jemory Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Looking for some helpful insights and advice. I met this girl named Laurie one night with friends about 5 weeks ago. We started talking and immediately hit it off. Unfortunately we slept together the first night. The sex was great. Next morning we continued having awesome conversation for like 3 hours. Anyway, since then we have been on probably 10-12 dates (dinners, plays, movies ...) and every single one of them was great. Great conversation, flirting, laughter, kissing, holding hands and just basically thoroughly enjoying each others company. We did sleep together a few more times and the sex was awesome. Unfortunately, Laurie works approx 50hrs/wk and is pursing a masters degree and has other significant obligations. Bottom line she is very busy. Laurie has firmly stated that she does not plan to continue to live in our currently city and will be moving this coming July as she will be beginning an MBA program. I completely respect and understand her busy schedule. I can relate as I am lawyer and have significant obligations myself. In any event, as soon as I voiced my feelings and wanted more, she immediately backed off and said she did not want to hurt my feelings and that she felt she was unable to provide what I was seeking given her time commitments. She then pulled the "I just want to be friends." Ugh I realized that I had already completely fallen for her and have been struggling deeply with this issue. We have hang out on several occasions and still have great conversation and flirting but she is firm that she seems firm in being friends and states that she just doesn't know what she feels. Could I have been so blind and the feelings are not mutual? Or is it more likely that maybe she developed feelings but it being cautious? Or has backed off because she does not want to jeopardize her other obligations and given the fact that she knows she is moving? Or she is not interested? I do feel that she is already a close friend and I don't want to jeopardize this relationship but I'm going nuts dealing with the friends issue. Would it be in my best interest to just say I can't be friends and move on? If she changes her mind then so be it. Please help!!
Imported Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 (edited) At which point did you try to **** her? NM, I see first date. Did you continue trying to be sexual with her? edit again: I dunno man. Sometimes that's just how it is. Edited December 13, 2012 by Imported
MrCastle Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Move on and forget about her. Let her realize what she's missing. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 You are more invested in this than her. Based on her response she is looking for a good time with a guy for just the immediate future and not long term. Her other priorities trump her desire to be with you. Maybe if the timing was better she would be more serious about you but looks like this is for the short term. I would recommend against being just friends with her as long as you have romantic feelings.
Divasu Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 10-12 dates? Eeek. Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, you can read my back story. I know it all to well (not as many 'dates' as you though).
Balzac Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Welcome to LS. Lots of experienced folks here. Hard to ever figure out friendzone. The oddest part of her story is claiming lack of time! In one post grad program now? I get the MBA soon but as we both know, grad school professional programs are rife w time. Most candidates have worked in the real world and will report great quality of life, socializing and drinking during MBA & JD. Could be she is averse to suggest NSA because she's relocating but even then, MBA candidates are 9 mos then summer gig, in yet another city. You're a smart guy, I think your read on her was accurate. This is about her, not you. I'll let others chime in w lawyer v MBA jokes. Hate to bash my own tribe!
TheZebra Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Tough call. I'm in a similar situation.. I want to get my MBA, and if everything goes as planned I'll be leaving this city not this coming July, but the next one. I'm at a point now where I don't mind going for a real relationship and figuring out the long distance later, but if by this time next year I'm still single, I'll probably just settle into casual relationships since I'll be 100% sure of my leaving and won't want to get attached. However, this is MY point of view and may not be what she's thinking. Either way, it doesn't look like she's factoring you into her long term plans, which isn't a good sign.
Balzac Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Good luck in your application process. Currently the numbers are down for top programs, go early and defer a year? I get the quandary about new relationships.
TheZebra Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 That's a possibility; nothing will be set in stone until my applications go out. Right now I'm set to take the GMAT by March. Just finished a class and am doing self-study, working on my resume, etc so I can get into a top 10 (fingers crossed). But anyway, when you know you're going to move you either a) tell your SO and work something out or b) you tell them not to get too attached because you're leaving and that's it.
Ami1uwant Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I guess she opted for her own version of 12 days of christmas... 1
TooPatient Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 That really sucks man. A decent amount of time was put in but it seems you two just had different outlooks for where the relationship was going. I always struggle with whether I should be honest, or do what I think will make the girl want to be with me more. In this case, honesty for me would be telling her that being friends would be too difficult initially, so it'd be best to go our own ways and see if we cross paths in the future. The other option would be to say something to imply you're perfectly fine with being friends but still giving her space to miss you. Don't put yourself through emotional hell if continuing to talk to her just hurts. Honesty is usually the best option in my experience.
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