mikeonline Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Hey there am new here, came by chance while google'ing for similar experience like mine, actually i had found many great advices and thoughts by members so i would like to have ur opinion well i know that my story is repetitive somehow, Am 23 years old guy dated 20 yo girl for about 9 months It was great and everything was running on a right track until suddenly about 3 weeks ago i've found some changes in her attitude and trying to show me (using fb status and kinda things) that she cant stop thinking and so afraid .. Then after some days i had received the great call from her that she wants a breakup and doesnt work to show any reason. after some negotiations with her all what i came out that she loves me but she didnt feel comfortable about this relationship anymore and she doesnt know what she really wants .. so i had agreed to end this relationship maybe she calms down later and i had expected to stop being in contact for a while THE CRAZY THING IS .. That within the next day, i found her calling me and she was mad that i didnt call her at morning so i just told some random excuses with a big LOL in my mind .. she kept starting texting everyday with normal conv like "how r u" , how was ur day and so on .. and on the day that we didnt have contact, i find a message next day "seems u had forgot a girl called "xxx" .. Till now am keeping myself calm and dont start any conv with her, just replying in a so cold way when she starts .. Is that right ? do i have to ignore contact totally, should i ask her what is in her mind ?? Now am really confused about the right decision Sorry for being long, but really wanted to share my full experience and waiting ur replies please =) !!
na49 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 I think it's funny that she is offended when you aren't calling her after you guys have broken up. You don't owe her anything now, and she doesn't owe you anything either. She sounds like she has a bit of an ego. She may also be mad that you aren't chasing after her like a dog. (good job keeping to yourself!) She dumped you, but she doesn't want to lose you forever. If you still love her or have any feelings at all (you probably still do), you can't have that. Having her be there but not being there will kill you. I'd say stick to what you're doing. I know how hard it is to ignore those texts and calls. I struggle with them too whenever I get them. We would love to know what they want, we look for meaning in something that has no meaning. They just want to check up on us, maybe to see if we have moved on or not. I feel like most exes don't want the other person to ever move on, but also don't want that person back.
Author mikeonline Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 I feel like most exes don't want the other person to ever move on, but also don't want that person back. So true .. like they dont want to feel regretful one day after they broke up .. i feel like she wants us to have everything we used to have while being lovers but while keeping just friends .. ts like licking a piece of lemon and want to taste it like an apple i really dunno
veggirl Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 "You DUMPED ME. Unless you have something to say about reconciling, stop contacting me!" Put your foot down. She'll keep using you for attention / comfort until she gets a new bf if you don't.
Author mikeonline Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 "You DUMPED ME. Unless you have something to say about reconciling, stop contacting me!" Put your foot down. She'll keep using you for attention / comfort until she gets a new bf if you don't. I thought about saying that when she blamed me for not showing up for a day .. but frankly, i feel like i still want to understand what is really going in her mind, especially that what happened was so fast and unexpected .. Sometimes i feel like she is going to pour everything but she brakes at the very last second !!
Amelie1980 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 The most important thing is what you want. Do you want her back? If not then why bother: tell her to go away.
Jono85 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 dude she's using you. if you're ok with her just using you to help give her comfort while she looks for another guy to get on top of, then keep responding to her. but if u want to be a man, and move on from someone immediately, or at least try to, that has made it known they don't want to be with you romantically anymore, then stop responding to her.
Author mikeonline Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Thanks for ur advices guys .. I think the best way now is to tell her directly that turning to friends is an unacceptable option for me =) !!
Chi townD Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Sounds like a case of the gigs and the reason for all of the phonecalls and texts is because she feels guilt for hurting you. She needs to know you're okay with all of this and as soon and she figures that out! She's out of there like yesterday's newspaper.
mella30 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 do you love her still....if you do then dont ignor her maybe it was her friend that was telling her negitive stuff about her relationship so she just want to break up at that time... so just continue talking to her like nothing happened and ask her if she wants to be with u or not
Author mikeonline Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Sounds like a case of the gigs and the reason for all of the phonecalls and texts is because she feels guilt for hurting you. She needs to know you're okay with all of this and as soon and she figures that out! She's out of there like yesterday's newspaper. I thought of that too, but from her calls and the way she is insisting to try opening long conversations and trying to let me know her news made me feel that there is another reason beyond just feeling guilty .. The most convincing reason i had come out with that she wants a gradual break up ... like staying in a friendship till she feels comfortable enough to move on in all ways, i think stop contacting her and move on is the only choice ,, i wished i could give her another chance but i think there is no way of doing so !!
Chi townD Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Yeah, dude. You're not her back up plan. She using you right now as an emotional tampon. She needs you to fill that emotional need until she finds someone else to fill that role. Here's the deal. She's not your friend. I'm pretty sure you didn't get into a loving and intimate relationship with her for the ultimate outcome of you being nothing more than a really good friend to her.
Author mikeonline Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Yeah, dude. You're not her back up plan. She using you right now as an emotional tampon. She needs you to fill that emotional need until she finds someone else to fill that role. Here's the deal. She's not your friend. I'm pretty sure you didn't get into a loving and intimate relationship with her for the ultimate outcome of you being nothing more than a really good friend to her. u r right .. so from 2 days i was so cold with her she called me again to blame me for not asking about how was her final SAT test .. and all what i replied is "oops i thought it was on the other day sorry for that" I think she was so pissed off and will not talk again .. So what do u think ?? should i call her and tell her it will not work with me to be just friends or i wait till i find if she is going to have a contact again ??!!
Mike_d Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Thanks for ur advices guys .. I think the best way now is to tell her directly that turning to friends is an unacceptable option for me =) !! Awareness and Intent «
Simon Phoenix Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 u r right .. so from 2 days i was so cold with her she called me again to blame me for not asking about how was her final SAT test .. and all what i replied is "oops i thought it was on the other day sorry for that" I think she was so pissed off and will not talk again .. So what do u think ?? should i call her and tell her it will not work with me to be just friends or i wait till i find if she is going to have a contact again ??!! Wait. I wouldn't necessarily say anything and remain silent, but if you must, wait until she tries to get a hold of you again. When she does, remain polite, short and to the point.
Author mikeonline Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Now she is telling me she needs really that break up for a while but she is not that strong to keep a distance even for a short while Girls .. when i think that i had revealed the secret of the way u think .. i discover that i was mistaken !!!!!
Chi townD Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Look, she either gets 100% of you or nothing at all. She either wants you or she doesn't. If she doesn't then you NEED to move on and stop getting filled with false hope. That's not fair to you. Either she's in or out. 1
Author mikeonline Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Look, she either gets 100% of you or nothing at all. She either wants you or she doesn't. If she doesn't then you NEED to move on and stop getting filled with false hope. That's not fair to you. Either she's in or out. u r right .. actually what she said really pissed me off after re thinking about it .. Now moving on and ignoring is the best and Only way thank u =) !!
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