dpc1192 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 So I have a problem where I constantly think of the future and what the present is working towards. My last relationship lasted about a year, with a girl who was extremely sweet and pretty. She loved me and we got along great until about 3 months ago things started getting crazy. We're in college and all my guy friends are single so I sort of was questioning if she was the "one" and if i truly loved her. I loved spending time with her and all the happy times we had, but for some reason I felt like I couldn't get through the protective walls she put up and that frustrated me. She was extremely fragile and delicate, and tried to be the opposite but that is not who she is.
Quest4_TheLost Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Although I would like to beleive that the "One" exsists. I'm not so sure anymore. I have had a few very long term relationships 9 yrs and 5 yrs long. It seems more of the "one" right now thing in this day and age. Anyway your 21 in college. Stop worrying about marriage and the one and GO HAVE FUN!! If you do beleive in the one and fate, then I'm sure she will get her claws into you at some point!
CarrieT Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 OP - I was like you and thought I needed to find "the one" when I was about your age and I married the first guy who used the "L" word on me just before my 21st birthday. I was divorced by 25 and subsequently have had four long-term relationships (3 1/2 years, 11 years, and 2 1/2 years). I am not approaching fifty and can assure you that the heart is very resilient and it is very, very possible to love more than one person; meaning, for some, there is "the one" for a lifetime, but that there is no need to worry about finding "the one" because you might love often and more than one. Also - what I was told at your age and didn't believe - you are going to become and grow into an entirely different person in the next ten years. I believe it is why so many relationships don't survive peoples' twenties: You will gel into who you are as a person and what you want to be and the idea that you have to find someone to be with when who you are doesn't exist yet is a difficult task. Slow down, enjoy life, and enjoy the process of loving and learning. Don't stress about finding "the one" and know that love can come at any age. For me - now close to fifty and having not been married in twenty-some years - I am just now involved with someone that I believe might be the person I will grow old with. It can happen late in life and be just as fulfilling as those that we have in our youth. Trust me.... 1
TheZebra Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 There's also a lot of danger in looking for 'the one' right at this age because you're still trying to figure yourself out (And so is your partner), and who you think you are at 21 might not be what you're also aiming for at 24. I thought my ex was going to be the one; I met him when I was 18 and we had a wonderful relationship. We thought we were completely aligned in terms of where we wanted to be and what we wanted to do... and then life happened. I lost my job, he couldn't find one, problems in the family. It turned out that our thoughts about life and the future weren't quite as aligned when we were faced with those challenges as we thought. I'm glad we never got married, as I'd be divorced right now. Just date around and have fun. If you find the one along the way then great!
mark982 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 you're just 21,date have fun,enjoy life...worry about being tied down later.
Carenth Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 This is my personal opinion but I personally feel that 21 is quite a young age to be thinking about marriage. I know for a fact that the people I was attracted to when I was 20 and 21 are very different to what I'm attracted to now only 5 years later. I'm also a very different person now, pretty much every couple I know who got married in their early twenties is miserable now. I've even had the wife of a couple I was once friends with try to make an advance on me which was incredibly awkward. So my personal advice is just to enjoy your life, don't worry to much about the marriage thing you have plenty of time.
GlendiexElsewhere Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 So I have a problem where I constantly think of the future and what the present is working towards. My last relationship lasted about a year, with a girl who was extremely sweet and pretty. She loved me and we got along great until about 3 months ago things started getting crazy. We're in college and all my guy friends are single so I sort of was questioning if she was the "one" and if i truly loved her. I loved spending time with her and all the happy times we had, but for some reason I felt like I couldn't get through the protective walls she put up and that frustrated me. She was extremely fragile and delicate, and tried to be the opposite but that is not who she is. When its the "one" you feel it right? Those crazy hormones amplify lol You know just like in those love movies lol your young why are you even thinking about it when people start talking to me about marriage I'm like WOW walk away. Enjoy life if your happy in your relationship cherish it if you end up breaking you'll be fine & so will she. It's part of growing up ... sometimes you jut outgrow people.
Author dpc1192 Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 this girl made me happy and i loved spending time with her, but i had a relationship in high school for like a year and i think i was actually in love with that girl. it's weird because i would want to spend more time with her and sort of felt like i was chasing her around which wasn't a good feeling. eventually leading to me saying things and getting frustrated, ultimately trying to make her unhappy for making me unhappy and worry. not very healthy. i was thinking how i could've probably stuck it out with her and just married her and her money but life takes it's course. this semester was really rough for us. we pretty much lived together in NYC this summer, interning and what not and it was a great time. for some reason, maybe we burnt out spending time together (which doesn't seem possible to me if you were in love) or what but once we got back to Miami things soon became different between us.
Author dpc1192 Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 oh and i've always looked up to my older sister and her friends, and the majority of the couples met in college. to my family marriage is what we are supposed to strive for, adding onto our big happy family. this girl never really would talk about the future with me, i could never really see us ending up together because she was scared of the future and didn't show that she was very interested with a future with me. this also lead to my feelings of uncertainty, and me saying things to her that ultimately lead to our breakup.
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