doodler Posted August 12, 2004 Posted August 12, 2004 So i just found out my ex did leave me for someone else, we've been togethor before, and she did it last time, and she has now done it again. We split up exactly 3 weeks ago, and the extremly small bit of contact we've had, she has totally changed - its like nothing ever happened between us, finding out tonight or getting firm confirmation she did go of with someone else, feel like that knifes been turned again - i wont see her for probably a couple of months but i know i'll start running into her again at that point, and at the moment seeing her with someone else just twists my head, i hope by then i've got the attitude of i dont mind, time i suppose and no contact, quick solutions anyone?
maui2k4 Posted August 12, 2004 Posted August 12, 2004 I wish I had learned by the second time that her pattern of behavior would not change. I tried to believe she had changed each time and ended up getting burned again just last week for someone she met the week before at work. This time though - while it sucks to be let go, I am not as upset as before. Most likely because I expected it. That being the case I never should have allowed myself to get involved with her in the first place if I knew it was not going to last. I am still scratching my head to figure out why I got back with her last fall. She actually broke it off with someone else to win me back from the girl I was seeing. I apparently put blinders on and thought that was what I wanted - her back. She said all the right things and everything I wanted to hear. However, it was all just a bunch of crap. For some reason I am second best to the next guy each time and I have never done that in my life. I am 32 and I have had plenty of relationships, but none even remotely like this. To top it off, she told me just yesterday that I should take time off because I am not ready, but she said she is because her heart was not in it. Sounds like she wants to try out her new toy before allowing me to go on the free market. I am not sitting on the sidelines for her. Today was the first full day of no contact at all. We broke up last week on Wednesday night. I just cannot allow myself to get involved with her again sometime in the future if the opportunity arises. It may not, but she sure wants to leave hints that she wants me to wait without saying it with comments like "I am not sure what the future holds" and "You should not date anyone right now" Bottom line for me is, I have been burned far too many times by her and I cannot allow myself to get burned again. If I am not careful I will look at this as normal behavior and not be angry towards her as I know I should be... Any comments???
Tyrese Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 Well, my ex-gf and I had been going out for almost 4 years, we had an awsome relationship.. everything seemed perfect. Then she got this new job and she started becoming more distant, you know she would be going out with friends a little more often, I wouldn't see her in bed at night a lot. We were talking about marriage one night, like we have many times before and I suggested it should happen, she said she wanted one month break before we got married. She wanted to be sure she would have no regrets or doubts about our relationship. I agreed, it seemed like a smart idea, but 2 days later I was at the mall getting some pants and I saw her in the food court hugging and kissing this other guy. I thought, "wow that was fast" 2 days into a little break and shes necking with this other guy, it occured to me she was seeing him from before, maybe for a while. I let them be, because I would have hurt that guy if I got any closer. Plus we were on a break right, she wanted space. Curiosity got to me though and I phoned her that night, asked her who he was and she broke up with me on the spot. I begged like a sap and she just ignored me. 1 week later I saw her again and we talked and she talked to me like I was someone new, like we hadn't just been dating for almost 4 years, living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed for 3 years. Really wierd eh, but it hurt.. hurt like hell. All I can suggest to anyone who goes through something like this is cut her off. Dont talk to her, dont email or chat or phone or anything. Avoid her. Talk to your friends about it, rant and rage and let your emotions out, even if you have to bring it up 5 or 6 times, your friends will listen. In a year you will look back and think, man she is missing out. Yeah also, after you cut her off she might realize what she lost and want you back. My ex-gf called me back and asked to get back with me, but you know what after she left me once for someone else the seal of trust is broken, and you cant have a healthy relationship with no trust.
ziggue Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 I agree with Tyrese. You've already given the girl a second chance. To me everyone deserves a second chance but if they've blown it. They are gone. This girl has cheated on you twice. I think you should move on. It's pretty obvious with what you are saying that she seems to want to be single again. Don't let her keep burning you. Try to get out while you can. It will be hard but you will get there. Just don't take it out on new people when you are out on the dating scene again. Not all girls will be like this one.
doubledown Posted August 24, 2004 Posted August 24, 2004 This is a really interesting post and really enlightening. I shudder to think of all of the mistakes I would make with my EX if it had not been for reading this board. I don't think that we can ever really move on totally until we find someone that makes us forget about the EX. It seems today is the day that alot of guys are posting about women acting erratically while in a relationship. It's the same story every time, girl talke about marriage and the future, girl dumps guy a few days later, next relationship doesn't work out, EX either tries to reconcile, or moves on to someone new. In my case the EX moved on to someone new but many of you guys had the EX return for a second chance. I don't see that happening in my case, which is probably best for me. If I'm not confronted with that choice, then I can't make a bad choice. I guess that means that I'm eaither a very forgetable character, or God is looking out for me and He knows that I'll make a bad decision out of weakness and being so forgiving. I cant imagine my EX saying the things that would make me take her back, only to have the same thing happen a few months later. I really feel for guys who have gone thru this multiple times. Do any of the women you guys are talking about fall into the 21-25 year old age group? That seems to be the age of confusion for women. Here's a favorite post of mine from these boards earlier this year... "They're the smarter gender because they're less honest. I don't care how much you try and deny it - love is a game. Either start playing smart or prepare to have your soul hollowed out and served to you with a side of torturous lament. I have lived through the worst of them (barely) and I can tell you without a shred of doubt that they ALL come back if you were a "nice guy" to them. The bad news is that they come back even more screwed up then when they left and you are toast if you take them back. Ever had sex with a girl who's in a relationship with someone else? I rest my case. It's not hard to get them to cheat. They rationalize it without reason and they would rather beg forgiveness than chance the truth because truth must be faced - forgiveness is self-absolving. That's the bad news - here's the worse news... You can't get what you want. You can't take her back because you'll just be thinking of all the crap she's already put you through. True - crap makes things grow, but that's where my cynicism "stems" from. Go see a counselor and if he / she doesn't commit suicide after hearing about how everything sucks and life isn't fair - then you're not as bad off as you feel. Always remember that you aren't the one that made the mistake, but you can't get her back because of the fact that you want her back. Life's a bitch - treat it like one. Best of luck in these worst of times"
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