2sure Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Here on LS is the onlty place on the planet where I have heard of BS being told of the affair by WS, opposing it, and not contacting OW. Oddly, this scenerio only comes from OW via what MM told her. A BS who has been told and opposes the affair calls OW out on it unless her husband swears it was nothing. Some wives don't care, they don't call. Some are convinced by their husbands that OW is unsafe, they don't call. The rest do. It's like a vacuum .
Brit Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 MM had chosen his wife when he asked for her hand in marriage, the only person he did not choose is you. He will only age, belly protruding, and cheat again and again, either with his wife or on you. It does not get any better than this. 2
Nyla Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 So I fell in love with a MM. I too, was married, but have since gotten a divorce. I am 27. He, is 41. This past year has been heaven with him. He said he wanted to be with me...and so he told his wife. She said she wanted to make it work. On Wednesday...he called and said he was going to try with her as well. 3 days of NC. And I'm sick over this. I wrote a blog about this in much more detail if you'd like to read : http://Http://lindsaym9.blogspot.com/. I'm just desperate to know if I'll hear from him again and if not...how to let him go. You will likely hear from him again when he grows tired of his wife, but that doesn't matter because it would be better for you to stay away from such drama. Most married men in affairs end up choosing their wives. They choose the women they have built a history and a family with. I hope this will be a good learning experience so that you don't end up being sucked into an affair again.
Author ow9 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 He did choose his wife. End of story. He claims he'll contact me when it's over...because he knows it isn't going to work. Well...if it isn't going to work then give me 100%. Ohhhh wait...you can't. I'm so hurt. And so mad. Regardless of what everyone says...I'm still the one that's alone. Wondering what happened and what I'm supposed to do now.
2sure Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 He did choose his wife. End of story. He claims he'll contact me when it's over...because he knows it isn't going to work. Well...if it isn't going to work then give me 100%. Ohhhh wait...you can't. I'm so hurt. And so mad. Regardless of what everyone says...I'm still the one that's alone. Wondering what happened and what I'm supposed to do now. Theory is youre supposed to let time heal you and talke a lesson away from this. Up to you to take it or not.
coffeebean201 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 (edited) In one of your recent posts you said you are hurt and mad. And that he is probably going to contact you again. That sounds like vulnerability to me. Which is why you are so frustrated with the situation. There are a lot of strong opinions on LS, but it is a good place and they wouldn't be posting here if they honestly didn't want to help as best they could. Edited December 17, 2012 by coffeebean201 typo 1
Lillyfree Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 What is absolutely ridiculous?! I wouldn't have ever posted if I didnt think the year my MM and I had together was something real. I don't know what to think anymore. No one can give me a straight answer. This is overwhelming. the only person that *could* give you a straight answer is the MM. people here speak from their own experiences, it is up to you to take their comments/advice, and apply them to your situation the best you can - and then with a lot of thinking, try and make some sense of what happened.
GreyhoundtoNowhere Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 As I said earlier... I can relate in a lot of ways. However, the thing with your situation is-- he said he chose her (at least for now). But, the point is.... there's really no more answers you need than that. Don't worry about someone who doesn't worry about you. And he's not worried about you at all. I only know that because I say that to myself every Friday/Saturday night when I'm willing my phone to make the text noise that lets me know 'he has remembered i'm there, finally.' He can choose to do whatever he wants to do-- the reasons why he doesn't choose you don't matter. The fact of that matter is that you are where you are now and you have to be enough for yourself at this point. Write a 'goodbye' letter that you don't send. Let it all go. Stop asking why. Why doesn't matter. Why won't make it better. Good luck. 1
truthbetold Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 As I said earlier... I can relate in a lot of ways. However, the thing with your situation is-- he said he chose her (at least for now). But, the point is.... there's really no more answers you need than that. Don't worry about someone who doesn't worry about you. And he's not worried about you at all. I only know that because I say that to myself every Friday/Saturday night when I'm willing my phone to make the text noise that lets me know 'he has remembered i'm there, finally.' He can choose to do whatever he wants to do-- the reasons why he doesn't choose you don't matter. The fact of that matter is that you are where you are now and you have to be enough for yourself at this point. Write a 'goodbye' letter that you don't send. Let it all go. Stop asking why. Why doesn't matter. Why won't make it better. Good luck. This is good advice as was Hockeyfan's. Why didn't you comment on that? Unless it is something you don't want to hear. It's your choice what you're going to do. It seems you just want validation to keep this thing going. If that's true then by all means follow that advice that tells you he loves you and to hang in there. But be very careful as that advice is going to come with a very high price on how much you value yourself and how much of YOUR life you're willing to waste on unfilled promises that likely won't happen. I find it ironic as the only reason certain poster will try to discredit other posters by what shaped their past. Why is that an issue? If the advice resonates with you, good go with it. If it doesn't discard it. But the only reason to find out whether or not someone was actually in an affair before listening to their advice only serves one purpose, so that person can discredit the advice. I don't need to put my hand on a hot stove to know it's hot. I don't need to do drugs to realize they're addictive and will cause me pain. Same with an affair, just because I'm wired to know the damage they do without ever having been in one, doesn't mean I'm disqualified from helping someone who is in pain and wants to find happiness. What qualifies me? Being a human who has made mistakes with single guys who were just as much losers bc I didn't value myself. I didn't meet the right one until I fixed me first. That's why I'm here and pop in to try to help women to value themselves more. If you wish to stay stuck and just listen to those that validates your heart's wants with no regard to reality then be prepared to be crying many more nights. It doesn't take rocket science to figure out if you plan to wait for him for a year, you're going to have many lonely nights. If you wish to get better and get healed and find true happiness. Then stay and keep posting and allow those that DO care enough to post to help you. Once again I wish you peace in healing. 3
Lillyfree Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 MM is the last person who will give it to you straight. unfortunately so.
Author ow9 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 This all has been such good advice. Which might I say, has gotten some people heated. But that’s what these MM have done to us. I know a few on here have called me “dramatic.” Well, duh. For those posting who have had their heart broken, it’s hard not to want to cause a scene. You’re sad, and angry, and lonely, and worst of all you feel rejected by someone whom you truly believed was telling you the truth. You’re right in saying it doesn’t matter why he isn’t with you in the end. Because wondering why will drive you crazy; and even if you did know why, at the end of the day, he still isn’t with you. Boy, LS really is good stuff. It’s kept me busy and hearing all of these different opinions has given me tons of new perspectives that I never would have thought of on my own. He doesn’t think about me? Oh come on! He can’t get me out of his head! No, no. He most definitely does NOT think about me. It hurts to know that, but that very real fact never would have crossed my mind without LS. It kind of hit me last night while I was angrily answering some of these posts. And I’m not saying this to try to make myself feel better. But, wtf?! ALL OF YOU ARE RIGHT. The guy is 41. For the first time last night, that notion made me grimace. That’s disgusting. MM NEVER wanted to be with me, and never will. Get your s*** together, OW9. OH! And I forgot to mention…no…I was not his first OW. I was his third. From what I understand he had two, back to back in 2004. Only lasted a month or so each. And he didn’t love either. I’m sure he will tell the next OW the same thing about me, too. I’m embarrassed. I am …so….embarrassed. But, I’ve got a number to a therapist on my desk right now. I think I’ll call that number this morning. 5
Radu Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 MOM will come back, all MOM come back. MOM loves you within the affair bubble. Outside the affair bubble his love falls apart. Within the affair bubble the love he has for you is quite real. He loves you as the OW and this love is very intense. However, he also loves his wife and daughters and in many instances they will not destroy the family. MOM was eating cake with you. IN other words you were supplementing his marriage because he was probably bored. Whatever he said to you he probably felt it was right, but this was said within the heightened emotions of the affair bubble. You need psychotherapy to understand why you thought an older MOM was a good idea. Most balanced young women pay no attention to older married men. He is spot on OP. I'll add though, the others who point out your father and mother's relationship as the cause of your drama seeking are spot on, after reading your blog.
truthbetold Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 OW, You sound like you are very bright and are going to come through this just fine! I'm glad you saw all of this in the spirit that it was intended instead of reading into it something that wasn't there. BTW even if your exH had good intentions in regards to "Joe". I'm glad you are rid of him as well. Perhaps he was just what you needed in that instant and that night. But for long term as you described him, he sounds like someone you are right to leave in your past. If I am reading it correctly he was abusive to you? Please understand that is what may have set the stage for you to be able to legitimize the affair in your mind. If you explained all of the past hurt to Joe, he was able to unfortunately use that to manipulate you. But regardless it sounds as there's a reason that your exH is your ex and that he really put you through the ringer. Even though a good guy wouldn't have done that to you. I do think you are on your way to discovering happiness for you. I hope you are doing well.
William Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Let's keep discussion confined to the thread starter and their issue. Stage Two. Thread starter, moderation would strongly suggest removing any personally identifiable information from your blog as linking it to LoveShack exposes it to wide coverage on the internet. This thread won't be deleted due to such issues becoming uncomfortable for you. Fair notice and it is in our guidelines and announcements to read in detail.
whichwayisup Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 It kind of hit me last night while I was angrily answering some of these posts. And I’m not saying this to try to make myself feel better. But, wtf?! ALL OF YOU ARE RIGHT. The guy is 41. For the first time last night, that notion made me grimace. That’s disgusting. MM NEVER wanted to be with me, and never will. Get your s*** together, OW9. OH! And I forgot to mention…no…I was not his first OW. I was his third. From what I understand he had two, back to back in 2004. Only lasted a month or so each. And he didn’t love either. I’m sure he will tell the next OW the same thing about me, too. I’m embarrassed. I am …so….embarrassed. But, I’ve got a number to a therapist on my desk right now. I think I’ll call that number this morning. This is good! You're angry and see him for who he is. Yes it hurts, but you've seen the reality and truly what a shi.thead he is. SO not worthy of your tears, so please try not to cry over him anymore. And please do not let him ruin your Christmas. You're stronger than you realize!
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