frozensprouts Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I know there's been threads on here before about how much being a betrayed spouse hurts, but i think it bears repeating... if you were a betrayed spouse, how did you feel? I know I felt awful, like the one person in the whole world who I trusted enough to actually be pen and honest with just turned around and kicked me in the teeth. I completed tainted the rest of our marriage, and broke my heart completely ( i don't say any of that lightly...due to some pretty crappy treatment in my past, I'd been very careful about who I trusted and who I chose to love...his cheating was the ultimate betrayal, and even thought he has done so much to try and make things better, I don't know that he'll ever ever ever know just how much pain he caused...) ( please, this is not a thread for people to debate why a wayward spouse cheats, there's other threads for that, but rather it's a thread that may just make someone think twice before cheating, or mayve , if someone is already in an affair, may help them see just what they are doing to thrie spouse- be they husband or wife)
GLDheart Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Undone. Smashed apart. Broken to pieces. It's tough to get into words how brutal this experience has been. A lifetime of experiences, lessons, achievements, friendships, and more had made me the man I was. 10 years of shared life had built a whole world around "us" as a couple. I had beliefs. I had goals. I had made many resolutions and life choices for where I was headed. In an instant, IT WAS SMASHED APART. Truths that I held absolute were now exposed as lies. The foundation that my choices were built upon disintegrated into dust and the future plans (and time invested into those choices) were now crumbling into worthlessness. They don't call cheating "dropping a nuke on your life" for no reason. It literally felt like a hurricane had ripped through my life. I looked around at the "rubble" and could recognize an old feeling or an old memory but now it was damaged beyond repair. I had made the choice to "Not reconcile" and so, I was left alone with this disasterous mess all around me. I have tried to embrace this as a "cleansing" experience... a chance to rebuild. Bigger, better, stronger. Leaner, meaner, cleaner. I'd be insane to have wished for any of this. But, I won't miss the chance to make something positive out of it. 3
buckeyeblue Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I felt (and still feel) completely gutted, completely heartbroken, tremendously sad -- and d-day was 18 mos. ago. I felt like my life with him was a lie, like I was living "The Truman Show" where everybody knew my real life except me. [This wasn't actually true since he felt guilty and ashamed and kept it a secret from even his best friend]. I lost 17 lbs. in less than three weeks and I was pretty thin to begin with. The betrayal cuts SO deep. Our family life has always consisted of me carrying most of the weight for our children, our household, our meals, our finances - even though I have always held a full-time job that is more difficult/demanding than his. While I was taking care of the house, the four kids, homework, college applications, Christmas, the bills, etc., he was sleeping on the couch right after work so he could be refreshed enough for his marathon phone and sexting sessions after midnight when I was asleep. While I was making his favorite meals, buying him his clothes and shoes (because he did not like to shop), and making sure HIS life was comfortable, he was screwing around. I am moving on without him, so he lost me and the respect of his four children. And for what?? At the end of the day he threw his OW away like the trash that she is. [And, no, I do not believe that all OW are trash, but in my case, she is. I had never met her, yet she stalked me and my children after d-day. I had to report her at her job and had to file a police report]. 4
2sure Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Like I was a fool for having thought something so wonderful could come so easily. I was. 2
CantgetoveritNY Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I've posted before about how I felt in great detail. Pain and humiliation mostly. One thing I did not mention before is fear. Gut wrenching fear of the unknown. How can I go on? Is there any good possible future for me? 1
ladyinthemts Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 I felt so many things... Confusion, physical pain, embarrassed, heartbroken, dirty, under valued, and ultimate despair. I described it to one as, "I was walking through a field of flowers, thinking that my life finally had a purpose and something good in it, then a huge football player came out of left field and slammed me into the ground, rubbing my face in the dirt. Then I found it its my husband's fault, the man I loved and trusted the most." I felt a fool too and regretted so much. I felt ugly, fat, worthless. I have questioned everything about my life, from marriage and love, to spirituality. I have even struggled with why I try hard to be a good person (because the OW was wicked as they come, for real, and I thought if she gets whatever she wants by being so awful, then why do I try so hard to be a good person?) To sum it up: I felt like I didn't matter as a human being and that no one gave a F about how I felt and what I was going through in the marriage. 1
Rager50 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 I felt like I didn't know the person I had pledged to share my life with, forever. He was a stranger. The person I loved, who loved me, who made all those promises and plans...he didn't exist. I was left with a despicable person, a cruel person, a thoughtless person, a supremely destructive person. I felt...I feel...betrayed on every possible level. I didn't know I was capable of feeling this much sadness. And I feel disgusted with myself. It's on another thread, but I think it bears repeating...he did a horrible thing. I would never do what he did. I would never approve of a friend doing what he did. And he did it to me, and I took him back. What does that say about me, my morals, my character? I've come to doubt everything about our life together - I doubt him and I doubt me.
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