both right now as he is already affected by this in ways it may only be me experiencing right now.

 

I´ll be sending the separation documents to you.

 

/xxxxxx

 

I wouldn't send the letter. Send the separation documents if you want to. Your letter isn't meant to be sent, only to be written. If you want her to know how you feel, I'd do it face to face. She was a coward, don't be a coward yourself.

 

For the first time since i have been here I am thinking "grass is greener" type of deal when I read your story. She's about the same age I am (38) and I too am going through a phase where I want to make sure my next 20 years will be good.

 

I'm not saying that you should wait for her, I personally would send the divorce papers too, I'm just saying that this guy might, or might not be, the real reason behind her behavior.

[Chi townD]

I wouldn't send the letter. Because, lets face it. She's sorry she hurt you, but not sorry about what she did.

 

What I WOULD do is talk to a lawyer and have him or her approach the company's HR department about the inappropriate relationship between the company's CEO and a PA. Believe me, they're going to move on this and fast. The last thing they want is a scandal. And they'll put a stop to it and will probably settle out of court with a nice sum of money to keep you quite. Then, I would talk to the lawyer about suing the douche rocket for alination of affection. This guy will throw your wife under the bus soooo fast to save his own ass, it won't be funny. (so much for for her knight in shining armor!)

 

THEN! I would inform the OMW. You wrote that he left her and their two kids. She's probably heartbroken and beating herself think about what she did wrong, or what she could have done different to save her marriage and may not have ANY idea that your wife was involved and could have been the reason why he left, that it wasn't her fault. Because, lets face it, do you honestly think he's going to leave saying that he's found someone else and take all the blame? HELL NO!! He's gonna tell her he's leaving because you didn't do this, that or the other.She has the right to know the truth.

 

Time to stop feeling sorry for your situation and start taking action.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Chi townD

[Redbirdinabrightsky]

I wouldn't send the letter. Because, lets face it. She's sorry she hurt you, but not sorry about what she did.

 

What I WOULD do is talk to a lawyer and have him or her approach the company's HR department about the inappropriate relationship between the company's CEO and a PA. Believe me, they're going to move on this and fast. The last thing they want is a scandal. And they'll put a stop to it and will probably settle out of court with a nice sum of money to keep you quite. Then, I would talk to the lawyer about suing the douche rocket for alination of affection. This guy will throw your wife under the bus soooo fast to save his own ass, it won't be funny. (so much for for her knight in shining armor!)

 

THEN! I would inform the OMW. You wrote that he left her and their two kids. She's probably heartbroken and beating herself think about what she did wrong, or what she could have done different to save her marriage and may not have ANY idea that your wife was involved and could have been the reason why he left, that it wasn't her fault. Because, lets face it, do you honestly think he's going to leave saying that he's found someone else and take all the blame? HELL NO!! He's gonna tell her he's leaving because you didn't do this, that or the other.She has the right to know the truth.

 

Time to stop feeling sorry for your situation and start taking action.

 

I first of all must say I know just what you are going through via experience, though I cannot really speak to being a father. I do wish you the best in this troubled time.

 

Roll with the above advice. Sounds like you need to wake up and throw your selfish wife under the bus?

 

I get the feeling you are of course hurt right now, but that you still want things to work out somehow, even if you are pushing out the separation papers? I hope you've found a way to begin to let go of her.

 

Hopefully by 'separation' what you actually mean is 'divorce'? You know more than the rest of us what your wife did was complete abject selfishness, absolute betrayal. She very clearly in spite of her words does not care at all about you, and to another extent, she does not care about her 2 year old. Actions speak and she really has none, and honestly, it is too late for her to show positive action.

 

It seems like the two of you are financially capable of all manner of couples assistance prior to her cheating; if she really cared, she would have urged you to those options (counselling) but instead she breaks it off with you to be loyal to her scumbag boss?

 

I hope that you are at least somewhat angry, as it stands now, you appear to be acting a bit of a doormat to her whims, and even if you love her still, she isn't worthy of that, and years down the road you will likely be kicking yourself for how kind you've been to her already.

 

If she really believed you were this 'most beautiful person' none of your present problems would exist. Throw her away entirely, do not speak to her, and do your utmost for your kid. Forget about her. Take the kid, and take that job overseas.

[kaylacole]

The only way she will ever come to feel sorry for her actions, or want you back, is if you are severe with her now. I am with Redbird on this, you have to show no more feeling except quiet disgust, and move on saying nothing to her unless it is about the child and you've no other option but to speak to her. Forget about it working out down the road if you continue to be such a doormat to her selfish needs. You even helped her move into a studio? What the hell man, you should not have done that. Be strong for your kid, be severe with her, and someday you will likely get the option of choosing to take her back, but not unless she begs forgiveness with snotty tears. You have to stop being a pathetic doormat dude. Man it up now or she will never respect you enough to want you back.

[Samilia]

I first of all must say I know just what you are going through via experience, though I cannot really speak to being a father. I do wish you the best in this troubled time.

 

Roll with the above advice. Sounds like you need to wake up and throw your selfish wife under the bus?

 

I get the feeling you are of course hurt right now, but that you still want things to work out somehow, even if you are pushing out the separation papers? I hope you've found a way to begin to let go of her.

 

Hopefully by 'separation' what you actually mean is 'divorce'? You know more than the rest of us what your wife did was complete abject selfishness, absolute betrayal. She very clearly in spite of her words does not care at all about you, and to another extent, she does not care about her 2 year old. Actions speak and she really has none, and honestly, it is too late for her to show positive action.

 

It seems like the two of you are financially capable of all manner of couples assistance prior to her cheating; if she really cared, she would have urged you to those options (counselling) but instead she breaks it off with you to be loyal to her scumbag boss?

 

I hope that you are at least somewhat angry, as it stands now, you appear to be acting a bit of a doormat to her whims, and even if you love her still, she isn't worthy of that, and years down the road you will likely be kicking yourself for how kind you've been to her already.

 

If she really believed you were this 'most beautiful person' none of your present problems would exist. Throw her away entirely, do not speak to her, and do your utmost for your kid. Forget about her. Take the kid, and take that job overseas.

 

yeah.. well.. kidnapping of a kid isn't the best idea.. unless a judge allows him to do so, I wouldn't advice to just take off and move the kid out of the country, let's calm down a bit.

Adultery is one thing but we don't know how she feels about her child.

 

As for rushing into her office pointing fingers, he'll probably pass for a total lunatic, it would affect his chances to share custody.

 

Step one is a good lawyer, take it from there.

Edited December 17, 2012 by Samilia

[Chi townD]

As for rushing into her office pointing fingers, he'll probably pass for a total lunatic, it would affect his chances to share custody.

 

 

He wouldn't be going in there with lies. He shouldn't have to hide the truth. Look, if he's a CEO, it's probably a large company and usually those companies have morality clauses in there employee handbook's. Even if the HR department opens an investigation, that douche rocket is going to toss her under the bus. No way is he going to lose his status as CEO and fat salery just for a piece of ass.

 

Then, she'll learn the consquences of her actions and she'll truely feel what she lost. Right now, she's under the impression that she traded up. But, she'll discover when push comes to shove, she'll find out EXACTLY what she's worth to him.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

He wouldn't be going in there with lies. He shouldn't have to hide the truth. Look, if he's a CEO, it's probably a large company and usually those companies have morality clauses in there employee handbook's. Even if the HR department opens an investigation, that douche rocket is going to toss her under the bus. No way is he going to lose his status as CEO and fat salery just for a piece of ass.

 

Then, she'll learn the consquences of her actions and she'll truely feel what she lost. Right now, she's under the impression that she traded up. But, she'll discover when push comes to shove, she'll find out EXACTLY what she's worth to him.

 

Post..of...the...YEAR ^^^^. It's like Law and Order meets jackass (the Ex).

[CptSaveAho]

I disagree with being vindictive against her

 

If she wants to go out and be a whore, let her... you dont have to do anything, she will ruin it all on her own. It only makes you look worse then her as the stalking/vindictive ex

 

Dont for a single second listen to her bull**** about her might wanting to get back together. If that ever happens it will be 2-3 years down the road, at that point, you will probably have moved on anyways.

 

Dont sleep with her, kiss her, show any sort of affection. Be cold to her, she expects it. Stop asking her and investigating her life and what shes doing, its only going to cause you more hurt and does nothing for your cause

 

At her age, shes never going to find happiness as an end result of this, she's ruined for life. You don't have to be

[Treasa]

I totally agree with Chi townD.

 

It's ok to say you're going to break up with someone to "find yourself" when you're 18 and have no responsibilities, but when you're married and have a CHILD...too f'ing bad. You're an adult, you need to take care of your sh*t.

 

Would I love to just say the hell with my job and not work? Yep. But then I'd be homeless or living with my mom or something, and I'm an adult and refuse to do that, even though my job can be a real b*tch sometimes.

 

Don't be emotional about it, but do what you need to do.

 

And make sure your son is always put first.

[Chi townD]

I disagree with being vindictive against her

 

 

 

And I disagree with sitting back and being a doormat. I disagree that they can get away with thinking that this type of behavior is acceptable. That they can get away scott free and leave a trail of pain in their wake with not only the OP but with the OMW and her kids too because of their selfish behaviors!

 

I don't believe it's being vindictive. I believe it's calling them out on their morals. Bottomline, when you strip it down to the bare bones, he is her superior and she is his subordinate in the workplace. I have sat through enough departmental meetings on fraternization in almost every job I ever had to know that this type of workplace relationship isn't acceptable. It is a conflict of interest and ,to be honest, not fair to the others in the position of PA because how much influence does this affair have on her annual review? I believe that someone there has a feeling that a relationship exisit, but is too afraid to say anything for fear of losing their job if they blow the whistle on this. I've seen it before.

 

So, the OP could actually be doing the other employee's a favor by exposing the affair for them. Besides! She seems proud of the relationship. Why not tell the world! Why would she have to hide the relationship! She hides it because he and she know that the relationship is wrong. That exposing the relationship would bring to light that their marriage didn't die of natural causes and they just "happened to find each other" due to the fact that they "leaned on each other during the demise of their own marriages and through all this; they fell in love." That would be the ideal outcome......but let's face it, it would be a lie.

[Radu]

I wouldn't send the letter. Because, lets face it. She's sorry she hurt you, but not sorry about what she did.

 

What I WOULD do is talk to a lawyer and have him or her approach the company's HR department about the inappropriate relationship between the company's CEO and a PA. Believe me, they're going to move on this and fast. The last thing they want is a scandal. And they'll put a stop to it and will probably settle out of court with a nice sum of money to keep you quite. Then, I would talk to the lawyer about suing the douche rocket for alination of affection. This guy will throw your wife under the bus soooo fast to save his own ass, it won't be funny. (so much for for her knight in shining armor!)

 

THEN! I would inform the OMW. You wrote that he left her and their two kids. She's probably heartbroken and beating herself think about what she did wrong, or what she could have done different to save her marriage and may not have ANY idea that your wife was involved and could have been the reason why he left, that it wasn't her fault. Because, lets face it, do you honestly think he's going to leave saying that he's found someone else and take all the blame? HELL NO!! He's gonna tell her he's leaving because you didn't do this, that or the other.She has the right to know the truth.

 

Time to stop feeling sorry for your situation and start taking action.

 

This OP.

 

Everything you have done so far has had the effect of enabling her affair.

CEO's are like Presidents, they need to look good out there or else they are damaged, PR is their lifeblood.

 

All of the stuff that Chi said you should do, will only have as effect to throw your wife's ass off his boat.

At that point she will see her affair fog crumble.

I wouldn't rely too much on her own family though [you mention she is from Asia so i assume they are a tad materialistic].

[CptSaveAho]

And I disagree with sitting back and being a doormat. I disagree that they can get away with thinking that this type of behavior is acceptable. That they can get away scott free and leave a trail of pain in their wake with not only the OP but with the OMW and her kids too because of their selfish behaviors!

 

I don't believe it's being vindictive. I believe it's calling them out on their morals. Bottomline, when you strip it down to the bare bones, he is her superior and she is his subordinate in the workplace. I have sat through enough departmental meetings on fraternization in almost every job I ever had to know that this type of workplace relationship isn't acceptable. It is a conflict of interest and ,to be honest, not fair to the others in the position of PA because how much influence does this affair have on her annual review? I believe that someone there has a feeling that a relationship exisit, but is too afraid to say anything for fear of losing their job if they blow the whistle on this. I've seen it before.

 

So, the OP could actually be doing the other employee's a favor by exposing the affair for them. Besides! She seems proud of the relationship. Why not tell the world! Why would she have to hide the relationship! She hides it because he and she know that the relationship is wrong. That exposing the relationship would bring to light that their marriage didn't die of natural causes and they just "happened to find each other" due to the fact that they "leaned on each other during the demise of their own marriages and through all this; they fell in love." That would be the ideal outcome......but let's face it, it would be a lie.

 

Who cares, its her life, "feelings change" He doesnt have to do a thing, she will get hers on her own.

 

Being a doormat is allowing the behavior to happen to him over and over again.

 

What you guys aren't reading from this is he married a ****ty one. He's responsible too and he knows it.

 

I dont know of a single couple that waits 4 years to get married at that age unless theres a big problem in the relationship. Not only that, they waited until she was 30 to have a kid? Both of them were trying to save the relationship instead of letting it go.

 

By moving on with his life and focusing on him and his sons behavior, OP gets a free pass. She wasn't foxhole material and he learned the "HARD" way. Contrary to your projections Chitown.... "Love isnt a battlefield"

 

He's just as at fault and Im sure he knows it deep down. Probably his first long term relationship.

 

If you truly want to punish her behavior... remove her from your existance... creating drama only validates her reasons for doing what she did and she will welcome it and laugh at it. Men need to learn to "WALK AWAY"

Edited December 17, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[Chi townD]

Men need to learn to "WALK AWAY"

 

 

With his tail between his legs...sorry dude, but you're missing the point. By your reasoning he shouldn't tell the OMW who, by all rights, needs to know what kind of man she married. None of his business, he should just walk away.

 

This guy is doing a big no no in the Corporate world and destroyed a marriage for his own personal gratification, but he should just walk away. No harm, no foul. The bigger man won, so I'll just walk away.

 

Let her spin her lies on the demise of the marriage because, "We want different things in life." or "we weren't getting along for sometime" or "I haven't been happy in years" or whatever lies she wants to spit out to friends and family. Nah, he should walk away from that too.

 

Look, all he would be doing is exposing the affair for what it is. An affair. For the truth to come to light. That they learn that their actions have consequences and some of those, they may not like. But, if she didn't want to the truth of her actions to come to light then she shouldn't have done them to begin with.

 

Your right "love isn't a battlefield" but sometimes you have to fight for your self esteem and your self respect. I guess that's where we differ. And I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. But, as a man I would want to walk away with my head held high knowing that people know the truth rather than walking away a defeated cuckold.

[CptSaveAho]

My self esteem and my self respect arent connected to a woman who chose her own path in life. If she wants out and to be a loser, then thats her choice. I choose to walk away. There's a saying LET IT GO.

 

Who cares what a piece of **** cheater spins as her truth. That person essentially lies to themself. Not healthy emotionally, wont find happiness, etc. Like I said for her, Games Over, she loses... 32 divorced with a kid and a cheater... I am 31 and can spot those losers a MILE AWAY. No emotionally healthy MAN would give someone like her the time of day. She's ****ed for life

 

He wins because he can date and find a GOOD one that's younger with no / less baggage

 

Think about it this way, if you expose the truth in your manner, you are making it public that you are a defeated cuckold. There's no dignity and self respect in that

Edited December 17, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[Chi townD]

See, that's were we have a difference of opinion. I'm not passive when I've been wronged. NOW, I'm not saying that he should buy space in the newspaper and buy a billboard. Just letting the people know that NEED to know. And there's nothing wrong with exposing an affair. Any infidelity forum you go to will say the same thing. Expose, expose, expose....whether he's going to reconcile or not. From his orginal post. It seemed like he was on the fence.

[CptSaveAho]

All infidelity forums are filled with people that are "hurt" and projecting hurt advice

 

Here's something to logically think about... put your emotions on the back burner

 

"If they cared, they would not have cheated. After they dump you, they care even less"

 

People cheat because they want something to change/or to end the relationship. There's absolutely no NEED to relive that moment over and over again. Let it go and move on

[Chi townD]

Actually, what happened to me was years ago and I think I'm pretty well adjusted from giving "hurt" advice. Actually, I think I usually give sound advice.

 

So, I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.

[CptSaveAho]

No offense, you are still projecting from years ago, you continuously relive that breakup over and over again in your posts here

 

Let it go...

Edited December 17, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[Treasa]

Within the hour (!) she wrote me a long mail telling me our relationship had felt like a cage and that I had chained her up and kept her from becoming who she really is. That traditional family life is not for her. That she though I had understood she just needed space and time but I kept coming back trying to fix things. In this mail she communicated more than she has for a long time. At first I first I was relieved - wow - nice to hear from you. But then I saw how absurd it was.

She wrote this mail not knowing that I had recently met her friend and new she is seeing this man. And besides, its simply not true - I have supported her in everything. I let go in sept when I understood what she was asking for - space for herself. And we both wanted a non traditional life of project work, travelling etc. But once you get that baby it just settles down for a couple of years.

 

But now she just wants to be free and with no attachments and be an artist. The botttom line is - we have a beautiful son of 2 years and she has felt bored in the relationship and with the everyday routine.

/xxxxxx

 

Here's what I see. A woman who got bored and doesn't want the responsibility of a "traditional family life." As in, here, you take the kid. I want to f my boss.

 

No one said marriage or kids are easy. But when you make commitments, I don't think you should give up on them just because you're "bored." Guess what? That happens in EVERY relationship! But it's sad for her to walk away from a man who tried to make things better. It doesn't seem like she cares that much about her very young son.

 

I think she should be given a dose of reality.

[Chi townD]

No offense, you are still projecting from years ago, you continuously relive that breakup over and over again in your posts here

 

Let it go...

 

 

LMAO!!! Thanks. I needed a good laugh today....okay, I'll let go......

[Chi townD]

Look, I don't want to get into a pissing match. I have an awesome life. I'm married, educated and well traveled. The OP ony has 2 posts and is probably not coming back. This could be a hit and run thread. No need to get heated over something that isn't going to come to fruition.

[Mike_d]

take it to PM eh? /threadjack