93TheHitStick Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Ive only had two girlfriends. My first girlfriend didnt cheat on me. But within a month of breaking up with me she had sex with like 8 other guys. Everytime I looked up she was with someone else. As you can imagine that hurt my self esteem. And now I think its taking its toll on my new relationship. Everytime my girlfriend wants to hangout with friends I get mad. I get paranoid. I always want to be with her. And she loves me so she goes out of her way to be with me as much as she can. But I know its not right. Im manipulating her when I should be telling her to go have fun. The thing is I get really angry when she goes out. I start thinking of her cheating. And it sometimes leads to big arguments. She says she wants to move in together after we.graduate. If we move in together I do not want this to continue. I cant keep holding.her back. How do I fix myself?
Muhrica Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 lmao, why would her sleeping with 8 guys hurt your self esteem? If that was her kneejerk reaction then it's clear it affected her more than it affected you. Also, either she is a bonified badass at the roulette table, or she is just reckless, either way, you came out the bigger man. good on you. ^^^^So take this knowledge and... Apply it to your current situation. Basically, let her be her own person. You'd want that same thing in return. 1
pteromom Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 You need to fake it until your thoughts change. You can't help that you are overly jealous. You can't help that you are worried she will cheat. You can't help having anxiety if she goes out with friends. But you CAN control your ACTIONS. So you can say "Go out with your friends and have a great time. I'll see you when you get back." with a big smile on your face. Assure her that you don't mind. Give her a kiss and send her out the door. When she comes back and you see that everything is OK, your anxiety will be a little less the next time. Keep faking it until your anxiety really stops. You also can start working on letting go of that which you cannot control. I have no idea if your gf is a faithful loyal person or a cheater. Only time will tell. But if she is a cheater, no amount of supervision and control on your part will prevent her from cheating. If she wants to cheat, she will find a way to do so. So you may as well let go of the need to try to prevent it. Look at it like this - if she DOES end up being a cheater, it is better that you know sooner rather than later and get the breakup out of the way. I know you know this - but if you put her in a cage, it won't be long before she wants to break free. Being controlling and manipulative only works for so long, then she will start pulling away instead of trying to make you happy. If you don't want this to happen, you have to start changing your actions TODAY. And tell her this too - tell her that you realize you have issues around jealousy and control and you don't want to be like that. Tell her that you will be working on yourself to not be that way anymore, and that you want her to have a full life with friends and hobbies. And that you will always want her to come home to you at the end of the day. She will appreciate that you are trying, and admitting your faults. 3
Tara247 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Ive only had two girlfriends. My first girlfriend didnt cheat on me. But within a month of breaking up with me she had sex with like 8 other guys. Everytime I looked up she was with someone else. As you can imagine that hurt my self esteem. Eight other guys?! LOL. I feel for you, dude. Here's the thing though. You can't let it make you clingy and pathetic. If you become like this, girls won't respect you and thus won't want anything to do with you. Clingy is so not attractive.
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