emilywtf Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I was just overwhelmed with guilt-sadness-something about filing divorce papers and I do not know why. Well, that is actually not true, I know why- He doesn't know I did it. He knew it was coming, he's cheated, wants me to leave, but he never took any legal action. It guess this is cementing the end of our marriage and I feel sad over that, too. I do feel kind of silly for feeling guilty and sad about divorcing a man that has to go. Like I am questioning my decision. What is wrong with me? He cheats, is abusive, manipulative, and an alcoholic. So why I am a feeling this way? I kind of want to cry right now. The end of 10 years together. Once papers are filed, that is it. When it is all over, we are over forever. Ten years- done. No more home together, no more planning for a family, no more nights watching TV in his arms. But also, no more emotional and physical abuse. No more worrying about him cheating. No more having to ask for money and being required to turn over 100% of every pay check to him. So is this normal? Am I dumb for feeling this way?
Tainted love Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Sounds like we are in a pretty similar situation....I echo what you're feeling although I'm not as near to the end point although hope to be soon once we think about dividing things up. I felt a little guilty too, although some great posters on here helped me through it. I guess he has battered my self esteem so much that I feel guilty about everything. The sadness too...I think it's less about sadness for him, but sadness for the dreams you had, the person you thought he was (and then turned out he wasn't) the closing of a chapter of your life. You're bound to be sad but not sad enough to go backward instead of forward. Well done to you for not accepting such poor treatment! Be sad -let yourself feel every emotion you want, don't worry about them too much. They all pass as you will know. But try and balance it out with the potential opportunities out there that will come your way once you're out of a toxic relationship. Hugs 1
Author emilywtf Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 The emotional ups and downs have been so hard to deal with. I've been an abused wife for years and now that I know and understand that, I can see that in my emotional roller coaster. However, it does not make the pain any less. I found myself last night praying with my whole heart for him to get help with his drinking so we can be together. While he has other issues in addition to that, the drinking really makes things 100 times worse. I prayed so hard that SOMETHING would help that, then questioned myself- Even if he did, would I want to get back with him? So much has happened, he has been so horrible, that I wonder. I just feel sick. Heart sick, like I want to vomit sick. I hate feeling this way. The thought of him and his new girlfriend popped into my head at work this morning and it was like ice through my veins, simply awful.
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