Aero_E Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Greetings, I have been through a situation that I am not quite sure how to handle nor have any solid idea that I feel will work. I'll start from the top... Met this very attractive and smart girl in one of my classes. We hit it off instantly talking every day. To give you an idea, mind you we are both students so texting was the easiest, we went from 0 to 1400 text messages a month between us. We were asking each other questions about our lives, what we liked/didn't like, etc. We connected, had a lot in common, and it just... well... "clicked" for lack of a better word. So 1.5 months go by, we have hung out a bit and everything seems to be going well. One day she comes over and we have some food at my place. She seemed distant and off so I was quite confused as to what was going on. I text her a bit and get the same short and snippy replies back. So finally I call her up 2 days later and give the whole, "I really like hanging out with you, blah blah blah, and I would like to get to know you more than a friend." She replies that she just got out of a relationship and isn't ready yet but she will let me know when she is. To quote her "I can't put my heart 100% into it" Fast forward 2 weeks and she starts saying that she wants to hang out with just me one night. So we go on our first "date" and have a blast! This was the start of thanksgiving week so we both head home. We both talked the entire time, told each other we liked each other, etc. So coming back to school all she does is want to hangout with me the first week. So we do, we have a double date with some of her friends, and it all seems well. Well the next week, things seem to start going down hill again. She isn't as responsive, she is shorter with me, and doesn't want to hang out as much. Well finally this past week, she says we need to talk. I know what was coming but here is the jist of it. She says, "You are every thing I have wanted in a guy, and we click so well, but my heart isn't 100% in it romantically or emotionally." She was visibly upset and so we sat around and talked a while when I found somethings out that I did not know. One, was that she tried to force the relationship by thinking that spending more time with me would help ease her heart into it and acting accordingly. And secondly, when we started dating she had just gotten out of a LTR (approx 1 year) by 3 weeks. When we first met, she was still dating the guy. Mind you we have only been dating 2 weeks (3 if you count the break we didn't see each other) I did not know this, and had I known i would have done things A LOT differently. So we both left the option open for the future since we both agree that some of it was bad timing. She even admitted, "If you had met me maybe 4 months from now or a year earlier I think this would be different." So my question is what do I do for right now? We have cut off texting and speaking as of right now but i see far too much potential in this relationship to let it go and I know that she sees some of the same thing. I am not going to text her over the winter break, except for Christmas, but I would like to start a plan to try and get her back in the spring. However, I just don't know where to start since this will be the first second chance I have given a relationship, or even if it is worth it with her since I graduate at the end of spring. And no, we have not had sex. Any ideas on what to do? Thanks in advance, A_E
jbsoccer Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Greetings, I have been through a situation that I am not quite sure how to handle nor have any solid idea that I feel will work. I'll start from the top... Met this very attractive and smart girl in one of my classes. We hit it off instantly talking every day. To give you an idea, mind you we are both students so texting was the easiest, we went from 0 to 1400 text messages a month between us. We were asking each other questions about our lives, what we liked/didn't like, etc. We connected, had a lot in common, and it just... well... "clicked" for lack of a better word. So 1.5 months go by, we have hung out a bit and everything seems to be going well. One day she comes over and we have some food at my place. She seemed distant and off so I was quite confused as to what was going on. I text her a bit and get the same short and snippy replies back. So finally I call her up 2 days later and give the whole, "I really like hanging out with you, blah blah blah, and I would like to get to know you more than a friend." She replies that she just got out of a relationship and isn't ready yet but she will let me know when she is. To quote her "I can't put my heart 100% into it" Fast forward 2 weeks and she starts saying that she wants to hang out with just me one night. So we go on our first "date" and have a blast! This was the start of thanksgiving week so we both head home. We both talked the entire time, told each other we liked each other, etc. So coming back to school all she does is want to hangout with me the first week. So we do, we have a double date with some of her friends, and it all seems well. Well the next week, things seem to start going down hill again. She isn't as responsive, she is shorter with me, and doesn't want to hang out as much. Well finally this past week, she says we need to talk. I know what was coming but here is the jist of it. She says, "You are every thing I have wanted in a guy, and we click so well, but my heart isn't 100% in it romantically or emotionally." She was visibly upset and so we sat around and talked a while when I found somethings out that I did not know. One, was that she tried to force the relationship by thinking that spending more time with me would help ease her heart into it and acting accordingly. And secondly, when we started dating she had just gotten out of a LTR (approx 1 year) by 3 weeks. When we first met, she was still dating the guy. Mind you we have only been dating 2 weeks (3 if you count the break we didn't see each other) I did not know this, and had I known i would have done things A LOT differently. So we both left the option open for the future since we both agree that some of it was bad timing. She even admitted, "If you had met me maybe 4 months from now or a year earlier I think this would be different." So my question is what do I do for right now? We have cut off texting and speaking as of right now but i see far too much potential in this relationship to let it go and I know that she sees some of the same thing. I am not going to text her over the winter break, except for Christmas, but I would like to start a plan to try and get her back in the spring. However, I just don't know where to start since this will be the first second chance I have given a relationship, or even if it is worth it with her since I graduate at the end of spring. And no, we have not had sex. Any ideas on what to do? Thanks in advance, A_E A_E Hows this going? VERY similar to my situation. see post I broke up with her now SHE wants space... What i would say is this.. I did the relationship with the perfect girl.. I was there for her and i was everything her ex bfs werent. (first time ive been the nice guy!) It HASNT worked out. No matter what shell still have these niggling doubts. By all means be there for her, be the nice guy. But be extra, extra patient. Dont force anything. Definitely dont over whelm her, be aloof, be mysterious and shell come round.
Samilia Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Greetings, I have been through a situation that I am not quite sure how to handle nor have any solid idea that I feel will work. I'll start from the top... Met this very attractive and smart girl in one of my classes. We hit it off instantly talking every day. To give you an idea, mind you we are both students so texting was the easiest, we went from 0 to 1400 text messages a month between us. We were asking each other questions about our lives, what we liked/didn't like, etc. We connected, had a lot in common, and it just... well... "clicked" for lack of a better word. So 1.5 months go by, we have hung out a bit and everything seems to be going well. One day she comes over and we have some food at my place. She seemed distant and off so I was quite confused as to what was going on. I text her a bit and get the same short and snippy replies back. So finally I call her up 2 days later and give the whole, "I really like hanging out with you, blah blah blah, and I would like to get to know you more than a friend." She replies that she just got out of a relationship and isn't ready yet but she will let me know when she is. To quote her "I can't put my heart 100% into it" Fast forward 2 weeks and she starts saying that she wants to hang out with just me one night. So we go on our first "date" and have a blast! This was the start of thanksgiving week so we both head home. We both talked the entire time, told each other we liked each other, etc. So coming back to school all she does is want to hangout with me the first week. So we do, we have a double date with some of her friends, and it all seems well. Well the next week, things seem to start going down hill again. She isn't as responsive, she is shorter with me, and doesn't want to hang out as much. Well finally this past week, she says we need to talk. I know what was coming but here is the jist of it. She says, "You are every thing I have wanted in a guy, and we click so well, but my heart isn't 100% in it romantically or emotionally." She was visibly upset and so we sat around and talked a while when I found somethings out that I did not know. One, was that she tried to force the relationship by thinking that spending more time with me would help ease her heart into it and acting accordingly. And secondly, when we started dating she had just gotten out of a LTR (approx 1 year) by 3 weeks. When we first met, she was still dating the guy. Mind you we have only been dating 2 weeks (3 if you count the break we didn't see each other) I did not know this, and had I known i would have done things A LOT differently. So we both left the option open for the future since we both agree that some of it was bad timing. She even admitted, "If you had met me maybe 4 months from now or a year earlier I think this would be different." So my question is what do I do for right now? We have cut off texting and speaking as of right now but i see far too much potential in this relationship to let it go and I know that she sees some of the same thing. I am not going to text her over the winter break, except for Christmas, but I would like to start a plan to try and get her back in the spring. However, I just don't know where to start since this will be the first second chance I have given a relationship, or even if it is worth it with her since I graduate at the end of spring. And no, we have not had sex. Any ideas on what to do? Thanks in advance, A_E Seems to me like she's calling the shots, so if anybody was to give it a second chance, that's be her. She's told you she tried to "get in the mood" by hanging out with you more, didn't work out. I would personally walk away, what kind of a relationship is that if someone has to force their feelings for you?
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