Cheating Ex boyfriend now in recovery, should we get back together in the future?

[2456249]

My ex boyfriend whom I was with for 6 years is now deciding to change his ways. While we were together we would go off and on with many fights and make ups, but now have been broken up for 6 months.

 

While we were together in the 6 year period he cheated twice. I took him back the first time and the second time I only found out about 5 months ago. So here's my dilemma, I know many of you are already thinking I'm crazy to even consider this guy, but hear me out.

 

We both on a weird level feel like were each others sole mates, because we keep being drawn back to each other. Okay so I hadn't talked to him in weeks and last night he came to my door and I let him in. We talked and he revealed he has been in recovery for a over a month now (he relapsed at the end of our relationship and continued to use until about a month ago). He seems so different now, like the healthiest I have ever seen him. He has a awesome sponsor and is now totally dedicated to improving himself. He doesn't want to start a relationship with me though because he wants to focus on his recovery right now. He made a very sincere apology for everything he has done to hurt me in the past and I could tell he really meant it.

 

The night ended with us getting physically intimate with each other, which I started to regret because I know we can't be in a relationship and he is going to continue casually dating other chicks.

 

I don't want to start a relationship with him until I am fully sure he has truly made a serious change in himself. He also wants to do therapy to help with more of his issues, but I will believe that when I see it.

 

My problem now is that seeing him so healthy and awesome, basically my fantasy image of him that I always wanted him to be is now who he is. It made me feel those loving feelings towards him, but I feel bad about it because of everything he has done in the past. My good friend would flip out if she found out I talked to him and was intimate with him last night.

 

Do you think if he really improves and changes for the permanent, do you think we could be in a relationship again? He told me he knows me and him will get married one day, he just knows because we are always drawn back to each other. I do love him, he is my first everything so it is very hard to let him go. What is your suggestion?

[NoneoftheAbove]

I stopped reading after "he cheated 2 times" you should try and move on. If it was a one time thing and hes deeply sorry and would do anything to be with you, he wouldnt have done it the second time. So my suggestion to you, save your love for the guy who deserves it.

[CaptJay]

I stopped reading after "he cheated 2 times" you should try and move on. If it was a one time thing and hes deeply sorry and would do anything to be with you, he wouldnt have done it the second time. So my suggestion to you, save your love for the guy who deserves it.

 

Yup.............

[pteromom]

He doesn't want to start a relationship with me though because he wants to focus on his recovery right now.

 

I don't want to start a relationship with him until I am fully sure he has truly made a serious change in himself.

 

I think you are getting ahead of yourself here. You say you don't want a relationship, but that he doesn't want a relationship either. So there is no relationship on the table for you to even consider.

 

He says he knows you'll get married some day, but he continues to sleep with other girls. So to me, that just sounds like a line to keep you on the hook.

 

Just like when he cheated on you before, he is selfishly doing what he wants without thinking about your feelings. WHY would you want to get back into that mess?

 

Still - if you think he's really changing, just stay friends with him (without the sex) and see what happens. Continue dating other guys and move forward with your life, but keep watching him and see if he really is changing or not.

[veggirl]

You should tell him to call if and when...only when...he wants a real relationship. Then you will assess things, if you are still available and interested. And you should honestly, seriously, go no contact until that happens (if it ever does).

 

Soulmates don't exist, you are attached to him because you were with him for 6 yrs. That doesn't make him your soulmate.

 

IF he was serious about his "recovery" he wouldn't be dating or sleeping with ANYONE. He would be focussing on himself. He is stringing you along with words he knows will work on you.