Samms22 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 (edited) The more I think about my ex and her particularities, the more I wonder about how some people have the uncanny ability to ruin relationships. She cheated on her very nice guy boyfriend and dumped him for a physically abusive monster who she stayed with despite his cheating, despite his abuse and despite his neglect. She only left him when he left her. She dated me for 9 months and I treated he very well; but she was possessive, needy, clingy, with low self-esteem and jealous beyond measure. The problem? She never said a bad word to me, never criticized me and was the biggest doormat I've ever dated. I knew something was wrong, but stuck it out hoping she'd change... I was aloof. I was just the right amount of disinterested and I kept my distance enough to keep her interested.. and by interested I mean she was head over heels for me. Asking questions such as, "Why are you dating me? You're so much better and more attractive than me..." etc. Low-self esteem... but I always kept myself scarce enough to keep her interested, because part of me worried that if I was too lovey dovey and I gave too much of myself to her, she would immediately go off with the next guy to give her any amount of attention. The death knell of our relationship was when.. you guessed it.. we moved out together and I, at the same time, wrote her a beautiful love letter basically telling her my feelings were the same. She cheated on me 5 days later and we broke up about 2 weeks after we moved out. She did make the comment about 5 days into our move-in stating: "Well, I guess now that we've moved in together you're mine... you're not breaking up with me after all." She was weirdly concerned and terrified I would break up with her all throughout our relationship and kept asking me if I was going to when I never hinted at it. It drove me crazy. This leads me to believe that our relationship was doomed from that start, and that no matter how I acted she would have done the same thing: left me when the first (unattractive) guy gave her the slightest bit of attention. I feel as though she finally left because we had committed ourselves each other and she had something very special in a loving partner, and she couldn't handle it because she felt like she didn't deserve it. Is my analysis correct and does anyone have a similiar experience? Edited December 13, 2012 by Samms22
Mcnulty Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Excellent analysis mate...you're right and i have nothing more to add...the girls a dick...best off without her, but you knew that before I wrote it Best of luck.
na49 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Well my ex was just as insecure as yours was. My ex told me she never wanted to lose me, I told her I'd never leave her. Well I didn't lie. She left me and was cheating on me. I think that our exes want to make sure they keep us around until their other guy is ready to go or just in case things don't work out. Then when we find out or they've convinced themselves what they are doing is okay. They dump us. They don't want us to break up with them because getting dumped sucks. They have no problem dumping us though. Hypocritical? Double standards? You bet! 1
LostOne1 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Same here guys.. My ex got some attention from another guy, while she was out on a 2 month work placement program. And that's all it took.... And she had told me long ago too. All she wants is someone to give her attention, which is why she liked me a lot. For once I couldn't give her the attention she needed and someone else does. Well she just jumps from a 3 yr relationship to a guy within 3 weeks. She was VERY insecure though I do know that for sure. I guess she wasn't the best looking girl and always felt I would run off with someone else. Ironic how instead of me running off with someone, she runs off with someone LOL. I am at the point where I can laugh it all now. I'm just glad she did this NOW than a few yrs later or after we would have gotten married. I'd be dead if we were married and had our own place etc.. Only for her to take it all away from me then... Dumping me now did very little besides hurt me emotionally for a bit. Now she can enjoy her new BF who works at freaking KFC and can't tell a difference between sushi and a slushi drink LOL... I just hope one day she realizes what she did was wrong and how stupid of her it was do it the way she did... I would like to see one day when I am a much better person and for her to see what she gave up. I won't put it in her face, because I've grown through this and I feel as a BETTER and MATURE person. I wouldn't put someone else down even if they hurt me. It's called CLASS and I will be sure to show it as the better person.
CptSaveAho Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 (edited) The more I think about my ex and her particularities, the more I wonder about how some people have the uncanny ability to ruin relationships. She cheated on her very nice guy boyfriend and dumped him for a physically abusive monster who she stayed with despite his cheating, despite his abuse and despite his neglect. She only left him when he left her. She dated me for 9 months and I treated he very well; but she was possessive, needy, clingy, with low self-esteem and jealous beyond measure. The problem? She never said a bad word to me, never criticized me and was the biggest doormat I've ever dated. I knew something was wrong, but stuck it out hoping she'd change... I was aloof. I was just the right amount of disinterested and I kept my distance enough to keep her interested.. and by interested I mean she was head over heels for me. Asking questions such as, (1)"Why are you dating me? You're so much better and more attractive than me..." etc. Low-self esteem... but I always kept myself scarce enough to keep her interested, because part of me worried that if I was too lovey dovey and I gave too much of myself to her, she would immediately go off with the next guy to give her any amount of attention. The death knell of our relationship was when.. you guessed it.. we moved out together and I, at the same time, wrote her a beautiful love letter basically telling her my feelings were the same. (3)She cheated on me 5 days later and (4)we broke up about 2 weeks after we moved out. She did make the comment about 5 days into our move-in stating: (2)"Well, I guess now that we've moved in together you're mine... you're not breaking up with me after all." She was weirdly concerned and terrified I would break up with her all throughout our relationship and kept asking me if I was going to when I never hinted at it. It drove me crazy. This leads me to believe that our relationship was doomed from that start, and that no matter how I acted she would have done the same thing: left me when the first (unattractive) guy gave her the slightest bit of attention. I feel as though she finally left because we had committed ourselves each other and she had something very special in a loving partner, and she couldn't handle it because she felt like she didn't deserve it. Is my analysis correct and does anyone have a similiar experience? Yup... classic "rebound girl" behavior... So what did you learn.... not to date people with LOW self esteem... By the way, (1)she owned you,(2) told you she owned you, called you a pansey for not breaking up with her, (3) made you pay for it (4)then broke up with you... all I have to say is OUCH She wanted you to break up with her a long time before that even happened... at (1) she asked you why you didnt break up with her Edited December 14, 2012 by CptSaveAho
Author Samms22 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 Yup... classic "rebound girl" behavior... So what did you learn.... not to date people with LOW self esteem... By the way, (1)she owned you,(2) told you she owned you, called you a pansey for not breaking up with her, (3) made you pay for it (4)then broke up with you... all I have to say is OUCH She wanted you to break up with her a long time before that even happened... at (1) she asked you why you didnt break up with her Cpt... have I told you that I love you recently? Anyways, you're right, but what should I have done? I did learn a great lesson: get the **** out when she has low self esteem. I can't fix it. I thought she was joking when she said all of those things, but I guess not, right? @ LostOne. I know how you feel. I'm glad you're doing better.
TaraMaiden Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 The more I think about my ex and her particularities, Well it's either Peculiarities. or particulars. I take it your word is a cross between the two....? (I'm giving up correcting grammar as a New Year's Resolution. So I'm getting them all in now, for good measure... )
Author Samms22 Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 Well it's either Peculiarities. or particulars. I take it your word is a cross between the two....? (I'm giving up correcting grammar as a New Year's Resolution. So I'm getting them all in now, for good measure... ) Wrong person to mess with. particularities - definition of particularities by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia. "An individual characteristic; a peculiarity." Technically it would be syntax, not grammar. Nice try though. Any input on the actual substance of the post rather than (wrongly) trying to diminish my intellectual capabilities? 1
TaraMaiden Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Well I stand corrected - thank you for that - another lesson learned - excellent! (I'm not sure context is accurate - but that's just minutiae....) As to advice? I think you've already received an excellent amount form others, which seems to have struck a positive chord with you. I think you've got it all in hand! Cheers - have a good Christmas!
rn0408 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 The more I think about my ex and her particularities, the more I wonder about how some people have the uncanny ability to ruin relationships. She cheated on her very nice guy boyfriend and dumped him for a physically abusive monster who she stayed with despite his cheating, despite his abuse and despite his neglect. She only left him when he left her. She dated me for 9 months and I treated he very well; but she was possessive, needy, clingy, with low self-esteem and jealous beyond measure. The problem? She never said a bad word to me, never criticized me and was the biggest doormat I've ever dated. I knew something was wrong, but stuck it out hoping she'd change... I was aloof. I was just the right amount of disinterested and I kept my distance enough to keep her interested.. and by interested I mean she was head over heels for me. Asking questions such as, "Why are you dating me? You're so much better and more attractive than me..." etc. Low-self esteem... but I always kept myself scarce enough to keep her interested, because part of me worried that if I was too lovey dovey and I gave too much of myself to her, she would immediately go off with the next guy to give her any amount of attention. The death knell of our relationship was when.. you guessed it.. we moved out together and I, at the same time, wrote her a beautiful love letter basically telling her my feelings were the same. She cheated on me 5 days later and we broke up about 2 weeks after we moved out. She did make the comment about 5 days into our move-in stating: "Well, I guess now that we've moved in together you're mine... you're not breaking up with me after all." She was weirdly concerned and terrified I would break up with her all throughout our relationship and kept asking me if I was going to when I never hinted at it. It drove me crazy. This leads me to believe that our relationship was doomed from that start, and that no matter how I acted she would have done the same thing: left me when the first (unattractive) guy gave her the slightest bit of attention. I feel as though she finally left because we had committed ourselves each other and she had something very special in a loving partner, and she couldn't handle it because she felt like she didn't deserve it. Is my analysis correct and does anyone have a similiar experience? Sounds like you were dating somebody with Borderline Personality Disorder. Those people will live a life of pain and sadness..regardless if you are mad at her, no reason to be because shes trash and will live a life of pain and sadness You were tricked by a expert con and they get you when you have a weakpoint and are very vulnerable. Borderlines are real good at that. One girl sadly found a weakness in me when I was confused about my career and took advantage of it...that was 5 months too long. After I cut her off I had to threaten a restraining order when I cut her off. I have a few questions for you Were you vulnerable? I have something for you to look at and read. I have taken psychology courses and have done psych rotations. I couldn't believe even after shadowing a mental health clinic that I would fall into a trap being vulnerable. BREAKING UP WITH A BORDERLINE: There must be 50 Ways to leave your Lover. and remember..YOU CAN'T CHANGE PEOPLE! LEAVE IT TO THE PSYCH EXPERTS LOL!!
rn0408 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Yup... classic "rebound girl" behavior... So what did you learn.... not to date people with LOW self esteem... By the way, (1)she owned you,(2) told you she owned you, called you a pansey for not breaking up with her, (3) made you pay for it (4)then broke up with you... all I have to say is OUCH She wanted you to break up with her a long time before that even happened... at (1) she asked you why you didnt break up with her Wrong! That is a Borderline playing tricks with a vulnerable person in a passive-aggressive emotionally abusive fashion. She's a stage 5 clinger and destroying his self-esteem to keep him around. Next time she talks to you this is what you do to get back at a borderline..call her out for her flaws! It will be like you stuck a knife through her heart. They say don't play fire with fire, but I ripped somebody's soul out who had BPD when I woke up from the manipulation and from her taking advantage of me being vulnerable.
rn0408 Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Take advice from me and send me a private message if you need advice. I am a magnet for psycho women. One slipped through the cracks (because I was vulnerable) but I have had girls tell people they want me to knock them up, I have had a girl stalk me all 4 years in college, I have had girls chase me in bars after I would put up a facebook status like "weekend starts." I don't even make out with them or do anything sexually with them...I am just a magnet. I've dated very good girls (90% of them) but the desperate psychos come after me...doesn't matter if they have boyfriends or not. I would advise checking girls Pinterest (RUN if you see wedding dresses, baby cribs birthday cakes, and wedding rings), asking around more about the person, and being open to what your friends say because they see red flags the best when you don't see it.
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