Scarlett5 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Does anyone ever feel kind of pressured to be the ‘main event’ in someone’s life? I really struggle with the thought of being someone’s girlfriend/wife, and the thought of them relying on me for emotional support and entertainment (couldn’t think of a better word). Fulfilling someone's relationship needs and making them feel needed seems like a huge deal to me, and yet other people seem to have no issues with it - it comes naturally to them. My head knows I have a lot of great qualities and that I can definitely be a great girlfriend. But my heart, for some reason, doesn’t think I’m capable. My feelings and thoughts just don’t gel. In the past this has swayed me towards the emotionally unavailable man, and has pretty much kept me single for most of my 20s (I’m 27). I really want to break out of this rut, but there’s still a little voice nagging away that doesn’t think I’m good enough. Any thoughts?
todreaminblue Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 (edited) Does anyone ever feel kind of pressured to be the ‘main event’ in someone’s life? I really struggle with the thought of being someone’s girlfriend/wife, and the thought of them relying on me for emotional support and entertainment (couldn’t think of a better word). Fulfilling someone's relationship needs and making them feel needed seems like a huge deal to me, and yet other people seem to have no issues with it - it comes naturally to them. My head knows I have a lot of great qualities and that I can definitely be a great girlfriend. But my heart, for some reason, doesn’t think I’m capable. My feelings and thoughts just don’t gel. In the past this has swayed me towards the emotionally unavailable man, and has pretty much kept me single for most of my 20s (I’m 27). I really want to break out of this rut, but there’s still a little voice nagging away that doesn’t think I’m good enough. Any thoughts? I feel the same way sometimes......i hate failing people i have a fear of it........especially a partner.....i have been failed and it feels like utter...... one word ....disillusionment.......im tired of trying to fix relationships by myself.... sometimes it would be nice to not be relied on for everything..sometimes i just cant fix something that includes others.....and this is where i get that fear of failure.......so if i do fail its a cyclonic effect of everything crashing at once because all the plates stacked up are on me.....i have a problem with letting things just happen or admitting i need help i struggle through without asking when times get rough and try and be there to support all my family...and sometimes i go totally ocd doing this...i have to find that balance i am getting better......in the past i let partners get away with things i shouldnt hav e...crushed my spirit and who i was......i didnt stand up and say hey i really need help ....until it was too late....in hindsight though he knew.......because i started to go down hill....evidence of anxiety.....he continued having an affair so yep crushed....... it was hard to get over....i know now i am ready to date again....i dont want to fall into old habits and i have experience on what they are...i do attract guys who have issues...because i am understanding and compassionate ill put aside what i feel or want to do ...to help them chase what they want or feel .........for once i dont want to have to know everything and i want to be considered as having dreams and that i count.... ....... not always how do i fix this, do that, go here go there make all major decisions...research everything trying to make it right...it would be nice to be in a relationship where i know the person i was with had my best interests at heart and i actually trusted completely....like i can be trusted....because i can ...even though i mess up its only when i take it all on.....i fail........i need a balance and to be told the truth no you just cant do it....instead of yeah you can do it you always do...go on do your thing...that makes me ocd...i am ready to date even though i know i have issues my issues can be useful......i am never boring.....smilin...i just need to find the right kind of guy even though i dont like forceful or overly dominant i do need sometimes to be told you can tlet em help you adn not take my stock answer....i can do it when do you need it....i need someone who can see beyond my determination......someone forceful enough to say nah you aint doing it....leave that one to me or they need to do that themselves.....so someone with a bit of honesty and yes a stubborn person....lol.....a bit ocd with me probably.not be agressive but just more determined than me...its a big ask...so yeah probably staying signal for quite a while....good luck to you and yours whoever that yours turns out to be...........ps if you are like m ea little in tehfear of failure......i feel its others who have really failed me just not good enough ro right for m e...my fault...i chose to eb in a realtionship with them......so maybe that si for you to they werent good enough for you.............deb.. Edited December 16, 2012 by todreaminblue
newmoon Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 when you're in a serious relationship no one can be your everything and provide everything you need both physically and emotionally. that is too much to ask of anyone! that is why, when you're in a relationship it's important for both partners to maintain hobbies and interests and other friends. it is vitally important, imo to have opposite sex friends and close friends apart from 'couple' friends so that you are not relying upon your partner for everything. if you really have that fear then a suggestion would be to find a guy with a really active social life/lots of friends, because someone like that will definitely not need 100% of your time, support and energy. the best marriages and partnerships are between two people who come together because they like each other, not because they need each other. you'll be fine - focus on finding someone who has their act together professionally and personally; a mature partner will understand that 1 person cannot be their everything and will have a life outside of you :-) 2
Author Scarlett5 Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 Thanks new moon, I think you're so right. I definitely want a guy who has his own friends and interests - as do I. I also think that helps keep the relationship more fresh and exciting. It's tough, sometimes it can make me feel inferior to others - there are relationships every way i turn. But I know I'll overcome it eventually and be able to have one of my own
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