DaveA Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Me and my ex were together for nearly 2 years. We met at work and hit it off straight away and she left her then boyfriend and got with me. Things were great apart from the odd argument over something stupid. She then got a new job in feb of this year and got friendly with her boss and over the last couple months she would talk about him now and again. I had a feeling something was up because there was no intimacy at all and she seemed really distant. At the start of this month i saw a text on her phone which read " never say never, enjoy your meal **** " from her boss but she had deleted what she sent to him. When i asked her about it she went wild saying i don't trust her and then was so cold for 2 days before breaking up with me. She came for her stuff the next day and we had a talk and she said there could still be a chance for us because in a week or 2 she might of realized she had messed up. I was so heartbroken i have never felt pain like it! After a few days she turned nasty and started sending abusive texts and telling me there is no future for us at all and then admitted she had feelings for her boss and saying stuff like he is a million times the man you have been or will ever be and i have alot to be jealous of ( even though he is at least 30 but looks 40ish and has 2 kids and going through a divorce while she is 23 ). She then refused to tell me how long she strung me along for in our relationship saying it had nothing to do with me at all but obviously it does since she took my life and just played with it. What confuses me even more is the fact she was still making plans for us for new year and next year's holiday leading up to the day she ended it. We talked about marriage, kids and moving in together numerous times and i was actually gonna pop the question next year I wore my heart on my sleeve for this girl and supported her through so much when she was having bad times at home with her dad. Why would she string me along during the relationship, make plans for the future and then after we broke up still say we had a chance if she had feelings for him then defended him when i questioned it? It's been a month since we broke up now and about 2 weeks of NC but all i can think about is her still. I truely love this girl and let her in 100%. Is it possible that while we went through a ****ty patch this guy was giving her attention at work and she was vulnerable at the time and has just acted on it?
Esoteric Elf Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 It's been a month since we broke up now and about 2 weeks of NC but all i can think about is her still. I truely love this girl and let her in 100%. Is it possible that while we went through a ****ty patch this guy was giving her attention at work and she was vulnerable at the time and has just acted on it? You know the situation better than I, but when you said this, I believe you may have hit upon it. Two children is quite a bit of responsibility for a 23 year-old girl unless they are also supported by the mother and/or she just loves children, in which case you can mend that for her . Some women will string you along, others will act in a way that is nearly a "cry for help". That is, perhaps your relationship was getting stale; perhaps she might have sensed a lack of intimacy from you in a sort of way, and lashed out in defense in finding a man who filled this niche. However, there is a saying, "once a cheater, always a cheater", and I am not necessarily calling her a cheater, but she did leave her previous boyfriend for you, why not you for this boss of hers? And again and again?
Author DaveA Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 Thanks for the reply, She doesn't speak to her mother, hasn't done for years. As for intimacy there was no problem there. I was the first guy she ever talked about marriage, kids and all the rest of it with and would always say we were meant to be and i know she loved me unconditionally. I just can't help but think that when she has been feeling down this guy has been there and telling her the things she wanted to hear and has turned her head cause this guy if defo not her type. She has also had a really rough time at home with family problems and not too long ago found out she has an under active thyroid which she takes pills for. So maybe everything has just got on top of her and has acted out on something which she will eventually regret. Or maybe it's just me hoping the only girl i have ever felt this way about comes back into my life....
Sari Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Hey Dave, I don't have much in the way of words of wisdom for you I'm afraid, but I'm feeling really sh*tty today too and just thought telling you that may make you feel less alone, amongst all this Christmas cheer crapola I am so tempted to contact my ex too, but remember they know where we are if they want us. Try to stay strong, if you're feeling low the last thing you need is a kick in the guts from her texting you back something horrible, or even just "no, leave me alone". This period is seriously all about coping, not feeling loads better suddenly and greeting the world with a big smile. If you still feel this bad in a year it might be time to speak to a therapist, but for now, get used to your stay in heartbreak hotel, tell yourself it is temporary and allow yourself to feel the pain for a bit. No way round it, just gotta go through it. Thinking of you.
Mcnulty Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Women are like birds. If they want to leave the nest, they don't just get up and leave. They take a twig from the one that they're in and find another tree across town. Then they return for another twig, then another, and another until they have enought to ditch the nest that they're in. I didn't write the above, but think it applies to your situation. You're holding out false hope. You've had done to you what her last boyfriend had done to him!
Author DaveA Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 The difference between our relationship and her last one was she said it was good for 6 months then ****e for the 2 years after but she stuck too it. I'm the first person she wanted to marry and have kid's with! She used to mention to my mam when am i gonna pop the question. Surely you can't just turn off those kind of feelings towards someone? I can honestly say i love her more than i can describe and feel lost and incomplete without her in my life
Mcnulty Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 She has little respect for you. You're a million times less than her new man...her words...stop kidding yourself man.
Author DaveA Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 quick update, her relationship with her boss lasted a whole 3 weeks and it ended just before christmas. ( hump and dump comes to mind ) She has been putting pictures up on the net of her recently and there is just zero emotion in any of them. She looks blank and lost. She also put one up for her bottom half in some tiny shorts saying " seems people have a problem with me going out like this, your not wearing it so stop staring! " she wouldn't even dress like that in summer never mind winter, and pictures like that are the one's she would give other girls **** for saying they are sluts or skanks I spoke to her the other day on msn to say my final goodbye to her and she was quite nice through out the convo but couldn't bring herself to say goodbye. I have since deleted her on msn.
Author DaveA Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 So today would of been our 2yr anniversary and to be honest i thought i would be sad, down and constantly thinking about her. In fact i have been the opposite, been my usual self at work messing round with the lads and generally having a laugh. Sure i have thought about her a couple times today trying to think what she may be thinking of and stuff. 6/7 weeks ago when she broke up with me i never for one second thought i would be back on the road instead of the dirt! Reading other people's stories and advice from the amazing people of loveshack has helped me enormously and i would definitely recommend it to anyone i know if they go through what i did.
Recommended Posts