Katzen Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Hi there, I've got a friend a year older than me who I've known for a very long time. We always got along very well. This year I entered college and entered the same course studies. However on a different university/college than his. My college seemingly has a very high reputation and the students need a high grade to be accepted in. After so much effort on my last year of senior high school I had a grade high enough to enter this course. His grade wasn't as high as mine, and according to a friend, if he had it this year, he wouldn't have been accepted in his uni. His college is quite good, but mine is quite more demanding (they work in semesters, my college is one of the few who do trimesters). This year he moved out with his girlfriend to the city (3 months now), so I see him every one in a while, roughly once or twice a month. He always asks what's up with college, at first he was very helpful and nice but as time passed, he asked about our material taught and ends dismissing my university and studies. Last friday we got together. He always asks about college (that would be fine) but it bothers me that he ends talking about the material. It is quite annoying to talk about the material when I hang out for doing something else than studying it. I did it to relax myself for the exams this next week. Our other friend (who is our age but in High School) is silent near us. This last time I felt quite bothered because he ended saying that my college was very basic, and stuff like such; Basically dissing it. But indirectly he is attacking all the effort I have done to enter and staying in this college; which is very high. At the end he is supportive as a good friend. But it bothers me a lot that he brings up "this and that is crap in your college" attitude. I never bring up the topic neither attack his college. College brought me a sense of hapiness that I never had before. My commuting gives me freedom and I happen to have wonderful classmates and friends there. His attitude lately intrigues me. Anyone had a similar experience?
SpiralOut Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 He's jealous. He's asking these things so he can find reasons to believe that your school isn't so great after all, so he can feel better about not getting in. Your other friend doesn't say anything because he/she has nothing to contribute to the conversation, not being in college herself. Also she can probably sense the tension. Next time he brings up the subject, tell him you don't feel like talking about school. Maybe make a joke about how classes are driving you crazy right now. Then change the subject. If he's really insistent on knowing the subjects, ask him WHY he wants to know? Sometimes that's enough to make someone stop in their tracks and think about the way they are acting. If that does nothing to stop him, you could tell him again that you don't want to talk about it, but that you can give him a website link or put him in touch with someone who knows more.
wardeassociates Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I was scrolling through my facebook homepage, and I saw that my friend had commented on a picture of one of her friend's. It was a picture of a letter from a poetry contest that I had entered. It was a scam, fake, or something, but they wanted a lot of money for the book and other things. I told my friend, to tell her friend, to warn her before she paid the money(I didn't pay the money). She got defensive, saying that it was her friend's choice, and the she wasn't getting in it. She said she was proud of her, and I told her that I wasn't jealous of her. I mean, I entered in the same contest and got a letter, I wouldn't be jealous.
Author Katzen Posted December 22, 2012 Author Posted December 22, 2012 Sorry for the late reply, last weekend I was halfway in the final exam weeks. I passed one of the most tough ones after failing the midterm one (actually 70% failed that one). He's jealous. He's asking these things so he can find reasons to believe that your school isn't so great after all, so he can feel better about not getting in. Your other friend doesn't say anything because he/she has nothing to contribute to the conversation, not being in college herself. Also she can probably sense the tension. [...] Indeed, I felt this sort of covered jealousy from him. We're having a dinner on Xmas night and I'm sure he will try to bring the topic on the table. Thank you very much for the tips. If we conversate about it, I'll try to just talk about some general stuff and abandon the topic, as we are the only two in college that there will be in the table and it's not much of an interest to another. I have met our other friend a few times since and did even want to express my concerns to him about it, but somehow passed. Wanted to say something in a way of "I am worried about him talking so much about academics on friday night, and for you it is of no interest..." However it feels a bit weird to have such a long time friend have this attitude. Our other friend (the one still in HS) was introduced to me by him; and I get to be closer with him despite having known him fewer years. I guess life takes some people apart slowly. She got defensive, saying that it was her friend's choice, and the she wasn't getting in it. She said she was proud of her, and I told her that I wasn't jealous of her. I mean, I entered in the same contest and got a letter, I wouldn't be jealous. I might not be able to give advice on your issue but it seems like she doesn't want you to interfere in that.
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