Any hope? Having a hard time coping

[kaydough]

Any chance of her coming back?

Hi everyone! I'm new to the site and have just been having a hard time dealing with everything.

 

So here's the situation..Me and this girl were dating for 9 months, when we first met she was still in a previous relationship in which her bf had cheated on her..so i told her that i didnt want to be the other guy and that she wanted to be with me it would have to be only me. She eventually broke things off with him and wanted to be with me.. however i learned that she has had a very sketchy past and has cheated on her past bfs before.

 

She has very flirty personality..and in addition to her past i never trusted her completely..but as time went on we fell for each other and she told me that she loved me and that shes never met anyone like me before, and how we were so ideal for each other etc..anyways she still remained friends with her ex and she would tell me they talk from time to time but nothing more. i was fine with it because i was confident in myself and she was honest with me

 

Everything was great. fast forward to september her ex saw me and her out together and blew up at her over the phone and told her how shes so dependent on others etc (she's been in relationship after relationship without really having time to herself) so i could kinda see that from the beginning..

 

At that point i began to feel a bit skeptical of her.. and would ask her frequently where she was and who she was with etc..i began to feel insecure and i think that annoyed her

 

Anyways right before halloween, she tells me that shes been feeling unhappy sometimes with our situation her reputation and how people perceive her (shes a popular girl, and a lot of people dont like her and talk **** about her) i rold her i didnt care what people said and that i love her for who she is and what other people say shouldnt matter. however, shes emotionally weak and unstable and she really lets what people say affect her.

 

She said she doesnt think we should see each other anymore and that she needs time to figure out herself and re organize her life and image and that she doesnt know what she wants right now. We met up a week later and talked and ended up having sex. After that she said she didnt want to be with anyone right now and just needed to do her own thing and that i should do my own thing too incase the outcome wasnt ideal she didnt want me to wait. She said her friends coincidentally told her the same thing that she needs to stop relying on dudes and just have time to be in herself. She said shes sad that shes always been in a relationship and has never gotten time to be herself and be free..

 

ive been texting and calling a lot (i know i shoulndt be) and it seems to have turned her off and annoyed her..she tells me just to leave her alone..i asked her if she still loved me and she said shes lost some feelings for me, but not all.. and that she just needs to focus on herself right now..i know im not helping the situation by contacting her and to just leave her alone...shes told me this on multiple occasions..but she would ask me to hang out from time to time, but when i ask her she would tell me she needs space.. have i pushed her too far away?

 

i know i should leave her alone at this point, but i really want her back in my life..weve been through so much together.. its hard to imagine life without her now... how can i get her back? i realize my needy and insecure behaviour probably turned her off.. or is it that shes really trying to make some life changes..She said that she doesnt know whats gunna happen between us in the future, maybe we will happen in a few months, maybe we wont.. all she can tell me is that she cant be with me or anyone right now..

 

its just so frustrating..im a mess lately and exams are right around the corner..

 

Sorry for the long post, ive had a lot on my mind lately.. and could i get constructive comments please..ive gotten about all the negative stuff i can handle from my friends already.. thanks

[Samilia]

Any chance of her coming back?

Hi everyone! I'm new to the site and have just been having a hard time dealing with everything.

 

So here's the situation..Me and this girl were dating for 9 months, when we first met she was still in a previous relationship in which her bf had cheated on her..so i told her that i didnt want to be the other guy and that she wanted to be with me it would have to be only me. She eventually broke things off with him and wanted to be with me.. however i learned that she has had a very sketchy past and has cheated on her past bfs before.

 

She has very flirty personality..and in addition to her past i never trusted her completely..but as time went on we fell for each other and she told me that she loved me and that shes never met anyone like me before, and how we were so ideal for each other etc..anyways she still remained friends with her ex and she would tell me they talk from time to time but nothing more. i was fine with it because i was confident in myself and she was honest with me

 

Everything was great. fast forward to september her ex saw me and her out together and blew up at her over the phone and told her how shes so dependent on others etc (she's been in relationship after relationship without really having time to herself) so i could kinda see that from the beginning..

 

At that point i began to feel a bit skeptical of her.. and would ask her frequently where she was and who she was with etc..i began to feel insecure and i think that annoyed her

 

Anyways right before halloween, she tells me that shes been feeling unhappy sometimes with our situation her reputation and how people perceive her (shes a popular girl, and a lot of people dont like her and talk **** about her) i rold her i didnt care what people said and that i love her for who she is and what other people say shouldnt matter. however, shes emotionally weak and unstable and she really lets what people say affect her.

 

She said she doesnt think we should see each other anymore and that she needs time to figure out herself and re organize her life and image and that she doesnt know what she wants right now. We met up a week later and talked and ended up having sex. After that she said she didnt want to be with anyone right now and just needed to do her own thing and that i should do my own thing too incase the outcome wasnt ideal she didnt want me to wait. She said her friends coincidentally told her the same thing that she needs to stop relying on dudes and just have time to be in herself. She said shes sad that shes always been in a relationship and has never gotten time to be herself and be free..

 

ive been texting and calling a lot (i know i shoulndt be) and it seems to have turned her off and annoyed her..she tells me just to leave her alone..i asked her if she still loved me and she said shes lost some feelings for me, but not all.. and that she just needs to focus on herself right now..i know im not helping the situation by contacting her and to just leave her alone...shes told me this on multiple occasions..but she would ask me to hang out from time to time, but when i ask her she would tell me she needs space.. have i pushed her too far away?

 

i know i should leave her alone at this point, but i really want her back in my life..weve been through so much together.. its hard to imagine life without her now... how can i get her back? i realize my needy and insecure behaviour probably turned her off.. or is it that shes really trying to make some life changes..She said that she doesnt know whats gunna happen between us in the future, maybe we will happen in a few months, maybe we wont.. all she can tell me is that she cant be with me or anyone right now..

 

its just so frustrating..im a mess lately and exams are right around the corner..

 

Sorry for the long post, ive had a lot on my mind lately.. and could i get constructive comments please..ive gotten about all the negative stuff i can handle from my friends already.. thanks

 

When you call yourself needy and insecure I can't stop thinking her behavior made you feel that way. She's got red flags plastered all over her dating history, I really don't blame you for the way you're reacting.

 

I call bs on the whole "can't be with you or anyone right now".

[kaydough]

yes, her behaviour did cause me to behave this way, but she seemed really convincing in trying to change her ways.. i dont know if im just being naive or has a lightbulb finally gone off in her head and shes really trying to make some lifestyle changes.

Edited December 13, 2012 by kaydough