Tenacity Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Yesterday ex-MM showed up at my place of work. I haven't seen him in person in over 2 years. He told me that he has left his W and is filing for divorce (again... as he was when I met him all those years ago and we were together and those years of pure hell started). He asked me if I would consider being with him again. I told him nothing then, I couldn't process; I sent him away. I didn't sleep at all last night. I just now sent him an email telling him to not contact me again. I have no delusions that he would go back to his W again. When does this get easier? Why do men have to be such a@@holes? Why? He told me when he broke it off with me before that he needed to be with his W; that was his obligation and decision. If they want to be with their W's why don't they freaking just DO it and stop making everyone else's lives miserable? 1
neveragain34 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Yesterday ex-MM showed up at my place of work. I haven't seen him in person in over 2 years. He told me that he has left his W and is filing for divorce (again... as he was when I met him all those years ago and we were together and those years of pure hell started). He asked me if I would consider being with him again. If you are considering getting back with him, wait till divorce is really final and you have proof. You can start off fresh this way, not to mention the right way. I personally would not take him back either way. If he cheated on his wife, he'll cheat on you later on down the road. 1
KathyM Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 You were smart to tell him not to contact you again. These pathetic men are not worth spending your life on. You can never trust them, since they've proven themselves to be liars and cheaters, and you will have a history with him that started out in dysfunction and dishonesty. Good riddance to him. I'm glad you can see him for what he is now, and you want something better for yourself. Plenty of men out there who are not asswads that cheat on their wives.
MourningLosses Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Tell her. That will shut him up. I assume you don't actually want him.
Author Tenacity Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 Tell her. That will shut him up. I assume you don't actually want him. I've already done that, more than once. She knows. And no, I don't want him. I just want to finally want someone else other than him, and that is my problem. 1
Pierre Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Yesterday ex-MM showed up at my place of work. I haven't seen him in person in over 2 years. He told me that he has left his W and is filing for divorce (again... as he was when I met him all those years ago and we were together and those years of pure hell started). He asked me if I would consider being with him again. I told him nothing then, I couldn't process; I sent him away. I didn't sleep at all last night. I just now sent him an email telling him to not contact me again. I have no delusions that he would go back to his W again. When does this get easier? Why do men have to be such a@@holes? Why? He told me when he broke it off with me before that he needed to be with his W; that was his obligation and decision. If they want to be with their W's why don't they freaking just DO it and stop making everyone else's lives miserable? Tenacity I wil be frank with you. His wife probably dumped him and he is telling you he is leaving her. According to your own very vivid description this man is probably a rather severe narcissist. But, lets pretend you exaggerated; it does not matter. Even if 10% of what you said is true you should run for the hills. 10
Author Tenacity Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 Tenacity I wil be frank with you. His wife probably dumped him and he is telling you he is leaving her. According to your own very vivid description this man is probably a rather severe narcissist. But, lets pretend you exaggerated; it does not matter. Even if 10% of what you said is true you should run for the hills. Thanks Pierre. But his wife didn't dump him. She has made it clear to me in conversations that she intends to keep him long term no matter what. She can't dump him even if she wanted to. She can't drive on her own or even leave the house on her own - she is completely dependent on him for every step she takes. I do know I should run for the hills (and will). It took me 24 hours to process it but I am just in shock that he came back asking. I wonder how much is true.
whichwayisup Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Now, if he had shown up at your door step with divorced papers signed in his hand, then possibly you could have considered dating him, and getting to know him in a whole new dynamic..But, he didn't do that, he just fed you a line, more than likely. He ran to you.. Not good and definately not healthy! Good for you for turning him away. I can't remember, even though you haven't seen him in 2 years, when was the last contact (email, calls, texts) between you two?
Author Tenacity Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 Now, if he had shown up at your door step with divorced papers signed in his hand, then possibly you could have considered dating him, and getting to know him in a whole new dynamic..But, he didn't do that, he just fed you a line, more than likely. He ran to you.. Not good and definately not healthy! Good for you for turning him away. I can't remember, even though you haven't seen him in 2 years, when was the last contact (email, calls, texts) between you two? He hasn't stopped contact. I have gone NC for the last year. (Successful for most of the last part of it). No divorce papers in hand anywhere soon. Even if he did, it's too little too late. But still hurts like hell.
whichwayisup Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Then tell him it's really over, there's no chance of you two ending up together and you do not wish to hear from him again, even if he does end up divorcing. Tell him he needs to respect your decision. He can't keep popping in and out like this, it's cruel and selfish. Though, you DO need to be strong and stand tough up against him and don't let him manipulate you at all, even if he shows you emotions or crocodile tears. He's a serial cheater and you KNOW if you did end up with him, he'd cheat on you too. 1
BrokenPrincess Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 (edited) Wow, that must have been quite a shock to see him. Tenacity, if he does truly divorce now, would you want to be with him? ETA: I see you just posted the answer of no, "too little too late." Is that really true? Edited December 15, 2012 by BrokenPrincess
veryhappy Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 What a nightmare. Your interaction with him is abusive in a way. You don't believe that you can make him stop. He wore you down. You need to go to war. I say use the wife to get rid of him. Write her an email, tell her what happened and I'm sure, crazy as she is, she'll spill out something. You'll find out how much is true, and she will give him such a hard time, it will consume his energy and stop him from focusing on you. You need to go full force. Whatever threats you need to make. You can get him oit of your life. If you tell the w for example that the story will be plastered around the area of their church early Sunday morning...oh I bet they'll both pause to think. You just need to find the right measure and use it. Showing up in person after 2 years...borderline creepy.
buckeyeblue Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Tenacity - I am sorry that he re-opened your hurt. You did great by telling him to leave you alone. Just stick with it and no more contact. Keep yourself busy over the holidays. Keep reminding yourself that you deserve better.
Author Tenacity Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 The wife had her own affair - how did she manage that if she can't drive or leave the house without your MM? You would have to ask her that. The part about her being dependent has changed over the years for reasons I'm not going to reveal here. But yes, that's the case.
Author Tenacity Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 But didn't you just forward that email he sent you . . . to his wife? And she responded pretty angrily. No, she wasn't angry at him. She was angry at me. Not sure what your point is. Thanks to those who have replied.
Author Tenacity Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 She is angry at him too - don't kid yourself. He's scared she's going to divorce him and the poor thing will be all alone. That's why he's prepping your to be the backup plan. Alice, please take your crystal ball elsewhere. I have known this man for almost a decade and I know infinitely more about this situation than you or anyone else. I really cannot deal with generalizations and people who proclaim to know all the answers right now. Thank you.
Author Tenacity Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 I didn't see your edit before posting. (You added the last part). No, I didn't fall for it, whatever 'it' is. Anyway I'm just tired. Thanks to all for letting me vent and for the support.
Author Tenacity Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 My apologies if I jumped on anyone. I really just did not want to be told again that I was the 'consolation prize' and his W was the first prize winner. I spent all those years learning that the hard way. Fortunately I also learned that he is no prize at all, and is not worthy of either one of us. The real tragedy is the horrible shooting and all those baby childrens' lives lost yesterday in Newtown, CT. None of this affair nonsense and broken hearts and selfishness can even compare. 4
veryhappy Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 This is the problem, he's not done with her and is tormenting her life whenever he feels like it. Tenacity, there must be a way to enforce a boundary that he won't break. Everyone has something (sociopaths excluded). You can't keep feeling powerless and hoping it will all be over at some point, because he won't leave you alone. As long as he doesn't get an electric shock inside of him when he thinks to contact you, he'll keep doing it.
Pierre Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 She's blocked everything - I think even changed her number. I can't recall. She should create an email account, send THE WIFE another email explaining in detail the latest fishing attempt and tell her that if he comes to her workplace one more time, comes anywhere near her or tries to contact her, she's going to get a restraining order. Then delete the email account. Problem solved. An RO is in order.
Author Tenacity Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 I sent him an email telling him that if there is any more contact from either him or his W to me in any form, I will file a restraining order. Words I thought I would never say to this man. It hurts. It is true though, that I need him to leave me alone. I can't take this anymore. He's making me even more crazy than when I was in this. 1
Author Tenacity Posted December 16, 2012 Author Posted December 16, 2012 Tenacity, I'm sooo pissed at this man for you. What a f'ing asshat! And, I'm a little pissed at you too, stop giving this ****tard your power. He is so not worth it. He steals from you, he hurts you. You can get over him...........you CAN. If I received a phone call or something from my xmm I admit I would be a little taken aback, but I would NOT allow it to f with my head. He cost me too much, and damned if he will cost me anything else. I have that power, so do you. Thanks LG. Please don't you of all people be pissed at me... that I really can't deal with... He did screw with my head and I haven't slept in the last 48 hours, but I am back on my feet. I will get through this. He cost me way too much, too.
whichwayisup Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 She is pissed at you in a loving way. This shi.t stain isn't worthy of another thought! 1
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