Who women like to date at various stages of their lives

[iris219]

 

Nowdays, I care about looks, intelligence, integrity and personality.

 

And the pivotal question is, what does it mean to "settle"? And back to the premise of the book, why do you think you're entitled to or deserve a man who checks every box on your list?

 

ES's criteria doesn't seem outrageous. Should it really be that hard to find a man who WE find attractive, who can hold a conversation, and who is a good person?

 

Settling for me would mean sleeping with a man I'm not the least bit attracted to and I'm not sure I'm willing to do that, although at this point I would consider it.

[Revolver]

 

But tell me, who exactly are women in their 20s supposed to settle down with? Were all of you guys eager to marry and start a family at 21? Yeah, didn't think so.

 

So what is a young woman supposed to do, marry a man who is older than her? In his 30s maybe? If so, doesn't that mean that she is supposed to settle down with a man who has done exactly what those very men are condemning her of - namely, playing the field and not settling down until THEIR 30s? Yet somehow that is ok and a young woman is supposed to accept that?

 

Young men in their 20s are not exactly eager to settle down, they'd rather bang as many chicks as possible. So a woman who would not want to wait until her "eggs dry up" () only has one choice - go for an older man who himself has waited until HIS 30s before settling down.

 

Yes, the logic of men is really fascinating.

 

 

So when women get older and in their minds Have to settle for much less then they could've had before or for scraps, looks fade(and thus can't get same attention), they take some type of pleasure in this because in their eyes the women are finally getting to see how it feels to be in their shoes.

 

While I disagree with this, it's just a theory

Edited December 16, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[USMCHokie]

ES's criteria doesn't seem outrageous. Should it really be that hard to find a man who WE find attractive, who can hold a conversation, and who is a good person?

 

Settling for me would mean sleeping with a man I'm not the least bit attracted to and I'm not sure I'm willing to do that, although at this point I would consider it.

 

I haven't read the book, but I can certainly see that as a woman gets older and gains more dating experience, she'll continue to find things she doesn't want in a man, which means another box that needs to be checked. This is consistent with the OP's article that the oldest women tend to be the pickiest. So rather than focusing on the fundamental things she wants in a man, she focuses on the things she doesn't want.

[USMCHokie]

I believe men do go overboard with the bolded and I find it weird how alot kindoff take pleasure in that.

 

However, my theory On why that happens is and an article in the "putting out" thread made a good point, there's alot of guys who are "left out in the cold" so to speak for most of their younger lives. You see this on this very board. HS,College, mid to late 20's etc. They don't get much if any romantic/sexual attention from women and if they do have to settle for scraps when they can. That naturally leaves them bitter and angry that while during their youth everyone was out living life and they werent.

 

So when women get older and in their minds Have to settle for much less then they could've had before or for scraps, looks fade(and thus can't get same attention), they take some type of pleasure in this because in their eyes the women are finally getting to see how it feels to be in their shoes.

 

While I disagree with this, it's just a theory

 

I absolutely agree with this. When you are a young guy who is ignored because of what he doesn't have, namely good looks, status, and/or money, it is no different from the same guy 10 years later who finally establishes himself and ignores the very same women who ignored him because those women now lack something he can get from the younger women.

 

Just desserts. The circle of life. Whatever the f*ck you want to call it. We all get our time in the spotlight. Better make the most of it.

[iris219]

I haven't read the book, but I can certainly see that as a woman gets older and gains more dating experience, she'll continue to find things she doesn't want in a man, which means another box that needs to be checked. This is consistent with the OP's article that the oldest women tend to be the pickiest. So rather than focusing on the fundamental things she wants in a man, she focuses on the things she doesn't want.

 

Older women are the pickiest because they no longer care about having a man, and many are happier alone.

[Pompom]

I will date whatever sets me alight.

 

Well until my early 20s I was into the anime-hero type of guy, shaggy long hair, delicate face, smooth... A whiny gay-ish dude was perfect.

 

Now I'm more into the Arab/Middle Eastern man, somewhat rough (hairy), gruffy, loud, tan skin, black hair, muscular. But he must be Jewish, preferably a nationalist who did combat service. But now as then, he needs to be hung and a beast in bed

[rocketman122]

I will date whatever sets me alight.

 

Well until my early 20s I was into the anime-hero type of guy, shaggy long hair, delicate face, smooth... A whiny gay-ish dude was perfect.

 

Now I'm more into the Arab/Middle Eastern man, somewhat rough (hairy), gruffy, loud, tan skin, black hair, muscular. But he must be Jewish, preferably a nationalist who did combat service. But now as then, he needs to be hung and a beast in bed

 

you want this and this and this and this. but what do you give back? what do you look like? what do you have to offer? how is your dating life? I think people want but not many offer the same.

 

Me? I do very well. not now since im dating someone for a while but I can tell you, I always have an open mind. I dont go in with a shopping list. and your list, im sure, doesnt stop there.

[rocketman122]

Obviously, but should it really be that hard?

 

I dont know if the 2-3 things you wrote is the end of the list and IMO it isnt. woman have huge shopping lists. you obviously feel it yourself that its very hard to find a normal guy.

 

pompom's list has 10 things and thats before she even met him!!

[Pompom]

you want this and this and this and this. but what do you give back? what do you look like? what do you have to offer? how is your dating life? I think people want but not many offer the same.

 

Me? I do very well. not now since im dating someone for a while but I can tell you, I always have an open mind. I dont go in with a shopping list. and your list, im sure, doesnt stop there.

 

I don't think this thread is about what a woman has to offer, so I see no need in justifying the perfectly normal fact that I have standards and ideas of what I want. Like everyone.

[rocketman122]

I don't think this thread is about what a woman has to offer, so I see no need in justifying the perfectly normal fact that I have standards and ideas of what I want. Like everyone.

 

what you get will be different. no, not like everyone. I dont have a list that big. I think most men dont have a list that big. its a women thing. I can also want many things but what i'll get , thats something else.. and thats why many woman are single. good, they deserve it. those who have nothing to offer back should.

[xxoo]

I feel that I bring those things to the table myself.

 

I am intelligent, ambitious with a stable career and highly educated. Why wouldn't I desire the same in a man?

 

I don't understand this particular point.

 

Many of the successful relationships I know of have a balance of two different "types"--one more career focused, and one bringing other strengths to the relationship.

 

Reading here, I often think that the frustrated single women are focusing on the wrong things when seeking men to date. It isn't that there are no good apples, just that the sweetest apples aren't big enough, or shiny enough, to catch your eye.

[Anela]

I don't understand this particular point.

 

Many of the successful relationships I know of have a balance of two different "types"--one more career focused, and one bringing other strengths to the relationship.

 

Reading here, I often think that the frustrated single women are focusing on the wrong things when seeking men to date. It isn't that there are no good apples, just that the sweetest apples aren't big enough, or shiny enough, to catch your eye.

 

Not for me. The last man who had me thinking, "I wouldn't mind going on a date with him," was barely taller than me (I'm 5' 2"), a bit older than me, and not even close to being a hunk. He was volunteering at my voting centre, and I was surprised that I had the thought at all - I gave up on dating a year ago, after attracting another guy in a relationship (thrre years younger than myself), who also had a history of drug problems. I had also seen him devastate several women - I don't know how, he isn't all that, but they adored him.

[Anela]

I absolutely agree with this. When you are a young guy who is ignored because of what he doesn't have, namely good looks, status, and/or money, it is no different from the same guy 10 years later who finally establishes himself and ignores the very same women who ignored him because those women now lack something he can get from the younger women.

 

Just desserts. The circle of life. Whatever the f*ck you want to call it. We all get our time in the spotlight. Better make the most of it.

 

I was wanted for my figure and vagina, mostly. I was someone to be embarrassed to be seen with in high school, bullied, etc. I remember being 20, and our having guests, two invited without my mother's permission; young guy, about to go to college, thrilled when my picture-perfect sister finally came out of her room. I was agoraphobic, had experienced crap that ensured I would never be boy-crazy. I ignored anyone wanting to use me. I wish I hadn't been so isolated, because guys liked me - really liked me - but it would have been a letdown when i get the usual not being pretty enough to be worth much. unless someone's trying to cheat with me! pfft.

 

Whatever time I had in the spotlight (or should have had) is hone. I have no patience with any of you who recycle this BS argument, when there are plenty of women - even the prettiest of the pretty - who don't act in the way that guys speak about here, out of bitterness.

 

Although, again, I also have no patience with the shaming of women, younger or older, who are living in a way that you would love to: being able to attract the people they want, and shagging them as much as they want. You want those women to use for your own personal pleasure and gain, and then turn around and insult them.

[Anela]

Not for me. The last man who had me thinking, "I wouldn't mind going on a date with him," was barely taller than me (I'm 5' 2"), a bit older than me, and not even close to being a hunk. He was volunteering at my voting centre, and I was surprised that I had the thought at all - I gave up on dating a year ago, after attracting another guy in a relationship (thrre years younger than myself), who also had a history of drug problems. I had also seen him devastate several women - I don't know how, he isn't all that, but they adored him.

 

Also, earlier in the year, attracted to short, bald guy, who runs his own business, but isn't made of money.

[iris219]

Reading here, I often think that the frustrated single women are focusing on the wrong things when seeking men to date. It isn't that there are no good apples, just that the sweetest apples aren't big enough, or shiny enough, to catch your eye.

 

Or all the good apples aren't for sale because someone has already claimed them.

 

My criteria for dating are 1. I like the guy and 2. I don’t find him physically repulsive. From there, I have to figure out if he’s a jerk and whether or not he likes me.

 

Hell, I’ll even guys give I don’t like or find attractive a chance, yet I don't even meet men like this who are single.

[Dreamless Sleep]

The article is interesting. It seems generally accurate.

 

As usual I'm disappointed to see the discussion dissolve into a pissing match about lifelong rejection, retribution and one-upmanship.

 

For the guys expressing vitriol: who exactly are you getting even with? Women in general? That's a level of emotional immaturity that is going to keep you mired in hate and loneliness.

[iris219]

 

It's why I tell both young men and women not to think they'll easily find a spouse in their 30s...and they should be looking in their 20s.

 

I agree, but didn't you say in another post that there's never an age when people go off the market and those who say everyone marries their college sweetheart are delusional and lame because that doesn't happen? (I'm paraphrasing here; too lazy to find the post ).

 

I don't know any women who didn't try to find a long term partner in their 20s. My whole twenties was entirely devoted to finding a husband, with no luck. It's as women get older that they get jaded and lose hope and simply give up.

[grkBoy]

Lol majority of us don't. A fat man who is also agist? Get out of here. An attractive 30+ woman won't even need to look at you twice. You have no looks or personality, you're hardly a gem for women in any age range. Keep dreaming.

 

I agree. I was fat, dressed badly, was socially inept, and a slacker to a degree.

 

When I lost weight, learned to dress better, grew in the art of conversation, and pushed to have a career...the women noticed. Granted I still kept meeting flakes and psychos, but I was landing dates and getting laid.

 

This goes back to my many responses in these topics. You have to become what the opposite gender wants.

[ThaWholigan]

The pool isn't that small. Too many women out there that want different things, you can't speak for all of them.

This is true, but that doesn't mean that you're going to find a whole lot of women who would be attracted to the man that GrkBoy described himself to be before he lost weight etc.

[USMCHokie]

When I lost weight, learned to dress better, grew in the art of conversation, and pushed to have a career...the women noticed. Granted I still kept meeting flakes and psychos, but I was landing dates and getting laid.

 

This goes back to my many responses in these topics. You have to become what the opposite gender wants.

 

Even if you may have lots of things that women want, if you just have one thing that they don't want, it almost seems to negate everything else...

 

And similarly, if you have something they really want, then they're almost always willing to overlook your lack of the other good qualities...

 

It can be frustrating...

[PJKino]

So a lot of women stay entitled their whole lives..

 

Problem is women as long as shes somewhat cute or decent looking lives in a sheltered bubble in the dating world in her early years..she can sleep with hot men to inflate her ego and in her mind paint the picture that shes on the level of these hot guys..

 

Her friends and family tell her how beautiful she is and what a catch she is even if its not true..so when she is faced with"settling" for a man in her league its a culture shock to her..

 

Man get chewed up and spit out more..we are the ones who have to face the numerous initial rejections if we dont live up to some standard..

 

Our friends and family bust our balls about our looks and status so we know exactly where we stand at a pretty young age..

 

We are more battle tested and hardened by a certain age where some women still think their cinderella and prince charming is gonna sweep her off her feet..

[zebracolors]

37 here, and that may be something Ive come to realize at this point in my life. That slightly older men are more desirable to me, either around the same age as me or even maybe older, 39-43ish. But speaking for myself its because IME, they have seemed the most mentally responsible, and experienced to my relative lack of experience. And of course there needs to be physical attraction to them. Part of the charm is being able to take the conversation from witty and intellectual, to playful and flirty. Not to say younger men can't do that though:o

 

I think the generation has alot to do with it, but I don't know yet if now, id be able to relate on a psychological level, let alone connect emotionally with a man younger than say, 25, give or take.

[FitChick]

men are still considered attractive and sexy well into their 40's while most women are not.

 

You're right. Jennifer Lopez, Sofia Vergara, Jenny McCarthy, Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, Julia Roberts, Selma Blair, Gwyneth Paltrow and many, many more are hideous old crones. What guy, even a short, fat, poor, younger or older man, would want them? Oh... wait...

[FitChick]

Finding a group of rich celebrities who can accord the best nutrition, plastic surgery, personal trainers and skin products to look as good as possible

 

I am not a celebrity, nor am I rich. Neither are my friends. Yet we manage to look good because we make an effort. Something MOST men over 40 do not. How do I know this? I date men over 40. Trust me, most men do NOT age well -- unless they are gay.

[Mrlonelyone]

Peoples taste change as they age. That goes for everything from food to clothes tho romantic partners. That is a fact of life. Generally younger people make unwise choices. That too is a fact of life.

 

Now, as for men who were not chosen when younger not wanting to take women who made unwise choices when young as wives... that's not always bitterness. They are simply older and wise enough to see the flaws in women they once objectified. So, they look for younger women who are wiser than normal.