goldengirl11 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 (edited) I had lightly kept in touch via e-mail with a fellow older (I'm in my early thirties and guess he's in his early-mid fifties) male student who I had met on a daytime course at college earlier this year and yesterday when we spoke on the phone for the first time I had agreed to meet up next Tuesday. Now, I would've preferred it to be in a pub for example i.e public place, but somehow was a bit soft and agreed to go for a walk with him as he says there is nice countryside near where he lives. To be honest though, I don't really feel like I know him well enough to go wandering into isolated places with him and don't know whether I should just go ahead with it now as I don't want to risk looking silly by suggesting we go for lunch say instead. I was thinking of saying in a jokey way that it's not exactly rambling weather is it?! It's left that we meet at 11am outside the newsagents next to his local station, but said to let him know if any probs. Any thoughts? Edited December 15, 2012 by goldengirl11
veggirl Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Yeah just tell him "I'd feel more comfortable getting to know you in a more public place. If you want to do a walk, how about downtown instead?" or something. It shouldn't be a big deal. Sounds like he wants to get you near his homebase, I assume he'd invite you back inside his house after your walk. He's prob not looking to harm you or anything out in the country, but he is prob looking for sex at his house afterwards! 2
Imajerk17 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 I like what veggirl said. If you feel that is too confrontational (I don't): Maybe you could say you jammed your ankle exercising or something and you're not up for much walking, and could we meet somewhere for brunch/lunch/supper instead.
truth_seeker Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Try this: "Hey, I was talking to a gf about us and she mentioned this place [insert cafe or restaurant] that is really good. I'd like to try it with you." If he hesitates and pushes for the walk near his house instead, then you know what his intentions are... you can always counter with: "I'm really set on trying this place out. We can go for the walk next time." I know there is no guarantee of a next time, but it's one of those old tricks: do me this favor now, and I'll get you the next time around. If he is truly interested in you he will buckle and agree to meet you on your terms. If not, guy is all about putting the moves on you fast.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 The key to an enjoyable date is feeling comfortable. I would call him up and say something like: So sorry, but I just looked at train schedules and realized that I hadn't accounted properly for travel time, blah blah blah. Silly me! *I would really like to see you this *whatever day you were to meet.* Would you mind if we met at xyz instead? If not, I'll have to reschedule. Guys can be well-meaning but generally clueless about safety concerns, etc. I had a guy propose dinner out at sea on his sailboat as a first date. I commented that it sounded enticing and romantic, but I'd rather spend a first date getting to know him instead of travelling to the club where his boat was moored. We settled for a conventional land-bound restaurant dinner. There's no need to allude to the fact that you don't trust a guy. I'm not a fan of putting a guy on the defensive or criticizing his judgement right out of the gate. Just not the way I get the ball rolling. I try to match whatever the guy suggested in terms of price point since they typically pay for the first date. In this case, I would offer up a walk in a well-populated park convenient to you. An inexpensive lunch would also work. Have fun!
FitChick Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 If you're in England, it's cold and wet. Tell him you feel like you're getting sick and don't want it to become a full blown flu especially around the holidays. You'd prefer meeting him for lunch at a pub with a nice log fire (send him a link that has good reviews). If he waffles, tell him you will pay for your own lunch. It could be that he is a broke student. 1
Author goldengirl11 Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the suggestions! Much appreciated. Think am most tempted to go with FitChick's, but not quite decided yet! Edited December 16, 2012 by goldengirl11
D-Lish Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Just be upfront and say you'd like to meet in a pub if that's what would make you feel comfortable. If he says he wants to do a hike, just respond with a "hey, I'd really like to go to a pub if that's cool, I was thinking "insert place". No need to say you want to do something different than his suggestion because you'd feel more comfortable- I'd probably avoid the statement "I'd feel more comfortable" as it could sound like you're worried about him being a serial killer, lol. Just be assertive and say what you want to do without feeling the need to explain it or apologize for it! 1
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