No contact and lonely

[valeriepm]

Me and my ex are 20 years old and dated for three years. About a month ago, we had three rough days - arguing about him moving back into his parents house before the lease was up. The next day, I started crying outside his grandparents house because of their beliefs (aliens, psychics, etc) and how my ex was being influenced by them. I basically called them crazy, said I needed a break, and left. My ex was devastated. He sobbed to his family, saying "I hurt her really bad," and believed I broke up with him.

 

The next two weeks were hell. He went through two cycles of desperately wanting to be with me, ignoring me, then giving me the breakup speech - this was all over the phone by the way (except for the last time we got back together - which was when I picked up my stuff at the apartment). He said he was really hurt and didn't want to get hurt again. I said things when I was angry (he even brought things up from months ago that I thought we were already done with) - such as "I've wasted three years of my life on you" and "I don't want to be the breadwinner of the family." It made him feel like he wasn't good enough. He also said I wasn't affectionate enough and hated how I left to be alone whenever I got upset - two things he doesn't think I can change. I even asked him if those were the only problems and he said yes.

 

He has ignored me for two weeks now. After the second breakup, I pleaded, begged, cried, everything you're not supposed to do. I went to his house a week ago for a proper breakup. I could tell he was extremely upset - wouldn't make eye contact with me, voice cracking, yelling and yelling. He said things such as you're crazy, get out of my life, I used to love you but not anymore, there's nothing to talk about, go find a better man, etc. He even said he lied about getting back together with me so I would feel better - which is a lie, he invited me over the day after but I couldn't make it because of work. I listened to him yell quietly for about five minutes, calmly said "I don't think you ever loved me," and left. I haven't contacted him since (one week) and don't plan to.

 

His mom told me that he is hurting but trying to get through it because he can't imagine a future with me. He's with his friends every day, keeping busy, "cutting his losses." His grandparents said there was too much water under the bridge. Really? I feel like I have barely done anything - and what I have done is fixable. We were loyal to each other, spent every day together, he even introduced me to people as his fiancé - and this is how it ends?

 

Will he ever contact me again? He's an emotional person and I know he has to be hurting. Do you think his anger will subside if I continue to leave him alone? Our relationship was too good to end like this, and I hope he realizes it. Our problems were so minor and I feel completely guilty for them it's as if his love for me turned into hate overnight - we were completely happy, planning the future, etc only four/five weeks ago.

 

**He also instilled in my mind (those beginning two weeks when he wanted to be with me one day and not the next) that his family didn't like me and I had to make it better because of what I said. He told me to please talk to his family, they're important, I want to be with you, etc. This was also a supposed reason for the breakup. I tried and no one cared, said they barely even talked to him about it - they said he was putting the blame on someone else because it would be hard for him to directly hurt me. This is also the first time he's lied to me in three years...and a weird lie at that too.

[valeriepm]

Please...anyone? I'd really appreciate it.

[jbsoccer]

Me and my ex are 20 years old and dated for three years. About a month ago, we had three rough days - arguing about him moving back into his parents house before the lease was up. The next day, I started crying outside his grandparents house because of their beliefs (aliens, psychics, etc) and how my ex was being influenced by them. I basically called them crazy, said I needed a break, and left. My ex was devastated. He sobbed to his family, saying "I hurt her really bad," and believed I broke up with him.

 

The next two weeks were hell. He went through two cycles of desperately wanting to be with me, ignoring me, then giving me the breakup speech - this was all over the phone by the way (except for the last time we got back together - which was when I picked up my stuff at the apartment). He said he was really hurt and didn't want to get hurt again. I said things when I was angry (he even brought things up from months ago that I thought we were already done with) - such as "I've wasted three years of my life on you" and "I don't want to be the breadwinner of the family." It made him feel like he wasn't good enough. He also said I wasn't affectionate enough and hated how I left to be alone whenever I got upset - two things he doesn't think I can change. I even asked him if those were the only problems and he said yes.

 

He has ignored me for two weeks now. After the second breakup, I pleaded, begged, cried, everything you're not supposed to do. I went to his house a week ago for a proper breakup. I could tell he was extremely upset - wouldn't make eye contact with me, voice cracking, yelling and yelling. He said things such as you're crazy, get out of my life, I used to love you but not anymore, there's nothing to talk about, go find a better man, etc. He even said he lied about getting back together with me so I would feel better - which is a lie, he invited me over the day after but I couldn't make it because of work. I listened to him yell quietly for about five minutes, calmly said "I don't think you ever loved me," and left. I haven't contacted him since (one week) and don't plan to.

 

His mom told me that he is hurting but trying to get through it because he can't imagine a future with me. He's with his friends every day, keeping busy, "cutting his losses." His grandparents said there was too much water under the bridge. Really? I feel like I have barely done anything - and what I have done is fixable. We were loyal to each other, spent every day together, he even introduced me to people as his fiancé - and this is how it ends?

 

Will he ever contact me again? He's an emotional person and I know he has to be hurting. Do you think his anger will subside if I continue to leave him alone? Our relationship was too good to end like this, and I hope he realizes it. Our problems were so minor and I feel completely guilty for them it's as if his love for me turned into hate overnight - we were completely happy, planning the future, etc only four/five weeks ago.

 

**He also instilled in my mind (those beginning two weeks when he wanted to be with me one day and not the next) that his family didn't like me and I had to make it better because of what I said. He told me to please talk to his family, they're important, I want to be with you, etc. This was also a supposed reason for the breakup. I tried and no one cared, said they barely even talked to him about it - they said he was putting the blame on someone else because it would be hard for him to directly hurt me. This is also the first time he's lied to me in three years...and a weird lie at that too.

 

Why did he move back into his parents house? did you guys live together?

 

It sounds like he definitely has some self esteem issues and is a little emotionally unstable. My ex has some pretty serious self esteem issues and im going through some similar stuff about them not thinking they are good enough.

 

I really wouldnt worry about the family and what they say. A. they dont know the relationship like you do and B. they are obviously going to take his side and support him, this includes saying what they think he wants to hear.

 

I think he seems some time and space, you said its been a week. That may be enough, you know him better than anyone on here. Id have a rational talk face to face and explain everything, how you feel, what youre thinking, what you want.

Breaking up with no real definitive reason sucks. He needs to be more secure with himself, hopefully he will let you help.

[valeriepm]

He decided to go back to school, so he's switching to a part time job and wouldn't be able to afford the apartment. We lived together, although the lease was under his name. I did talk to him face to face a week ago (I mentioned it above) and he was extremely angry and wanted nothing to do with me - said he didn't love me anymore and called me crazy. He said there was nothing to talk about.

 

Today is a difficult day and I'm feeling guilty. I will continue with no contact and try to get back on my feet. I feel like if I was more affectionate and wasn't under so much stress the week before, none of this would have happened. He is insecure because of what I said in the past - but he also has developed an ego since he enlisted in the army over a year ago. I'm afraid his pride will keep him from contacting me even if he wanted to. I just can't believe he can go from saying "this is a misunderstood situation," "I want to be with you," "you're my pumpkin" to remembering the bad aspects of our relationship and hating me all in one month.

[valeriepm]

I would really appreciate any more advice - anyone to talk to, please?

[Samilia]

Before the lease was up? Personally I'd go after him for rent money. Teach him how "crazy" you are.

[valeriepm]

His parents broke the lease for $900 because they convinced him to get a part time job, move back into their place, and go to college. I agree he should go back to school and was fine with the situation - but why move out twenty days before you have to? The worst part, he told me he had moved everything out of the place when I was at work (completely unexpected and I was upset he didn't tell me he planned on doing it). We didn't officially live together - his name was on the lease and he paid the bills - but I did spend every night there and had a good amount of belongings there. I even offered to pay half the rent so he wouldn't have to move out, but he refused. There was just simply no reason to move out so early and I was upset he didn't tell me.

[Samilia]

His parents broke the lease for $900 because they convinced him to get a part time job, move back into their place, and go to college. I agree he should go back to school and was fine with the situation - but why move out twenty days before you have to? The worst part, he told me he had moved everything out of the place when I was at work (completely unexpected and I was upset he didn't tell me he planned on doing it). We didn't officially live together - his name was on the lease and he paid the bills - but I did spend every night there and had a good amount of belongings there. I even offered to pay half the rent so he wouldn't have to move out, but he refused. There was just simply no reason to move out so early and I was upset he didn't tell me.

 

Well, the reason probably was that he was breaking up with you and didn't want to stay there.

[LostOne1]

His parents broke the lease for $900 because they convinced him to get a part time job, move back into their place, and go to college. I agree he should go back to school and was fine with the situation - but why move out twenty days before you have to? The worst part, he told me he had moved everything out of the place when I was at work (completely unexpected and I was upset he didn't tell me he planned on doing it). We didn't officially live together - his name was on the lease and he paid the bills - but I did spend every night there and had a good amount of belongings there. I even offered to pay half the rent so he wouldn't have to move out, but he refused. There was just simply no reason to move out so early and I was upset he didn't tell me.

wouldn't he pay no rent by living with his parents.

 

My guess is he felt like he wanted to start something new. Maybe he just doesn't care? I mean I can't see why I wouldn't tell someone I'm with that I'm moving out or thinking about it.

 

To me that's either a bit selfish or someone just thinking about what they want... and maybe he doesn't care enough to know or see how you feel about it.

[valeriepm]

Well the day he moved out was the day we argued about it. Then we argued about beliefs the day after and broke up. He told me he was moving out probably two weeks before he did - I just assumed he would wait longer to "officially" move out (since he didn't legally have to be out until December 1st).

 

He seemed excited to move back to his parents and tried to convince me how great it would be - he has cable in his room, they bought him a queen sized bed, etc. His reason for moving out early was to save gas money going to and from work (even though the apartment was only two exits further than his parents) and also to save money on food or something. His parents basically forced him out on his own to begin with and he felt happy when they wanted him back so badly.