duckky Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 i love him, but he never initiates sex with me.its very rare that we have sex for an extended period of time. maybe once a week when i push for it. usually i will blow him or jerk him off but when he gets close to cumming then he wants to put it inside me. usual a minute or two goes by with him pumping me and he cums, then its over. i dont feel loved or really wanted. we have been together for over 5 years but things have only been this way for the last few months. i am 22 and he is 23---his libido cant be too low on account of the porn in his history. im not a bad looking person but i am 34 weeks pregnant-tho ive only gained 7 pounds. whats going on
BetrayedH Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Sex and intimacy are an amazingly fragile thing. Many will say that a woman needs to feel and emotional connection to have sex and a man needs sex to feel emotionally connected. I think a common dilemma is when either a woman sexually withdraws or the man emotionally withdraws. If the woman sexually withdraws, the man feels emotionally disconnected and rejected. Then his emotional disconnect makes the woman not want to have sex. This snowballs. I'm not saying that you have withdrawn from him sexually. Sounds like you've maintained a decent frequency (1-2x per week is "normal"). But feeling like a receptical tells me you are missing an emotional connection. Or at least you feel that way. The big problem is that this can build resentment in you and can spiral out of control. I suspect that it is not that your husband is emotionally disconnected from you but very likely something else. His change in sexual behavior could just mean that he's afraid to hurt the baby. Or perhaps he is starting to see you as a mother and not as much as a sex kitten. The point I am trying to make is that unless you have other indicators, I suspect that your husband loves you and that you love your husband just fine. This is a damn good thing. There's no bad guy here. There's just a disconnect. it happens easily. So I would encourage you to talk with him very openly and honestly about your feelings and how his behaviors are making you feel (without judging him). Ask him what he is feeling. See if you can empathize with each others' positions. He may have no idea that his actions are having this much of an impact on you. I suppose it's also possible that your hormone levels are a little different than the norm and that may be impacting your own perceptions. It's a stressful time for both of you. This is the time to move closer to one another, not further apart. If you have the courage to have this conversation, you might really see him appreciate that and respond in kind. Sometimes we men are a little dense and need to be hit over the head with a 2x4 to realize what we're doing ain't a good thing. But don't do what is typical by allowing resentment to build up and withdrawing. That's a disaster and you need to be doing the opposite. Good luck with your marriage and pregnancy. 1
movingon12 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 (edited) 34 weeks pregnant is very pregnant!! And you've only had this problem since you got pregnant? It is probably he's worried about hurting the baby, I know my husband is really concerned he'll injury our little one (I'm 34 weeks too) Edit: plus I think some guys start to find the idea of 'wife' becoming 'mother' a bit of hard thing to get their head around. Have you talked to him about it? Edited December 14, 2012 by movingon12 1
alexandria35 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Have you tried asking him what the problem is? Could be anything. Maybe he the pregnancy is putting him off, maybe he's stressed at the thought of being a father, maybe he has a problem thinking of you as a mother. Since you say he looks at a lot of porn maybe he is developing a addiction to it. Best place to get answers is from him. 1
Clockwork Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 All I can say is this, when my wife was pregnant I would argue that was the best sex of my life, bar none. 9 months of no pressure, no pulling out, no nothing. You could go to the max and not worry about any accident if you know what I mean. You can't get a woman pregnant twice. Since then, I kid you not I have never looked at a pregnant woman the same. There is something arousing to me with a pregnant woman. I don't know why. I find it sexy in a different kind of sexy way. No, she doesn't have the slim body anymore, but she's now a caretaker and there is something just sexy about that. The best part is early in the pregnancy when the boobs expand and the rest of the body hasn't yet. Wow. But I don't know what it is with your husband. Maybe he's unusual and doesn't find pregnancy attractive. And believe me, he is not hurting the baby, experts will tell you this. I had sex with my wife one day before she went in labour and our son is fine. All I can say is this, he might have some pressure on him now. It is a little overwhelming to become a father. I know that when my wife got off birth control and we had sex for the first couple times to try and start getting pregnant I had a really hard time maintaining an erection. I guess it was the fact that we weren't just having sex to enjoy it but to create a life. It was huge to me. Your husband still might just be overwhelmed.
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