source24 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Tonight I found out my ex is dating someone else. 3 months after we broke up/took a break, but 3 weeks into proper No Contact and a complete break up. (We had to attend a mutual friends wedding together so we still occasionally talked earlier.) At first I had a strange feeling. An emptiness, but then I accepted it. I was glad she was happy. I was glad that I was moving on, focusing on myself, reconnecting with friends, working out, meeting new women. I was glad that we had our time together, but I was also glad that we were able to move on without ruining all the good parts of our relationship. In the end, I realized that we couldn't be together. At least not right now, maybe not ever. She has things that she needs to work out, and I deserve better than an incomplete version of someone. There really is no chance that I would suddenly feel okay about her hurting me, or that she would suddenly feel okay about me hurting her. And that is just fine, because true happiness doesn't come from external things, it comes from perspective, gaining the ability to deal with your problems, it comes from giving yourself the time to heal, it comes from feeling good about the path you have taken. Happiness comes from within. The truth is, you will be just fine. But if you guys need any help along the way, I would love to be a part of your journey. I am still not there either, but right now, I look at where I am headed and I am okay with it. I am happy that I am going in the right direction. Just gotta keep swimming! Together we can get through this, that is exactly what this forum is for, working together to help each other feel better. Godspeed guys! And thank you for all the advice you have given me thus far in my own journey. 1
Billyjo Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Tonight I found out my ex is dating someone else. 3 months after we broke up/took a break, but 3 weeks into proper No Contact and a complete break up. (We had to attend a mutual friends wedding together so we still occasionally talked earlier.) At first I had a strange feeling. An emptiness, but then I accepted it. I was glad she was happy. I was glad that I was moving on, focusing on myself, reconnecting with friends, working out, meeting new women. I was glad that we had our time together, but I was also glad that we were able to move on without ruining all the good parts of our relationship. In the end, I realized that we couldn't be together. At least not right now, maybe not ever. She has things that she needs to work out, and I deserve better than an incomplete version of someone. There really is no chance that I would suddenly feel okay about her hurting me, or that she would suddenly feel okay about me hurting her. And that is just fine, because true happiness doesn't come from external things, it comes from perspective, gaining the ability to deal with your problems, it comes from giving yourself the time to heal, it comes from feeling good about the path you have taken. Happiness comes from within. The truth is, you will be just fine. But if you guys need any help along the way, I would love to be a part of your journey. I am still not there either, but right now, I look at where I am headed and I am okay with it. I am happy that I am going in the right direction. Just gotta keep swimming! Together we can get through this, that is exactly what this forum is for, working together to help each other feel better. Godspeed guys! And thank you for all the advice you have given me thus far in my own journey. I am not 100% sure, but I think strongly that my ex is dating someone else. I wish I could feel the way you feel about it, but I'm just torn to pieces. I feel almost worse than the actual BU day. The thought of her with someone else is just horrible. I wish that I could go out and just get a rebound to ease some of my pain and I consider it daily, but ultimately I know that it's incredibly unhealthy and will only hurt that person. Care to share how you are keeping positive?
Aero_E Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 I am not 100% sure, but I think strongly that my ex is dating someone else. I wish I could feel the way you feel about it, but I'm just torn to pieces. I feel almost worse than the actual BU day. The thought of her with someone else is just horrible. I wish that I could go out and just get a rebound to ease some of my pain and I consider it daily, but ultimately I know that it's incredibly unhealthy and will only hurt that person. Care to share how you are keeping positive? You are torn to pieces because that potential person is not you and you are not 100% sure she is dating someone. The first part is ok to feel like that early on when you do find they are dating someone! However, think about this question: When you were dating, was one of the important things you wanted to do was make that your girlfriend was happy? Why not apply that question now? When I found my ex was dating someone I was devastated, however when I found that she was happy and I realized that I was happy since she was. The second part is what is really going to hurt. You are in limbo, you do not know if she is or is not dating. This means that you think you might still have a chance with her since she might not being seeing anyone. It is uncertainty and no one likes uncertainty. Best thing to do is just detach further from her for a bit and wait until you know the truth. I don't know your situation exactly but that is the best advice I can give since I know that when I was in the same position it helped me clear my head and just let things run their course without me interfering or getting worked up over them.
na49 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 My ex cheated on me with another guy. I'm not sure if they are dating, or if she has found someone else or what is going on in her life. I'm very curious but haven't checked up on her in over a month. So I am also dealing with some uncertainty. I am almost positive that she is dating someone new, and realize how much it will hurt me if I find this out. Should I stick with the uncertainty for now? I don't want to set myself back a month, especially now that I'm on winter break. I know that if I see something, it will help me get rid of the uncertainty but it will also kill me inside for a while. What I don't know can't hurt me right? I hope I find myself in your situation eventually OP. That seems so far away right now, I just can't see it ever happening though.
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