How can I stop feeling validated by the number of women I've been with

[Glove_slap]

I've always felt the need to go out and approach girls, talk to girls and simply get laid. I blame the men around me that validated themselves and other men based on the amount of sexual partners they have had, it becomes a sort of contest - a popularity contest in mix with a rite of passage. We have studied pick-up techniques and felt the need to go out and just try to get as many girls as we could. I haven't slept with that many girls in my life, I'm 21 and slept with about 2-3 (i was drunk and don't really remember). I feel like that's such a low number, which it is but I go further and make the connection of feeling inferior because of it. How can I stop this mentality? It is WRONG to feel validated by women, it may be ordinary or 'natural' but there is something inherently wrong about it - women are not objects, nor are they 'bragging rights' like the way many of us treat them to be.

[Axee]

I am glad you atleast have this thought process. You are a good guy.

 

Just remember to be humble , and like you said, reiterate that every lady whom you approach or reject, has dreams hopes and fears and wants a loving man who can take care of her.

 

And let me tell you , maybe among men the higher the number its better,

but with women , the lesser the number its better... .We all want a decent and committed guy , not a guy who randomly gets with women..

 

we need more men like you

[lovebug1234]

grow some balls and be a man. step up to your own values. why the **** you care about what others think?

[c57dood]

Look at it this way: how many people have had sex throughout human history? A lot.

How many men have slept with dozens of women throughout history? A ton.

 

Now, go do something that puts you in the catagory of something few men have accomplished throughout history for genuine validation.

[sabre80]

Glove you hit on a thought process that I have been thinking about for the last 2 years. Post modern feminism has really ****ed the last 2 generations of men up.

 

It has been a slow process dating all the way back to WWII. Now let me stop here and say this is not a bash on women just an inadvertent consequence in changing of traditional gender roles.

 

WWII: All the men go off to war some as young as 16 leaving women to raise the household and women fill in for the men in industry while they are gone. Men come back. Women say hey I like working I am not going back home. Thus begins the feminist revolution. Divorce rates start to rise and you begin to see a higher rate of boys being raised by single moms.

 

Enter the 60s. The birth control pill was approved by the FDA. Before this women held back on having free casual sex because they did not want to get pregnant. A man had to prove his worth before he could tap it. Because he had to be a provider. Now women's sexual liberation meant they could sleep with whoever they wanted without consequence. This had an almost Pavlovian effect on men. They no longer had to validate themselves based on career or accomplishment. They began to validate themselves on sex. All this and I love to blame hippies for everything. Also the rate of boys being raised by single moms continue to rise at an even higher rate. Women are becoming the dominant demographic in education positions for K-12.

 

Today

We have 2 generations now of men lacking proper male role models. In 2004 40% of all children born were to unmarried women. 60% of all children under 18 either have only one parent or their parents are split. Men are being raised by women. And not to bag on them but they for the most part cannot be a male figure. They cannot show by EXAMPLE how a man should live. How a man should stand up for himself. They only know what a woman wants. He from a young age learns to validate himself by making a woman happy (his mom or teacher). He grows up thinking if I make her happy she will make me happy.

 

The side effect of all this is men will jump through hoops to satisfy his woman because that is what society has taught him. The problem with this is eventually his woman looses attraction to him because he has become a doormat willing to do anything for his klondite bar.

 

The day I realized (about 7 months after I divorced my cheating ex) that I would rather be a lonely major shareholder of Jergen's than to loose my nuts ever again was a liberating one. It also had the effect of seeming to attract more female attention. Who knew. Despite what comes out of the mouths of babes, women want men. Validate yourself based upon (as others have said here) your own set of values and standards. The whole term "Becoming a man" being tied to loosing ones virginity is retarded. Every animal on this planet has sex. Sex a man does not make.