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Is doubting the man you love normal??

Lindsay89

By Lindsay89
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Lindsay89 New Member

Lindsay89

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I have been with my honey for almost a year, but recently things have been hard! I understand that we are young n it's finals for college so school is stressful but I'm not only in school I work full time and always seem to make time for him, but he's in school fully one n works only 2 days a week (weekend) n acts like he is so much more stressed out. I get off work at 9pm n patiently wait for him to finish studying or whatever n he doesn't give to flying nothing's, he tells me just finished studying going out for a few call you when I home, oh yea should mention we live an hour apart. N them he is out till about 5am. When I finally talk to him it's cause he wakes me up n just tells me I'm going to sleep talk to you in the morning!!! Like are you serious!!! Now see I love this man more than the earth n the moon n all the stars he is my rock, but I feel like I'm in a de ja vu of my past with my EX's. why should I be so there if he's not?!? Am I right for feeling this way, does he even take notice on me, all these things run thru my head constantly. Some days I wanna say it's over but when I am in his arms n we actually get to be with each other bit just through a phone its so obviously we love each other....please help someone! I don't no if I'm just being all Girly emotional...is it normal to feel second n invisible to the Man U give ur heart to?!?

Edited by Lindsay89
BetheButterfly Established Member

BetheButterfly

Posted
Posted
I have been with my honey for almost a year, but recently things have been hard! I understand that we are young n it's finals for college so school is stressful but I'm not only in school I work full time and always seem to make time for him, but he's in school fully one n works only 2 days a week (weekend) n acts like he is so much more stressed out. I get off work at 9pm n patiently wait for him to finish studying or whatever n he doesn't give to flying nothing's, he tells me just finished studying going out for a few call you when I home, oh yea should mention we live an hour apart. N them he is out till about 5am. When I finally talk to him it's cause he wakes me up n just tells me I'm going to sleep talk to you in the morning!!! Like are you serious!!! Now see I love this man more than the earth n the moon n all the stars he is my rock, but I feel like I'm in a de ja vu of my past with my EX's. why should I be so there if he's not?!? Am I right for feeling this way, does he even take notice on me, all these things run thru my head constantly. Some days I wanna say it's over but when I am in his arms n we actually get to be with each other bit just through a phone its so obviously we love each other....please help someone! I don't no if I'm just being all Girly emotional...is it normal to feel second n invisible to the Man U give ur heart to?!?

 

I personally would not appreciate it if my husband "goes out for a few" and is gone till like 5 am. :mad: I would be a very angry woman at that and would definitely let him know how I feel about that!!!

 

My husband works hard and comes home and spends the evenings with me. We do go out together, either to church or friends' houses or to the beach or walking around or to the movies, but I would be so upset if he decided to go off and not spend time with me. He would be bewildered if I told him, "Ok, I'm going out for a few" cause I'm not like that. If we were both like that, it would make sense for both of us to go out together. An hour apart is not very far at all.

 

So, I understand why it bothers you. As for y'all living apart, are you married or have just been dating for a year?

 

I think you need to re-evaluate if this man truly wants a loving and committed relationship with you or if he's just using you for sex. I am sorry. :(

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Lindsay89 New Member

Lindsay89

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No it's def not anything over sex...haha we barely have time in a day to do that. We live together part time since we work apart it makes it easier to be apart for the week but exactly!! It's how I feel if I went out with "some friends" it would be a fight over nothing but I trust him it just hurts me that he doesn't think about that. He tells me life is tough right now and he needs to not be so needy but for crying out loud I feel like compete strangers are more in tune to my sadness than he is.....

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

Posted
Posted

It's normal to feel second and invisible when you are dating a guy who doesn't care about you/the relationship one way or the other.

 

When you have a man that loves you and cares about you, you won't feel that way cause he will make sure to express his love/care for you. He will want to talk to you and he will seek you out.

 

Your boyfriend is not interested in this relationship.

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Almond_Joy Established Member

Almond_Joy

Posted
Posted
I have been with my honey for almost a year, but recently things have been hard! I understand that we are young n it's finals for college so school is stressful but I'm not only in school I work full time and always seem to make time for him, but he's in school fully one n works only 2 days a week (weekend) n acts like he is so much more stressed out. I get off work at 9pm n patiently wait for him to finish studying or whatever n he doesn't give to flying nothing's, he tells me just finished studying going out for a few call you when I home, oh yea should mention we live an hour apart. N them he is out till about 5am. When I finally talk to him it's cause he wakes me up n just tells me I'm going to sleep talk to you in the morning!!! Like are you serious!!! Now see I love this man more than the earth n the moon n all the stars he is my rock, but I feel like I'm in a de ja vu of my past with my EX's. why should I be so there if he's not?!? Am I right for feeling this way, does he even take notice on me, all these things run thru my head constantly. Some days I wanna say it's over but when I am in his arms n we actually get to be with each other bit just through a phone its so obviously we love each other....please help someone! I don't no if I'm just being all Girly emotional...is it normal to feel second n invisible to the Man U give ur heart to?!?

 

 

Has he done anything like this before, or is this the first time you two have been dealing with stressful times together? If this is the first time, and he hasn't done anything like this before, give him a chance to at least fix the problem with you before you assume he doesn't care.

 

It also sounds to me like you're being all "girly emotional." That's fine, you're a girl, you can't be anything other than what you are. But I strongly suggest that you consider the fact that your bf is not.

 

It doesn't sound like you've even brought this to his attention. So the second thing I suggest is to stop being so angry with him for not noticing something that you haven't brought to his attention. Most guys are not as receptive to emotional states that are not expressed in words the way women are. So if you're coming over and staying up late for him, then quietly sulking after he leaves and not saying anything (which it sounds like you are - giving the cold shoulder or silent treatment instead of telling him you're pissed and why)....he probably isn't aware there's a real problem here.

 

So talk to him. Tell him:

 

-You notice you haven't been spending quality time together

-You're hurt about that

-You want him to work with you to fix the problem

 

Pointing out everything you've done up to now to try and spend time with him seems unnecessary to me, but if you feel you need to get that off your chest then this would be the time to bring that up also.

 

Good luck.

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