Drivenbyechos Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 My wife and I have been married for 3 going on 4 years and have a almost 2 year old daughter. I am 25 and she 24. We started dating in our senior year in high school and have been together a total of 6 almost 7 years. Before our marriage we were always affectionate with each other and had sex on a week basis and while trying to get pregnant after we were married was almost daily. But after we had our daughter everything seemed to stop. We now go almost a month if not longer without sex or really touching. I try and ask and all she says is it isn't me that it's her and she's not happy with herself or he weight even when I tell her all the time how beautiful she is. After awhile I feel rejected and just stop. She says things and then tells me shell give me sex or w/e if I let her do this or get that but rarely if ever actually happens but if I try she tells me all I think about or want is sex. And that's not the case, yes I want to have sex and it makes me feel like a horn dog or something and I just shut down all together, it's the intimacy of it and closeness I enjoy. I feel that when we do have sex we argue less and are happier with each other. I don't know what to do. Once or twice a month is not a lot I can't help my sex drive. I try and do special things for her and give her massages and such but nothing works.
Curiouscody Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 First and Foremost, I'm 24. I'm in a relationship going on 4 years. Not married and I don't have any kids. But I would like to mention that I am more than familiar with dry periods. The kid may have made her confused and self-conscious regardless of what you say. Remember, we are men. And a needy man is an unattractive man. Just give it time and continue to be YOURSELF. Be loving yet also give her unusual minimal space. She will sense this naturally and eventually come to you for validation. Give it to her. Than back off. Please know that this is in no way manipulation. Your just acting non-needy. The way a true man is. Express your vulnerability when necessary but nothing more. Leave it and let her meet you half way. You'll begin to notice a pattern that develops within a week of this behavior. Best of luck.
Author Drivenbyechos Posted December 13, 2012 Author Posted December 13, 2012 When I tell her how I feel she always tells me I make her feel like a bad wife. Or to just come on and get it over with. Which when we do have sex that's how I feel anyway she does what she can to get it over with fast and done. Its only at bedtime no more morning or mid day or spontaneous spur of the moment stuff. I'm not a needy person by any means but strongly believe a healthy sex life is Essential in a healthy marriage.
Curiouscody Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 You've been together a long time. She knows you very well. Your specific qualities are none of my business, however it does seem likely that you two are frustrated with one another, and she sees your advances for sex as a necessity over an already tense period in the relationship. It is very possible that she is having preemptive regret for being in the "married with a child" senario and no longer available for the occasional night out with her friends. She has a child now and may be feeling undoubtably tied down and resenting you for it. If this is the case, you need to find it in yourself that there isn't anything else you could possibly do to remedy this.(councelling, heart to heart chat,etc.) I don't question your desire towards her nor her for you. Even you mentioned it went stagnate after your child was born. Logic suggests that this is the cause and that a common ground of resolution is required for your relationship to live on. If nothing else can be of help, than you need to ask yourself honestly if this is going to go the distance. Not just for the good of your kid, but you as well man.
Kissjen Posted December 13, 2012 Posted December 13, 2012 I don't have a solution or advice. I just wanted to tell you that I'm going thru the same thing. My husband says that he gained weight and he's not as good as he was in sex. I do get hurt when rejected. I'm only 23 and an attractive wife. We're married for 1 yr. haha I hope u feel better! It'd be difficult for you to have a wife who has a higher sex drive anyway. Then she'd be bothering you eve at nights when you feel tired. Lets try to look at positive sides.
Author Drivenbyechos Posted December 14, 2012 Author Posted December 14, 2012 I wish my wife had a higher sex drive than me I wouldn't get tired of it. I don't know how to handle it now. I could never cheat nor would I want to but is lack of sex a reason for divorce? I feel like I shut down and pull away because its such a lack of affection until she wants to give it. She tells me she loves me but sometimes I don't feel it's true because we don't have that closeness like we used to. Our daughter sleeps in our bed almost every night even when I say no so I sleep on one side of the bed while she on the other. We constantly struggle with money since she thinks I need to check with her first before I spend but she can go out and purchase clothes and what not whenever he wants, we bought a house back in march which is in my name only and I constantly feel like se regrets it even though we were living at her parents and fighting because we didn't have our own space. I feel like I'm in a losing battle but afraid to leave my wife because of our daughter and my daughter is everything to me.
Kissjen Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Maybe putting off this problem aside may help.Whatever that is going thru your wife's thoughts and emotions may be affecting her expressions of emotion. If you miss the feeling of intimacy you can give more love and care to your daughter. You guys must be able to connect to each other your child. How about you talk to wife about much you love you and daughter. And want to be good dad and husband but it seems like its not working well because you feel not as connected to her. Tell her that you miss the intimacy that used to be between you guys. If you love her and she loves you please take time to try and be patient. I know you have some disappointment about how our wife treats you. But if you love her, you wouldn't want to lose her or leave her for problems right?
LoveMyWifey Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 I cannot claim to know your wifes mind although I like to know how much of a help to are to her around the house. Does she respect you? Maybe she feels like she has to do everything herself. A helpful devoted Husband is a sexy Husband. Perhaps if you are not already, try getting involved with everything which makes up her world. Becomes commited to learning everything about what she does around the house, packing day care bags, helping with the cooking, cleaning and trying to do as much as possible to allow her to feel that you are in this together, as equals and that her, and your family come before anything else that you love, your work, parents and hobbies. She may come around, I really hope that she does. Best of luck.
seren Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 Cody, has she been like this since having your daughter? It might be hormonal, it might be that she feels unattractive if she has put on weight. Have you still having date nights? You are both young, maybe a regular night out with friends or go for a meal and dancing so that you both remember you are more than parents, husband and wife, but you and she too. Don't let it drag on or it can become the norm for you both, talk about it.
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