Sleeper Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Hello all, So I dated this girl for four months, but we had been friends for almost 8 years. We had a short relationship once about 3 years ago but she ended up cheating on me (it was a complicated situation...I won't go into it.) Years went by and I gave her a second chance. She recently broke up with me for bull**** reasons. Throughout the whole relationship I was caring, affectionate, supportive, sending her flowers and snack packages all the time (she's a med student). She was the opposite. I'm not sure what I saw in her. Anyway, I've written a pretty nasty letter for her, which felt amazing to write. I know everyone says to never send these kinds of things, but I KNOW it will really hurt her if she reads it. She's hurt me countless times these past few years, and I've literally done NOTHING to deserve it. I don't plan on ever seeing her or contacting her again. Should I send the letter? Thanks for your help!
GorillaTheater Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I don't plan on ever seeing her or contacting her again This, combined with living your life well, is the best path. It's good to write letters like the one you wrote. Kind of cathartic. But it's a letter you burn or wad up, not send. 1
flitzanu Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Hello all, So I dated this girl for four months, but we had been friends for almost 8 years. We had a short relationship once about 3 years ago but she ended up cheating on me (it was a complicated situation...I won't go into it.) Years went by and I gave her a second chance. She recently broke up with me for bull**** reasons. Throughout the whole relationship I was caring, affectionate, supportive, sending her flowers and snack packages all the time (she's a med student). She was the opposite. I'm not sure what I saw in her. Anyway, I've written a pretty nasty letter for her, which felt amazing to write. I know everyone says to never send these kinds of things, but I KNOW it will really hurt her if she reads it. She's hurt me countless times these past few years, and I've literally done NOTHING to deserve it. I don't plan on ever seeing her or contacting her again. Should I send the letter? Thanks for your help! what do you think it's going to do?
Author Sleeper Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 I know her better than most people and I know it would hurt her really bad. Part of me really wants to send it and hurt her like she hurt me...but I'm a good person and I know I would feel bad about it in a few months. But I don't plan on seeing her ever again so part of my reasoning is who cares? 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 It won't hurt her as much as you think it will. Odds are she'll look at it briefly, read until you say something bad about her, then she'll throw it away and call you an a--hole in her mind.
Samilia Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Hello all, So I dated this girl for four months, but we had been friends for almost 8 years. We had a short relationship once about 3 years ago but she ended up cheating on me (it was a complicated situation...I won't go into it.) Years went by and I gave her a second chance. She recently broke up with me for bull**** reasons. Throughout the whole relationship I was caring, affectionate, supportive, sending her flowers and snack packages all the time (she's a med student). She was the opposite. I'm not sure what I saw in her. Anyway, I've written a pretty nasty letter for her, which felt amazing to write. I know everyone says to never send these kinds of things, but I KNOW it will really hurt her if she reads it. She's hurt me countless times these past few years, and I've literally done NOTHING to deserve it. I don't plan on ever seeing her or contacting her again. Should I send the letter? Thanks for your help! No, I wouldn't send it. It's ok to write the letter, that's another thing to make a fool of yourself. The best "revenge" is to ignore her. To send the letter is to show you care, she'd win, again. 1
mammasita Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Nope don't send it. She doesn't need to know you put that much effort into thinking about her. 4
suladas Posted December 14, 2012 Posted December 14, 2012 Don't send it. I thought about it many times but it doesn't make sense. It gives them the satisfaction you still care about them. Sure I could say things and almost for sure make my ex cry but what good would that do? And ya you'd probably feel bad later. If anything i'd rather be nice and let that eat away at them, and how they feel guilty for treating someone poorly who still treats them well. I guess your situation is different never seeing them again, I still see mine all the time, so sending a nasty letter really is a bad idea. But pretty sure it won't do you any good sending it. 2
cavalier99 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 You will regret it if you send it. All we have now is our self respect and you will lose it when you send it. Be the bigger man and walk away with you held held up high. I also had fantasies of getting some sort of revenge for poor treatment but it gets me no where in the end. I even visualize a different ending of the relationship. And it is always me walking away in the most composed manner ever and her being flabbergasted at my strength. Not lashing out in weakness. 1
Axee Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 (edited) Send the letter . But make sure you will never ever contact again.Walk away with the last word. Let her know its not ok to treat a guy wrong and think its all well. let her know that you too have self respect. Dont worry about what she thinks, whether she feels satisfied etc. You think for yourself, you want to send the letter, then send it. Edited December 15, 2012 by Axee
Axee Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 For everyone here who has asked him to be a nice guy and walk away and not show her that she has won, If he doesnt send the letter it actually means the opposite , it means he still cares enough to appear that he is a nice guy , cares enough to show that she has not won. If you are really over someone, you dont need to think about the rest Peace
movingon12 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Don't send it. She won't read it. Why on earth would she read a letter that insulted her? She'll just bin it and think you're childish and pathetic. Keep some dignity. Plus unless you have a time machine you dont know that you'll "never" see or speak to her again.
KraftDinner Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Seriously, tell us exactly what she did that was so mean. You said she was mean for years but you only dated 4 months, so that means she was mean while you were just friends. If she was genuinely mean, like verbally abusive, why did you get into a romantic relationship? If by 'mean' you just mean she was just lukewarm at best in her feelings for you, or never returned your feelings...then she does not deserve a nasty letter. Tell us exactly what she did that was so mean. And tell us exactly what mean things you'd put in the letter. If she was genuinely cruel then maybe sending the letter is okay. But I feel your perspective of 'mean' may be skewed at the moment, as you are a man recently scorned. 2
movingon12 Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Tbh it doesn't matter whether she was really mean or not. The OP has visions of her crying and traumatised by this vicious letter. She won't. She won't read it. Would you read a bitchy letter from an ex you didn't care about? It'll go in the bin and she'll laugh about it with her friends whilst they all agree she's so much better off without him. Hardly the impact he was looking for. 1
Axee Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Tbh it doesn't matter whether she was really mean or not. The OP has visions of her crying and traumatised by this vicious letter. She won't. She won't read it. Would you read a bitchy letter from an ex you didn't care about? It'll go in the bin and she'll laugh about it with her friends whilst they all agree she's so much better off without him. Hardly the impact he was looking for. Why should he even think whether she reads it or not? Why should that matter to him, I would say it depends on their relationship , how it stood , and how things were to decide whether she will read or not, but again, why should he even care what she does with the letter... I have been this situation where i have been a recipient of a nasty letter when I was a bit younger and immature, and it had hit me hard and i finally opened my eyes about how my actions affect, and that letter was responsible to make me a better person with respect to men. I , have also written a letter in a similar context ( not a romantic relationship) and sent it to the person in concern to let him know "ITS NOT OK", but it was a mature letter with no hitting below the belt. I didnt get a reply but I dont care, and if i see that person again , i again "DONT CARE" I will smile and talk as usual.
GlendiexElsewhere Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Hello all, So I dated this girl for four months, but we had been friends for almost 8 years. We had a short relationship once about 3 years ago but she ended up cheating on me (it was a complicated situation...I won't go into it.) Years went by and I gave her a second chance. She recently broke up with me for bull**** reasons. Throughout the whole relationship I was caring, affectionate, supportive, sending her flowers and snack packages all the time (she's a med student). She was the opposite. I'm not sure what I saw in her. Anyway, I've written a pretty nasty letter for her, which felt amazing to write. I know everyone says to never send these kinds of things, but I KNOW it will really hurt her if she reads it. She's hurt me countless times these past few years, and I've literally done NOTHING to deserve it. I don't plan on ever seeing her or contacting her again. Should I send the letter? Thanks for your help! I've thought of this lol Of sending my ex a letter ... It's natural to want to hurt the person that's hurting you ... but it's better not to sink to their level you know. If you did all those things for her its because you cared and loved her in your own way don't taint that ... wish her the best in life & remember Karma is a B**ch. It's good you wrote the letter now burn it & let it go something much better will go your way =] 1
movingon12 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Why should he even think whether she reads it or not? Why should that matter to him, I would say it depends on their relationship , how it stood , and how things were to decide whether she will read or not, but again, why should he even care what she does with the letter... I have been this situation where i have been a recipient of a nasty letter when I was a bit younger and immature, and it had hit me hard and i finally opened my eyes about how my actions affect, and that letter was responsible to make me a better person with respect to men. I , have also written a letter in a similar context ( not a romantic relationship) and sent it to the person in concern to let him know "ITS NOT OK", but it was a mature letter with no hitting below the belt. I didnt get a reply but I dont care, and if i see that person again , i again "DONT CARE" I will smile and talk as usual. You write a "nasty" letter because it makes you feel good. Which is fine. Write 100s, it's great therapy. You send a nasty letter because you want the other person to feel bad. But either a) she won't read it. b) she'll read it, but the ex is genuinely a selfish, evil, mean b!tch of a woman in which case she won't care what he says, c) she'll read it but the ex is not as bad as he says, he's just full of emotion right now, and in a few hours/days he'll really regret saying all these "nasty" things and will end up following up with grovelling apology letters. So - the objective of 'making her feel bad' won't work. Whatever the case, if he is still in the 'writing nasty letters' phase of the break up, he is still very much in the 'begging them to come back' phase (we've all been there). Writing a pathetic - I'm so sorry I said you were a b!tch, I didn't mean it, I'm just hurting so much right now, why did you leave me? blah blah - letter is not going to make him feel better in the long run. 1
sadbunnyy Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 Silence is golden! It will hurt her more to see that you have moved on. Writing her a letter is a waste of time and will only prove that you are not over her completely...she will feel the hurt when she realizes she has no affect on you anymore and your happy without her.
rn0408 Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 I would only send a letter if she was harassing your or stalking you.
flitzanu Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 yeah, all of us have sent those letters. and you know what? they don't matter. they get thrown in the trash, or they get ignored. it's pointless because you want to elicit an emotion from the other person and you absolutely will not. 1
Mike_d Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 drama queen stuff. don't be that guy. write it, rip her up and down, be brutal, say everything you need to say - but you stay dark. don't send it. burn it instead while you scream at her out loud. you'll feel better the next day
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