na49 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 I've been going strong with the NC and haven't been stalking my exes profile at all. I have no idea what's going on in her life or if she's dating the new guy or not. Because I don't know, I'm curious! I want to know, but I also realize that if I check her profile, I'll snoop the past month and catch up on everything I haven't seen. and I'll go backwards and beat myself up for weeks because I checked up on her, and feel worse because I'll see her happy pictures with her and her new friends. That will also probably make me angry so I really don't want to do it. Help? Talk me out of it? Slow morning today I guess..
Chi townD Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Think about what you DO know and that she cheated on you. Period! She gave herself to another guy while she promised to be exclusive to you and she gave it away without even a thought of you or your feelings. To share that only with you. Then you KNOW that she sent you hurtful and demeaning texts. She wrote them and she had no problem pushing the "send" button because she did it time and time again. KNOWING that it was going to hurt you and she probably giggled about it. That's what you DO know. ANd Now, you know that a girl like that isn't worth your time. 1
GraceisGone Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 You know better than to do that without me even telling you. I know how hard it is, and I would be lying if I said I hadn't slipped up and done it before. Even if I didn't anything, I still had a terrible feeling after I did it. You know nothing good will come from it, so just keep yourself busy and try and suppress the want to do that. It seems like me and you are going through the same thing and have been on the same page through all of this. I know how it feels, one day you feel like your on top of the world and think you are going to do so much better without her, then the next day, all the memories keep flooding back and you feel terrible. Even though I've had my rough days, I've been pretty proud of the fact that I haven't had an urge to contact her. Maybe that's because of how it ended the second time around, but whatever, at least I haven't done it. It will be hard to not want to contact her before I graduate from school though, she's been such a big part of my life and it sucks to leave that and maybe never see her again. I just have to keep telling myself she's not the same person anymore.
SoulSearcher22 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Don't do it. I did that a month after we BU, and she posted a pic of her and her BF and commented on it saying "Mine". I was like...wow...a month ago...we were going to be together forever....killed me inside. I vowed to never look at it again.
Author na49 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 You are all so right. Thanks, I needed to hear this right now. I hate when I have mornings like this lol. I'm going to start thinking about this whole situation like that Chi. Instead of wondering "is she with him?" "is she not?" "does she miss me?" I'll focus on what I do know. She cheated on me. She demonized me in front of her new friends. Once I saw one of her friends, who was one of the people who told her to dump me. I was walking to class and passed by him, I knew who he was. He must've known who I was because he raised his eyebrows at me and laughed to himself. Then kept walking. Like this kid doesn't even know me. I wasn't a jerk at all and get this treatment? She's a witch. I hope she fails out of school. (okay done venting) Whatever. I'm not going to worry about what I don't know anymore. I'll focus on what I do know. I don't really have any urge to contact her. I'd just like to know what she's thinking. I know it's not about me though, so do I really want to know? And I know for a fact that if I saw a picture of her with the guy she cheated on me with or just any guy for that matter and the caption was "mine" I'd flip. She's the type who posts pictures of her boyfriends and writes gooey love lyrics so there's not a chance I want to see that EVER.
cavalier99 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 (edited) I understand. I almost drove by my ex's work today to see if her car was there. What the f-k. Why do i want to see her car? It not like I want to see her or talk to her. I'm not even sure she still works there. I kept telling myself I was just curious because i know absolutely nothing about her life now. Then I turned away. Thank G-D. And the messed up thing is I'm actually doing ok for the most part. It is like a residual memory of things i would do are sneakily trying mess up my NC. I used to stop by to drop her off a cup of coffee. These fleeting thoughts and urges are insidious. And we need to recognize then for what they are.... The path to destruction and suffering. STAY NC LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT We have made to much progress to mess it up! Edited December 14, 2012 by cavalier99
cavalier99 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 (edited) "Curiosity killed the cat" I'm not sure what happened to the the Kitty but it is "Dead as a Doornail" NOTE TO SELF: DON'T SNOOP. BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN.LIKE SUDDEN UNEXPECTED DEATH lol Edited December 14, 2012 by cavalier99 2
suladas Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Don't do it. I wanted to know, until I seen her with someone else then I wish I could of never seen it. Not knowing was much better. Some days do suck for some reason. I find it weird how you'd want to see her, I'd rather never see her again, I hate how she's always there. But then again I get some satisfaction knowing she's alone again, spending nights at home while I'm out with friends. Sure I still miss her but not letting it hold me back.
Author na49 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 No way! I never want to see her again if I don't have to. Seeing her just pisses me off now lol. It felt good walking to class talking to a girl and just walking right past her. I know what you mean, I just hate when I have those types of days where I want to check up on her. While seeing her with someone else would help me realize that it's over. I don't need to go backwards over a month and feel horrible about not only that but then I'd be telling myself "you shouldn't have checked" and feel even worse. Just gotta keep staying strong. Every day that I go without talking to her has to be seen as a win for me.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Block her profile. Problem solved. But yeah, don't look at it.
blue_jay_bird Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 I guess im the only one that found snooping made me feel better in the long run. At first i feel crushed. BUT it made me realize and see that my ex is not interested in me. That he's moved on. Or at lest trying to move on. I mean i saw pics of him with a new girl. He's not sitting at home mopping about it, he doesn't care for me that way any more. But i guess that's just me. But when i think of him putting everything into a relationship with a new girl. I just stopped caring for him.
Author na49 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 I see how looking at her profile to find out that she is in a new relationship could help in the long term to move on. I just don't want to be upset about it for a week or two because I know I would be. She actually unblocked me, so I blocked her.
suladas Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 I guess im the only one that found snooping made me feel better in the long run. At first i feel crushed. BUT it made me realize and see that my ex is not interested in me. That he's moved on. Or at lest trying to move on. I mean i saw pics of him with a new girl. He's not sitting at home mopping about it, he doesn't care for me that way any more. But i guess that's just me. But when i think of him putting everything into a relationship with a new girl. I just stopped caring for him. In the long run probably yes, but short term is caused me a ton more pain. OP is different though, he was cheated on he needs to just forget his ex exists, what she is doing doesn't matter at all because from day 1 it should be moving on and nothing else.
cavalier99 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 (edited) I guess im the only one that found snooping made me feel better in the long run. At first i feel crushed. BUT it made me realize and see that my ex is not interested in me. That he's moved on. Or at lest trying to move on. I mean i saw pics of him with a new girl. He's not sitting at home mopping about it, he doesn't care for me that way any more. But i guess that's just me. But when i think of him putting everything into a relationship with a new girl. I just stopped caring for him. I guess it depends WHEN you do this. I knew my EX was starting a new relationship and I snooped and broke a ton of rules the 1st week after BU. I saw pics of then on a date. Ohhhh the pure agony. However it was fine at the time to drill it into my head that it was over FOREVER. Now it would just be pure stupidity to find out more. I know everything I need to know. Irregardless of whether they are still together or not. I guess the moral of the story is if you are going to mess up ....do it early..not months after NC when you are doing better. Edited December 14, 2012 by cavalier99
Author na49 Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 Pretty much. Makes me wish I wouldn't have stopped snooping so early. I stopped not even a month after the BU, and have gone strong since. Oh well, the curiosity is not as bad as it was this morning. I guess I just needed to occupy myself with other things.
Pinky777 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Well now that you're not going to be seeing her in school anymore for a while so your connection to her is gone. Before you could always sort of check up on her....I can see why you'd be tempted now that social media is the only way. But you know you're not going to see anything you want to see. If you see nothing incriminating, it might give you hope. If you see her looking happily in love, you're only going to hurt yourself and most likely going to be left with more questions than answers. Does she really love him? Is she with him because she's trying to make me jealous? You'll never really know and you'll drive yourself crazy and never move on. It could be the final nail in the coffin to be like, F her, and move on, but really, why. BU's suck, but you really do sound like you're well on your way. Enjoy winter break and being single. You're young. Enjoy it.
Author na49 Posted December 15, 2012 Author Posted December 15, 2012 Of course I had a dream about her last night.. You're right. As much as I do want to know, finding out will not help me move on. I know for a fact that I would feel worse than I feel right now, and when I'm trying to feel better I can't have that. Although I told myself she was the one and we'd get married and all of that BS. I'm a freshman in college, to think that I'd marry the girl I met in my senior year of high school is very unlikely. Things just change. It's harder to accept than that, but I've been trying.
Recommended Posts