dpc1192 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 So I've been thinking, taking responsibility for myself and trying not to beat myself up but I've realized I honestly messed up so many times and she gave me so many chances and I just kept playing games and being stupid. It's been like 4 months since we broke up, and it's been a really rough semester for me at school regarding her. The thing is i love her. She loves me, and everything we do up to this point whether nice or mean is to make one another jealous or in reaction to the other person. I want to end this. I want things to be real. I was dating her almost a year, and still feel like I have problems getting her to open up/ get a deep understanding of her. Which has always frustrated me.
Author dpc1192 Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 We went through like 3 phases of taking it slow then breaks since the breakup. Everytime we get to the point where it feels like we're together again, I turn back into the ******* I was at the end. Needy, suspicious, and whatnot. It's sad knowing things are not the way they were during our hayday and this is probably in large part do to my actions. Help me. I'm 20 about to be 21, a Junior in college, and am scared of letting her go.
Esoteric Elf Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Knowing you are flawed and made mistakes is a victory unto itself; have you made this clear to her? What was the reason for the break-up? Does she know you take responsibility for your mistakes and are willing to live a life with her growing and leaning on one another? As the ancient Greek saying goes, "well begun is half done"; now you must improve yourself and make this known to her. I think when you say suspicious, you mean jealousy. As soon as another guy approaches her, your feelings are aroused and you are on the defensive. This is a tough issue, as it doesn't even fully coincide with trust, as it were. The point is, if she does indeed love you, why the suspicion? What precisely are you referring to when you say "open up"? Was your relationship with her superficial in that you were too shy to delve into deep, long-lasting topics such as settling down, children, family and so forth? What are you referring to?
Author dpc1192 Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 i don't know if it's a defensive mechanism or if maybe she's just a bit dumb, but she really never has much to say. sometimes i wonder if our relationship was sort of purely sexual, but i would get jealous because I never felt complete certainty that she did in fact love me.. she said she did, but it took her a while to and she always wanted to take things slow. she didn't often do things just to make me happy, often the contrary where I feel as if i had to make all the effort for her. I guess thinking about it now she sort of belittled me to make herself feel powerful because she is insecure. and a while ago I sort of bombarded her about the future and stuff and she didn't have much to say she just cried for a day and I felt awful about it. she has serious PMS problems, and literally all of the times she has blown up on me since the breakup have been right before her period, intervals of about 4 weeks. that might be a cop out, but even her mom told me that when her period comes she should "hide"
Author dpc1192 Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 i also think much like when I had my "conundrum" about wasting away college and missing out on opportunities, she is very much having the same problems now. we sort of took a break and I tried moving on and didn't contact her for a while, had some fun and then realized that i couldn't move on.. after a while she began texting me, and ultimately telling me show much she missed me and how unhappy she had been much like me. we both have big egos that get in the way of our true motives towards one another, and while she may not realize this whenever I see her it is a big act from both of us trying to be cool and like we don't care when obviously we both do. i think she needs to go out and realize that the single life really isn't all what it seems in college, and that it will be hard to find another person who is (not to sound cocky, but as attractive, loving, or caring ) as I was to her.
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