stovepipe Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Hey everyone I'll give a rundown of my story here. I met my girlfriend on an online dating site, Im 34. she is 31 we were both without any children,. everything was going great. We were really hitting it off I was staying with her almost nightly everything was moving really fast. About 3 months into our relationship she ended up getting pregnant, we were both kind of shocked but she didnt want to not have the baby. I told her I would do everything I could for her, which included getting rid of my place and moving in to hers to help with expenses and to prepare for the baby. When she found out she was pregnant she decided to stop taking her anti depressents she was on cold turkey, I believe she was on Zoloft and Welbutrin. She said she wasnt really depressed anymore and it wasnt good for the baby....everything after that seemed like it was going great. She was sick from morning sickness for almost the entire 1st trimester..we are actually heading towards the end of the 1st trimester now. All of a sudden things started to get weird with us, I talked to her one night and asked her what was wrong, and she told me that she was no longer in love with me, she loved me but just wasnt in love with me anymore. i was floored to say the least, i uprooted myself, moved in with her only to have her tell me 2 weeks later that she no longer is in love with me. I found it strange and decided to do some snooping, I thought maybe there was someone else but she wasnt talking to anyone else, that is until the day before I talked to her, she was texting a guy she used to talk to awhile ago, now I dont know the nature of the texts but they were having lengthy conversations. I questioned her about it and she said that she doesnt have feelings for him like that, she doesnt have feelings for anything right now. She says she thinks all of this is due to her not being on her anti depressents anymore. She says no guy is the cause of what she is feeling right now, which for better words is nothing. Ive left last night and am giving her space, she told me she wants to work on things, but its going to take time. I dont know if there really is anything to work on, I feel she might just be saying this to string me along into not completely leaving her to go through her pregnancy alone in her home. Im just totally lost here...I love her dearly and I don't know what to do....
Amelie1980 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Horrible thing to say but are you sure the child is yours? If she's in contact with another guy?
Author stovepipe Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 I guess you never know.....but i am almost certain it is mine.
Balzac Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 It sounds as if she sent off her Rx cold turkey, w/o medical advice? Unfortunately you barely know this woman. What kind of guy becomes her emotional tampon, while she's pregnant, living with you? It's interesting that she invokes the Love Clause when it's now rather a moot point. You'll be parents, regardless of a romantic relationship. Now you have an element of doubt in your mind as to DNA. You're scouring your calendar as to nights you weren't w her. I cannot guess how long you'll wait to execute a new lease. When she stopped her Rx, logic tells you she should have begun counseling. Maybe she was already in therapy? You must be feeling lots of emotions.
movingon12 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 If I'm reading this correctly you've only been together 6months? It could be that things have just run it's course. Which is a problem given that you're having a baby together but you'll have to work out how to make it work. On the other hand it might be the pregnancy hormones -especially if she was depressed before. The fact that she seems to be feeling quite numb about things indicates it could be this. Could you suggest she talks to her GP about safe medication and see if it helps her. I think Prozac is supposed to be considered safe.
Balzac Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I would caution against Rx by a GP. She has or should have an obstetrician and needs a psychiatrist to consult. The best outcomes are with Rx and therapy. She has solid reasons to be in therapy now. She's at risk for post partum depression. Getting support into place now is important.
movingon12 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I would caution against Rx by a GP. She has or should have an obstetrician and needs a psychiatrist to consult. The best outcomes are with Rx and therapy. She has solid reasons to be in therapy now. She's at risk for post partum depression. Getting support into place now is important. I wasn't sure whether an OB would feel qualified to prescribe anti-depressants. Mine wouldn't even recommend painkillers - told me to speak to my GP if I felt I needed them. Personally I'm not a huge believer in therapy especially if it's simply hormonal - but definitely can't hurt.
Author stovepipe Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 She is going back to her OB to see about what meds she can be on, if she can be on any. She is currently seeing a psychologist and he thinks she should try to work things out with me and get back on her meds if possible. yes she got off her meds cold turkey without any counseling... i was with her almost everyday, i dont see how or when she could have been with someone else. She told me she is almost certain its due to her lack of medication, because as I said she does feel numb about everything, she had no motivation to do anything. Im not sure what to do.. She told me during a conversation last night that its not fair that I get to just walk away from this, and go out and date, while she has to sit at home pregnant. She wants me to stay there and help pay for things, she doesnt want me gone....
Balzac Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I understand what you're saying. Many women need, in fact take brain drugs. The best physician to prescribe is a psychiatrist. Few do therapy as insurance covers only Rx consult. I believe that within all of these unplanned life changes, high risk of post partum depression, emotional support for 6+ months is a small investment. At best she'll be in a new romantic relationship as a new parent. She may have employment changes. At worst a severely depressed single mom. Lots of unknowns here.
movingon12 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 There are definitely some safe meds, and even the 'unsafe' ones aren't actually 'unsafe' they're just untested. Generally the advice is it is better for a woman to be on meds and happy than drug free and miserable. The emotional state of mum will effect the babies development so it's a matter of choosing the least worst option.
Balzac Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 "your ability to just walk away and date". Geebus. Maybe NSA stuff but most guys don't start a relationship w/o revealing the ongoing pregnancy. The future parenting obligations. She's naive. I hope for your sake she becomes medicated and continues therapy with her psychologist. You seem to desire working out a romantic relationship.
Author stovepipe Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 I hope she does this too, I just fear that its pretty much over at this point and the family I thought I was going to have is going to be one person short.
Balzac Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Operating out of fear isn't your best strategy. She's newly pregnant. Time is actually on your side. She's going to be facing many stark realities. Perhaps her career provides stabity and compensation to cover a nanny and private education, perhaps she's from a wealthy family. You've not shared about those concerns. What is known is that you are a willing partner, willing father and in that, you'll make a life with your child.
Author stovepipe Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 she's a registered Nurse, works various different shifts, nights and days, sometimes 12 hours at a time....she says she is struggling to get by now in her current situtation...her family is far from rich
Balzac Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Well, there you have it. One could say having you in her life is the best decision. You seem convinced that this unplanned pregnancy was a shock. Now that we find out she's a nurse, I gotta wonder. Maybe you too have concerns but it's reality now. You've managed to be calmly involved and extract yourself from her living quarters, very wise decisions. Hang in there.
movingon12 Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I doubt there are many women who take the risk of deliberately getting knocked up by a man they've only known for 3 months. Birth control isn't 100% effective. OP keep supporting her for the moment: if after she's back on antidepressants she still doesn't want a relationship then that's that. But right now she's not thinking clearly, so try not to make any rash decisions.
Author stovepipe Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 (edited) she didnt want to be pregnant, this wasnt planned...birth control isnt 100%. Im staying away for now, Im waiting until she contacts me again. Edited December 13, 2012 by stovepipe
Balzac Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 Thanks for sharing. Nothing about your situation is easy. The perfect use failure number is .05%. That number is for the most effective methods. Correct, that's not 100%. Oral contraceptives are NOT the most effective method.
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