gps81 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Hello people I go to a gym where I have been seeing this cute girl for about 6 months now. She is always quiet, doesn't talk to anyone and goes about her business. Initially, I never tried to contact her as I thought she didn't like to be bothered. About two weeks ago, I just couldn't resist and started chatting her up when there were very few people in the gym. She spoke to me nicely and we even had a few jokes. Since that day, I say hi almost every day and she gives me a big broad smile the first time she sees me. If she is on the way out and happens to see me, she also says bye with a smile. Once, she came looking for me and said bye before leaving quickly. The problem is, I just can't get her in a spot in the busy gym where I can have an uninterrupted conversation. So, we are stuck with this hi, bye thing. I have also noticed that she suppresses her smiles when too many people are around. If she is in a corner with very few people, the smile is much bigger. I want to be very cautious with this girl as I have a feeling she might refuse to give me her phone number out of anxiety that people are watching rather than a willingness to decline me. It is very odd because sometimes she tries to avoid eye contact when people are around and it makes me feel like she is not interested. I am pretty sure she is anxious that others are watching although I really don't know. We still have the hi-bye thing going. To make things worse, I am also the type that is conscious about talking to a girl in front of others although I don't have it as bad as this girl. What should I do. Please note that we are Indians. Though a lot of Indians are very forward on the dating scene, I am not one of them and I don't think this girl is one of them either. I think we are both the type that rarely approach strangers. The girl is a bit conservative. She doesn't even have a facebook account. We are both in our late 20's. Any help will be greatly welcome. Thank you
pteromom Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 I think you've built up enough of a friendship with her to just ask her out casually. Next time you say "hi", add "Hey, would you like to go across the street to Coffee-Shop-Name and have a cup of coffee after the gym?" She'll either say "Sure", "No thanks", or "I'd love to but I can't today". If she says sure (which I think is very possible if she is smiling at you all the time), have coffee with her, and if that goes well, ask if she'd like to have dinner sometime and get her number. If she says "No thanks" or shuts you down, you know she isn't interested in taking your friendship beyond gym-smiles. So let it go. If she says "Not today" but doesn't offer an alternative, ask for her number or offer an alternative yourself. It doesn't have to be too complicated... 1
Author gps81 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 Thank you. I think I will try just this. Let me see what she says... 1
mammasita Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 One time when I was at the gym, one of the guys who worked there came up to me while I was on the elliptical, said hello (we had spoken a few times before this) and slipped a piece of paper with his number on it into the cup holder. Maybe too cheesy for your taste, but I thought it was cute LOL. You can give that a try 1
pteromom Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Thank you. I think I will try just this. Let me see what she says... Let us know. The big open smiles make me optimistic for you! 1
pteromom Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 One time when I was at the gym, one of the guys who worked there came up to me while I was on the elliptical, said hello (we had spoken a few times before this) and slipped a piece of paper with his number on it into the cup holder. Maybe too cheesy for your taste, but I thought it was cute LOL. You can give that a try The problem with just handing someone your number is that then, you put the pressure on THEM. They have to then get up the nerve to call you, have anxiety about what to say. I think it is always better to be the one who takes initiative and makes the plan. Take all the pressure off the other person. The worst thing that can ever happen is that the other person says no. It will never kill you to try - but you can miss out on a great opportunity if you just never ask. 1
Author gps81 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 I am new to this forum but you guys are all so nice here. So nice to see! 1
Author gps81 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Hi guys I saw her again today. She was wearing glasses today. I commented that you look different today and I said you look like a businesswoman, because the glasses looked smart. She giggled and put her head down. It was cute but I couldn't continue the conversation because she didn't say anything back. I think she is shy but am not sure.... I guess I have to keep trying to make her feel comfortable, before asking her for a coffee or for her number. Any help is always welcome. Thanks!
KungFuJoe Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Help? You got all the advice you need. Now you just need to man up and ask her out. Otherwise some other guy is gonna do it for you.
Author gps81 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Help? You got all the advice you need. Now you just need to man up and ask her out. Otherwise some other guy is gonna do it for you. I understand. It is not that I lack confidence. I can ask her out in a heartbeat. It is just that I expect her to say something back to continue the conversation. She just giggled and didn't say anything and even put her head down when I just told her she looked like a businesswoman, because of her glasses. She seems very shy. I just don't want to blow it by being pushy. I guess I will keep giving it a go until I sense the right moment.
pteromom Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Because she's shy is exactly why you need to be assertive. What are you waiting for - some kind of clear signal? Giggling is a good sign. Right at that moment, you could have asked her if she would like to go grab some coffee after the workout, and it would have been fine. If you wait too long, you are gonna come across as scared, and that's going to make her lose interest. You need to just do it. No more waiting!
Author gps81 Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 Because she's shy is exactly why you need to be assertive. What are you waiting for - some kind of clear signal? Giggling is a good sign. Right at that moment, you could have asked her if she would like to go grab some coffee after the workout, and it would have been fine. If you wait too long, you are gonna come across as scared, and that's going to make her lose interest. You need to just do it. No more waiting! I will just ask her the next time I see her. Doesn't matter if the world turns upside down. I guess I am a bit nervous too but I will just do it the next time I see her. 1
pteromom Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 The worst thing that can happen is she says no. And if that's the case, better to know now so you can put your energy elsewhere. Be sure to report back - I have a feeling she will say yes. 1
KungFuJoe Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I understand. It is not that I lack confidence. I can ask her out in a heartbeat. It is just that I expect her to say something back to continue the conversation. She just giggled and didn't say anything and even put her head down when I just told her she looked like a businesswoman, because of her glasses. She seems very shy. I just don't want to blow it by being pushy. I guess I will keep giving it a go until I sense the right moment. Six months is not pushy. If she likes you, it won't matter if it's 6 months, 6 days or 6 minutes. 1
Author gps81 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 She usually doesn't come on Tuesdays but I am just going to do it the next time. I will definitely report back here too.
Author gps81 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Also, I am just going to ask her for her number. I am pretty sure she comes from a conservative family. She always leaves the gym by 7.45 PM, to be home at 8. She probably has a curfew even though she is 25+. Asking her out for a coffee after gym is not going to be practical as she has got to get home. I will just tell her that I would like to have her number, so I can talk outside of the gym. I hope she gives it to me!
mortensorchid Posted December 18, 2012 Posted December 18, 2012 Hope she responds well, but I am more concerned about your level of confidence. Remember, communication skills are key to anything working out. If she isn't taking the initiative, then you have to. And if you don't, then nothing will happen. 1
Author gps81 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Hope she responds well, but I am more concerned about your level of confidence. Remember, communication skills are key to anything working out. If she isn't taking the initiative, then you have to. And if you don't, then nothing will happen. I did take the imitative to speak to her. I don't lack confidence when I first talk to her but I usually get a bit confused after she doesn't say much back. However, it doesn't matter now. I am going to ask her for her number even if she just nods to my next conversation opener.
Author gps81 Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Hi folks She was a no show at the gym today. However, she never comes on Tuesdays. I guess I have to wait 24 more hours...! 1
Author gps81 Posted December 19, 2012 Author Posted December 19, 2012 I got her number today!!! At first I messed up. Then I talked about what she does on the weekends and she told me she has a hectic time, studying to be a doctor. I said "Is it too hectic to even have a coffee sometime".. She said "not that hectic". I immediately asked for her number and gave her a missed call so she has my number. All in all, a great day for me. Thank you guys, for everything. I know getting a girl's number doesn't mean everything is sealed but I am so glad to get this difficult step out of the way. 2
MoonSiren Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Hey that's great! Let us know how the coffee date turns out. 1
pteromom Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 YAY! Now just don't wait too long to call her. 1
ooglesnboogles Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Congrats mate! Feels good, don't it? Good luck with the date! 1
Author gps81 Posted December 23, 2012 Author Posted December 23, 2012 Hey people We had a very nice coffee date. Spoke on the phone for a few hours. Right now, this is just in limbo as she is from a very rich family. I am just middle class, working guy. Not sure if this will work out as Indian families are very particular about marrying into wealth, if they are wealthy. We chat for like hours at a time..it goes back and forth. I am really not sure where this will head. Will update you guys later.
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