ex bf contacted me after 7 weeks of no contact

[sadbunnyy]

My ex broke up with me in the beginning of October. We dated for nearly 3 years. He is trying to get into medical school and has been studying for the mcat, which he has put ALL his energy into. This put a lot of strain into our relationship because i started to feel very neglected. His been struggling to get a good score which gave him stress also. I started to feel very lonely because he was always busy studying or with his family.

 

I kept on trying because I really loved him and I wanted a future with him but I felt that he wasn't putting enough effort into our relationship. He would always say he missed me but his actions proved other wise. What upset me most was when he did have spare time he would play video games instead of wanting to spend time with me. I couldn't take it any longer and we got into a huge argument. He ended up breaking up with me saying that we should go our separate ways now.. He was pretty angry and said mean things but i kept my cool and never once said anything hurtful...

 

I feel really hurt because I invested a lot into this relationship..not to mention waited for him and endured it for a long time only to be dumped.. When he broke up with me I begged and pleaded for him to stay, which only made him angrier. So I started no contact. After 7 Weeks he emails me asking me how I was doing, if i was still working at the same place and hope i was doing well. I responded and told him that I was ok and that I was taking it day by day, and hope that he was doing well too. Im upset that i broke no contact because now I'm waiting to see if he will contact me again...ugh I made so much progress, now i feel i've took 20 steps back

 

its been 10 days since....i've gone back to no contact. Its so hard to walk away from someone you love............ I feel that I need to let him go in order to know if it was really meant to be...I guess giving him the space and time he needs is best..

 

What do you guys think??

[allenpo123]

I think you've done a great job! You made NC for 7 weeks, and it was HIM who contacted you first! Hang in there! Lets see if he'll contact you again.

 

It's always hard to walk away... I'm in that progress now and I'm stilling coping with it

But I think you are completely right, we just have to see the world for ourselves, learn to be single again before anything better comes along. Maybe he'll be back, maybe you won't want him back, or another better person comes into your life.

 

Stay strong

[LostOne1]

Kinda scary.. because your relationship sounds like mines...

 

3 yrs.. I some what neglected my ex but not on purpose. I had so many things going on I was trying to give everything and everyone some time. I guess for my ex certain things happened and I couldn't be there for her. So I assume she felt like what's the point and BU with me.

 

I would've NEVER broken up with her no matter how stressful things get. I loved her a lot even if I couldn't always show it. I kinda wish my ex was like you... understanding I am busy with stuff, but it doesn't mean I don't love her or am not trying to give her time.

 

Sad part is some other random guy on her work trip gave her time. And I guess thats why she BU with me. Probably liked the attention this other guy gave her and after 3 yrs on the weke of our anniversary just left me like that.... never really explained anything besides saying "I have no idea what I put her through" which makes no sense, as I never broke up with her.

 

I think your ex BU with you because he knows he can feel better. I mean that you making him feel like he is neglecting you and he can throw it back at you by BU with you and blaming you for it. But really I think he is to blame, but he can't see it right now so he puts the blame on you.

 

I think if you give it time and go NC and not reply anytime soon. I say in a month he will see what he is missing out and how you loved him a lot and he just let his emotions take over and made a bad call. He's just being a bit immature right now and I think soon he will get that he's being an idiot and will have to work hard to show you he really loves you.

 

I don't know I see a bit of me in him maybe based off the BU. But I know I wouldn't have BU with my ex ever even if I was stressed.

[movingon12]

You're doing the right thing. I know it's hard not to reply when someone gets back in touch, and I know it's hard not to kick yourself after you do relent and reply.

 

But, it was just a slip, you made it through the first 7 weeks - and that's the hardest part over with. It (slowly) gets easier.

 

Though, remember, you're not doing NC for his benefit - you're doing NC because it's what will make you happier in the long run. What he thinks he needs is none of your concern any more. What matters is what you need. And what you need, is to be able to move and eventually find someone who will put enough effort into being with you.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Kinda scary.. because your relationship sounds like mines...

 

3 yrs.. I some what neglected my ex but not on purpose. I had so many things going on I was trying to give everything and everyone some time. I guess for my ex certain things happened and I couldn't be there for her. So I assume she felt like what's the point and BU with me.

 

I would've NEVER broken up with her no matter how stressful things get. I loved her a lot even if I couldn't always show it. I kinda wish my ex was like you... understanding I am busy with stuff, but it doesn't mean I don't love her or am not trying to give her time.

 

Sad part is some other random guy on her work trip gave her time. And I guess thats why she BU with me. Probably liked the attention this other guy gave her and after 3 yrs on the weke of our anniversary just left me like that.... never really explained anything besides saying "I have no idea what I put her through" which makes no sense, as I never broke up with her.

 

I think your ex BU with you because he knows he can feel better. I mean that you making him feel like he is neglecting you and he can throw it back at you by BU with you and blaming you for it. But really I think he is to blame, but he can't see it right now so he puts the blame on you.

 

I think if you give it time and go NC and not reply anytime soon. I say in a month he will see what he is missing out and how you loved him a lot and he just let his emotions take over and made a bad call. He's just being a bit immature right now and I think soon he will get that he's being an idiot and will have to work hard to show you he really loves you.

 

I don't know I see a bit of me in him maybe based off the BU. But I know I wouldn't have BU with my ex ever even if I was stressed.

 

Hey LostOne, question. Your story almost goes along with mine. I think mine felt very neglected because of my busy work schedule, and she started going out to clubs before the BU a lot and was liking the attention she was getting from guys. So, she broke up even after I begged and pleaded that I do care about her and work just got too much. She just said it shouldnt have taken a breakup for you to realize that. Then about 900 other reasons of course BUT I digress. What has happend/happening in your story currently? Have to tried telling your EX that you will show her more love? Have you tried apologizing and what not about it? I'm wanting to rectify my situation with my EX so I was hoping maybe you could tell me a little about yours. THANKS

[Samilia]

My ex broke up with me in the beginning of October. We dated for nearly 3 years. He is trying to get into medical school and has been studying for the mcat, which he has put ALL his energy into. This put a lot of strain into our relationship because i started to feel very neglected. His been struggling to get a good score which gave him stress also. I started to feel very lonely because he was always busy studying or with his family.

 

I kept on trying because I really loved him and I wanted a future with him but I felt that he wasn't putting enough effort into our relationship. He would always say he missed me but his actions proved other wise. What upset me most was when he did have spare time he would play video games instead of wanting to spend time with me. I couldn't take it any longer and we got into a huge argument. He ended up breaking up with me saying that we should go our separate ways now.. He was pretty angry and said mean things but i kept my cool and never once said anything hurtful...

 

I feel really hurt because I invested a lot into this relationship..not to mention waited for him and endured it for a long time only to be dumped.. When he broke up with me I begged and pleaded for him to stay, which only made him angrier. So I started no contact. After 7 Weeks he emails me asking me how I was doing, if i was still working at the same place and hope i was doing well. I responded and told him that I was ok and that I was taking it day by day, and hope that he was doing well too. Im upset that i broke no contact because now I'm waiting to see if he will contact me again...ugh I made so much progress, now i feel i've took 20 steps back

 

its been 10 days since....i've gone back to no contact. Its so hard to walk away from someone you love............ I feel that I need to let him go in order to know if it was really meant to be...I guess giving him the space and time he needs is best..

 

What do you guys think??

 

If you break no contact, don't send the puppy vibe again, the "day by day" kind of deal. If you really have to send him an answer, I'd go by "doing great, thanks" or whatever you come up with.

Unless he's got a serious conversation in mind, I would ignore his emails, phone calls, etc...

 

It's hard to walk away from someone you love, indeed, however, he's the one who walked away. Get yourself back up, concentrate on your own life, fill it with whatever can make you feel happy. Friends, work, school, gym, there is a lot out there to help you heal your wounds.

[sadbunnyy]

Kinda scary.. because your relationship sounds like mines...

 

3 yrs.. I some what neglected my ex but not on purpose. I had so many things going on I was trying to give everything and everyone some time. I guess for my ex certain things happened and I couldn't be there for her. So I assume she felt like what's the point and BU with me.

 

I would've NEVER broken up with her no matter how stressful things get. I loved her a lot even if I couldn't always show it. I kinda wish my ex was like you... understanding I am busy with stuff, but it doesn't mean I don't love her or am not trying to give her time.

 

Sad part is some other random guy on her work trip gave her time. And I guess thats why she BU with me. Probably liked the attention this other guy gave her and after 3 yrs on the weke of our anniversary just left me like that.... never really explained anything besides saying "I have no idea what I put her through" which makes no sense, as I never broke up with her.

 

I think your ex BU with you because he knows he can feel better. I mean that you making him feel like he is neglecting you and he can throw it back at you by BU with you and blaming you for it. But really I think he is to blame, but he can't see it right now so he puts the blame on you.

 

I think if you give it time and go NC and not reply anytime soon. I say in a month he will see what he is missing out and how you loved him a lot and he just let his emotions take over and made a bad call. He's just being a bit immature right now and I think soon he will get that he's being an idiot and will have to work hard to show you he really loves you.

 

I don't know I see a bit of me in him maybe based off the BU. But I know I wouldn't have BU with my ex ever even if I was stressed.

 

 

 

I hope he realizes that I did really try my hardest..but I cant be the only one putting in effort. When you don't take care of a relationship it will eventually die...Its hard for me to give up on what we had but if he was willing to walk away from it then there's no choice for me but to walk away also...

[sadbunnyy]

I think you've done a great job! You made NC for 7 weeks, and it was HIM who contacted you first! Hang in there! Lets see if he'll contact you again.

 

It's always hard to walk away... I'm in that progress now and I'm stilling coping with it

But I think you are completely right, we just have to see the world for ourselves, learn to be single again before anything better comes along. Maybe he'll be back, maybe you won't want him back, or another better person comes into your life.

 

Stay strong

 

Thanks I'm doing my best to stay strong! I didn't want to be waiting around for him to contact me again...that's why it was probably best if i never replied to him at all...but i did. can't take it back now. I'll just take his email as it is and not think too much about it...I don't want to get my hopes up because I know I'll only be disappointed in the end...

[sadbunnyy]

If you break no contact, don't send the puppy vibe again, the "day by day" kind of deal. If you really have to send him an answer, I'd go by "doing great, thanks" or whatever you come up with.

Unless he's got a serious conversation in mind, I would ignore his emails, phone calls, etc...

 

It's hard to walk away from someone you love, indeed, however, he's the one who walked away. Get yourself back up, concentrate on your own life, fill it with whatever can make you feel happy. Friends, work, school, gym, there is a lot out there to help you heal your wounds.

 

I know I shouldn't have said "day by day"...wish I never replied at all. I probably wont hear from him again...but IF he does try to contact me and its just to see how i am doing again i wont reply. I need more than How are you?...... I'm trying my best to stay strong and keep myself busy with work. some days it gets hard but I try my best.

[na49]

Not what you want to hear, but he may not care enough to give you more than a "how are you?". I'm there with you at the moment, any text I get from my ex is like gold. I figure out it's meaning even though it has no meaning. Take every day that you don't contact him and look at it as a success. Then look at your success over a week, then a month, then eventually you'll be on your way to healing. Doing your best is all you can do, most of the time it's enough.

[LostOne1]

Hey LostOne, question. Your story almost goes along with mine. I think mine felt very neglected because of my busy work schedule, and she started going out to clubs before the BU a lot and was liking the attention she was getting from guys. So, she broke up even after I begged and pleaded that I do care about her and work just got too much. She just said it shouldnt have taken a breakup for you to realize that. Then about 900 other reasons of course BUT I digress. What has happend/happening in your story currently? Have to tried telling your EX that you will show her more love? Have you tried apologizing and what not about it? I'm wanting to rectify my situation with my EX so I was hoping maybe you could tell me a little about yours. THANKS

 

Wow.. scary.. my ex ALSO said "She just said it shouldnt have taken a breakup for you to realize that".

 

I basically had told my ex sometimes people learn in different ways. And then she told me this saying she ALWAYS used to tell me. "One day you'll realize it and it will be too late".

 

And she was right.. I realized it all AFTER she BU with me on how much I miss her and how I could've done things so much better. But it was after the BU and to be honest. I NEEDED this BU to learn I think... and yeah it hurts, but I always assumed she BU with me to teach me a lesson and "maybe" would've gotten back with me hoping I changed a bit.

 

And yes, I did tell her I changed. I SHOWED it through actions, but it seemed like she either didn't care or she did care, but felt hurt. The problem is by NOT going NC I hurt my chances with us getting back together.

 

I know when she BU with me she wasn't ready for it. Because I accidentally said I was moving on and I hear the pain in her voice on the phone that week or 2 after she BU with me. Which to me tells me she wasn't expecting me to move on. But I was stupid and felt her pain and took it back and said no I don't want to move on without you. (rookie bad move #1)

 

Then the other part was emailing her ALL the bad things I've ever done. Which was stupid, because it made me look even worse and probably made her feel better about BU with me.

 

Anyways she got back I got aggresive, because she promised to meet up and she refused. She kept telling me "I'm not yours anymore". And I have no idea what she meant by it. To me in my impression I thought it meant.. I'm not yours anymore meaning I'm someone else's now.

 

So we fought and she told me "can you handle the truth" and from then she said she was seeing someone else. So we fought and what not for a while this all through text. Then at the end she said "I'm not seeing anyone I said it so you would move on".

 

After that I pulled another stupid rookie mistake. I posted on FB publically that she cheated on me and wrote her name. A LOT of people saw it and I had people ringing my phone, posting comments etc.. My ex saw it too and flipped and blocked me on FB. A month later I talked to her she said the FB thing killed it for her. And I can't blame her it was the biggest mistake I made. The sad part is my sister TOLD me to take it down the min after I put it up saying I would regret it. I never did take it down and I gotta admit I regret it.

 

After that we did talk still and she calmed down and all. But she never chased after me except 1 time. And the way things have ended now.. it's more stuff but lots too post. You should check my posts.

 

Really... the chances of us getting back are none. The sad part is I don't know what happened to her on her trip that changed her this much. That she would have this much anger in her. I don't fully know if she cheated on me or not. I don't know much and she never once wanted to meet up to talk. Or if she did she said she wasn't ready or didn't want this anymore.

 

My biggest mistake was to NOT accept the BU. When she wanted to break up and get space. I should've BU with her too and given her all the space she wanted. I should've blocked her on FB the next day and all other communication. Because THEN she would realize she's lost me. And either she would chase after me and I'd know she loves me still. Or she wouldn't and in that case I know she doesn't love me enough to lose me.

 

I would've gotten my TRUE answer THEN and I could've moved on a lot sooner. I messed up with this BU and did so many things that made our relationship worse and worse. But I can only learn from it now and slowly move on.

[LostOne1]

I hope he realizes that I did really try my hardest..but I cant be the only one putting in effort. When you don't take care of a relationship it will eventually die...Its hard for me to give up on what we had but if he was willing to walk away from it then there's no choice for me but to walk away also...

Exactly.. the thing is with my 3 yr relationship. The 1st yr I put in LOTS of effort maybe even more than my ex. I was the one always wanting to meet up, and talk etc..

 

Yr 2 things changed and I think it was stress and life wasnt going well for me in other forms. Such as school and self esteem etc.. I was lost and the only good thing was I had my ex. I think she started having to run the relationship and put in all the effort. But she didn't see that I was having troubles with things too.

 

The worst part is that I thought the BU for meant that maybe it would give me space to miss her and change things, so when she got back from her work trip. That I would work with the relationship like I did in the 1st year. And to be honest the BU DID change me. I started seeing all the things I didn't do anymore and how as a person I had become someone I never wanted to become.

 

I stopped sending her cute random e-letters, and texting her cute msg for her lunch or morning breaks etc.. Maybe I got too comfortable or maybe I just couldn't deal with my own life, it was hard enough to maintain a relationship when your not happy with your own self.

 

I just want to say I'm PROUD of you for holding onto the relationship and NOT backing down. You could've easily said F this he doesn't do much now I'm done. Just like my ex did...

 

But you hung in there and you gave your ex support and time to get through his stressful times. And it's not your fault that he bailed. He made a big mistake and if I was in his spot, I'd be super lucky. Which is why I wish my ex was like you.. knowing I am having a tough time, but understanding that I don't purposely try to push her away.

 

I guess my ex just needed excuses to either justify cheating on me or BU with me.

[sadbunnyy]

my ex also got to comfortable...he knew i was always going to be there for him. i eventually got tired of it. i no longer felt like he was chasing me anymore and a girl likes to feel wanted ...maybe someday he will realize it...