Eternal Sunshine Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 I went out with someone for a few dates recently. He was cute and seemed very interested in me. He bought me a rose, decorated his apartment with candles and flowers when I was coming over, called every day. The problem? He and his ex broke up 2 years ago. They were together for 8 years. He told me that their relationship never had a clear ending and it kind of stretched over...When I went to his place, I saw a cat. He said he is taking care of a friend's cat....Later on, I check out his FB and see that his ex is posting various links on his wall every few days. I click on her and look through some pictures. They are full of THAT CAT. So he is taking care of his exs cat for some reason. And he lied to me. I kind of cut him off since then. Can't deal with lying and ex drama. Was I right to do that? 1
MrCastle Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 I probably would have done something similar. No ex attachments for me. That's a red flag. Why take care of her pussy when he can be taking care of yours? 5
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 (edited) Nice pic btw, I like your outfit... It kind of reminds me (I think it's mostly your stance) of those rollergirls though that work at a 50's diner...I feel like at any moment you will roll up in your pink skates to my monitor and out will come your hand holding a delicious vanilla shake with whipped cream and a cherry on top...and you'll sing me a christmas carol and I'll hum in tune rocking my head side to side to the beat as you sing the rest of your jolly tune. The best part is I won't even be thinking of the whopping calories. ........................... Anyway! Yes, I think you definitely did the smart thing. One lie always seems to lead to another, and he just seems to be obviously have his tracks layed all around, he doesn't notice he's still tracking in mud. He doesn't seem over her, and I can almost guarantee that it's not been 2 years since he's been with her...I'm sure they're doing the "I'll never let go Jack!" scene from Titanic...but in a more subtle and less emotionally obvious way...well at least they tell themselves that. Wonder how he got the cat though...or did she intend to leave it. Good detective workt through FB as well, you were at least able to confirm he was lying about it and he even stated "friends" cat...I don't want to give too much away here but that's obviously not good there. I also think he's the type of guy to turn the heat up in the beginning...I wouldn't take that personal IMO, I think he's either acting that way from experience and implenting a tactic or trying to dig in a little bit before he starts unraveling his mysteries so that you're emotionally invested...but he may also be a little on the naive side, I believe you could outsmart a guy like this. But at the end of the day if he's any good, he'll lock you in emotionally and you'll be swept away to some degree at least. I think you'll still want to give him a chance to explain himself and try to tell you things you may want to hear to gain that peace of mind...like maybe there's some explanation or feasible reason...I don't think he'll come clean and be honest, most men will just try and cover their tracks, but what you see when a man doesn't know he's being watched or exposed is the truth, everything after...once you mention this and talk to him will just make him roll out a whole other game plan...he may even be excited and more invested with the newly formed "drama" as drama can bond and become emotional which can be just as good for him. Because now you've got to talk about "serious things" and his past relationship and then here comes the "I was just a nice guy and I was hurt...let me show you how I'm the victim in all of this and just trying to do the right thing"...that's what I predict as the strongest outcome if you took that route. He may not be a "bad guy" but I highly doubt he is over his ex...so if you're looking for something long-term I wouldn't go with guy with ex'gf's cat. Edited December 15, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas
Michal2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Dating is very nice to chill out the mode. Spend time with some one dating is great way.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 Thanks for the compliment ninja heh. It was for a work Christmas party last night. At this point I am not emotionally invested in this guy. And I also feel like he is piling on the romance because for a bit I had it written how I love romantic guys and am a hard core romantic myself (in my OKC profile which is how I met him). I have since removed that - it just gives guys an easy "in" to manipulate me. I have been known to get swept away in the romance in the past and ignore many red flags. In my experience, about 99% of the people that have close friendships with their ex, are still sleeping with them. I am yet to decide if I even want to bother talking to him about this or just let him go completely.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Thanks for the compliment ninja heh. It was for a work Christmas party last night. At this point I am not emotionally invested in this guy. And I also feel like he is piling on the romance because for a bit I had it written how I love romantic guys and am a hard core romantic myself (in my OKC profile which is how I met him). I have since removed that - it just gives guys an easy "in" to manipulate me. I have been known to get swept away in the romance in the past and ignore many red flags. In my experience, about 99% of the people that have close friendships with their ex, are still sleeping with them. I am yet to decide if I even want to bother talking to him about this or just let him go completely. Yeah that definitely is something that would trigger to kind of behavior. When I think about "romance" for me it's not in the typical sense of traditional gestures...for me it's about having something substantial to share, a true feeling, something real, some genuine emotion to express and want to share..even exude. That's what creates "romance" or at least sets the foundation for it...for me, that romance, that unplanned thing that just worked because it felt right, because the time was right. And you can't force it, and it has to really mean something...even if just for that moment, has to feel....magical. But I'm not taking away from his gesture in what he did or how he did it. i guestion the guineness of his motive, his feelings and connection with you. But only you can say how it really felt to you, you know if the timing was right. But I doubt he's quite open for you emotionally, and I say that out of experience...knowing the difference having been on both sides. Anyway...didn't mean to hijack the thread with my replies, do what you feel is right and listen to your gut.
Nature Boy Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Hi, ES, If you will read my thread you will know that I'm a very forgiving kind of man. Sometimes . when we have ex's, the ties are hard as hell to break, and sometimes it is the fault of the ex's. Myabe she is using the cat to keep an "in" with him, to try to lure him back. I look at it this way, unless you have never lied or shown disrespect to anyone, then you should at least give him his say, before you dump him ....or not.
TheZebra Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 I would say that you should at least talk to him about it first before just cutting off communication. I've been broken up with my ex for months now but will occasionally refer to him as a friend because we still are, even though we aren't doing anything in the romantic sense and everything is 100% platonic. I just learned over the years that making assumptions, no matter how correct you think they may be, can have you making poor decisions. I'd say ask about it, see how how responds and what he says, and go from there.
RachR Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 I think you did the right thing. I would have done the same...because I think it's no good he only refered to her as "a friend." Also, I'd rather not be involved with someone who has an ex still so prominent in their life.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 OP, you should cut him off, and never give him a "second chance." There are more red flags on this one than there are in China. Any ex issues (and more than necessary talking about the ex to me) and I'm out of there faster than he can say "ex."
RachR Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 I think you did the right thing. I would have done the same...because I think it's no good he only refered to her as "a friend." Also, I'd rather not be involved with someone who has an ex still so prominent in their life. (This doesn't include exes who are still in each others lives because they are ex spouses with children, obviously that can't be helped.)
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 You probably did the right thing. But if it were me, and I really felt a connection, I think I would just tell him exactly what you said here and see what he has to say. I'm not sure that what I would do is the right thing though. If you feel like it's no big loss to move right along, you are probably saving yourself some potential drama.
Recommended Posts