Three Days? Really?

[Fac3Value]

Hello All,

 

I'm not exactly sure where to put this topic. I don't think a post about a three-day relationship belongs in the "Breakup" section because it was only three days, which really isn't long enough for us to even be considered together. I didn't want to post it in the "Coping" section because the people there are suffering loss beyond anything I can imagine (some have lost love ones after relationships that have lasted years) and posting about a three-day relationship seems downright insulting. So I'm just going to throw it here in GD and hope the mods move it to where they see fit.

 

Sorry about the following wall of text...

 

So yes. As the title says, we lasted three days. Sounds crazy, right? Why am I even here? A little background is in order...

 

This girl, lets call her M., and I have been friends for months. Very shortly after I met her I knew that she was someone I wanted to be with (which is rare for me, I'm an introvert and usually slow to trust people). We became very close over the course of a few months, but I don't think she ever put any thought into us being anything more. Which is why, when I finally sacked up and told her that I wanted to be more than friends, she seemed a little surprised. M. took a few days to consider "us".

 

One night, about a week later, M. told me that she had thought it over and realized that she would be stupid to turn down one of the nicest and most caring guys she's ever known. She said "why not?". Right there I knew that "why not" didn't sound like a very stable foundation for a relationship, but I wasn't exactly able to think logically after hearing that.

 

I was right. We lasted three days. Three short days. One night I noticed that she was very anxious. I knew that she was sorting through some issues with her old friends. I know the issues were traumatic, but I couldn't get her to tell me what they were. I didn't want to continue pressing the matter, so I asked her if she was anxious because of something I had done or was doing wrong. M. simply looked at me sadly and said "I can't force myself to feel something that isn't there." And that was it. We were done.

 

I know M. didn't want to hurt me. So when I know she's in earshot I try to act completely fine. But I don't think I am. I would have given everything I had to make "us" work. Because she was worth it. I've been in a few relationships before, one of which lasted half a year (almost exactly). For some reason I'm just as, if not more, hurt by this breakup than I was by the others. How can that even be? It was just three days!

 

I don't want to hut M., either; I care too much about her. It's difficult. We were such great friends before. I don't want to force her into a relationship that she doesn't really want to be in. Then I'm nothing more than her captor. But I do want her to regret her decision. I want her to tell me she made a mistake. A snap judgement clouded by the emotion she felt over issues with her old friends. All of my friends agree that "I can't force myself to feel something that isn't there" is kind of a crappy reason to call it quits, especially after such a short time. They agree that the point of a relationship is to allow that kind of feeling to grow. They insist on talking to M. on my behalf, and I've begged them not to, but maybe that won't be such a bad thing. Even her friends feel the same way. They give me the most apologetic looks now. One of them, who I know can't stand me, stopped me in the hallway the other day just to give me a hug. I fear that M. has been made the enemy in this situation. That's not what I wanted. That will hurt her.

 

Right now, I haven't spoken to her since. I know no contact may seem extreme in this situation. I feel it's what has to be done, but I'm worried that it will just do even more damage to her. I hope that the time away will let her think things over, or, if not, I will at least be able to heal. I'm determined not to be the one to break NC first. I feel like going back to being just friends at this point is impossible. I won't be able to put myself through that. It will be impossible for me to live in her friend zone after knowing what we could have been. Now I'm just kinda biding my time.

 

I guess what I want now is a response of some kind from you lovely people. Go ahead; don't hold back. Tell me I'm overreacting, that a relationship lasting only three days shouldn't have this much of an impact on me. Tell me I'm an idiot for just letting her walk away like that. Tell me anything. Advice. Criticism. Seriously.

 

Thank you all for spending your time reading this, and good luck out there...

Edited December 15, 2012 by Fac3Value

[whichwayisup]

Maybe one day you two can be friends again, but right now you need to heal and grieve this loss. This was more than just 3 days for you ..You've liked her for a while, so just those 3 days allowed you to feel closer to her and feel more attached.

 

It hurts and it sucks when someone you like doesn't feel the same way. She cares for you, likes you as well but not as a boyfriend.

[whichwayisup]

Nothing you do will change her mind and she won't regret it. Sorry, but that is the truth. She isn't sexually attracted to you, and for most women, if there is no chemistry felt at all, it ain't gonna work no matter what.

[D-Lish]

Three days may seem like it's not long, but you adored her from afar for a long time., so it's understandable that you'd feel pretty hurt over this.

 

You can't measure hurt on a universal scale, feelings are always more intense in the initial stages of falling in love. It's unfortunate she doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about her, but it's important to move on knowing what you know.

 

You did a brave thing telling her how you feel- just because this time things didn't work out in your favour doesn't mean things won't work out the next time.

 

Take some time away from her so you can heal, that's the best advice I can give at this point. I'm also sorry things didn't work out for you as you'd hoped.