They aren't coming back.

[blue_jay_bird]

I guess i just wanted to say this to people fresh from a BU. They aren't coming back, and it's not the end of the world. Your better off without them. Don't spend a second waiting for someone that thinks they are better then you.

 

Find someone that will move mountains for you. Trust me they are out there.

[livelife]

Not true. Maybe this is a good mindset to have and yes we shouldn't wait around, but sometimes they most certainly do come back.

[suladas]

I agree with OP, if someone walks out of your life, let them! Don't give them another thought or contact them again. If I could do it all over I would of never contacted my ex again, it doesn't do any good anyways. If they want you back, they will make the effort. When someone breaks up with you, they think their life is better without you in it, so give them their wish.

[TexAggie1]

Obviously this isn't a universal truth. Ive broken up and gone back before as well as many others on here. I get what you're trying to do though. That hope is what's ripping me apart right now after 2 months BU, 3 weeks NC. Just seems so surreal.

[Amelie1980]

I've broken up and gone back too and it was better than before and the live I felt came back. I just hope it happens with this guy.

[Pinky777]

It's possible, I think as long as you separate for a while and figure out yourselves and what the problems were the broke you up in the first place. If someone cheats that trust is broken and there's almost no going back successfully. But I've learned the hard way that simply missing & loving one another, or being lonely, or your ex being better than all the bad dates you've been on recently, are not reasons to get back together. I don't think people really take stock as to why the relationship didn't work in the first place. I'd been back and forth with my ex numerous times over the years and if I'd listened to my gut/intution/head/logic, instead of just the emotions of it all I'd be a lot better off than I am now.

[TexAggie1]

@Pinky777

 

My ex cheated on me back in January. She begged me back, and after a month I told her that I forgave her, but impossible to forget...BUT...I would NEVER bring it up again. In the mean time, I was still talking to my ex gf that I had previous dated for 6 years off and on. It had become a friendship by the time I met my gf, but I knew she would go nuts if she found out about her. I lied to my gf about my ex...not because I was hiding a secret relationship, but rather trying to end that 6 year friendship trying not to bring in any more drama to our relationship that potentially could push her away. My ex found out about my gf, sent her a FB message, and sent her every text/email I sent her while my gf and I were dating. That was back in April, and I've apologized how I handled it a thousand times. It's been 7 months of maturing as a couple when she suddenly broke it off, stating she couldn't get over the lies 7 months ago, that I was "emotionally cheating on her"...then cut me completely off. It's been 2 months BU, 3 weeks NC...and I feel like I'e lost the love of my life. I forgave her for physically cheating on me, she can't forgive me for a "while lie" in ending my 6 year friendship behind her back.

 

I only say this to say there are MANY reasons people break up, but it comes down to the person affected. No matter how bad it may be, love can be bigger than that (cheesy, I know...fool in love possibly).

[movingon12]

I guess i just wanted to say this to people fresh from a BU. They aren't coming back, and it's not the end of the world. Your better off without them. Don't spend a second waiting for someone that thinks they are better then you.

 

Find someone that will move mountains for you. Trust me they are out there.

 

This is very true.

 

I'm sure most of us can think of a couple that broke up for a significant amount of time (at least a month) and then reconciled.

 

But how many of those couples stayed together?

 

Two people in a meaningful relationship don't break up easily - if they break up it's because there's a problem. But sometimes the dumper realises that life as a single person/with the new partner isn't as fun as they were expecting and decide it would be easier to go back to their previous partner.

 

But the problems are still there - and the second time round there is now guilt, anger and mistrust in the mix.

 

The relationship will never be the same - the person you first started dating isn't coming back. What you get back is someone else.

 

Yes, VERY VERY rarely people can break up and get back together and it works, but it is very unusual.

[blue_jay_bird]

 

The relationship will never be the same - the person you first started dating isn't coming back. What you get back is someone else.

 

 

Not to mention the person you first started dating, never really existed.

 

Iv heard of girls craving their ex back. And when they have them back and their rose tinted glasses are off, they have no idea why they wanted them back so badly.

 

Plus, "the ex coming back" is such a lose term. How many ex's really come back to work on issues. Or just come back thinking everything will work themselves out, and then up running when they don't. How many ex come back and spook like a rabbit. Yeah, i really don't see it working out.

[jbsoccer]

I agree with OP, if someone walks out of your life, let them! Don't give them another thought or contact them again. If I could do it all over I would of never contacted my ex again, it doesn't do any good anyways. If they want you back, they will make the effort. When someone breaks up with you, they think their life is better without you in it, so give them their wish.

 

What if you made a mistake and broke up with them?

[Tmo2]

"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay.'' - Will Smith

[bluefairy812]

in my case i had the balls to break it off. a week later i went back to try and work it out and he said no. if i wouldnt have broke it off, he would have waited to do it.

 

sad, so sad... because i thought i knew this person i was with, and i never did. i ACTUALLY was convinced, at the tender ages of 22/23, that this was the man for me, forever and always. i'm a little older now, but it still hurts like hell. its only been 5 months. but it's just INSANE for me to see that YEARS don't mean SH*T after a breakup. nothing does. all you can do is move on.

[suladas]

in my case i had the balls to break it off. a week later i went back to try and work it out and he said no. if i wouldnt have broke it off, he would have waited to do it.

 

sad, so sad... because i thought i knew this person i was with, and i never did. i ACTUALLY was convinced, at the tender ages of 22/23, that this was the man for me, forever and always. i'm a little older now, but it still hurts like hell. its only been 5 months. but it's just INSANE for me to see that YEARS don't mean SH*T after a breakup. nothing does. all you can do is move on.

 

That's been the toughest part for me. How once you break up, nothing before that matters. Letting go of it all is tough.

[LostOne1]

in my case i had the balls to break it off. a week later i went back to try and work it out and he said no. if i wouldnt have broke it off, he would have waited to do it.

 

sad, so sad... because i thought i knew this person i was with, and i never did. i ACTUALLY was convinced, at the tender ages of 22/23, that this was the man for me, forever and always. i'm a little older now, but it still hurts like hell. its only been 5 months. but it's just INSANE for me to see that YEARS don't mean SH*T after a breakup. nothing does. all you can do is move on.

Same here.. I was with her for 3 yrs and it's like the time meant nothing to her during the BU. Before that though the time meant a lot to her and she cherished it a lot.

 

That's what scares me the most is how she managed to just become all weird. I mean she BU and she was a total different person when we talked. Very aggressive at times, or she wouldn't budge or she acted like she had all the control.

 

It was like I was talking to the immature version of her or something. The person that only follows emotions and doesn't use their mind to think it through. But then again my ex is more of an emotional person, which is what bugs me a lot. When she's mad she goes off until she calms down and realizes what she has done. But this time I guess she felt sure about her decision.

 

It just sucks to see her always talk about all the yrs.. and then suddenly the yrs don't matter anymore. The time seems useless and part of me thinks she was just testing me.

[bluefairy812]

agreed, by far the biggest challenge is letting go of everything that once was. my dreams, my vision, my life was planned.. and it all came crashing down.

 

excuse me while i go and cry for the 348734737th time.

[Samilia]

It is true that most of the break ups are final. Hanging out in this forum I have found that the long relationships stand a chance. The few months/couple years usually end up being forever break ups. Usually.. however, there are always exceptions.

[bluefairy812]

i feel as if my ex just used me at this point since i benefited his life at the moment. i was his rock that supported him... he succeeded. now he's doing amazing apparently without me...

 

5 months apparently is greater than 4 years.

 

[Samilia]

i feel as if my ex just used me at this point since i benefited his life at the moment. i was his rock that supported him... he succeeded. now he's doing amazing apparently without me...

 

5 months apparently is greater than 4 years.

 

 

Well, it's great that you're a person people can count on to be their "rock". Now let's find someone who won't abuse that quality of yours.

[LostOne1]

agreed, by far the biggest challenge is letting go of everything that once was. my dreams, my vision, my life was planned.. and it all came crashing down.

 

excuse me while i go and cry for the 348734737th time.

same here.. I had my life planned with her and our schooling, place we would get, kids etc.. But I guess what I realized is plans CHANGE. And now both of us have to change our plan!

 

Things have changed so our plans now need to adjust to this change. It isn't easy either...

 

I mean I'll be honest I thought our BU would last a month or two at the most. Why? because what my ex and I went through together and did.. we've done with no other. I thought we had a real bond and she agreed as well. I've never seen her so happy and neither has her family seen her so happy.

 

But I guess a few things happened to her in her life recently and it changed her as a person. And I don't know if it;s the same her any more.

 

I really thought it would be like before.. she gets mad, get's over it, say's sorry, and works it out.

 

Instead what I saw was she finally got over the anger, she did want to work it out, and then backed out, because she wasn't fully sure. And I'd never seen her like that... but that's how it is now.

 

So let the old plans and dreams go and envision new ones. That's what I am doing now... looking at new dreams and possibilities. That's all we CAN do for the moment. We can sit here and rot or get up and fight.

 

And fighting isn't easy and rotting is... but one way is success and hard, the other is nothing and easy.

[bluefairy812]

everything you described was my ex and i. i was at my happiest and so was he. his mother even told me she knew a great person like me was going to come into his life someday. i was living in a dream and i didn't know it. i was so thankful and felt so blessed by god, that's how blown away i was at him and i, our connection, which was so strong.

 

now i'm in a f*cking nightmare. i thought he was going to take me, and us, back... i was wrong... it turns out this is what he wanted the entire time for a year. he told me a year ago he didn't feel the same, yet still, i stuck it out with him... i was there for him. i really REALLY want to see a girl do the things i did for him.

 

your completely right. i'm shedding painful tears right now but it's so easy to sit there, rot, cry, and curl up in a corner.

 

i've been trying to fight but some days, like today, i'm at complete loss... completely.. the pain returns over and over. i just feel like i have been stabbed so many times. i just want him out of my head forever. and if it's meant to be i just want it to happen right now. i hate this pain. it eats me alive.

[lovefiction]

It's possible, I think as long as you separate for a while and figure out yourselves and what the problems were the broke you up in the first place. If someone cheats that trust is broken and there's almost no going back successfully. But I've learned the hard way that simply missing & loving one another, or being lonely, or your ex being better than all the bad dates you've been on recently, are not reasons to get back together. I don't think people really take stock as to why the relationship didn't work in the first place. I'd been back and forth with my ex numerous times over the years and if I'd listened to my gut/intution/head/logic, instead of just the emotions of it all I'd be a lot better off than I am now.

 

 

 

You are so right! My ex and I tried so hard to work through the obstacles but I don't think either of us were ever willing to face the truth and "take stock" ... It took me so long, too long to realize that we were just in two different places in our lives, making us incompatible... If I had listened to my sister a year ago, I would have already moved on by now... So now, after all the time and effort we are stil BU...

 

This time I need to let go of the "hope" and hold onto reality...

[suladas]

Wow it just all sounds so similar. It's like one day you have all these plans and things are good the next day it's all gone. I mean she was the one doing a lot of it, like making vacation plans for months down the road. The thing for me is the uncertainty, is it forever for just for now? That was what made it tough on me. If I knew right from day 1 it was over forever no matter what it would be easier.

 

I mean i'm moving on, but I still can't go a day without thinking about her. It has been tough to, i've had really good luck with women since but can't find one I have any interest in.

[LostOne1]

everything you described was my ex and i. i was at my happiest and so was he. his mother even told me she knew a great person like me was going to come into his life someday. i was living in a dream and i didn't know it. i was so thankful and felt so blessed by god, that's how blown away i was at him and i, our connection, which was so strong.

 

now i'm in a f*cking nightmare. i thought he was going to take me, and us, back... i was wrong... it turns out this is what he wanted the entire time for a year. he told me a year ago he didn't feel the same, yet still, i stuck it out with him... i was there for him. i really REALLY want to see a girl do the things i did for him.

 

your completely right. i'm shedding painful tears right now but it's so easy to sit there, rot, cry, and curl up in a corner.

 

i've been trying to fight but some days, like today, i'm at complete loss... completely.. the pain returns over and over. i just feel like i have been stabbed so many times. i just want him out of my head forever. and if it's meant to be i just want it to happen right now. i hate this pain. it eats me alive.

I know how you feel. My ex talked about me to EVERYONE. I remember her friends and sister got tired of hearing about me. It was always good stuff about me over and over.

 

She said I was her angel, that came outta no where when she least expected a guy to come into her life. My ex had been hurt badly before and swore off guys for a long time. Then BOOM I come out of no where unannounced and she some how fell for me.

 

I remember her telling me how she hated her life and by me coming into it. I changed it in so many positive ways. For once I believed I was something special to her and close to her heart.

 

Now I sit and wonder how is it possible? How is it possible to have someone go crazy about you, think you are their angel and good luck charm. And then.. BOOM.. they turn a complete 360 as a person.

 

Something I won't understand besides assuming that people can change as a person.

 

So I know how you feel.

 

But for me, I just take a deep breath and tell myself it is what it is... There is nothing I can do about it now. I can't win her over or force her. And I can't sit here and cry and suffer all day long. So I have to get back on the saddle and move on with life.

 

We put the past behind us and look ahead. I mean I DOUBT my ex is worrying about me right now. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if I ran into her and she just acts coldly.

 

It is how it is.. we won't get our ex's back. They have changed too much and things have changed to much for it to be okay now. So why cry and suffer?

 

I just look at other people, who lost people they loved or cared about. Or ones that were rejected or left behind. They moved on and did something with their lives still.

 

So we should do the same and use them as role models. If they can make it so can we