My MM just cut me off.

[erdz8011]

We met casually and got along from the start. When he hit on me I didn't respond. He lives out of state so I didn't think too much of it but he continued to contact me. Eventually, I started to think he must really like me and began a relationship. We saw each other as much as possible and were in contstant communication, then one day, like a switch, he said he felt guilty. We never recovered and I expressed my frustration. He responded with anger and said he was naive about the situation and he was not the man I was looking for and said he was deleting my contact info. That's it, it's over. He said he truly wished me the best. How cruel! I feel like he took a lot of time to get me where I am and then he realized his guilt. I'm in so much pain, not to mention ashamed.

 

The fact that I strayed too, what does that mean? I'm questioning everything. How could he tell me those things and just leave me? Don't men know what you say means something?

 

I know I will never hear from him again, much less bump into him since he lives out of state, and that does provide some closure.

 

I want to come clean to my mate that I strayed and gave myself full heartedly. He'd say I'm stupid that's for sure. I confided in my best friend and mother about the situation and they both say I shouldn't tell him. I think my affair was evidence it's over. I've been reading a lot of blogs and say women who cheat have marriages in big trouble.

Edited December 15, 2012 by erdz8011

[veryhappy]

How long did your A last?

 

You can't do anything about it. If he felt guilt, and enough o end things, the A is over, should stay over and he at least had some decency and respect left to not keep you around and lie to his wife.

 

There's rarely closure with A. You'll have to make your own sense out of everything.

 

I suggest you don't tell your H(yet at least). Husbands tend to have the hardest time get if over physical infidelity. Read too good to leave, too bad to stay by Mira Kirshenbaum and you'll figure out if it was an exit A for you or something else.

[erdz8011]

A few months. I trusted him and let my guard down.

[erdz8011]

Was what online?

 

I don't know, I surely never meant to stray or be the OW. I'm confused and I don't think I've ever felt so devasted. So thank you for reminding me that he is promised to someone else. But he is keeping her in the dark too.

[sweet_pea]

Did he express that he loved you? Did you express this to him? If it lasted a few months, please know that you're lucky in the sense that he didn't lead you on and chose his path early on. I hope you feel better.

[whichwayisup]

I've been reading a lot of blogs and say women who cheat have marriages in big trouble.

 

Or big issues within themselves.

[erdz8011]

Who doesn't have issues? Just trying to make sense of what happened and looking for some support.

[whichwayisup]

Who doesn't have issues? Just trying to make sense of what happened and looking for some support.

 

Start by going to counseling. Something is broken inside of you to go outside of your relationship and knowingly get involved with a MM. That isn't a shot at you, so don't take it out of context. Figure out why you chose that path instead of either fixing or ending your current relationship. This just adds a hell of a lot more strife into your life.

[erdz8011]

I've been really thinking about that. I know my actions where immoral and I do feel guilty and I never thought I would something like that. I guess I thought the out of state fact would never allow it to get too intense.

[whichwayisup]

I've been really thinking about that. I know my actions where immoral and I do feel guilty and I never thought I would something like that. I guess I thought the out of state fact would never allow it to get too intense.

 

A few months, he's out of state and you allowed yourself to fall way too deeply for him.

I take it your partner at home isn't meeting your needs, or you're not feeling a connection to him anymore and that's why you to desired someone else?

 

Counseling will help you with all this stuff and more.

[erdz8011]

Yes, I feel very tricked. I can't eat, sleep, or focus. How long till I'm normal?

[erdz8011]

No I don't have hope. I deleted his contact info so I can't reach out to him. I like that I know it's really over.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, I feel very tricked. I can't eat, sleep, or focus. How long till I'm normal?

 

Depends on how you grieve this loss and if you can let go of him..

 

But, you need to also own your part in this and not put all the blame on him.

[erdz8011]

We saw each other as often as possible.

[Pierre]

We saw each other as often as possible.

 

You must have some serious resentment towards your husband to cheat on him. Why not divorce him before pursuing a relationship.

 

Your marriage is over and that is why you fell in love with MOM.

[ComingInHot]

erdz8011;

I hope my response helped some (in the MM's W!! thread). I think in your case it could very well be true.

As far as being cut off, I think this is probably the nicest thing your MOM could do for you. You KNOW it is over. You KNOW that now your choices won't involve him.

Does it give you the gentle closure and belief that he "doesn't want this to end but must do what is right by his family"? No. For women, it is important to us to feel we mattered. We tend to see ourselves as an extension of our environment so when our home is clean, we feel clean, when the kids succeed, we feel successful, when our friends are better for knowing us, we are better people, when the love in our lives are fulfilled so are we. It is the same when the above things do Not yield a positive result. We feel like dirty failures who are not "better" nor fulfilled.

I am SO sorry that your are feeling tricked and heartbroken. Know that you are now in a position to make changes for yourself w/out his influence to allow you to heal*