latinacorazon Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 For the past last week me and my ex husband have noticed something a little strange in my son's behavior. Me and my son's father have been separated for over a year so my son was about one year old when we decided to go our separate ways. We have joint custody so he spends just as much time with me and his father. Well last week he started asking me if his dad missed him. I said yea your daddy loves you son he will see you tomorrow. He has been asking me this a lot lately and his dad told me just yesterday that he has been doing the same with him but asking him if I missed him. We both set down with him last night and reassured him that we both love him and miss him every time one parent is missing. I don't know if i should worry about this, or will it stop with time.. Has someone experience something similar?
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Never been marries nor do I have kids. But from a medical standpoint divorce is hard on children that are capable of understanding tend to be effected someway. They may showout more or anything else. This isn't always the case though. If both parents work well together, even divorced, their child may suffer from it very little. But once again, I am not entirely sure. Hopefully this post bumps you, and a more capable person helps you. I saw your other post, hopeful they help you there too.
Balzac Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Your little boy is 28 mos? Not sure on the developmental age you're asking about.
Lois Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 (edited) Obviously your sweetie is too young to understand why he goes back and forth between mummy and daddy, and it appears he's feeling insecure and looking for reassurance. When he asks you if you miss him, I believe he wants to know if you still love him. Perhaps joint custody, although fair, is overwhelming for him? I would be careful about making comments like you "miss him every time one parent is missing" because his little mind may interpret that to mean when one parent has him, the other is sad. You want him to know that mummy is very happy when he's with daddy ... and vice versa. Both keep reinforcing your love for him through your actions. Treat each other with the utmost kindness and respect in front of him. At his age, showing him the love you have for him will have as much if not more, of an impact as words. Good luck. Edited December 14, 2012 by Lois 3
AlexDP Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 My parents got divorced when I was 10. To be fair, I wasn't particularly depressed about it. It was annoying because they fought about a lot of stuff, but it didn't make me insecure. What did annoy me, a great deal, was people telling me everything was going to be alright. I once yelled at a school teacher, because I felt there was nothing wrong in the first place. But people made me feel as if something was wrong. The fact that both my parents also constantly told me they loved me annoyed me as well. I mean, I knew they loved me. I didn't really need the awkward reminders.
KateD Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 My son is now 22 and was two when my ex and I separated and then divorced. My ex moved several hundred miles away. My son always cried when he left his dad's house or my house and to this day says it was hard on him. But we weren't in the same town like you are. But no matter what age or distance I think divorce is hard on kids. Although you and your ex seem to be handling it perfectly by telling him you love him and that the other spouse loves him and misses him. And it's good if you never criticize the spouse because this will make it harder for you son, make him have conflicting loyalties. My son is in university now and seems to be well-adjusted. He is doing well. He does mention how hard switching households was when he was younger and how much he missed the other parent. No childhood is perfect. Hope this helps. It sounds like you are doing a good job. 1
amaysngrace Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 For the past last week me and my ex husband have noticed something a little strange in my son's behavior. Me and my son's father have been separated for over a year so my son was about one year old when we decided to go our separate ways. We have joint custody so he spends just as much time with me and his father. Well last week he started asking me if his dad missed him. I said yea your daddy loves you son he will see you tomorrow. He has been asking me this a lot lately and his dad told me just yesterday that he has been doing the same with him but asking him if I missed him. We both set down with him last night and reassured him that we both love him and miss him every time one parent is missing. I don't know if i should worry about this, or will it stop with time.. Has someone experience something similar? How come in another thread of yours from last night, you said that your husband and you had a fight the other day and he slept in a different room than you ever since? Why did you say he came "home" in that thread when you say in this one that you have been separated for a year? How come you keep changing the age of your kid every time you mention him?
M30USA Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 For the past last week me and my ex husband have noticed something a little strange in my son's behavior. Me and my son's father have been separated for over a year so my son was about one year old when we decided to go our separate ways. We have joint custody so he spends just as much time with me and his father. Well last week he started asking me if his dad missed him. I said yea your daddy loves you son he will see you tomorrow. He has been asking me this a lot lately and his dad told me just yesterday that he has been doing the same with him but asking him if I missed him. We both set down with him last night and reassured him that we both love him and miss him every time one parent is missing. I don't know if i should worry about this, or will it stop with time.. Has someone experience something similar? Where do you live? I believe it's pretty rare for "joint custody" to be 50-50. In fact, in the state where I live, the courts have determined that it's in the best interest of the child to have a primary custodian and a possessory custodian (which usually results in 33% at best for the the non-primary custodian).
pteromom Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 If you guys are both amicable to it, why not set Skype up on your computers, and let your child talk to Mommy at Daddy's, or Daddy at Mommy's? I think reassuring him is a good thing for everyone. 2
Ross MwcFan Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 My parents got divorced when I was 10. To be fair, I wasn't particularly depressed about it. It was annoying because they fought about a lot of stuff, but it didn't make me insecure. What did annoy me, a great deal, was people telling me everything was going to be alright. I once yelled at a school teacher, because I felt there was nothing wrong in the first place. But people made me feel as if something was wrong. The fact that both my parents also constantly told me they loved me annoyed me as well. I mean, I knew they loved me. I didn't really need the awkward reminders. Awww, poor thing.
AlexDP Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 (edited) Awww, poor thing. You are not in the kind of place you want to bully people, Ross. It's like me acting all cool in "da hood". I'd get shot and raped. Don't test me. I guess you're the kind of guy who'd kick someone when he's down. Even if you're down all the time and always crying for help yourself. Problem is, Ross, I'm not down. Edited December 15, 2012 by AlexDP
Ross MwcFan Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 (edited) You are not in the kind of place you want to bully people, Ross. It's like me acting all cool in "da hood". I'd get shot and raped. Don't test me. I guess you're the kind of guy who'd kick someone when he's down. Even if you're down all the time and always crying for help yourself. Problem is, Ross, I'm not down. Excuse me while I cower in the corner oh mighty alexdp. I'm not bullying anyone, I was actually being genuine with the 'Awww, poor thing' comment. Btw you're actually describing yourself, you've done exactly the same to myself and others when we're down. And that does indeed indicate that you're probably down yourself, otherwise why would you feel the need to behave in that way? Anyway will you stop derailing the thread? To the OP, my parents divorced when I was very young, as far as I know it didn't seem to affect me at all. I think when they were together and were arguing all the time is what affected me. Edited December 15, 2012 by Ross MwcFan
Author latinacorazon Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Sorry for the misunderstandings, that post was my sister it has nothing to do with me. It was a honest mistake. She must of forgot i was still logged in. She does have an account her self however this site wont let me delete any post. Once again thank you for taking the time to comment on my threat. I appreciate the consideration.
Author latinacorazon Posted December 18, 2012 Author Posted December 18, 2012 Your little boy is 28 mos? Not sure on the developmental age you're asking about. My son is a year old and a month.
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