barbossa Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Would you get the procedure to erase all known memories of a person you dated, had a relationship with? Assuming there were no side effects at all. why or why not? I would. thinking about her makes me angry sad and yet i still miss her though i am with someone new.
annabelle26 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Would you get the procedure to erase all known memories of a person you dated, had a relationship with? Assuming there were no side effects at all. why or why not? I would. thinking about her makes me angry sad and yet i still miss her though i am with someone new. i would in a heartbeat. i know its meant to make you grow as a person blah blah to go through bad times, but i miss the optimism and naivety of being a teen thinking love was all peaches.
Carenth Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 No and there is no way this procedure wouldn't have side effects, the obvious one being you would fundamentally become a different person to your detriment. With relationships even failed ones you gain a lot of wisdom and grow as a person become less naive and more careful in your choices. i would in a heartbeat. i know its meant to make you grow as a person blah blah to go through bad times, but i miss the optimism and naivety of being a teen thinking love was all peaches. That sounds horrible. 3
iris219 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 I don't want to erase my memory, but I would love to go back in time and NOT meet my ex. I fantasize about this a lot, about the moment where one thing would change and we therefore never meet, or if we do meet I choose to not pursue him in any way.
SmileFace Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 No because all my experiences make me who I am and I have learned from each and every experince I have had. If I erase memories of my last relationship or my exs I would not have the knowledge to not go for some body like that again. 2
sweetkiwi Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Nay. Nay nay nay. Really? I had an ex throw me across a room. Still wouldn't change a thing. But the question should be: are you a person who regrets everything, or grows from it? 3
Carenth Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 . But the question should be: are you a person who regrets everything, or grows from it? Much better question. 1
iris219 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 What I learned from my ex are things I could have gone my whole life without ever learning and I would have been better off without the knowledge. My life would be better if my ex and I had never met. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 I'll probably just get Alzheimer's soon. That ought to do the trick. 2
Woggle Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Not at all because how will I know not to make the same mistakes again.
Under The Radar Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 (edited) What I learned from my ex are things I could have gone my whole life without ever learning and I would have been better off without the knowledge. My life would be better if my ex and I had never met. Well, you learned what you DON'T want for a healthy and fulfilling relationship ... right? That knowledge alone should help you to pick a better partner in the future . Edited December 14, 2012 by Training Revelations 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Nope! Nein! Never! I learned so much from each relationship I was in--about myself, about human nature, about the world, about how to be a better partner. I'm a better, more loving, caring person today because of each man who came into my life. Each taught me something about what I need. Each was a growing experience...and I believe preparation for the lifetime experience I hope to have with that special guy...when I finally meet him...hopefully soon...I hope! 2013??? Fingers and toes crossed...
CptObvious Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Nope. You learn more from striking out than hitting homeruns.
Pompom Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 No, because while it ended badly, that was partly my fault and I deserve to feel bad about it for as long as he might. Also his smile, his funny sleeping face, his mumble, the mischievous chuckle, the waddle, the flirting, I just don't want to forget them. He is adorable and I want to remember him, especially now that we made up and I got to hear that lovely gentle, patient mumble again. I've had a lot of interpersonal relationships that ended badly, usually with the other person betraying me and my trust or my friendship in some way, and me reacting very strongly. But that's part of life and adds to how I treat future relationships, and just conveniently erasing every bad memory, will only keep a person from growing. I mean, if I'd had previous crushes erased from memory, how would I know today how to (not) act? For example, when contact dies down or when the other person grows quiet, I start worrying that I may have offended them or they may have grown tired of me or something. I take it personal, and at some point I may go into "butthurt confrontational" mode and actually destroy a previously good relationship because it turns out that I had nothing to do with their silence. A few years ago, contact with my best friend suddenly died down. I decided to feel betrayed and angry and let him know. I left him feeling abandoned because I was not willing to ask nicely and in a way he would want to answer, and after we'd made up, he told me he was being withdrawn because he'd been diagnosed with MS. I had been horrible to him. As with everything, I had made it about me, while he would have needed a friend. And about 2 weeks ago, 1 week into my out-of-town training period, my new crush stopped calling me 3 times a day. Since there had been only one gaming night between his sudden silence and my sucking him off, I thought he had decided I was a slut (he is a bit old-fashioned when it comes to women). I was so scared I might have lost him. The one time I tried calling, he kind of cut it short and sounded unhappy. I was terrified but decided to wait and see instead of ruining another relationship that may be fine. The moment I got home from training for good, he called. And he was offended that I hadn't called him. I explained to him all my fears and how he said he didn't like naggy, over-attached women and that this was why I wanted to leave him in control, and he accepted that and also added that he had been sick for 10 days and unable to see his child for that reason, which had also poisoned his mood. See, if I'd had the first guy erased from memory, I would not have any memory of how not to deal with worrying radio silence. I would have gotten all upset and confrontational again because I did not learn that this may be needless, and I would have lost this guy. So no, I will not have any useful memory or lesson erased. I don't grow from success, I grow from making mistakes and correcting them.
Author barbossa Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 No and there is no way this procedure wouldn't have side effects, the obvious one being you would fundamentally become a different person to your detriment. With relationships even failed ones you gain a lot of wisdom and grow as a person become less naive and more careful in your choices. That sounds horrible. And i suppose becoming bitter and hateful is growing as a person? My question was hypothetical hence why i said if there were no side effects. imagine being baggage-less
Author barbossa Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 Just because the memories are gone doesn't mean it never happened. bust isn't ignorance bliss?
Disillusioned Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Not at all because how will I know not to make the same mistakes again. ^That.^ I don't want to attract the wrong kinds of women all over again.
Redbirdinabrightsky Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Nay nay nay. I fing hate hate hate people who wander around in life pretending they have "no regrets," ef all you people. The sick fact about dating and relationships is: if you keep moving through all the misery and turmoil of losing somebody you adore to no end, you end up learning all about how to treat the next person better, and be a better lover. Each new relationship that, we, or at least I go through, always feels far better than the last. Perhaps I have peaked in that respect, we'll see, but I have hope that because of what I know now due to past miseries, I can be happier with the next lady to knock my socks off. The crap in life makes you better equipped to smell the daisies, IMHO, but still, ef all you 'no regrets' mofos.
Disillusioned Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 The crap in life makes you better equipped to smell the daisies, IMHO, but still, ef all you 'no regrets' mofos. Crap is crap, but after all it can make flowers grow. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Well, I for one have few if any regrets! I guess I'm one of those mo-fo's!:laugh: And i suppose becoming bitter and hateful is growing as a person? My question was hypothetical hence why i said if there were no side effects. imagine being baggage-less I am happy to have memories, lessons, and growth, and I'd like to think I'm baggage-less. I dunno, possibly a very light packer? Either way, I have no interest in hauling stuff around. Way to much effort, and it serves me no purpose. Becoming bitter, hateful, and whatever other negativity you choose to carry around in a suitcase is a choice. How we choose to react to things is a choice. Whether we see only the bad in a situation is a choice. Remember though that the more that you hold on to the evil that you perceive in others, and the more you focus on how much others have wronged you instead of focusing on the good that you've had, the less happy and fulfilled you'll be. You're drinking poison and hoping it kills whoever you're convinced maliciously chose to hurt you. Unfortunately, you suffer and he continues to enjoy life. Forgiveness of others, acknowledging our role in the implosion of things, and letting go are gifts we give ourselves. We benefit as much as, if not more than, the person we absolve. Life is a gift. I've had wonderful relationships. I was treated very well (because quite frankly I would never stick around were someone to treat me otherwise...again a choice). I had some wonderful experiences with some great guys. Did they have flaws? Absolutely, but those were pretty minor compared to all their positive attributes. Do I have flaws? You better believe I do! I spend a lot of time, especially after a relationship ends figuring out how I can be a better, more loving, more considerate partner. As I said earlier, everything in life is a learning experience for me. Did every relationship end on my terms? Of course not! But just because we ultimately weren't right for each other, and one of us was heartbroken, didn't mean the other person was a bad human being, or that the great experiences we shared hadn't happened, or what we had once meant to each other never was. The good had indeed happened. Upset, angry or sad though we be, we were still richer for having shared a piece of our lives with each other. We'd still grown. We'd still laughed. We'd still had a lot of fun. I always left with a clearer sense of what it is I need and want in future relationships and in "the one," whenever he happens along. That was a gift. You have a choice in how you perceive the world. A magic eraser is neither necessary nor the answer for what ails you.
Carenth Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 And i suppose becoming bitter and hateful is growing as a person? My question was hypothetical hence why i said if there were no side effects. imagine being baggage-less You only become bitter and hateful if you choose to be, you can live in regret or you can choose to accept the situation and learn what you can from it. I would rather live with painful memories and grow from them, than live in a forever ignorant child like state where I never learn anything and keep making the same mistakes over and over. Even if it is hypothetical can't say there is no side effects when the procedure would be pretty much giving you a frontal lobotomy, but this is not important. 1
kiss_andmakeup Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 (edited) In the days after my recent break-up, I spent hours thinking about "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and wishing with every fiber of my being that such technology actually existed. Not because I hate(d) my ex, but simply because of the intense, crippling pain I felt when I thought of him and remembered our wonderful times together. I still think that way for sometimes. It's still only been a few weeks. But as the dust settles and things become clearer, I realize that those memories have shaped me into who I am today. And I like who I am today. Edited December 15, 2012 by kiss_andmakeup
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 No way. I have learned so much from my last relationship and I am aware of some of the mistakes I made. But then again, I never felt that much pain after it ended....
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