GreenThumb85 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Sorry for another cliche I like my professor thread. I for starters am not a fresh from high school googly eyed girl. I am a returning student now working on my second year back in school and I am 27 years old. I am also very close to graduating from the campus I am currently at where this professor teaches, and will be transferring to another campus after another semester. This started of as me noticing he was attractive and slowly went from there. I know for a fact he is not married and is single. The age difference is not massive either since he is roughly in his middle 30's. Aside from the fact he is clearly an intellectual, the personal parts of himself that sneak through I find very endearing. I have tried my best more than once in this past few months to move past these emotions and attraction I feel and I have not been able to. As a matter of fact they have grown. I have been able to maintain the student relationship that is appropriate with this man, but I do have a deep desire to know him outside of the classroom. I also suspect that he has an interest as well, but I am not certain. This is because if he does he is trying to refrain from showing it since it is inappropriate in this context. He clearly is ease dropping on conversations I have in class, as well as primarily focuses on the group I am in for our discussions. He does look over the whole class while lecturing but he does let his gaze rest a bit longer on me then he does with others in class unless they are asking a direct question. There is tension when were are around each other after class or in his office which I have had to stop by a couple of times. This tension was not bad per se but maybe more heavy and discernible. He paid me a very discreet compliment and his body language and tone seemed out of place for an office visit, more bashful then factual and I have never seen him act bashful or shy once in class. He also repeated out loud when I mentioned I was a returning student and he seemed in distant though when he said it. There have been other things that he has done that if it was done by someone else I would feel more certain they were hiding some type of feelings or interest for me for some personal reason. I have played this discreetly on my end since I don't want this to cause a problem for him or myself. I would like to interact with him more at school this next semester. There is a group I wanted to join but didn't since he over sees it that I am now considering getting involved in it next term. I think if I interacted with him more I could become easier to tell if he possibly has feelings/interest he's holding back. He has paid more and more attention to me over the semester. I prefer men his age actually. I even dated one man around his age for 3 years before we split up. I am also not some young hottie. I dress rather modestly and I am no model. I am however extremely smart and always do well in all my classes. If there is interest from him maybe its the same reason I think why I like him is he is a kindred spirit. I do think we could get along well even as friends. The thought of graduating then transferring and not talking to him anymore makes me feel depressed. I am looking for feedback on this since I am extremely torn due to this being considered such a taboo situation, but I have not been able to help what I feel. I am only human and so is he. Most other students at this school are between 17-22 so I am closer to his age range. I want to see about getting closer to him as s student by joining his interest group on campus, utilizing his office hours more, and what not. If it clearer he may have real interest after I graduate and the grades are in I would like to do something along the lines of maybe sending an email saying how much I enjoyed his lectures, and ask if he would like to talk over coffee sometime. Does this honestly seem to be such a horrible desire/idea in this situation? Is it possible he may have an interest or feelings he is holding back due to his position?
Carenth Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Yeah um don't go down that road... You want to date a professor don't be his student, ever. This could turn into all sorts of hell for you both.
Arasae Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 As someone who is marrying a former professor of mine, the WORST thing you can do is hang out with him while you are a student. It will solidify the teacher-student relationship that teachers are programmed to create and then romantically avoid. 1. Wait until you graduate/he changes schools. To avoid professional suicide, he can't have another opportunity to be your teacher. Period. 2. Shoot him an email after that. Ask him a question, thank him for his time, and see if he starts up a dialogue. If he does... 3. Chat for awhile, then suggest it would be easier in person. Get coffee. 4. Progress from there. It's only immoral if you date him while you are a student of his. When you're not.. Game on.
Author GreenThumb85 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 Thanks for your input...really thank you. That is sounds advice and I really appreciate it. I of course will not pursue him while I am his student. Given the fact you actually married a former professor I would like to ask you a couple of things if you don't mind. I am graduating from the 2 year school I am at in after the spring semester, and I cannot go to this college anymore, I have to transfer to a 4 year campus. Between now and then I do have one more class with him. You said to avoid hanging out with him and developing the student teacher relationship, which is good advice. How would you advise I interact with him since I have one more semester there in the mean time? I don't want to cause the scenario you mentioned and advised against. Also any tips on things to look for to see if he may have interest before I try contacting him after I graduate like you suggested?
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